The clock ticks
I know I can't stay
I tell you it's okay
But my heart sinks
I want you! I need you!
I wait!
Until then
Here you are, right near me
I'm constantly reminded
I see you in me
Engraved on my wrist
Filling the void
Me in you and you in me

Coloured pebbles underneath
Violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange and red
Just like the rainbow rhyme
Four cute little lives swimming above them
One in orange, plump just like the fruit
Another in orange, lean as a carrot
One in black, just like the night
And one in orange and white, just like the morning light
New to us and we new to them
Lying at a corner, swimming around their small world wrapped in a glass bowl
Grandma's gift for your upcoming birthday
A fish bowl

I am ready to fall many a time
Only if it is falling in love
Only if it is falling in love with you...

I am crying
But I need more than just a box of tissues
Because my heart is also weeping within
Help me!

Tiny feet taking a walk
Small and steady steps
Careful not to trip down
Still not sure of which foot goes where
Sometimes right, sometimes wrong
Busy strolling around
Little baby in momma's big flip flops

Love is a three-letter-word
It is spelled
M O M

I can jump
I can reach the fan
I can reach the roof
I can reach the lights
I can jump really high
I am jumping again and again
How tall I am

Last birthday you hadn't uttered your words yet
Now you are nearly two
You were half asleep uttering those words I craved for
Happy birthday mama
It was sweeter than sugar
You clinged onto me and were in your sleepland again
We wore matching attires
Mellow in yellow
Lit the candles on the luscious chocolate cake you chose for me
As always I made a wish for you
Off we blew the flickering flame
I held your hand and we dived into the cake gently
You loved it the moment it touched your lips
And asked for more and more
Mama chose your favourite cuisine for the afternoon, Chinese
You couldn't resist any longer
The moment food arrived, you slurped in every strand of Hakka noodles with some tofu
After a quick nap, evening was playtime
The ball pool area was awaiting your entry
Up the stairs, down the slide; up the *****, down the stairs
It was all yours
More fun time with sand play sets, alphabets, shapes and many more
I stood there watching you enjoy the day
I wanted it to be your day
I don't remember what birthdays used to be before you
I am glad I am not alone anymore
Love you baby

I had a dream this morning
But when I was awake I couldn't remember a thing from it
Then I thought

If you forget what you dreamt
Then the dream was probably not worth remembering

If you remember things from a bad dream
Then console yourself that it was just a dream

If you had a good dream
Then try to make it true

If you didn't dream at all
Then you had your best sleep that night

Tomorrow is my birthday
I've had 29 so far
But this time the writing on the cake will be the best
It will read "Happy birthday mummy", instead of my name
The most prestigious title I hold
Baby, I love you
Thank you for being mine

Stethoscope around the neck
Little orange spectacles sans glasses
A plastic syringe with rubber within
Tiny touches on my chest
An injection on my arm
A gentle rub
On goes the fake band aid
"You are fine now", he says
All equipments go back into the tiny plastic briefcase
It's his first mini medical play set
And I am his first patient

A little
Quack, quack, quack
Wee, wee, wee
Moo, moo, moo
Baa, baa, baa
Meow, meow, meow
Bow, bow, bow
Oink, oink, oink
Pop, pop, pop
Tick, tick, tock
A little sway, a little hop, a little jump, a little stomp, a little run
Little noises rock the house morning to night
I do a little of everything for you
I have become little again for my little one

Son, for you
I always think with my heart
Not with my brain

You are my discovery
I am your Archimedes

I have an enlarged heart
No, I am not ill
It just expands as you grow
For you to stay comfortable within

Holding a crayon with those petite fingers
Yet to discover colours and their hues
A gentle stroke and some hard
In circles, lines and what not
Every scribble seems like a masterpiece
When you are the artist

Momma, it's following me
I move, it moves
I groove, it grooves
I smack it, but it stays right there
I walk in a circle, it is sometimes ahead and sometimes behind
Hey, go under the couch
Momma, it's after me again
I climb on you, it's gone
I am down and it goes on and on
More lights turned on, now I see two of them!
I put on my shoes, now it's ready to go too

Baby... that's your shadow, it stays with you forever
Now here's momma's just beside yours
Hug me.
Now you, momma and our shadows are together you see

The toy monkey and the big furry teddy
Your little legs and tiny toes
Mosaic floors and the walls beside
Basket ball rings and the boy inside
These are a few of the things that you clicked

Sparkling eyes and a perfect nose
Multiple selfies and momma says cheese
The blue tricycle and big building blocks
Grandma and grandpa are also on the list
These are a few of the things that you clicked

You want to make a picture of everything you see
But there's no roll, no lens, no shutter, no flash
It's just a toy cam
But the smile on your face brings everything to life

Startled!
You were sleep talking
I wrap my arms around you
The fan spins above us
The sun is peeking from behind the curtains
Chirping birds welcome the evening
A passing car honks
But my warmth comforts you
I lay a silent kiss on you
Whew!
You are sleeping again
My little busy bee gets some more rest

You smile. I laugh.
You cry. I weep.
You jump. I leap.
You bleed. I am hurt.
You sleep. I snore.
You love. I love you more.
I am your puppet.
The string of love connects you and me.

You are me.
Who else can you be...
Just me.

Love.
Do you love me back?
Silence...
Should I take that as a yes?

To see you for the first time again
To feel you for the first time again
To kiss you for the first time again
To fall in love with you all over again, I wish
I wish I could time-travel
To live those golden moments again
Moments that meant more than the world to me

Like a cloud in the blue sky
Like dew on the grass
Like light in the dark
Like a precious pearl
Like a crescent in the night sky

Your first tooth

A brand new smile
A brand new you

I wish I could tattoo my soul
So I can see you everyday even when I am gone

Cling onto my hand forever just like the tattoo on my wrist
For, you are the only one who knows how my heart beats from within

Why does love always bring down a tear?

Sometimes happy
Sometimes sad
Sometimes... ?

I have been counting every firsts

Here is another first
This one is special
Your first. My first with you.

The last year was my best
I was blessed with you
I thank God
Here is another new one awaiting discovery
A memorable one it will be

My resolution...
To keep loving you
Forever...

Words took little steps
(You began to talk)

Steps picked up wings
(You began to walk)

Ahead lies your new world
Go. Explore.

I have so much to say...
But lemme keep it simple

I love you.

Half-asleep on my lap, embraced against me
The dim light of a soft box paints your face
Formulating the perfect pose
Preserving the unspeakable beauty in my arms

Silence.

Except for the constant clicking of the camera
A few flashes and wham your eyes open, a shred too wide, too curious
And you smile your best

I wrap myself around you
Three clicks happen real quick
My smile mirrored in yours
Pictures of us together
Glimpses of real love caught in the moment
Mine. Yours.
Pure and true
Perfectly happy

Then you go waka waka on the giant bean bag
Sprawling around, contouring its shape, expelling your body in all directions
I holler your name from the top of my lungs
You respond with a scream displaying two pearly whites and a hint of bare gums

As the breeze cools your skin, you splash into the inflatable pool
Rubber fishies swim along, you dunk them one by one
Soapy bubbles blown in the air circle around you, gleaming in the sunshine, revealing your face and burst with a pop
Still unable to sit unassisted, bam you fall into the water
My heart escapes my chest
There is water dripping all over you
I comfort you and brush hair away from your eyes

But I wasn't quite finished yet

You curl up in the fuzzy charms of a teddy
A new found hero in the making

My darling then arrives as a prince entering his humble kingdom
I fall in love with you all over again at the first glimpse
Bitter, reserved, aggressive, brisk, fresh, strong, assorted moments

I said one last photo

The softness of your young skin glowed in a playland of toys
I sit, stare and sigh at how delightful you look
Capturing candid photos of your innocence at play

The evening was getting tired, you drifted back to sleep
It wasn't easy as one would think

I saw you coming from the start
I rewind the times in my heart
A whole world of just you and I
I want it to be more than just a memory
A reminder of the road taken

Here I am, taking in every bit of you and smiling because I know you are all mine

A little bite
A little bit different every time
In the bedroom
On the mat
All the scratching
            knocking
            kicking
            pulling
And yes biting
Deep down inside
I know what you like
Know all the things you bite
I recall where it all started
I wash and scrub and brush and clean
The more I struggle, the more you bite
I want to make you stop
But you go for the next thing
And more...

Up, down, round and round
Small and big
Slow and fast
Glistening in the light
Floating in the air
Waiting for your soft touch
Bursting into nowhere

More, more
One more blow
One more bubble
Up, down, round and round
Here a pop! There a pop!

I am getting inked
This is my first
It will be with me as I go through years

The needles punch into my skin, adding detail
Careful, for it mustn't smear
This is not just ink
It is my love for you
This is not just a word
A meaning for me

I go back to the moment we first met
The trance I was in, I am in it again
Your eyes
Your touch
Your everything
Let them tattoo into me forever

I will think about you until my heart beats
I will talk about you until my voice lasts
I will write about you until my bones crack

You are my everything

Bhakth (my son)

That is my tattoo