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3h · 63
Confused
Lela 3h
So I guess this is the end?
No more laying in your bed. No more kissing in the rain.
I can't even say your name.


I knew it would eventually end. But I didn't expect it would take this turn.
I'm in pain and I am hurt.
I completely lost myself.
I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid I won't get through.

This is scary, this is sad.
I know it's not possible, but I want you back.
Yeah, we used to fight a lot.
But I always knew what's wrong.
Now you left me so confused.

Was it me or was it you?
Lela 2d
He treats me like a princess. He makes me feel safe.
Whenever I call his name I know he'll be right there.
He says I'm the prettiest of them all. He says he'd do anything to keep me warm.
I know I can trust him enough to tell him about my darkest parts.
I know he's the one for me. I know  he would never hurt me.
He's literally perfect. In every way shape or form.




But you're the one I love.
You just got that THING in you and I can't get enough of it.
5d · 145
JUST TOXIC
Lela 5d
We're so toxic
Yet so good
We do everything we shouldn't do
We make the rules
And then we break them

So much love
But so much anger
We do everything we shouldn't do
We're not meant to be and we both know it's true

But yet we're here
Still going strong
Making each other feel so low

We should've ended this so many times
But being apart hurts even more
Than just pure hatred
Lela 7d
Why do I keep trying so ******* hard to change you
I'm not the one who made you
I can't pull all your parts out and put them in the correct place
I can't teach you how to hurt me less
I thought that I could fix you with my love
You made me think I'm the one who should fix all your flaws
Jan 6 · 400
Kiss me
Lela Jan 6
I'm home, I miss you and I really want to kiss you
But If I come to think of it, it's not a want, it's a need
Lela Jan 4
My heart has been yours since the day we met
You took it by storm, I had no time to protect it
I loved you with every single bone in my body
You told me we're fine, you told me not to worry

I knew I should've run
Should've left as soon as it hit me
That you'll never change, even for me

I still hope we'll be fine, just as you promised
But I'm tired of hearing your screams when I'm just being honest

I loved you with every bone in my body
And believe me when I say I tried not to worry

But I have this question stuck in my head
"How much a heart can hold before it breaks?"
I really like this one, hope you'll like it too.
Lela Jan 3
Flowers will grow faster than ever
I will finally appriciate the weather
The wind won't call  your name

I will be happy and I will smile
I'll catch up with my friends because I haven't seen them in a while
The series we used to watch together will make me bored, so I'll turn it off and listen to the playlist I didn't get to send you

Everything will be alright
I will want to live my life
Everything won't be so gray
I will even forget your name

I WILL be happy and I WILL smile

I just need to stop loving you. I need to forget your eyes.
Jan 1 · 28
I'll catch you
Lela Jan 1
I wanted to help, and you know that I did
But you wouldn't let me in
You just wouldn't open up
You didn't want me to break your heart.

Or maybe that was to protect me?
Hide me somewhere your demons won't bite
But if you're falling, just know i'll catch you
I'm not afraid, even of your darkest parts
Lela Dec 2019
It's just the fact that I can't listen to sad songs anymore
You took that away from me

And I couldn't be more happy about it
I lost music but now I have you
Lela Dec 2019
I'm sorry
It's hard
It's hard for you to keep me alive

I'm sorry
I know
I know that you don't want to leave me alone

I'm sorry
Don't call
Don't call me to tell me you'll stay with me through it all

I'm sorry
Just leave
Just leave me to die alone in the dark

I'm sorry
Goodbye
Goodbye to you, the love of my life
Forget about me and move on
Dec 2019 · 46
Call me back, please
Lela Dec 2019
It's been a while since we last talked
How have you been? Do you stay hydrated and smile a lot?
I've heard she makes you smile more than I ever did
I'm really glad you found someone better than me

Okay, I won't bother you anymore
You don't have to pick up the phone
Don't call me back, even block my number if you want

Just know that I'm here
Even if that's a bad thing
It's hard but I know I hurt you. It's a good thing that you forgot about me.
Dec 2019 · 36
Our struggles
Lela Dec 2019
Our love was not the one at first sight as it is in books
At first we hated each other but one conversation was all it took to get me intedrestet in who you are
We talked and we talked and we talked and talked
We grew strong togheter, made each other feel loved,
We worked and we worked we worked and worked
Hard work is not always worth it though

So glad it paid out
Best reward in the whole world
We made this relationship perfect
Dec 2019 · 134
Tough decision
Lela Dec 2019
This is going to be so hard for me but I know it's the right thing to do
It's time to cut you off and let myself be me and let you be you
I wanted to be your last
I wanted our relationship to last
Guess forever doesn't mean anything
Dec 2019 · 74
Both of us
Lela Dec 2019
This world was not made for both of us
And I finally realized that we can't just cut off each other's wings all the time
One will have to say goodbye


I hope it's  not going to be me
Dec 2019 · 123
Bottled up tears.
Lela Dec 2019
I want to cry but I don't have any tears left.
I bottled them on and sent them to you hoping you would also shed a tear or two.
Lela Dec 2019
I'm too tired to think about the concequences of my actions
i don't really care about anything or anyone anymore and i don't know if that's a good or as bad thing if I'm being complety honest.

I used to be such a stupid person - caring about everyone hoping I would get the same thing back.
Knowing that I won't but still believing.
So foolish of me to think that anyone would care about me.

But it's all clear to me now
And I've understood that the best way to hide your feelings is to not have them at all.
Dec 2019 · 28
It's your fault
Lela Dec 2019
This is the lowest I have ever been
And it hurts me so bad to think that you're the one who dragged me here
You are the one responsible for my pain
You are the one who should suffer the most
You don't even deserve to hear my voice

You are what caused all of this.
#love #pain #hurt #broken #fault
Dec 2019 · 58
Too good to be true
Lela Dec 2019
Our relationship was too good to be true and I've finally realized that.
You broke the way I see the world with your sweet nothings hugs and love.
I focused on you and only on you, forgetting to have other friends
You were my rock, you were my star
Now it's hard for me to build a relationship with anyone else

You were too good to be true
Hope you'll come back to the fairyland you came from.
For now leave me alone.
Dec 2019 · 36
Second choice
Lela Dec 2019
People say they hate being the second choice
Because it makes them feel less important
more of an afterthought

But I
cry myself to sleep every night
thinking about what's wrong with me
Wishing for anyone to even consider me as an option.
Dec 2019 · 51
Today I am mad
Lela Dec 2019
It makes me sick that you've made me write so many poems about you

And they're not even good
It's just expressing how mad I am at you
Dec 2019 · 92
You're like a book
Lela Dec 2019
You're like a 1000 pages long book to me
And you won't even let me see what you keep
I want to open you up and study your feelings all day and all night
But I guess you're more like a diary
Or maybe that's what you want me to think
maybe you don't trust me enough
Maybe you don't want me to get scared and run


Please just let me see
I can be your next chapter that's not so mean
Maybe I can help you with your story
Please, don't even worry
Because, you see
I love reading And I'll keep your secrets in my private library
Dec 2019 · 71
She
Lela Dec 2019
She
I guess I'll never be okay
with the way you look at her
With the way you touch her skin
With the way she makes you feel
And it makes me sick inside
When I think that you'll never be mine
Because we both know it's true

But you're happy
And she makes you smile
And that's all I care about
I guess I'm happy for you
Dec 2019 · 103
I miss the way you Lied
Lela Dec 2019
You said that you cared
Guess that was a lie
So mad at myself for going back to the moment you told me you’re mine
Dec 2019 · 47
Why do I do that
Lela Dec 2019
Why the **** do you keep hurting yourself?
You know the consequences, you know you’ll be in pain.
Why do you still crave that piece of happiness that will last less than a blink? I genuinely do not understand how someone can be so stupid.
So selfish! You only think about the present you, forgetting about the pain that your future self will feel.
I love hurting myself apparently
Lela Dec 2019
I guess I was okay when the pain felt good
I got used to getting used, used to getting choked
And you’ve changed the way I am
You taught me how to get used to the pain
And I hate to say
It feels awful, but I’m too scared to run away


It hurts to love you
But letting you go would hurt more
I dont even know
Dec 2019 · 91
Im stupid
Lela Dec 2019
Honestly, *******
I know I'd be better without you
You're just breaking my heart,
and the worst part is
I knew it would be like this from the start
Honestly Im just mad, so its not even decent, I  just want these thoughts out of my mind
Lela Dec 2019
It's time I understand  you're not worthy of my love
And I need to let you go
And and the funniest thing is
You won't even remember they way we kiss
And unfortunately for me
I'll take this moment to my grave.
Honestly go to hell
Dec 2019 · 196
You dont love me
Lela Dec 2019
I'll put it in the simplest way possible
I am
Deeply
In love

With you
But without you
Dec 2019 · 64
Who cares? I guess I do
Lela Dec 2019
So many lyrics running through my head, but why do I even try when I know nobody cares?

I mean, I kinda know why I haven't given up yet.
It's because the hope that's in my heart still holds my hand.

At this point I'm surprised I still even have hope.
My brain has failed but the beating in my chest says enough.
I keep trying. I really do.
Dec 2019 · 69
I'm really trying
Lela Dec 2019
The world ***** but I'll stay by your side as I promised when you said you want to be forever mine.
Just know that I'm really trying not to give up,
The love you give me - I hope it's enough for me to wake up
because you're the only reason I still even try, and I'm sorry I'm so hard to be kept alive
Loving me isn't easy, I hope you won't leave me. I'm trying to not be sick anymore because it's hard for both of us but we both know it doesn't work like this
Dec 2019 · 147
Love songs
Lela Dec 2019
And as the wind blows through my hair I hear your voice calling my name.
I walk down the road we used to go together and I listen to the playlist you made me to feel better.
Every song I hear reminds me of you. Every word that goes into my ear makes my heart break in two.

It hurts to have both of my headphones singing me songs that we used to listen to, so I take one out and imagine you're sitting next to me and taking it, while I get closer to you.

The wind blows gently on my nose.
I don't want to hear your voice.
I can't even listen to sad songs anymore
Lela Nov 2019
My problem is that I stick to things that make me smile
Just for a while
Just for a minute
One breath of fresh air
One decent memory and I'm already lost inside those things
or poeple
Mostly people if i come to think of it

I cling to people who I think I need
But turns out I really don't need them as much as I think
But I tell mysef that they help me to grow and spread my wings and teach me to just go with the flow
They take me high
But then there's the fall

Honey
They don't help you grow
They make you feel high
They make you smile


But drugs aren't good for you my darling
You'll get addicted
And those ******* falls...
They already make you feel so low

Why do you crave a second of happiness even though you know that later you'll regret it all?
I really am addicted to moments that I'll regret later
Nov 2019 · 143
So selfish of you.
Lela Nov 2019
You made me yours.
But you don't want to be mine
You waste all my time by telling me lies
Where is this love you say you have for me?
Do you really want me to get on my knees and dig to find it?
Do you want me to travel the world?
Do you want me to study all the books that my library owns?
Do I really need to beg you to need me?

Stop lying.
Just tell me that you don't care so I can get up and leave.

Who am I even kidding right now?
YOU made me YOURS
But you'll never be mine
Honestly fuvk you for giving me fake hope
Jun 2019 · 119
Everyday
Lela Jun 2019
The sunlight wakes me up at 10 am, but I’m not even thinking about getting out of bed

It’s just seems so distant, impossible to reach
I know I sound dumb but it ain’t easy for me

Something keeps me nailed to this bed
I can’t move my limbs, I’m ashamed of myself

This has to end now, I can’t live this way
I lie to myself like this
Every
Single
Day
Getting out of bed should be easy but it’s not.
Lela May 2019
You are the light of my life
My morning sun and my evening moon
I want to reach you and stay by your side
Too bad you’re just “not in the mood”
Too bad “you have better things to do”
Because the only thing I do
is think of you

I dream
of you thinking about me too
Sometimes we want to be cared about by the wrong person
May 2019 · 84
Anxiety
Lela May 2019
The more steps I take the more I lose my breath
I try to run but I can’t escape
It’s getting closer I think it’s too late


It caught  me again

My heart starts pounding
My hands start shaking
Nobody can hear me
Nobody can help me
Apr 2019 · 335
No thank you
Lela Apr 2019
You see
that’s the problem with me being myself
I don’t want to
Because if I already annoy myself so much
How selfish of me to torture others?
Apr 2019 · 141
Wait for me
Lela Apr 2019
A year went by
In what feels like a day

My hands are still cold
Soul I don’t know where

You’re still by my side
In What feels like nowhere

I’m glad you’re alright
I still have to get there
I’m really happy to see you smile but please wait for me I’ll get to you in a moment
Apr 2019 · 247
I’m sorry
Lela Apr 2019
I’m sorry
I can’t help you
I tried
Can’t get through
Apr 2019 · 95
Why am I like this
Lela Apr 2019
I have so many things I want to do
So many things I want to get through

I want to travel around the world
Do what I want and what I love

So many wants so many needs
I really want to be someone big

But yet still I’m laying in my bed
incapable of getting up and starting a new day
My mental health is holding me back and I hate it
Mar 2019 · 180
Help me
Lela Mar 2019
My heart’s so empty
My life’s so dull
My head’s still hurting
My soul’s been through

I don’t feel a thing
Even the pain
Is it a good or a bad thing?

Don’t know what to do
Lost in my own world
Can someone save me?
I’m about to drown
I don't know anymore
Mar 2019 · 83
You're a part of me
Lela Mar 2019
I hate you
But you're a part of me and I don't know what to do

I love you
But you don't make me feel good

I want to leave you behind
And stay strong by myself for once

It's been 6 years
Please give me a chance
Don't know if I would be happy to see you go
#ed
Mar 2019 · 49
I needed you
Lela Mar 2019
With tears in my eyes I begged you to stay
stay by my side for how long it will take

take me to get on my own feet
and hold my head high

but all you did was walk away without a goodbye
I wish I was mad at you but I just can't
Mar 2019 · 118
I still think of you
Lela Mar 2019
Even tho things did not end up well
I still go back to the moments we shared
If I could I would go back in time
and fix what was broken in between us

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you
you deserved better, and now you do what you said you would do

By this I mean that you're happy without me
I'm glad you're smiling, even if it's not caused by me.
Mar 2019 · 392
Hello Spring
Lela Mar 2019
When the sun hits my window at 6 am
Flowers grow
Birds fly in the air
when I don’t need to borrow his jacket no more
Sweet and soft songs start hitting me slow

Long time no see spring, make yourself at home.
I’m so happy that it’s starting to get warm again :)
Mar 2019 · 207
Your smile
Lela Mar 2019
I saw you smile today, and boy I have to say
that your smile could be mine if you'd let me stay inside for a while

Cuz your smile makes my life turn from gray
to even slightly better than okay

Butterflies when from my tummy to my head
and I don't know if that's okay
but let me in and I'll try my best
to make you smile more than once or twice a day.
:)))))) kind of silly but why not
Mar 2019 · 46
My sun
Lela Mar 2019
I know my head is messed up, and honey I’m so sorry for that
I’m sorry you have to see me that way, that’s why I’m going to say what I have to say.

Even tho my life *****
Depression could leave me for once
Tears could crawl back into my eyes
And anxiety could just stop

You make me feel like I’m worth something I’m not
And I cannot thank you enough for everything that you’ve done
without even knowing you’re saving my life
Just know that you’re my sun
I love you to the moon and back
Thank you for always being there for me when I need you
Mar 2019 · 222
Too young
Lela Mar 2019
They say I’m too young to feel that way
They say that there’s no way I’ve ever felt pain
But what am I supposed to say, when I feel that way everyday?

I guess I’ll see how it is
But for now, I’m still missing a piece
Of myself

For now I’m still hurting
With no one to comfort me

But I guess I’m okay
That’s... what they say
You’re never too young to feel pain

— The End —