Her body was on the bed
Her body—it was her
She was on the bed

Eyes closed, wearing white
Mouth slightly open
It was her Yes — it was her

Gone. Nothing to see
Nothing to hear
Nothing to say

She was on the bed — it was her
I mustn't look away
I mustn’t look away

In a little while
Papers must be fixed
Calls should be made

In a little while
In a little while
Remember it all, the images

Duties gone in an instant
There is no moon tonight
The room is dark — I must look

I hold her pale hand
The doctor speaks
Others listen

In a little while
She will be out of sight
Others will look at me different

I let go of her hand
One duty remains. Images.
While I can look — I must look

I don't like games
Where someone is picked on
Where someone loses
It breaks my heart
It makes me feel
Like a wet cat
After a bath
Like the sensation of coffee
Left to cool
It reminds me
That some days
I'm the loser
And that always
There will be a loser
But people seem to like that
That's how the world plays
People bouncing over people
We have no choice
But to play the game
We have no choice
But to uphold the winner
And bring down the loser

And I weep at the universe
The writings
Of a horrified prophet
Flailing like black ships
On the edge of a forgotten lake
His speech
Is the screech
Of a mad mountain lion

Crisp air blowing through
Hibiscus and red roses
Filling my nose with
A touch of pink health. Spreading
To my face like soft kisses

The sky had darkened
From fire smoke from the East
The river flows with garbage
Smelling like rotting flesh
It was warm
There was nothing to excite the body
Or delight the eyes
Everything had the shadow
Of disappointment
Even the birds
Have given up singing their song
(Tell me dear reader,
Do you have the time to be strong?)
All I can do
Is wait for the rain
To wash it all along

I have felt the stars' brutality
Sting my mind and body

Tears flow out red from my eyes
Tired of your stupid lies

I gave you food to eat
You left me in pain on the street

I followed your laws and decrees
You had my friends hanging on trees

You gaslit me, you told me what to do
When in the end, you know what's true

Betelgeuse tell me he's sorry
I do not believe his story

I am angry at all of you
What is there left to do?

It's either you or me who die
It will be decided after I cry

Stars of the milky way
Hope that you have time to pray

Because I'm stronger than you all
By my words alone, you will fall

Humanity is not composed of winners and losers
It is composed of gemstones
Of varied shapes and colors
Blending like waves
In the eyes of God
Reflecting His face

So it is that you are obligated
To love your neighbor as yourself
To kiss each stone you meet
In the face
With sweet devotion

So then dear poet
Concern yourself not with fame
Nor personal glory
But in sharing
With the world
The brightest colors

The nothing pushes me away
To my room
Or rather, what remains of my room
For it has filled it with tar
And desolate shadows

The nothing tells me to stay there
For I have been defeated
Monsters roam the streets outside
The radio screams of danger
And I am the only prey

The nothing melts my wings
And turns in into mush
Here, the sun is king
It's heat is the formidable queen
I fall into a sea - forgotten

The nothing tells me I am forlorn
That my body is a black star
Being ******
To non existence
By a black hole

The nothing says that they love me
That they exist to protect me
And I have no choice
But to believe them
I fall into their arms

My heart is a flower
Pollinated by electric bees

The pulsating weather
The vagabond soil

Creates oh! A dangerous vine
My soul is a bastardly garden

Tomorrow brings more life
But what life is there for me?

Dead butterflies surround me
My body is a sick country

Oh my heart! Find God! Find God!
What is your precious?

Do you smell corpses around?
Or will you not curse the ground?

Nais kong yakapin ang aking sarili
Bigyan ng mainit na gatas
At patulugin sa malambot na kama

Huwag kang matakot
Tao ka lang at tao rin lang sila
Hayaan **** managinip ang iyong kaluluwa

Tandaan mo ang iyong kabataan
Ikaw ay minamahal
Ikaw ay ginto

Ikaw ang tagabuhat ng umaga
Ang kanta ng mga matatabang maya
Ang almusal sa puso ng iyong pamilya

Pag gising mo, huminga ka nang malalim
Mag jogging ka sa iyong hardin
At ibigin ang init ng araw sa iyong mukha

My Lord transform my failures,
Transform my disappointments.
Turn it into a flowery perfume
That can please you alone
Let your greatness shine
Through poetry
Let love be my motto
From now on.

I have made a mistake
An overspending on risk
I shall throw them into the fire
Let it's scent be as sweet as wine
And if others are not pleased
I shall offer it to you, Lord
I shall offer it to you

I don't want to be a prisoner of the other
Not even of my own family
I want to be free like Superman
And follow the path that leads to you
I shall use the books I bought
As a map towards your glory
And I shall make new maps
To guide others to you

To dance and sing and rock and roll
                Yes, I've got time
To squeeze from my heart a thousand poems
               Yes, I've got time
To visit the mountains of the North and the South
                Yes, I've got time
To love a pretty face and give her gifts
                Yes, I've got time
To drink wine and eat the best cheese
                 Yes, I've got time
To make mistakes and fix myself
                 Yes, I've got time
To smell perfume and flowers and honey
                 Yes, I've got time
To sleep in hotels and smoke in hallways
                 Yes, I've got time
To uncover the laws of the universe
                 Yes, I've got time
To break them when I want to have fun
                 Yes I've got time
To shatter the stars with the power of angels
                  Yes, I've got time
To take the cities by storm with music
                  Yes, I've got time
To sleep like giants from fairy lands
                  Yes, I've got time
To write the poem that makes the muses jealous
                  Yes, I've got time
To sail the through the torrents of eternity
                  Yes, I've got time
And if I'm wrong and I have not even tomorrow's grace?
I'll still declare that
                    Yes, I've got time
To all the earth
                     Yes, I've got time

I am in my room
Surrounded by food and drinks
A camera in front of me
An outline of a monologue in my head
40 pieces of Chicken Nuggets
Two large fries
A large coke
And three Big Macs
I shall take my time, there's so much to discuss
Infinite Jest and the Culture Industry
American drugs and entertainment
Its sedative effect on the characters
I start with a Big Mac
Layers of soft bread
The salty cheese and patty enticing my taste buds
Between every few bites
I take a few fries at a time
Soft and sluggish, a slight saltiness on my tongue
How it's mashed by my teeth in mutual consent
Hal Incandenza, Katherine Gompert
Their use of Marijuana in secret
It's effects on the body and their addiction
A garden of salt splashed by the sweet rain of Coke
Flowing down my throat
I shall only worship a God who knew how to cook
And to enjoy a great meal
The medical Attaché's eyes
Gazing perpetually into the screen
Expiring in catatonic bliss
After the Big Macs
I attack the Nuggets
The beautiful effect of its skin
And the barbecue sauce in my mouth
The essence of chicken leaving my mouth wanting more
One by one
With more fries in between
More Coke dances in my mouth
Leaving a suave sensation in my throat
The years named after products
Year of the Whopper
Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment
Year of the Trial size Dove Bar
Mario Incandenza and Gerhardt *******br>"Life's endless war against the self you cannot live without"
And the tennis
The endless tennis, the dancing chess of the athletic body
It takes about an hour and a half
A time of bliss
Where I can please my YouTube audience
Where I don't need to think
And the only body part that needs to work
Is my mouth

Each person has a song
That plays in life's turntable
Together in the album of humankind
Rock songs, folk melodies,
electronic experiments, ballads, lullabies
Like the Beatles' White album
A wild mix of tracks
That don't seem to fit together
But sounds perfect as it is
What do these songs have?
They have melodies that burn the heart
And rhythms that scar the body
Not everyone wanted to write the song
It just bled out of them
From lacerations of what they've seen and experienced
Each song is unique to each one
There is one main writer
Yet the credits is shared by all
Nobody wants to talk about their song
They just let it play and play and play
Hoping that someone listens

Theodora's song is a modern one
Somewhere between pop song and dark ambient
Lonely guitars, an upbeat drum machine, and scathing synth pads
She keeps it like a pearl inside her head
Growing wilder, more elegant, more painful
The lyrics are found somewhere in these pages
She tries not to think about it
Yet the melody screams through her body
She doesn't want it in the album
But she has no choice
So she writes something else
Something stranger, more dignified, much higher
With string sections and choir voices
With what she believes are the right lyrics
And this she shows to other people
Hoping that this is the one that sticks



Reader, I plead. Listen to the song of your neighbor
And if you are able, share as well your song, your fable

When I heard your jazz improvisation
I craved the taste of a fine confection
Your synths were the flame that roasted my heart
Drunk with the notes, your sweet wine collection

May sanggol na buhat-buhat ng isang babae
Naka teletubbies na T shirt
Maikli ang buhok, maputi ang mukha
Mataba ang mga braso

Ang dalawang anyo ay nakaupo
Sa isang silid
Nakangiti ang babae
Ang sanggol ay nakatingin sa kawalan
Buka ang bibig ngunit
Walang boses na lumalabas

Ano ang kanilang patutunguhan?
Alam ko kung saan.

Ano ang kanilang mga kasalanan?
Alam ko kung ano.

Ano ang kanilang mga pangalan?
Alam ko kung ano.

May masamang pakiramdam
Sa aking dibdib
Sa pagitan ng mga nangyari
At maaring mangyari
Hindi ko maalis ang aking tingin
Kahit na ako'y nasasaktan
Kahit na gusto kong mawala

Inosenteng bata
Inosenteng bata
Ano nangyari sa iyong pagka-inosente?
Bakit ka lumaki?
Bakit ka nagkasala?
Bakit mo iniwan ang iyong panginoon?
Bakit hindi ka pa magpatiwakal?

Bata, madami kang pagdadaanan
Naaawa ako sa iyo
Mabuti at nakayanan mo
Ngumiti ka, umiyak ka
Ligtas ka dito
Hindi kita pababayaan
Naaawa ako sa iyo

Itinago ko ang letrato
Masyado nang ginugulo ang aking isipan
Theodora, wala kang kasalanan.
Theodora, wala kang kasalanan.

I wanted to be an iceberg
Floating over the mass of water
Hard and cold
A battleground for polar bears and seals
Shining, reflecting the sun
Located in the ends of the earth

Wanting, wary, wintry

And after all of my efforts
The thinking and scheming
All I got was pain
All I received was rejection

Now all I ask is to dissolve
To become one with the water

Warm, waving, wild

A home for precious fishes
Where seals and polar bears swim

To disappear in the ocean
To be the ocean
Spread across the Earth
To be ****** in by clouds
And bring rain to the forests

And after all my efforts
The motions and the serving
Hoping that I find peace
And deep acceptance

We were in the cemetery
Afternoon of June 29
It was his birthday
Another birthday without the celebrant

Mother placed yellow candles over him
And sunflowers over the grass
His favorite color

40 years of life
8 years gone
Or 8 years in another world
If you believe in that stuff

I walked around
And saw others' resting grounds
Some dead before I was even born
Others dead at the prime of childhood
Simple tombstones, mausoleums, caskets

A burial was taking place on the other street
Mourners dressed in dark shades
A priest, the only one in white

I was wearing white
My mother was wearing violet

After the niceties and the prayers
We had a little picnic
Chicken Adobo
Mom tries her best
But can't replicate the flavour of his

I reminisce of my days of innocence
In the green gate of the school
When he picks me up
The gray sand of Baler
Where he grew up
The brown hills of bohol
My first plane ride

I was now 8 years in disbelief
8 years in trouble
8 years in agony

The salt of the meal moves me to tears
Imperfect replicas of perfect memories
But I can't let myself cry

I remembered suddenly the night before
In a quick glance
I thought I saw his face in the mirror
But it was just my tired face
I was listening to "Bato sa Buhangin" by Cinderella

On the drive home
I listened to the same song
It was his favourite
He could play the melody with a guitar
Something I've been practicing for a while now
But fail to do

At home
On the bed before I sleep
It finally erupts
And I say to myself
"Father, why did you leave us!"

At kumawala ako sa panahon
Ako
Hawak ang camera
Pagkatapos kunan ng letrato
Ang pamilya
Sa lumang bahay
Na unti unting ginigiba
Nang mga elemento

Sino ba ako?
Sino itong mga kasama ko?

Nasa dulong kanan
Ang aking tinatawag na Ina
Naka puting T shirt
At itim na pantalon
Malaki Ang ngiti
Pero tila may tinatago
Sa likod ng mga mata

Nasa dulong kaliwa
Ang aking tinatawag na Tito
Bitbit ang kanyang Dachshund
Ang anak ay
Hindi imbitado sa handa
Yumaman sa pagtatrabaho
Sa Estados Unidos

Sa Gitna
Ang aking tinatawag na Lola
Hindi na ngumiti
Ubos na ang mga araw
Kung saan siya'y napapangiti
May sugat na hindi na gumagaling
Dahil sa Diabetes

Nakapaligid Ang iba
Mga pinsan, Tito at Tita
Makukulay ang suot
Maiingay at matatakaw
Bata at matanda

Lahat ng ito
Kasama ako
Nanggaling sa iisang matris
Mula bata hanggang pagtanda
Nakipagsalamuha, naglaruan, naglakihan, nagmahalan, nag awayan...
Ito kami
Ito ako

Ano ang ibig sabihin nitong lahat?

Nakatitig ako sa letrato
Habang natunaw ang madla
Maya't maya ay uuwi na
Sa kani-kanilang tahanan
Iisa ang pinanggalingan
Saan ang patutunguhan?

Sino ba ako?
Sino itong mga nasa letrato?

Ako ay may ina
Ang aking ina ay may ina rin
At ang ina ay may ina rin
At ang ina ng ina ay may ina rin
At ang ina ng ina...

Katabi ng aking Tito
Ang panganay na pinsan
Muntik nang mamatay sa dengue
Noong kabataan
Naghahanap na ng trabaho
Naghahanap na rin ng girlfriend

Bawat isa ay may pangarap
May iba't ibang Diyos
May iba't ibang lengguwahe

Ako
Ang tagakuha ng letrato
Sino ba ako?
Miyembro ng isang pamilya
Estudyante, kapatid, anak, pinsan, pamangkin, kaklase, kalahi
Tagasulat ng tula na ito
Tagakuwento ng mga nakalimutan at  makakalimutan
Tagapagmahal ng mga taong pwedeng mahalin

Minsan ay katahimikan ang sagot
Sa kamatayan
Sa pagkakasakit
Sa away pamilya

Magtimpi
Subukan **** maging gabi
Puno ng ilaw ng buwan
Puno ng lumbay ng kuliglig

Gagawa Ang Diyos ng paraan
At Ang gabi ay magiging bagong umaga
Sinasayawan ng bulaklak ng buhay
Binubuhay Ang matatabang gulay

Maghintay lang ng sandali
At maibubukas mo rin ang iyong bibig
At aagos mula sa iyong looban
Kung ano ang dapat sabihin

Kung ano ang tamang sabihin

Make noise!
Let the night know
That you are alive
That you are worth listening to

No need to wait
This is the right moment
These are the right words
Say them with all your heart

May you be morning's great champion
The angel in the desert of thought
The bright morning star
In the darkness of everyday

Say it to their faces!
You are right! You are never wrong!
You have the intelligence of saints
You have the power of lions

Let them know who you are
That you are master of your life
And of others' lives
Your opinions are great

You may win or lose
It doesn't matter
Nothing matters
What matters is the action

What matters is the action

I have time to waste
                                I'm losing everything
I'm throwing it all away
                                 I'll put it all in a basket
I deserve to be loved
I am loved
                                  Throw me away
                                  Forget about me
Electricity runs through my body
Filling me with intense joy
                                  I ***** everything
                                  I burn like wood
My family is television perfect
                                  I hate them all.
                                  May ******* them
Music is my only solace
Her synthesizers fill me with peace
Her voice has the strength of prophets
                               Useless.
                               Hysterical and useless
                               It's Electric dysentery
Please take me.
Take me to a place between Salvation and Nirvana
That's all I ask of you
                                 Leave me alone
                                 Throw me to hell
                                 Let me be reborn

I had a friend who wanted an ordinary life
No shining medals, no fancy degrees, no huge salaries
Just being able to float in the sea of "Just enough"

"What's your idea of a good day?" I asked
"One were I have water, food, and am not bleeding" she replied
I was amused but repulsed at the same time

Still she was a good friend
Her kindness made you believe in angels
That heaven is somehow within reach

I wanted something different
I wanted the stars in my eyes
I wanted everyday to be novels in character

She died a few years ago.
Something was wrong with her liver
She wasn't able to finish college

At the funeral I asked her brother
What was her last words?
What was her life all about?

And he replied
"She said "Scatter my ashes in the sea. Don't grieve but forget about me'"

A chill ran down my spine

There is a rush hour
In the city of my heart
Here people see
Each other as competition
And every dead bird or dark alley
Is a harbinger, a premonition.
Everything comes at the wrong hour
Taxis, jeeps, the tired faces
Heading towards tired places
Deep inside is the insidious machine
The three headed dog, the selfish gene
The one who denies death
The one who craves
And the one who slaves for his breath

There is a rush hour that never stops
An endless coming and going
Trapped inside the gaze of the cyclops
Where there is no wine for soothing
Here, the destination is what matters
The journey is a waste of time
You wait until everyone scatters
And every attempt at rest is a crime

Blood goes round and round
Inside my heart there's a great sound

I am a flower quickly fading
Constantly lost, constantly aching

What does God want from me?
I exist like a stone, a failure to be

Falling from heaven to the ground
With no real thoughts, a devil's playground

I eat alone in cafeterias forgotten
Wearing old clothes, loose cotton

What's left of me is dull pain
A rotting cancer of the brain

I try to walk and exist in truth
And drink pharmaceuticals to sooth

The burning feeling in my body
While I waste away my money

What will tomorrow bring?
Will the birds once again sing?

Will I be able to lift myself?
And find a place in the world's shelf?

Do not enter. Leave this place
And please do not remember my face

At pinaligiran ko ang sarili
Ng mga tula't kantang mabulaklak
Upang makalimot

At naligo ako sa ulan
Balot sa paborito kong damit
Para makawala

Kahapon, sinubukan
kong yakapin ang aking anino
At halikan ang mga kaibigang kathang isip

Kahapon, sinunog ko
Ang aking mga tula't
Itinapon ang mga sulat ng aking girlfriend

Tunay nga na ako'y walang kuwenta
Walang patutunguhan
At walang maaasahan
Sisisid ako sa dagat ng aking imahinasyon
At sa ilalim ng mga tulay iiglip

She lived in a town without sunrises and sunsets
Where beauty is erased from the houses and offices


All infrastructure is devoted to might and prosperity
All activity, a collapsing dream, a fading memory


Her skin was translucent, letting in harsh light
Tadpoles multiplied in her garden, frogs had their feasts


Quietly, quietly, quietly. Making sure not to disturb the predators
The dogs and the cats pass them by without a glance


Theodora had a dream. An ambition or a vision?
In this town it makes no difference. 


Everything is set to collapse into a black hole

I dragged my dying body up the hill and watched helplessly as it loses its power. Tears of blood flowed down my cheeks. My muscles weak, my body drenched in blood.  Why did I do to deserve this? Wasn't all my effort enough? I remember the words of my mother. Her sweet voice making my body tremble. I remember my aunts and uncles and their praises. I reached the summit but at what cost? In the sky, vultures circle around me, waiting for me to let go of the dying body. Should I let them have it? I'm close to the castle. Maybe I still have time? Maybe I still have energy? Maybe it was all for nothing? I collapse. I embrace the dying body and surrender to my fate. Should I smile like Sisyphus? Or sacrifice everything like Abraham?


My eyes open. I lost consciousness. I lost consciousness and am now awake. The body already cold in my arms. I had a dream. Men and women in white dancing. Sunflowers around a road. Archangels with golden hair blowing trumpets throughout a promised land. But my body is dead. I shall let it go and go to the next town. I shall bury it in a shallow grave and let the elements run their course

She found herself
In the face of oblivion
The absurd crawling
Around her neck

She chose to venture
Like a servant risking
Her one talent
To obtain the heavens

"Will it come to nothing?"
She asks her God
"Is it all a mistake?"
She repeats to herself

But despite the uncertainty
A jewel of truth
Impressed itself in
The armor of her soul

In the gnashing winds
She found herself
In the eye of the storm where
She found her self

The house she grew up in
Is written in her heart
A decaying castle in EDSA
Separated from others
By the torrents of the road

The orange glow of its afternoons
Is the glow of her mind and body
Its rooms replicated in the way she talks
She moves and makes friends

Like the triune God
Which emanates from who?
Theodora or the house?

My heart shakes like a flame. Always rapacious, never still.
My brain is the ocean, always waving, never filled
In my body they're never at peace, always trying to ruin the other
My soul are roots that reach down to my being's ether
That being? A child scared, without his mother

Before we meet
I'd like to send parting gifts.
To my mother,  
To my grey dog,
To the sparkling sea,
To the brown eyed woman,
To my guardian angels,
I'd like to journey
Into the heart of their being
And get drunk in celebration
Then letting it all fade to black

To keep silent is beautiful
Just look at the lilies

And the birds of the air
As they hover over cities

What is there to be said
That hasn't been before?

Who is there to listen
Who hasn't heard more?

We might discover something
That can offer salvation

To our hungry souls
That weary laceration

Or we might end up doing
Something for creation

And to start again
A wild migration

Or we could just walk
In gardens with cups of tea

Pet the stray cats
In the back alley

Watch the seagulls
As they touch the sea

Give water and sugar
To a tired bee

I do not know why
But I believe we'll find purpose

In living in silence
Outside of the circus

Silence wanted me
I had many things to say
So I left my poems
At the edge of the river
Let water swallow
My empty creations so
Silence would win over me

I know, I know, I am nobody
I am not worth remembering
I am wasting your time, I'm sorry

But I just want to try to be
Someone worth something
Like some sort of celebrity

I am no master like Keats
Or Basquiat or Mccartney
Or a philosopher of Greece

I am just a half Man half
Wolf parasite From the city
Who others pick and laugh

At. But I hope that in my poetry
I may become more than human
Something lovely like a rosary

Or magnificent like strawberries
With the redness of life blood
With the life force of eddies

I just want to outlive my flesh
Be remembered by some descendant
Live my life afresh

I want my poems to flood
The plains of their soul
And travel through their blood

Or be a lighthouse in the wild sea
That life offers them and be
A guide to the safe shore of creativity

Or be the lullaby as they sleep
Through the night of uncertainty
And give them dreams deep.

But as things stand, all things falls apart
And I can't even find comfort
In the traces of my art

So I take what's left of myself
Walk through the woods of my life
And find rest in the universe's shelf

I'm writing a poem for you
So that I could exist again
For a short time anew

So that I could share my heart
Fingers blossoming red
With the blood of my art

Read it on the mountainside
Or by the sea, or in the desert
As if I have not died

And sing it to the people
So that I could be heard
In their souls and let it ripple

Or keep it to yourself
It doesn't matter. Put it
In the notebook on your shelf

Take it out from time to time
To amuse yourself for old time's sake
With my simple rhyme.

All I want do is to touch
You from beyond this existence
Because I love you so much

This is the only way I know
Words I wrote on a screen
I have no other skills to show

To live is to choose
One self over another
Aiming for the peak
Only to reach a dark cave
Die. My back towards the sun

If I die today
Not much in the world would change
A clump of cells gone,
Dreams extinguished, Love dissolved
Bookshelves left to rot.
Loved ones crying will move on
God knows where I'd be
Might as well take it easy
And enjoy what's left of me

I'll try walking tonight
In the forest
Without A flashlight
Without any fire
Let the soft moonlight,
The sound of the wind,
The wave of the trees
Be My guide
Let me hear the hoot
Of the owls
The dance of cicadas
See the fireflies
In all its purity

That I may find
Another way
Of being
In the darkness
My body devoured
Without the glory
It had in daylight
The skills useful
During the day
Found useless
Taking the risk
Of a lifetime
To feel a truth
A truth to be
Found only
In the night

I want to be
Found by God
Like a child
Outside the house
For the first time
I shall be
A philosopher who
Rejects reason
But loves unknowing
I shall be the poet
Who revels
In the dark of metaphor
Without interpretation
Or like a saint
Without trust
In the senses

There is a chance
I may get lost
In the forest
Or meet
A fatal injury
Like those who live
In the slopes of volcanoes
I will take the chance
For the sake
Of understanding
For the sake
Of my...

An abandoned ship
Approaches a lifeless isle
Old and filled with rust
A man walks across the town
Cries, having lost everything

Maubos nawa ang aking sarili
Maging parang hangin at liparin
Maging kristal na sumasalamin
Sa sansinukob, sa mukha ng ibang tao

Ako naway maging tubig
Na kasing hugis ng nilalagyan
Na dumadaloy sa utos ng Diyos
Nagbibigay buhay sa lahat ng nilalang

There bloomed a flower
In the middle of a storm
And perished quickly
A young poet near death writes
An ode to the One he loves

May trahedya na kumakapit
Sa aking katawan
Ayaw akong bitawan
Hindi ko magawang kalimutan
Kalunos lunos
Parang hayop na hindi
Makahanap ng tubig
At nakahandusay
Sa kanyang ina.

May trahedya na kumakapit
Sa aking katawan
Pinagtatawanan ang aking
Pagsusumikap.
Iniinsulto ang aking ngiti
Nagdudulot ng tagtuyot
Sa sanlibutan ng aking
Kaluluwa

May trahedya na kumakapit
Sa aking katawan
Nagtatago sa aking kuwarto
At lumalabas sa sarili niyang oras
May sariling bibliya na naglalaman
Ng kasinungalingan at kahayupan

May trahedya na kumakapit
Sa aking katawan
Unti-unti akong pinapalitan
Inoorasan, hinuhusgahan
Sinisiklaban ang aking
Mga panaginip

May trahedya na kumakapit
Sa aking katawan
Naglalayag sa dagat ng itim na araw
Pinipilipit ang aking mga laman loob
At pumpatay ng mga inosente

May trahedya na kumakapit
Say aking katawan
Pinipilit kong pakainin
Patahimikin, pagurin
Ngunit hindi magawang
Kaibiganin

Hindi ko tinatanggap
Ang aking katawan
Hindi ko tinatanggap
Ang aking isipan

Panginoon, ibalik mo ako
Sa loob ng aking ina
At muling buoin
Buoin ng tama

Hindi ko naiintindihan
Ang mundong ginagalawan
Hindi ko naiintindihan
Ang sayaw ng magkasintahan

Panginoon, bigyan mo ako
Ng bagong pagkakataon
Na mabuhay ng matiwasay
Na makasabay sa mga alon

Hindi ko maiwasan
Na umiyak sa kalye
Hindi ko maiwasan
Na manalangin ng mali

Panginoon, bigyan mo ako
Ng tahanan
Kung saan ako'y mabubuhay
Sa aking katotohanan

The shapes of my mind
Like bright eyed lovers who waste
Their one chance at joy
Trapped on the spinning Earth's crust
Tearing themselves for strangers

To write a poem properly
That is my dream
But I can't even
Remove my mask
I don't even dare
To think quietly

All my poetry is failure
Spies that pretend
To be activists
A violent movement
A laceration
That bleeds black bile

Violence circle my mind
Like vultures around corpses
The sky is touched
By the redness of my cheeks
And I end up crying
Until night comes

What remains of my poems
Are dead organs
Words that fail at being words
Mouthful gibberish
What's left of my tears?
Acid rain

I sit in agony by the river in a garden where the plants have grown wild. The gardener died many years back and I am left to take care of his work. I don't know how to care for plants, I only know how to see beauty in violet tufts and green leaves.

But this afternoon I sit in agony. The sun is black, the clouds have disappeared. The birds do not sing their song. I have my notebook with me but I have no poems to write. The river tells me nothing but gives a violent stare. I sense failure. I sense timidity. I sense that the flowers don't like me.

Last week, I invited a friend to come with me. I wanted her to see my world, the colors of my existence. She smiled at me, the menacing smile of a trickster then walked away. Like a saint I accepted her word and went alone.

When I'm in the garden I hallucinate lovers. I hallucinate songs and poetry. There is no time when the hallucinations fail to fill me up even now when I am in agony.  

Right now I hallucinate a woman in red by my side. She kisses me, I kiss her feet, we play with the statues as the sun goes down. She is wide eyed, has black hair and thin lips. She calls me my favourite names. But she causes me agony. She is made up of memories, of fallen fruit, of black snow. But I made a commitment so I play and play and play.

As the sun disappears and the river roars, I see that it is time to leave. What's left of my hallucinations is a laceration. What's left of my mind are fallen fruits.

In this pandemic
I will wait in agony
In feigned resilience
Until I touch your body
Dear daughter of dreams
Color of my existence
Before I collapse
And drown in wasteful daydreams
May you be my real
Not pixels but a warm face
Not boredom but love's embrace

Lay aside some time
To listen to your body
Let your senses rave
And dance under the sunshine
May your flesh be transcendent

In this wretched Earth
There is nothing to be gained
Nothing to dream of
Just wait for the stars to fall
And watch every face burn up