I see my reflection
in the bright stars
of the wide night sky.
I'm walking up a five-step
staircase, hoping that
when I leap off it I can take flight.
I want to be an eagle.
I want to be free.
I want to spread my wings
and fly high,
living above everything.

I want to be a skinny
punk rocker, head-banging
my life away.
I want to trip on
drugs for a couple
of years for absolutely
no reason.
I just want to dance
and write clever
poetry and be seen
as an iconoclast.
An intellectual rebel
who nobody agrees
with, but who everybody
respects and looks up to.

I want to be homeless
and spend my days
walking from place to place,
just wanting a piece of bread
to eat each day.
Just that is enough.
And I'll have no-one to
answer to.
No-one whom I need
to respect or care about.
I can just go wherever
I want and do whatever I want.
Of course I'll be scorned
and rejected by society
because of my
foul appearance
and lack of initiative,
but who the **** cares?
I'm already in that boat,
the only difference is
that I have the money
to keep clean and tidy
and I have a job,
so I'm classified as a
'productive member of society.'
So people don't actually
like me any more than
they like a hobo,
but there is a sense of
mutual respect.
But it isn't real respect
because real respect is
based on feeling respectful
towards someone.
This 'mutual respect' was
taught to us as a means
of getting along
with other people.
So it's premeditated.
Meaningless.
"I respect you because
I've been taught to do so.
But, if I could, I would tell
you what a **** I think
you really are and send a
big old *******
right your way."

I want to be one of these
extremely rich, young
celebrities with a
reality show on TV.
I want to know what
it's like to be as shallow
and ignorant as these people
and just not give
a **** about anything
except my
20-thousand dollar
birthday parties
and my own boat
and how much
I'm going to drink
when I go out
and which hard drug
I'm going to
experiment with next.

I guess what all these things -
the eagle, the iconoclast,
the homeless man and
the rich celebrity - have
in common is that
they all have a high
degree of freedom.
That's what we're all
really searching for,
isn't it? Freedom.
True, unchained, limitless freedom.

Where have you gone to?
Do you still speak
through your hazel eyes?
You're still the one I belong to.
After all this time
it's funny I still cry.
I don't know where to go
when I'm feeling somewhere
in between blue and yellow.
I don't know how to lie,
but it's funny how I still try.

Just so you know,
I miss you.
This is not a good poem,
I'm just speaking my mind.
Just so you know,
I love you.
It seems that I'll love you
until the day I die.

I hope you're happy.
I hope you still have your soul.
I can't escape you.
You're trapped deep
in my psyche,
you're like marrow to my bones.
I haven't seen you in years,
but my memory
won't ever fade.
I learnt the hard way
that sometimes the ones
you love most are the first to
get taken away.

Just so you know,
it's still you.
I know it's ridiculous.
Just so you know,
after all I've been through,
I still haven't broken
our teenage promises.

It's a futile world that
we're living in, babe.
It's a slow death I'm dying
through living in shame.
It's a broken dream I was sold
in the gutters.
It's the despair in the night time
when I weep for my mother.
The tears that sting me like whips
till I bruise,
broken dreams of tomorrow
choke me like a noose.
And I'm desperate and depressed
and can't fight the pain.
I'm ugly and worn out,
wish somebody would be my *******.
'Cause it's ******* your own when 
you can't stand yourself.
Death seems so sweet when
living is such hell.
Who would catch me and save me
and stop me from falling?
Who would stay by my side
when I  hear the graveyard calling?

Who would hold the bucket while
my blood drips it full?
Because I'm too weak - corroding
as I wait for love like a fool.
Give me your body just
one more time.
Just a little taste for the memory,
a kiss and I'll be fine.
You're the only one who made me
feel like a figure.
Now I'm just a cipher,
my life's a gun and you're the trigger.
So release yourself and end me
and stop me from falling.
Be the one to turn me to ashes
when I hear the graveyard calling.

When the drugs wear off
and the thrill is gone,
you begin to realise
you can only hide from yourself
for so long.
As life patiently breaks you
with each passing second,
and blinds you with fear
until you've lost all direction.
Death is a quiet street when
from a tower you're falling.
When your screams fall on deaf ears and you feel your soul crawling.
All this time it's me
who they've been ignoring.
I'll have to stand on
my own when I hear the
graveyard calling.

The one that I could
take away the pain with.
The one who'd take me
to my dreamland and
be someone to play with
like when we were six.
I've always dreamed of this.
Take me back to my
childhood and let's forget
about this adult ****.
I can't really remember
the last time someone
was close to me.
But you're so close
you're almost inside
my heart - this is what
love is supposed to be, right?
I wouldn't really know
'cause I can't say that
I've experienced it.
I want to be yours
forever if you'll be my angel
even when I'm lying
in a six-foot pit.
I want you to be the
light in my tunnel-dark life.
I want you to stay
with me tonight.

Time, sleep and love deprived.
I'm an insomniac
trapped in his own mind.
I'm only sleeping
with the cousin of death.
I guess I lost myself
the day you left.
I've ran through this
forest too many times.
I can't seem to find
the right signs.
I'm out here holding
my ******' breath.
Suffocating since the day you left.

Just smile, force it through.
It's O.K. that you're
teary-eyed and nobody
really understands you.

Just smile, please the crowd.
Follow their ways and fit in -
it's better than being left out.

Just smile, learn to pretend.
Embrace everybodies hate
and make your enemies
your friends.

Just smile, lose your soul.
Sell yourself out and
let them have all the control.

Just smile, **** yourself.
Death is sweet and gentle,
living with this fake smile
is hell.

Just smile.
**** yourself.

Maybe one day
I'll fall in love,
let someone take
my brittle heart;
or maybe I'm
just meant to be alone.

You see, I have
been broken before
and I told myself
I'm done with this war -
because love, like
a gun, is a means
to rule you.

And she'll take all you've got
and burn it down.
She'll burry you
and your soul both
in the ground
and gently whisper in your ear
that she's the only
one who ever knew you.

It's the little things that hurt,
it's the little things that sting.
It's the little things that
tear me apart somewhere
deep within.

It's the memories of my father,
it's the longing for a mother.
It's the loss of those closest to
me - I'll never forget
my grandmother.
It's time that always seems
to stand still until
you realise life passed you by.
It's hard to be brave
when you're buried.
It's hard to be strong
when you cry.

Who are you?
Who am I?
What is my identity -
was I sold a lie?
Will I live
when I die?
My greatest wish
is you and I.

Temporay forevers,
distant tomorrows.
Broken yesterdays
drenched in tears
of sorrow.
Permanent questions
with temporary answers.
These thoughts
have filled me with silence,
spreading through my
body like a cancer.

It was the sweetest start
with the most bitter ending.
My mother's love
is a decision that
is forever pending.
My open wounds
beg for salt,
even though they
throb of the pain
when it gets rubbed in.
I've come close
to death's pool before,
but have never had
the courage to be thrown in.

I ask for you wherever I go,
you're the cure for which
I have always been searching.
The only conclusions
I've ever come to are
those which leave
my soul purging.
Undress my heart
and renew my soul.
Be the *******
which keeps my blood surging.

Take me to other side
where the grass isn't
so green.
Show me the places
where you hide
when your soul
bleeds and screams.
Feed me truth,
feed me lies,
feed me anything.
Feed me love or
feed me hate;
for I am in between.

Shadow me or
light me up,
blaze me with your heat.
Take me down and
sell my soul on
the corner of the street.
Walk over me like
an old rug
and **** me
like I'm cheap.
Only you can take me
to Wonderland
where the darkness rules
and the light is *weak.

I've got time on my mind,
I've got drugs on my mind.
I'm doing lines in my mind,
hoping I don't die in my mind.
I try not to mind,
but it's killing me inside.
I've lost love many times -
I've never found the true kind.
I stand alone in the light,
all I have is time on my side.
My soul is darker
than the night,
but I don't navigate
my life blind.
She says she loves
me more than life,
but no words can
remove this knife;
it's stuck in my back,
reminding me to always
think twice.
I have trust issues.

What draws her attention
is when I don't give
her attention
and the truth is
I love her,
but it's something
that I'd rather not mention.
She's fishing for answers,
I'm only giving her questions.
I always fall for the girls
with the most class,
but somehow I never
learn my lesson.
I'm starving for love
and I bite too hard
when I taste it.
I'm trying to keep
my heart steady
so that the beat
doesn't get wasted.
I hope when she reads this
she understands
the look on my face and
why when she started
running I never
went chasing.
I gave up.

These trust issues
have got me so confused.
It doesn't matter whether
I love or hate,
somehow I always lose.
I'm trying to make
it to the top,
so I can have a better view.
But I'm stuck at the bottom
and it isn't something new.
I don't need someone
to pick me up or
come to my rescue.
I realize that it's
something that only I can do.
But everytime I look
at my shadow I
wish it was you.
You used to tell me
I can do anything that I plan.
Where did it all change?
It always falls through
and hurts me so bad.
And I know that it's the
sight of me you can't stand,
but I just wanted you to know
that I'm your number one fan.
*I wrote this for you.