There bloomed a flower
In the middle of a storm
And perished quickly
A young poet near death writes
An ode to the One he loves

I had a friend who wanted an ordinary life
No shining medals, no fancy degrees, no huge salaries
Just being able to float in the sea of "Just enough"

"What's your idea of a good day?" I asked
"One were I have water, food, and am not bleeding" she replied
I was amused but repulsed at the same time

Still she was a good friend
Her kindness made you believe in angels
That heaven is somehow within reach

I wanted something different
I wanted the stars in my eyes
I wanted everyday to be novels in character

She died a few years ago.
Something was wrong with her liver
She wasn't able to finish college

At the funeral I asked her brother
What was her last words?
What was her life all about?

And he replied
"She said "Scatter my ashes in the sea. Don't grieve but forget about me'"

A chill ran down my spine

The house she grew up in
Is written in her heart
A decaying castle in EDSA
Separated from others
By the torrents of the road

The orange glow of its afternoons
Is the glow of her mind and body
Its rooms replicated in the way she talks
She moves and makes friends

Like the triune God
Which emanates from who?
Theodora or the house?

Have you met your cousin
Betelguese?
She said Hi, the way stars do
Bearing brightly burning light

What about the pulsars
Spinning ballerinas
Of the far end of space?
They're your cousins too

Saturn would like to chat
With you
Missing your warm hug
He tries to hug himself

Yes they are all our relatives
Didn't you know
We are all sons of the deathless
Isn't it nice to be so?

To live is to choose
One self over another
Aiming for the peak
Only to reach a dark cave
Die. My back towards the sun

All I really want
Is to make someone write
That somebody, somewhere
May find in my poems
A hopeful thought
A new reality
A special swagger

Or simply to make someone smile
Halfway around the world
With eyes on the screen
A tiny jewel to take through the day
To help navigate this pandemic
Lifting up someone's mood
Just for a little while

But my deep desire
Is to be remembered by the universe
That my poems will touch
Another human permanently
And that touch like perfume
Will spread outward
Across time and space forever

It is a selfish ambition
And reality sends me to tears
To know I am nobody
That my poems will be thrown
Into the dustbin of infinity
And shall be dissolved into atoms
Never to be read ever again

An abandoned ship
Approaches a lifeless isle
Old and filled with rust
A man walks across the town
Cries, having lost everything

I'm writing a poem for you
So that I could exist again
For a short time anew

So that I could share my heart
Fingers blossoming red
With the blood of my art

Read it on the mountainside
Or by the sea, or in the desert
As if I have not died

And sing it to the people
So that I could be heard
In their souls and let it ripple

Or keep it to yourself
It doesn't matter. Put it
In the notebook on your shelf

Take it out from time to time
To amuse yourself for old time's sake
With my simple rhyme.

All I want do is to touch
You from beyond this existence
Because I love you so much

This is the only way I know
Words I wrote on a screen
I have no other skills to show

A poem should be light
Like phosphorescent fingers
Touched by Saturn's rings
A poem should be musical
Teaching God to dance
Barefoot on the Andes peaks
A poem should have grace
Feeding the hearts of angels
As they clothe the bare lilies

Let me write a poem for you
Yes, for you only
Let nobody else read it
Hide it from the world
I shall write it on the wall
In blue chalk and let the rain
Wash it away
I shall write it with invisible ink
To be seen only
With ultraviolet light
I want to tell you something
Something that will save you
Here and in the afterlife
I want to ruin your garden
Let your trees grow recklessly
And your flowers grow wild
I want to break you
Turn you into a useless machine
And finally rebuild you
I want to purify your heart
Change the outlines of your soul
And please God
I want to give you a nightmare
Something that will almost **** you
As you try to break free
I want to give you a simple gift
A little thing to cherish
To play with through the night
I don't want recognition
This is more important than that
I want you to learn to be human
So please read my poem
And keep it to yourself
This is for you and for you only
Not for anyone else.

I have time to waste
                                I'm losing everything
I'm throwing it all away
                                 I'll put it all in a basket
I deserve to be loved
I am loved
                                  Throw me away
                                  Forget about me
Electricity runs through my body
Filling me with intense joy
                                  I ***** everything
                                  I burn like wood
My family is television perfect
                                  I hate them all.
                                  May ******* them
Music is my only solace
Her synthesizers fill me with peace
Her voice has the strength of prophets
                               Useless.
                               Hysterical and useless
                               It's Electric dysentery
Please take me.
Take me to a place between Salvation and Nirvana
That's all I ask of you
                                 Leave me alone
                                 Throw me to hell
                                 Let me be reborn

Lay aside some time
To listen to your body
Let your senses rave
And dance under the sunshine
May your flesh be transcendent

Circuits of sorrow
Light up in my lonely head
Electric worries
Burning up rubber matter
The dreaming self up in smoke

Clouds have disappeared
And the birds have flown away
What's left is the sun
That dries the rivers and ponds
And leaves me to thirst
And leaves me with no shelter
So it is inside
The realm of creation
And so I harvest my tears

Come to the river
The river knows everything
It contains all shades
Jasper, emerald, sapphire
No past, no future
But a deathless present is
There. Swim and know all
From the mountains to the seas.
Intimate secrets
Are reflected to the sky
Listen closely to its cry

I'd rather live in my daydreams
Than live anywhere else
In my daydreams
I am loved fully
In my daydreams
I see the real me

If I could not daydream
I would be lonely
The rapture of love
Would not reach me
Time would ruin my soul
And leave me naked

I will make new daydreams
And soak myself in them
Forget my failures
My ruined promises
And repeat life again
Repeat and repeat and repeat

I will make new daydreams
And truth shall be in them
Not the lies of the crowd
Masquerading as divinity
And I shall live in this truth
Live and live and live

(Dear reader
You will be in my daydreams
As a lover, a monk, or a poet
Or maybe not, it doesn't matter
What matters is the play
Play and play and play)

Crisp air blowing through
Hibiscus and red roses
Filling my nose with
A touch of pink health. Spreading
To my face like soft kisses

She found herself
In the face of oblivion
The absurd crawling
Around her neck

She chose to venture
Like a servant risking
Her one talent
To obtain the heavens

"Will it come to nothing?"
She asks her God
"Is it all a mistake?"
She repeats to herself

But despite the uncertainty
A jewel of truth
Impressed itself in
The armor of her soul

In the gnashing winds
She found herself
In the eye of the storm where
She found her self

In the new city
I live with wild longing for
A lover to come.
I yearn for the energy
The lights cannot show
Which pushes me off a bridge.
I am no dreamer
Just nostalgic for the time
When cicadas filled my night

Her body was on the bed
Her body—it was her
She was on the bed

Eyes closed, wearing white
Mouth slightly open
It was her Yes — it was her

Gone. Nothing to see
Nothing to hear
Nothing to say

She was on the bed — it was her
I mustn't look away
I mustn’t look away

In a little while
Papers must be fixed
Calls should be made

In a little while
In a little while
Remember it all, the images

Duties gone in an instant
There is no moon tonight
The room is dark — I must look

I hold her pale hand
The doctor speaks
Others listen

In a little while
She will be out of sight
Others will look at me different

I let go of her hand
One duty remains. Images.
While I can look — I must look

In this wretched Earth
There is nothing to be gained
Nothing to dream of
Just wait for the stars to fall
And watch every face burn up

Let the winds blow on my face
And move me to tears
Let the heartaches of tomorrow
Shatter me to nothing

I shall be the rock on the shore
Shaped by the currents
Glistening black and white
With foam and minerals

I shall be the the mathematical point
Almost non-existent
But is the tower of all creation

I shall be the city of Love
Trembling in faith
And peopled by lovers

Let yesterday's ghosts
Celebrate my failures
Let me be satisfied
To simply be

For existence's sake.

My heart shakes like a flame. Always rapacious, never still.
My brain is the ocean, always waving, never filled
In my body they're never at peace, always trying to ruin the other
My soul are roots that reach down to my being's ether
That being? A child scared, without his mother

I don't like games
Where someone is picked on
Where someone loses
It breaks my heart
It makes me feel
Like a wet cat
After a bath
Like the sensation of coffee
Left to cool
It reminds me
That some days
I'm the loser
And that always
There will be a loser
But people seem to like that
That's how the world plays
People bouncing over people
We have no choice
But to play the game
We have no choice
But to uphold the winner
And bring down the loser

God is when
A child shares his food
With another
Filling both with joy

God is when
A poet rewrites
An old poem and
Shares it with others

God is when
Mushrooms grow
Red and white from
The corpse of a tree

God is when
Workers come
Together and fight
For one fallen

God is when
Comets crash
On a young planet
Filling it with water

God is when
Two atoms combine
To form a compound
Unique in its splendor

God is when
A monk comes
To help one
Close to death

God is when
Musicians perfect
A mozart symphony
In one breath

Show me once again
Your charm
Your moonlit madness
Drunk underneath
An October sky

Show me that parade
Of smiles
Your indulgence dancing
In Heaven or Las Vegas

Show me the self
You hide at dawn
Those night crawling eyes
That reflect only lunacy

Show me the lies
You celebrate
That jazz energy you loved
In Heaven or Las Vegas

In Heaven or Las Vegas

I am a chicken
Trapped in a cage
I see no way out
(What is out?)

I am surrounded
By chicken heads
We are one creature
(What is one?)

I hear unpleasant-
Ness. Something in
This body aches
(Am I the world?)

I feel cold metal
I feel heat
I feel nothing
(What is feeling?)

I covered my eyes
To avoid the light of God
Abandoned all hope
As I entered with my soul
Drenched. Weighed down by guilt
As squid's ink blacken the sea
Was my vain heart when
God told me to sit with him
God told me to eat with him

I do love thee
This temple of mine
Of flesh and bone
Created

Whose measurements
And motions I must
Take care with no
Restrictions

Do not forget
Its solemn needs else
It could not perform

Its solemn industries
Without pain and
Constant scorn

I must eat well
Live well
Measure, rest
Reflect and
Move my body

As was designed
For many years
Before death
Arrests me

I don't want the world illuminated
Give me scars, games of hide and seek
And badly lit roads. Show me distance
Unworldliness, the color of the paranormal.
I want the world as a dream
Hidden in an owl's nest

I dreamt of a former lover
Half forgotten
In an unknown cottage
We kissed

Outside was a field of flowers
Facing the sun
On the warm bed
We cuddled

And then comes the electric
Winter wind
And my body shivered
A deathly blow

My lover has disappeared
I'm left alone
In a dark room pierced
By broken glass

If I die today
Not much in the world would change
A clump of cells gone,
Dreams extinguished, Love dissolved
Bookshelves left to rot.
Loved ones crying will move on
God knows where I'd be
Might as well take it easy
And enjoy what's left of me

I found a poem
In an LRT station
Garbage can
Written on the back
Of a 7-11 receipt
In blue ink

It was a letter
Of heartbreak to
A hometown lover
Four stanzas
And a couplet

And then the train
Arrives in cold blood
Like an army captain
But I decided
Not to join

There is something else
That needs my
Presence
I put the receipt
Back in its place

I keep failing
As a friend
I keep failing
As a friend
Like a crushed butterfly
Hysterical and useless
Like spilled perfume
Hysterical and useless
Like a wrecked car
Hysterical and useless
Like chattering teeth
Hysterical and useless
Like acid rain
Hysterical and useless
I keep failing
As a friend
I keep failing
As a friend

I sit in agony by the river in a garden where the plants have grown wild. The gardener died many years back and I am left to take care of his work. I don't know how to care for plants, I only know how to see beauty in violet tufts and green leaves.

But this afternoon I sit in agony. The sun is black, the clouds have disappeared. The birds do not sing their song. I have my notebook with me but I have no poems to write. The river tells me nothing but gives a violent stare. I sense failure. I sense timidity. I sense that the flowers don't like me.

Last week, I invited a friend to come with me. I wanted her to see my world, the colors of my existence. She smiled at me, the menacing smile of a trickster then walked away. Like a saint I accepted her word and went alone.

When I'm in the garden I hallucinate lovers. I hallucinate songs and poetry. There is no time when the hallucinations fail to fill me up even now when I am in agony.  

Right now I hallucinate a woman in red by my side. She kisses me, I kiss her feet, we play with the statues as the sun goes down. She is wide eyed, has black hair and thin lips. She calls me my favourite names. But she causes me agony. She is made up of memories, of fallen fruit, of black snow. But I made a commitment so I play and play and play.

As the sun disappears and the river roars, I see that it is time to leave. What's left of my hallucinations is a laceration. What's left of my mind are fallen fruits.

We were in the cemetery
Afternoon of June 29
It was his birthday
Another birthday without the celebrant

Mother placed yellow candles over him
And sunflowers over the grass
His favorite color

40 years of life
8 years gone
Or 8 years in another world
If you believe in that stuff

I walked around
And saw others' resting grounds
Some dead before I was even born
Others dead at the prime of childhood
Simple tombstones, mausoleums, caskets

A burial was taking place on the other street
Mourners dressed in dark shades
A priest, the only one in white

I was wearing white
My mother was wearing violet

After the niceties and the prayers
We had a little picnic
Chicken Adobo
Mom tries her best
But can't replicate the flavour of his

I reminisce of my days of innocence
In the green gate of the school
When he picks me up
The gray sand of Baler
Where he grew up
The brown hills of bohol
My first plane ride

I was now 8 years in disbelief
8 years in trouble
8 years in agony

The salt of the meal moves me to tears
Imperfect replicas of perfect memories
But I can't let myself cry

I remembered suddenly the night before
In a quick glance
I thought I saw his face in the mirror
But it was just my tired face
I was listening to "Bato sa Buhangin" by Cinderella

On the drive home
I listened to the same song
It was his favourite
He could play the melody with a guitar
Something I've been practicing for a while now
But fail to do

At home
On the bed before I sleep
It finally erupts
And I say to myself
"Father, why did you leave us!"

Here in the city
Of Lies, a tornado spins
And throws those who hold
On to their own small bodies
Through the blind darkness.
Weighed down by putrefaction
Those who hold nothing
Find themselves changed from reptile
To man to reptile again

In the countryside
There comes a darkness. A space-
Craft blocks out the sun.
Blue light from below. Blue light.
The trees electric
Wine dark disc over white sheep
What omen is this
That I, first of mankind sees?
What heart of time past
Has coalesced in this space?
I stare at the ship
Turn violet. My tired eyes
Seeing new life above all

As I looked out of my
bedroom window,
two sparkles of light
equal in brightness hover
in the distance.

One, bursting forth
from a slab of rock holding
visions of a woman, a fridge,
the opening and closing of doors,
a drunkard, a mute, a broken jar
the booming screams of a child,
the thunderous fall of a chair.

In the second, farther still,
an ocean of bright plasma.
Swirling with great force
between white birth
and red death. Flickering
with great intention then
thinning out into
nothingness.

I realized that beautiful things
Bring me joy knowing
That I could return
And experience them again
With somebody new
Somebody to love
Someone whose soul is
Of the same substance
As mine

But knowing that I
May never return
Every experience becomes
A drag through loneliness
A coffee cup of pain
Things end
You can never go back
That is all to learn from life

I saw a fallen Apple fruit
Beneath the shadow of the tree
It was all red and cool and fresh
And worms have yet to partake its flesh
Round the fruit's awaited grave
Nothing lies but cool earth; Save
The footprints that lead to and from
This Apple tree that stood alone
This vast expanse of fielded loam

Straightaway I knew the answer to this enigma
Adam rose from the dead and found that he was hungry
He saw the Apple tree, rattled the branches so the fruit would fall
And seeing the prints where the snake did crawl
Decided that he was not going to eat at all
He left; walked around in search of Eve
And his son Seth so that they can run around naked and not toil till sundown
and relieve themselves from the burden
Of being first and last in Eden

I suspect that poetry
Will save me from death

That my poems will be
The blueprint to immortality

I shall be reborn as a rhyme
And baptized in metaphor

My body will be of words
And my soul of imagery

And the past is eternalized
As photos save memory

And so will you reader
Be saved by poetry

In every poem you read
There's a whole country

Of angels that will praise
Be of good cheer and be merry

Your eyes will be restored
And be filled with mirth

As the crucifix saves
The ****** on Earth

I taste the garden
Of Eden in your sweet lips
Hold me, your creature!
Take me into your strong arms
Softly. Never let me go!

It is our mad fate
That conciousness
Unlived and unexiled
Rules

Like a prophet
Whose songs
Cry out in the dark
We stand

Defeated in exile
In front of
An aged mirror
Confused

We press forward
Sinking
In the presence
Of the absolute

To dance and sing and rock and roll
                Yes, I've got time
To squeeze from my heart a thousand poems
               Yes, I've got time
To visit the mountains of the North and the South
                Yes, I've got time
To love a pretty face and give her gifts
                Yes, I've got time
To drink wine and eat the best cheese
                 Yes, I've got time
To make mistakes and fix myself
                 Yes, I've got time
To smell perfume and flowers and honey
                 Yes, I've got time
To sleep in hotels and smoke in hallways
                 Yes, I've got time
To uncover the laws of the universe
                 Yes, I've got time
To break them when I want to have fun
                 Yes I've got time
To shatter the stars with the power of angels
                  Yes, I've got time
To take the cities by storm with music
                  Yes, I've got time
To sleep like giants from fairy lands
                  Yes, I've got time
To write the poem that makes the muses jealous
                  Yes, I've got time
To sail the through the torrents of eternity
                  Yes, I've got time
And if I'm wrong and I have not even tomorrow's grace?
I'll still declare that
                    Yes, I've got time
To all the earth
                     Yes, I've got time

I want to escape from myself
Throw my body away
Leave it to the dogs

I am a scar on the face of this city
A disgrace to my family
I am but dust on this Earth

All my failures have piled up
And my future is a waste
My God has judged me

I have wasted my talents
I am a worn out computer
Useless to the core

Curse the day I was born
Let no one speak of it
May it be forgotten forever

Yet my soul yearns for life
I want to burst into flames
To become a superman

But I shall not let it
I will eat spoiled food
And let myself get sick

For I deserve nothing
Not even a kiss from my mother
Nor the rest of a good day

Throw me away
Throw me away
Throw me away

I shall walk the path
Of those astray
And never come back this way

My mouth is a puddle of filth
My hands are a force of destruction
My belly is a harbinger of greed

I am a failed star
Thrown into the galaxy
With no end in sight

I am an enemy of paradise
A spy of the rotting planet
And a slave of the guilty self

I woke up inside
A dream of an archangel
Memories of earth
Primeval betwixt visions
Of electric dance
Reflected on a river
I forced shut my eyes
To salvage what reason holds
But was swept away by light

When I heard your jazz improvisation
I craved the taste of a fine confection
Your synths were the flame that roasted my heart
Drunk with the notes, your sweet wine collection

Minsan ay katahimikan ang sagot
Sa kamatayan
Sa pagkakasakit
Sa away pamilya

Magtimpi
Subukan **** maging gabi
Puno ng ilaw ng buwan
Puno ng lumbay ng kuliglig

Gagawa Ang Diyos ng paraan
At Ang gabi ay magiging bagong umaga
Sinasayawan ng bulaklak ng buhay
Binubuhay Ang matatabang gulay

Maghintay lang ng sandali
At maibubukas mo rin ang iyong bibig
At aagos mula sa iyong looban
Kung ano ang dapat sabihin

Kung ano ang tamang sabihin

To keep silent is beautiful
Just look at the lilies

And the birds of the air
As they hover over cities

What is there to be said
That hasn't been before?

Who is there to listen
Who hasn't heard more?

We might discover something
That can offer salvation

To our hungry souls
That weary laceration

Or we might end up doing
Something for creation

And to start again
A wild migration

Or we could just walk
In gardens with cups of tea

Pet the stray cats
In the back alley

Watch the seagulls
As they touch the sea

Give water and sugar
To a tired bee

I do not know why
But I believe we'll find purpose

In living in silence
Outside of the circus