I am so mad that I have to live in a world where
**** jokes are funny
catcalling is normal
touching with no permission is not a big deal
and where boys complain that they have to ask for consent

I just feel dizy
Where all the time go
Nothing is logical and I've lot the sense of purpose
And even though
I'm still a human
My body makes me feel like I'm just a reject
Reject of stars
Reject of life
Nothing  is logical and I've lost the sense of purpose
My body's flying
But I stay put down
Is this really the end of my existance?

When the sun hits my window at 6 am
Flowers grow
Birds fly in the air
when I don’t need to borrow his jacket no more
Sweet and soft songs start hitting me slow

Long time no see spring, make yourself at home.

This is just pure madness.
He's the one I should love.
You'll break my heart and I know this!
I knew about it from the start.

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm feeling is happiness or just being less sad
Because I forgot what happy means
It's like happiness is my uncle that I see only once a year on christmas and I only say hi because I'm to scared to star a conversation because I wouldn't know what to talk about

How do I talk to a person I have nothing in common with and
why am I supposed to be the one to start the conversation?

I can't wrap my head around the fact that some poeple are mentally stable and just go about their day when they wake up without crying after the alarm rings
Why can't I be one of them?

When I was younger my parents would read me stories about magic and fairies. They told me it's not real but I still wanted to believe.
Now when people tell me it's going to get better I just stuff these words where the memories of me wanting to be a fairy are

Far away
Because I am no longer a child
and I don't believe in something that doesn't exist

I’m sorry
I can’t help you
I tried
Can’t get through

They say I’m too young to feel that way
They say that there’s no way I’ve ever felt pain
But what am I supposed to say, when I feel that way everyday?

I guess I’ll see how it is
But for now, I’m still missing a piece
Of myself

For now I’m still hurting
With no one to comfort me

But I guess I’m okay
That’s... what they say

I saw you smile today, and boy I have to say
that your smile could be mine if you'd let me stay inside for a while

Cuz your smile makes my life turn from gray
to even slightly better than okay

Butterflies when from my tummy to my head
and I don't know if that's okay
but let me in and I'll try my best
to make you smile more than once or twice a day.

The sunlight wakes me up at 10 am, but I’m not even thinking about getting out of bed

It’s just seems so distant, impossible to reach
I know I sound dumb but it ain’t easy for me

Something keeps me nailed to this bed
I can’t move my limbs, I’m ashamed of myself

This has to end now, I can’t live this way
I lie to myself like this
Every
Single
Day

My heart’s so empty
My life’s so dull
My head’s still hurting
My soul’s been through

I don’t feel a thing
Even the pain
Is it a good or a bad thing?

Don’t know what to do
Lost in my own world
Can someone save me?
I’m about to drown

The more steps I take the more I lose my breath
I try to run but I can’t escape
It’s getting closer I think it’s too late


It caught  me again

My heart starts pounding
My hands start shaking
Nobody can hear me
Nobody can help me

It's just the fact that I can't listen to sad songs anymore
You took that away from me

And I couldn't be more happy about it

And as the wind blows through my hair I hear your voice calling my name.
I walk down the road we used to go together and I listen to the playlist you made me to feel better.
Every song I hear reminds me of you. Every word that goes into my ear makes my heart break in two.

It hurts to have both of my headphones singing me songs that we used to listen to, so I take one out and imagine you're sitting next to me and taking it, while I get closer to you.

The wind blows gently on my nose.
I don't want to hear your voice.

You made me yours.
But you don't want to be mine
You waste all my time by telling me lies
Where is this love you say you have for me?
Do you really want me to get on my knees and dig to find it?
Do you want me to travel the world?
Do you want me to study all the books that my library owns?
Do I really need to beg you to need me?

Stop lying.
Just tell me that you don't care so I can get up and leave.

Who am I even kidding right now?
YOU made me YOURS
But you'll never be mine

A year went by
In what feels like a day

My hands are still cold
Soul I don’t know where

You’re still by my side
In What feels like nowhere

I’m glad you’re alright
I still have to get there

I want to cry but I don't have any tears left.
I bottled them on and sent them to you hoping you would also shed a tear or two.

This is going to be so hard for me but I know it's the right thing to do
It's time to cut you off and let myself be me and let you be you
I wanted to be your last
I wanted our relationship to last
Guess forever doesn't mean anything

Even tho things did not end up well
I still go back to the moments we shared
If I could I would go back in time
and fix what was broken in between us

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you
you deserved better, and now you do what you said you would do

By this I mean that you're happy without me
I'm glad you're smiling, even if it's not caused by me.

Honestly, *******
I know I'd be better without you
You're just breaking my heart,
and the worst part is
I knew it would be like this from the start

I hate you
But you're a part of me and I don't know what to do

I love you
But you don't make me feel good

I want to leave you behind
And stay strong by myself for once

It's been 6 years
Please give me a chance

I want to grow old to see how my life will evolve
But at the same time I want to die young so I dont have to look back and wonder how my life would've turnt out if I did the things I never had the courage to do
I want my grandkids to be interested in all the stories I tell
But what If i won't have any?

If I died today, what would I be remebered by?
As the girl who never looked back or a girl who did everything she felt was right?

With tears in my eyes I begged you to stay
stay by my side for how long it will take

take me to get on my own feet
and hold my head high

but all you did was walk away without a goodbye

Sometimes I wish I was living in a big glass house
With no furniture
Just me and my glass house

I wish it was placed in a big forest
With just trees around
Just me, my glass house and a big forest

I wish nobody would visit me
Because I want to be alone
Because I’m tired of being lonely
Just me, my glass house and a big forest
Alone

I wish to die in my glass house
Surrounded by trees
Alone
So nobody could mourn my death

Isn't it sad that we're so broken inside that we're suspicious of everything that makes us happy?

Our relationship was too good to be true and I've finally realized that.
You broke the way I see the world with your sweet nothings hugs and love.
I focused on you and only on you, forgetting to have other friends
You were my rock, you were my star
Now it's hard for me to build a relationship with anyone else

You were too good to be true
Hope you'll come back to the fairyland you came from.
For now leave me alone.

I laugh once
And everyone thinks I'm happy
I have a good day
And everyone thinks I'm okay
I don't cry for one night
And everyone thinks I'm alright

There is a big difference
Between being happy
And being discracted form your sadness

Sometimes you find a person and you immedlately click.
You think it's for life.
They tell you they won't leave you, that they love you, so you just ignore all the times when they hurt you. You think they're using you, but that's just how relationships work, right?
They make you feel so low. You start to think that there must be something wrong with you, that it's YOUR fault.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it's not. Nothing is your fault. You tried, but you can't keep trying to fix a person that just doesn't want to get fixed. You deserve better than to be treated like you're worth nothing. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are. All your flaws. All your mistakes. That person will make you feel safe. And you won't need to beg on your knees to get a little bit of love.

You deserve  to be happy.

If you were to die today the clouds won't turn grey
The news won't mourn your death
Nothing will happen to the book store you love
And "The night we met" still will be our favourite song

Only a few people will notice you're gone
My brother will still travel to Paris in a few years if he passes his exam
Nothing will really change that much
Everyone will forget your touch


BUT MY clouds will start to rain
MY BRAIN will always mourn your name
'The night we met" will make ME CRY
And the book store you love will shut down IN MY mind

I'M THE ONE who's world will collapse
Who cares about others?
I only cared about YOUR TOUCH

You were my world
Now I don't want to live on this planet anymore

I guess I'll never be okay
with the way you look at her
With the way you touch her skin
With the way she makes you feel
And it makes me sick inside
When I think that you'll never be mine
Because we both know it's true

But you're happy
And she makes you smile
And that's all I care about

This world was not made for both of us
And I finally realized that we can't just cut off each other's wings all the time
One will have to say goodbye


I hope it's  not going to be me

I'm sorry
It's hard
It's hard for you to keep me alive

I'm sorry
I know
I know that you don't want to leave me alone

I'm sorry
Don't call
Don't call me to tell me you'll stay with me through it all

I'm sorry
Just leave
Just leave me to die alone in the dark

I'm sorry
Goodbye
Goodbye to you, the love of my life

I have so many things I want to do
So many things I want to get through

I want to travel around the world
Do what I want and what I love

So many wants so many needs
I really want to be someone big

But yet still I’m laying in my bed
incapable of getting up and starting a new day

You ignore me for days
And I start to go insane
I catch myself looking at my phone hoping you would text me way more than I should
I try to convince mysef that you're the bad guy and It's not my fault
But it's not that easy when I love you with all of my heart and soul

You don't appreciate me at all
You can't bother to pick up the phone
You hug me only when you need to feel loved
I start to think you don't even LIKE me at all

But wait, you get mad when I don't have the time?
When I'm too tired to kiss you goodbye?
When I put myself first, even  before you?

How dare you
I don't know why I let you call me your Boo

Because it’s not only “I want to **** myself”
Sometimes it’s so much more than that
Because saying that you want to **** yourself
Or to be
Dead
Is scary

Sometimes it may be sleeping way too much
Or eating less than you should
Or not caring about anything or anyone

Sometimes it’s the need to be alone even though you crave someone so badly
Or staring at a blank wall for an hour
Or not having enough tears left to cry

They say if you wanted to **** yourself you would just do it
But there still is a little bit of hope in my heart
I still believe than someone might help me
But I’m too afraid to ask

It’s so **** stupid
If I have literally nothing to lose
If my life is worth so little to me right now
Why don’t I just try

Its because my brain has already given up
But my heart’s still beating
And it won’t stop until my brain shuts it out

My heart has been yours since the day we met
You took it by storm, I had no time to protect it
I loved you with every single bone in my body
You told me we're fine, you told me not to worry

I knew I should've run
Should've left as soon as it hit me
That you'll never change, even for me

I still hope we'll be fine, just as you promised
But I'm tired of hearing your screams when I'm just being honest

I loved you with every bone in my body
And believe me when I say I tried not to worry

But I have this question stuck in my head
"How much a heart can hold before it breaks?"

I’m so sorry
You don’t deserve this
All you did was make me happy
You never hurt me

I’m so sorry I’m like this
But my life is messed up
I don’t want to drag you with me into the dark

You will never understand how sorry I am
And how much I miss you
But please, believe me, I did this to protect you

I love you
And I always will
I’ll never forget the way you made me feel

You made me so happy
Now I’m so sad
Because I no longer have you by my side

Someday you’ll understand that you’re better without me
And that all I did was hurt you with all of my sadness

I’m so sorry my demons got the best of me
I wanted to end this before I mess up so bad
That you’ll never want me back

I still hope one day we’ll end up together
Like in our plans
But I also want you to be with someone who will treat you better


I'm sick
And I’m sorry

I thought my ears will forever forget the sound of your voice
But accidents happen
And now I no longer know what to believe
I used to think that when the day we meet finally comes I will be scared shitless not knowing what to do

But I am calm now
Because when I think of the things you did to me I realise that you were just a lesson
A tough one, I must admit but I learned a lot
And I hope you did too

Farwell, old friend
This time for good
Because I no longer am your student

I'm too tired to think about the concequences of my actions
i don't really care about anything or anyone anymore and i don't know if that's a good or as bad thing if I'm being complety honest.

I used to be such a stupid person - caring about everyone hoping I would get the same thing back.
Knowing that I won't but still believing.
So foolish of me to think that anyone would care about me.

But it's all clear to me now
And I've understood that the best way to hide your feelings is to not have them at all.