all i ask

is she worth me

in the back

of my mind

i hope

she’s worth more

I am the moon

lofty in darkness, mysterious.

Tell me all your dreams,

dance with me.

You are the sun

bright and warm, cheery.

Let me smile with closed eyes,

bask in you.

A world away

people and places, things.

I see you often,

in the dawn of light.

I thought I loved you

but I am tied to earth

and earth

is tied to you.

on the rainiest day

with his helm in my hand

the motor dropped in the bay

we raced to mainland

the pine needle raindrops

daggers to my eyes

I had to get home

but first pizza pies

alcoholics too

there was one of me, one you

mornings painted blue

I am the moment

the air hits the sea.

Red
Brown planks
Scrape against me
Red

Yellow
Big drops
High tides
Yellow

Green
Baby vert
To the beat
Green

I missed the train this morning
All because I was *****

****** in, ****** out
Without a doubt

You came without a warning

I never dreamed of
being here, now
nor what is to come
there, then

“intimidating”
me from the one place I love
unbelievable

I would never tell it so
The soft moan of a tender baby
knows most of the neighbors
Still to never tell it so

He cares less, his youth escapes
The expiration
Found between my lips
Caring less about youth escaping

His head to my cavity
A heart ache holed up mess
Swirling deep and deep
He holds tight to my crevice

I roll over to see you
after a long sleep
grey eyes if you knew
what I see
I blink closer and open
you feel a freak
her body soaking into
your skin sea
gold flecked horizon
warm shoulders to a crisp
rolling wave turns on
crashing into me

I dreamed of your lips
Your lips at his apartment
My dreams get me through

bright eyes, wide smiles

dancefloor drag, diamonds and pearls

shaved legs for miles

all my favorite bars
remind me of old ship wreckage
blue bottled dry gin
courses through my Viking veins
I steer this helm with one aye

there’s a

7:30, 10, 10:40

from the bay

I make coffee

after 7:35

on days he can’t stay

after touching the sea

walking the dog

the clock thats too fast

prompts us down to the dock

A brush against him was no match for exhaustion,

so I drifted til morning.

A surge of passion pushing us awake,

morning light streaked through blinds.

A warm slumber for hot skin,

drop for drop, I would waste not a drip.

Do you get me in the heat of the night

Your thumbs in my indentations

Hair strewn a dark notioned mess

Darkness seeps ***** fantasy

Heavy breaths eyes shut light

Lashes mash neck sigh salvations

Finding the caress soaking confess

Rush of gush free from depravity

I am alone tonight, and mostly every night

I take myself to dinner and I sit at the bar

If the wine is good I try slyly to get myself drunk

I, myself, am easier to take home that way

soft kisses up his cheek

to say goodbye

leaving him in slumber

meeting at the bakery

soft kisses up his cheek

to say hello

meeting with my lover

coffee

coffee

him and me

coffee

the parallels in who I was
and who I am today
sometimes become too close
when I lose my footing
after speaking up
the parts of my mind
meant to stay in folds
it must remain math
the parallels are destined
to a line of steady observation
the dominant stretch seeming larger
but it measures the same

What is it to show you myself,
Exposed to you time
And time again
Yet you have never seen me ****

In the crevice of my heartbeat
The dermis of my soul
My true ******
Uncovered to only me

Swing your ores through choppy water and dig yourself away from me until you can no longer see my chaos.

When I am a speck on the horizon, turn into yourself to seek bigger storms who will never come.

I’m, “Great, thank you”
In the cab tonight
Eyes in the review
Notices I’m tight
Pass it by
Pass it by
On the way
There you are
On your breaks

neighbor neighbor

so far from my reach

passing each other by

bike riding on streets



you’re late he yells

speed racing to town

blissfully denying

I am waiting around



at the silent disco

we dance with no words

neighbors sitting

along the same curb



the barbecue came

I chose to get drunk

curing my curiosity

sweet coconut ***



on Independence Day

I had stars all over

cherry lollipop dreams

he in stripes under cover



his feet played with mine

in the cyan pool

will I make it out alive

if I cannot play it cool

Rounding the exit

Makes my tear appear

I’m finally home

Going to my pillow

My thoughts are lambs

Hopping fences

Valleys wayside

In mornings dawn

I feel foxes tumbling
outside my window
butterflies escape
much like their color

To the naked eye
my vision never ceases
capturing the same
essence time and thyme

two animals
finding home
between the sand
and the trees

one hunting to eat
two flutters in heat
a ripening life
like picking strawberries

13 Ways to Cringe

1.

We met under a glittering ball

at the drop of the song

I told him not to fall in love with me



2.

We were swallowed by the city

and when he craved me and wings and beer

I had to marry things like ketchup



3.

We tried again in Chinatown

the club with the ***** girl at the bar

who tried to dance her way into his lap



4.

Eventually I spent a night

but that stupid 9-5

it’s like we didnt even talk



5.

He wanted wings again

I snuck him beers

He was always a good tipper



6.

I remembered his address

a door so nondescript

I wound up forgetting again



7.

We talked on the fire escape

watching people is cool

because you get to skip yourself



8.

Matching robes one morning

we had to play divorce

while his roommate intruded



9.

There were four of us at night

two got married

two got lost



10.

When we dance in a group

half the time we spend losing it

half the time we spend finding it



11.

I try to sleep on his sailboat

but I gotta ***

and my beds down the street



12.

We play BINGO with his nieces

to want the babies to win

is an inky dabber to six cards



13.

His dad calls me his

His mom shows me new shoes

He is petting his dogs

Do you think I’m lost?
Like I can’t survive on my own.
Who will take care of me?
The wind, the sea, my home.

Having a hard time in spring makes me think it is my least favorite season. My paleness frostbitten from eager pedal pushers and my hairs luster lacks gone away with the beanie I lived in. My face loves the sun, but it was too much too soon and the burn remains. Oh and death is spring because babies can’t care for themselves yet. The first buds of bland blooms, backdrop for later’s begonia. It is not exciting to see this life struggle out of sleep when the season of sadness spills over. Spring, she’s bipolar a bit. The warmth is hit or miss and she takes so long to get out of bed. Get out of the fog, get of out of the grey. She takes the moments you hold your breath the longest before plunging out of the horizon and runs her finger along the film as to slow it down because when you’re sad in Spring you feel as though winter is forever.

Objectified
All this life
I can’t tell
Real from fake
Love from lust
It’s the same
To my soul

Multimillion dollar diamonds are objects too

It’s the top lock unwound twice

The bottom halfway

Walking into my home

Tiptoes leave nothing to say

A pit stop in the kitchen

Ascending light for some water

Enough for the night

Not to wake godfather

I search for city dreams

But the deepest sleeps

Pull me away

Back to the beach

His snouts had two sets
a dual headed beast with
one body grounded
four eyes locked on me

the soldiers come last
each one covered and armed
lining the walls of a beasts canyon
pawns of a silver operation

he roared his chain taught
the officers guarding him
and I couldn’t reach defenses
too deep in my bones

a flick of the wrist
spinal twist bone by bone
surrendering to him
devoured, won

You hold my gaze for five,
I’m not toying back.

"Are you seeing someone?"
"Yes, is that okay?"

Why baby, why?
"Leave her for me," I want to say.

But I don’t.
Girls rule.

Two years haunting me
Waiting to dive into your eyes
Crisp blue reaching depths
Magnetized with softness

Soft eyes, soft hands
With a caged heart
For once it feels like home
Arms of the oldest oak

Display for me miles of depth
Wrap all around me
Warm and fluid and safe
Wrap me wrist to ankle

Kiss and hug
The me you haven’t seen
Tenderly feeling your skin
My largest ocean I had wade in

Flippant splashes glint through
A robins egg marbled world
I reach when I have peace
Running valleys through your sand

Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby

I need you, I cannot be in this life without you.

He runs and runs away from me
Darting his course with that wide grin
"This is moving so fast," he says
We stop to catch our breaths

He woke me up the night
I had my first bath at his
"Come to the park baby girl,
Let’s drink champagne"

The way I fit into him
Walking west into hunter
I feared for nothing
Little in the park at dark

Giggling at the dirt in my loafers
Scaling each hill to roll down
Only to go higher for a faster fall
Chasing him

Boomerang lips back again
And again and again
"Come in the truck old man
Let’s fall in love"

I used to be a hot mess,
now I’m just a beautiful disaster.

It’s not fun to dip

Back into darkness

To flirt with it

Black sparrows in

A grey winters sky

Into the madness

Endless revelation sensation

The sad freedom

Loose creeping feathers

Over the reds confined wire

we leave through the meat rack

but we’re all friends here

except so much more

we leave unspoken

and on the dock

no taxi light was on for us

so two hours, one sunset pass

and I’m dancing but we’re irritated

we leave it unspoken

we eat french fries

and when the chariot arrives

the fireworks start

the beautiful shimmers and

smileys in the sky

there’s no place I’d rather be

but you’re anxious to be home

with nieces and your nephew

so we leave it unspoken

and thats how we got

back to Lonelyville

I tell myself again

Of course it’s me he wants

In the toss and turn of night

His *** dreams I haunt



Salt into my manmade wound

I can’t get it out of my head

Dial tones ring and ring

My lover alone in bed



I tell myself again

He’s sleeping and dreaming

My demons reply sharply

Or ******* and cheating

Early for work

homemade coffee

will an ordinary life

ever find me

Dentist and errands

groceries purchased

an ordinary life

with a purpose

A fence for the dog

a house for me

an ordinary life

can set me free

Casseroles and pies

worn in cast iron

an ordinary life

could fuel my fire

Supper at 7

good night at 11

an ordinary life

sounds like heaven

All the things I thought could be

Are now things I know never will be

The time not talking to you will be

Time talking to me

she needs water

salt water

she needs air

summer breeze

she needs love

not temptation

she needs flowers

left on trees

Time bomb playing in the background
All my friends trying to get found
We dance and laugh to make this world real
Lovers in friends I want to feel

You live in all of the corners
Of my mind where I dream
To have it all together
To dream to have it all
To dream together
At all
To dream

Finally you’re back
This familiar feeling
Of disconnection
Am I in love
With the man who
Calls me baby

Does the insecurity ever fade,
or does it hide in the shadow
of my bones eternally?

Does the pain ever grow weary,
or does it nocturnally live
to seep over me indefinitely?

Playing the life game

Roll your dice, Monopoly

You owe me fifty

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

I need you, I cannot survive in this life without you

Is it possible
that I dream of you
in all of the ways
I dream of love?

Gushing as you sleep
waking to steal a peek
between sheets,
our secrecy.