As the decade began, 
I felt a rush go through 
my entire body, 
like how it felt
when we were kids.


You stayed by my side
just so you could be 
the first thing on my mind.

3,500 miles from here to there is enough to feel, but
not enough for the honeysuckle to grow close.
I could remind you it’s there, and I could
speak of the wonders it brings as it
spirals out, but ultimately It’s too
far to see. And what if it
doesn’t exist
at all?

He gave me an earthquake
that shook me to the core,
but when he left,
all I had were the aftershocks.

When I first thought of love,
I thought of all the things people told me.
The rules and regulations.
Everyone that crossed my path
would be looked at through a tiny lens,
and if they moved out of frame,
they were gone for good.

When I first met you,
I didn’t think of anything at all.
The start of a new year,
The scream of the crowd as
the clock struck midnight,
and I was so enamored by you that
I forgot my camera altogether.

I don’t think there’s a day
that I don’t crave to be
the center of your world.
And how if nothing else went right,
it’d still be okay.
And how I hope more than anything,
you will feel the same pull to nothing,
to a black hole that will swallow us up,
turn us into intertwining matter,
and keep us safe amidst the entropy.

And it is now that I realize,
an escape would be out of the question.

You told me how you've
never believed in love before me,
like you could've taken
a line from a film.

And if it came from
anyone else, I probably
would've thought you did.

You and me, we aren't
made out of illusion.
We don't wander upon
luck with happenstance.

I just knew it was true
when I saw your eyes
change color.

I was always just cute
in a way that made me
feel like a child. But 
I’m done with that now.
I want to feel your hands
over every inch of me like
waterfalls. I want us to
love like wild animals. 
I want us to tangle together
so intricately that we don’t 
know where it ends or 
begins. Look at me like
I’m a comet crashing to 
the earth. I want to be the
sun. For you to see everything.
I want you to love me.
I was always just cute,
but you made me feel 
Beautiful.

I try to be the best I can-
Accepting change
and letting go.

I try to be the best I can-
By not picking flowers
to let them grow.

I try to be the best I can-
And that’s why when someone
says to walk away from you,

It seems so easy-
Because it’s the right thing
and my mind knows it too.

It seems so easy-
But the pain immobilizes me
into the same **** cycle.

-I deserve better

My teeth gnaw
at the inside of my cheek
out of frantic attempt
to calm my hammering heart.
It’s days like these
where I can feel
a poison coursing
through my being.
No amount of pills
can calm the waters.
No supportive words
can make me optimistic.

I will gnaw and gnaw
my teeth to dust
to grab hold of any
sort of control.

I don’t care how intelligent
I sound with my words,
I just want you to know
how I feel.

I found the beauty
in your eyes immediately,
but the real blessing
is how it never left.

The first time you run
The first time you laugh
The first time you jump
The first time you feel the sea from the shore
The first time you feel your heart soar
The first time you feel your heart break
The first time you’re confused
The first time you know

The first time we touch
The first time my eyes open

There is no way around this
I’ve stood for hours - fought and screamed
Life behind me doesn’t matter
I’ve longed for the side with yours

How does it feel to know
where you are isn’t where you belong?

Looking through is not enough
The distance grows and grows
I’ll press my hand up next to yours
But the cold glass burns through me

Why would they show me
what I cannot hold?

There’s nothing 
I want more than 
to see the sunlight
pouring over your face
with a gaze that tells me
you’re the happiest 
you’ve ever been.

Remember when you told me 
we were the same inside?
 
But that I couldn’t believe 
something too good to be true? 
 
That’s when I knew 
you could really see me.
 
You could see the path
as if you’d walked it yourself.
 
I can feel you like a pull 
to the center of the earth. 
 
That is where we
keep ourselves safe. 
 
Because the soul
knows no distance. 
 
And in my reverie, 
I meet you down there.

I think I’m living in a box,
trying to hide from you.
I don’t like to lie,
but what is true anymore?
I’m sick to my stomach
that you can think of me,
claiming me as yours,
when you didn’t work for anything.

I feel like trash, I feel like dirt.
Watching you take and take,
and just sitting there
with my eyes purposely closed.
I was so lonely, I didn’t know
what it felt like to really be touched.
So I let myself get shut
up inside this way.

You’re like a greedy child

who can’t keep their hands away.
You don’t keep your hands away.
And I feel useless.
Of course I’m one of those.
Of course I don’t leave.
And remember the little girl
who promised she’d never take this?

I see the light from outside,
but he’s not getting any closer.

I don’t have him.
I can’t have him.

Can you see me?
I’m standing in the spotlight,
wide smile glowing,
frozen in place.

And how do you feel?
I must make you uncomfortable
being so realistic
and yet so fake.

I stand day after day with
the fluorescent heat constant.
I’m sweating from the pressure,
But you can’t see from far away.

You can shuffle me around
and change my pose,
but my lack of control
gives an offbeat idea.

I know how you feel.
But you don’t know what to do.
So you speed walk away,
avoid the discomfort.

I’m trying so hard
not to be numb.
Waiting for my chance
to change and grow.

We are never at rest,
even when we take a moment
to get lost inside ourselves.
We are in orbit.

I’ve done my best
to keep pace with the spin,
adapting to the life
in constant change around me.

One day you came
through the fog I was navigating.
Cold, gray monotony
turning prismatic before me.

Still I knew,
the spin doesn't pause.
I just hope you find a way
to be the thing that lasts.

The world has been shaken
and thrown like a snow globe.
The glass container
contaminated by foggy fingerprints,
analyzed by prying eyes.

So, it’s easy to believe
that this is where we’ll stay.
It’s easy to feel trapped
when every door is hidden.

The only thing left I hope for
is that the feeling of
finding and keeping a soul
that warms you up is real,

And not just a story
they tell us to make
believe that this
isn’t all there is.

Please, follow me
off The Grid.
I’ve had no lasting verity
since I came here.

I’m getting
so overwhelmed.
They don’t see me through
the smoke and mirrors.

Everything is
quick as a whip,
and I can’t look at you
properly here.

I want you in
tunnel vision.
I want to feel love
for the first time.

When I think of
all the words you said...

the delicate whispers,
the wispy desires…

a genuine intensity
realizes it will
never let you go.

Yet, for now,
my body feels foreign,
because the simplest
tenderness I have yet to feel
is the pleasure of your
Touch.

I know you sit there
in the dark, thinking
you mean nothing.

But you have been
the only art I’ve made
for months.

You have been
the only light I’ve seen
at the end.

You have been
the only thing I still
wish for.