The truth can set me free
But the lies make me quiver
And second-guess my feelings
Only to bruise me once more

This whole thing they call love
Is so unbearable
When I can't have you
Or call you mine
When all I need
Is a good reason
To continue on living

Hello heartache!
Here you are again
Please spare me the trouble
Of going to the dark side
Where I might not return
And give me the news:
Is it a happy ending
Or is my heart
Going to shatter
Into a million pieces?

This bright mind of mine
is ready to give it's all
and speak the absolute truth.

But you see,
it can't do that.
This mind sees road blocks
The size of Goliath
and runs away like a coward
back into town.
Why does a simple hello
feel like an idle journey
that I cannot complete?

What my mind says
and what my voice delivers
are two exact opposites;
they are distant planets
who despise each other
and have no intentions
of ever coming close.

It feels like everyday
my mind is at war
and I can't gel in these pieces of myself
unless my mind can conquer my voice
and create something endlessly beautiful.

You tell me not to leave once more
while I step right through the door
It must hurt to see me move on
To see what you did was wrong.

And I know we can't try anymore
We treat each other like we're four
If only you cared about me
I wouldn't have to be set free.

Your insults draw a thin line
But crying—that's anything but fine
You love to make things worse
Don't try to treat me like your first.

Stop the tears and sobbing
Everything you say, my head is throbbing
I must try my hardest to move on
To see what you did was wrong.

The feelings come and go
And I guess
I can't change the fact
That I have a problem
But how foolish is that?

I feel like a criminal
Without a guilty conscience
I took away your chance
At getting to know me
And I'm sorry for that
But I don't feel anything
Except what you want me
To feel.

I ******* up
Like I almost always do
By now it's engraved
Into my personal issues
And I want to cry on the inside
But I choose to awkwardly sit
And refrain from my emotions
And I'll never find out why that is.

I’m a civilized individual, I must admit,
Caved inside a privileged home where I
Live in solace; it’s hard
To complain about anything else
Living isn’t the same as living, and it pains me
Each day is never like the next
It took me years to hit my lowest, and somehow
I still function with this empty gas tank of motivation—
I’m the true face of an unwanted miracle.

I feel like Jimi Hendrix at his lowest,
After his high during Woodstock
I live in a world where expression
Is laughed at, casted off as batshit crazy—
Maybe this slump of mine is the great art project
That Andy Warhol never got to craft
Of course, he would never give this mess
The time of day; no one wants to see
A car crash of lost innocence
I should be out on a football field, people say,
Acting as defense, yet I can’t
Even defend my internal suffering
Life’s a ***** with those kind of things
To cover up and protect other people’s ugliness.


I would never want to do that; I’d rather slowly
**** myself ten feet away from a computer screen,
Reading the ****** judgements of the world
And understanding that I’m not the only one
Living a life of regrets and decisions.

Oh yes, life is a *****—
But it’s the most interesting ***** you’ll ever meet.

Hello, darling,
I see your coat is ready
To be put back up on the rack
I decided to marry you
And now I know why.

Tired, darling?
I want to make dinner for you,
A wine and dine for the two of us
I hate to see you this tired
After a long day.

What is it, darling?
I know there's something on your chest
So please, get it off for me
Were we made for each other
For you to break this news to me?

Okay, darling,
I'll fix some supper
This leg of lamb could fit you nice
Swung into the air with my hands
And onto the back of your head.

All right.
So I've killed him.

You strengthen my livelihood, make me shine
It's your smile, all I see in time
I'm paragliding into your heart
From your soul, every hug, every caress
My body burns with love and passion
The feeling lasts all through the day
I used to love only for my benefit
Now I love for two, crave for one
Baby, you've been the love of my life
Never really stopped
From the curl of every strand
To the peculiarity of your lovely body
I love it all, unconditionally
Everything grows in this vessel
I'd let you open every part
Vibrate every string, strike every chord
If you ever so wished to
Drive me happy, drive me mad
As long as you're on the road of love
You are what you are, what I know
And I love no other man
For my beautiful darling is waiting for me
To open up every part of him
Never really stopped

Held your neck
I felt the shivers up mine
Lock in an embrace
I resurrect my fire
Look up at the stars
I stare down at it all.

Who am I
When I cease to function
And my soul rips apart
But I soon realize
As the fan brushes the walls
And my room comes to life
I recognize my weariness
The clamor in my head
If I only knew the way
To pure bliss and satisfaction

I'm scared
Where am I going
Who do I pray for
When the truth echoes
And I'm alone with my thoughts
That tell me
*It's not that serious

I hold on
Even if it ******* kills me
I hold on
Like there’s no person that can do it better
I hold on
When you leave me this lonely and cold
I hold on
Thinking about our best days together
I hold on
Every day I feel like giving up on you
I hold on
Because you are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen
I hold on
Feeling like I could lose you any day
I hold on
Wondering what you’re doing without me
I hold on
Trusting you with my battered and bruised heart
I hold on
Loving you in the sun, rain, sleet, or snow
I hold on
Holding you when I need it the most
I hold on
Will you hold on too?

It is the time of celebration
where i mope and once aspired death
In a single month and the ones that follow
i collect the sadness of all
The single bachelor collects his status
the mother of three takes her children to the beach
And the lovebirds embrace the night
while i choke on the solace of an indoor sorrow
It's been a while since I felt it
that pit of misery wrapped in a neat saying

one day, it will go like this
i leave the cold
of the bedroom
you'll never know me
i'm a crumb left behind
for a snail to nibble
the world flies by
in my unfortunat--

There's a hint of truth to every lie
If I'm the one you call yours at night
Where am I when you wake up
In the bed of the one you call angel

I cling to a reminder
That I'm not a crime
That no one else is sharing you
I scorn myself for wanting more
Truth be told, I don't want the truth
If it rips me apart like a piece of mail
Left on the table
Then disregarded, expected as more

And you say that I'm nothing more
So off I go, I'm a flicker in your memory
I pick up the phone expecting your face
Why do I let myself be lifted
Only to fall back into the pit of your indifference

You were in my dreams
Felt your tongue slide in my mouth
Wrapped me in your nest of comfort
For some reason, when I awoke
Nothing made sense
Where did you come from?
I haven't seen you in 7 years
So why do I want you so bad?
Maybe I remember the little things
Going to your house back in the day
And you were a strong, comforting boy
I'd sit in your room with you
Wishing to have you ravage me
I would come running, for you
Maybe it is no coincidence
You made up my dreams

Who are you in the morning
The one who lifts the feet off your child
And vise grips the broken, bludgeons the weak
You no longer make me shiver in fright
I see through your cowardice with shame
That a young boy would fall to his knees
At the noise of a dog with no bone to chew
Cradled by the nape and dug into the heels of
A story not ever cared of being mentioned
I’m the one to lose and sulk my days away
But you, whose words are lackluster and feeble
Carry the weight of two
That know so little to their own good
Dry as the scab from which you inflicted
I am born to be the delight of all good
The Atlas that carries the weight of your mistakes
And when all is said and done
The night will weave into my body
Making the brain addled boy
Dream a good little dream

When was the last time
you looked in the mirror
and recognized yourself?

In a world filled of ignorance,
it's no wonder we live
as strangers to ourselves.

Each day, her head swiftly shifts
so that       I might,       more easily,
lean in to untangle the silver chain
from her leather string necklace;
                              and each day,
her summer skin, the cool sensation of her
breath around my lips as we kiss,
               entangles me.

You sent him away
**** to it all
I sit here lonely and miserable
What do you wish to prove?

You say that our love is false
That he is confused
It is not for you to decide
How a boy is destined to live

You have no moral compass
Sitting on a throne of lies
Calling me the wronged one
While he sits and cries
And my hope for love dies

I am a crippled bird
That got stomped away
By a bitter ******* woman
With nothing but a false hope

Tonight, I will hold three funerals
One, for my love
One, for our love
And one, for love itself

He wants a different life.

Feels like I’m in another universe
Asking questions cause I’m feeling cursed
There’s not a day when my throat doesn't burn
Why does this ache always seem to return?

Talk to myself away from watchful eyes
Ego black and blue as I fear demise
I’m not armed to the teeth anymore
Doesn't mean I’m one to ignore.

I’ll spit blood in this bitter flight
unlike that summer when my hopes ran high
So when you ask if I’m doing okay
It shouldn't shock you when I say…

I’m weary, I’m ill
and I blame it on the art of getting by
I look in the mirror and I wonder if I’ll ever be satisfied.

I wouldn't go as far as saying that I’m traumatized
but truth be told,
I’m not alright.

(Originally by Sky Ferreira)

I don't know why people
Strive for perfection
Or how easy it is for some
All I know is that I can't stand it.

When I try,
My body flares up like bombs--
Internally, never externally--
And hides my true colors
To create a cascade of catastrophe
It's like living in a ******* up world
The only difference is that
I actually get to block it out.

I don't remember waking up in the morning
With a smile on my little innocent face
And thinking about how easily I had it
It's too late now, I suppose, to care
Yet I still do.

Have you ever tried to write a poem
On the back of a pack of matches?
Have you ever cried for nights
Til you couldn't breathe?
It's all about you and never about me
And that makes the tears fall for days
Try this.

Dolores has heart-shaped sunglasses
And a tattoo that reads carpe diem
Oblivious to when she got it,
She tells me that she must have
been in a happy kind of place—
A place too unfamiliar to her.

As if I understood her ennui
I listened to her stories and nodded
Could she possibly be invincible?
Is she not like most other girls?
To mistake her for flirting was the first problem—
The next to watch her hysterical cries for help.

We sat around one cold busy group of locals
To find that we were two warm idle strangers
It was an unlikely pairing indeed, us,
Able to tell each other the truth,
Able to admit our feelings;
It went hand-in-hand all the same.

I know we all live a life of sin
We all say on thing but mean another
We all want a happy future—
But is it wrong to wish that life,
In all it's stunning yet strained space,
Could move on and love without me?

You have never heard of an island
with as much grace in your life—
But I have, and I see it shining on through.

Good luck to my future
With the best of intentions!

I promise that life will prove difficult
And that you'll want to give up,
But strive forward my friend!
For when you look up into the sky
And see a solitary star floating forward,
Know that someone is watching over you.
Those are angels lifting you up off the ground—
Not to take you off with them,
As you wish,
But to help you see another bright morning.
Think of those angels as family,
As old friends,
As current friends,
As future friends,
As myself, telling you that you're alright.

So I sit here writing to you, my beautiful future,
Saying this:
Don't ever let go.
Please have hope.
Stand tall.
Hold onto faith.
There's too many problems in this world
And too many terrible people
To have a great person leave this earth
Like a speck of dust cleaned off the shelf.

I hope that one day this will be read to you
Like a lullaby in the middle of the night
That will rock your fragile body to sleep.
Sleep, my friend,
But not for long.

I may be your captive
But I'm not a toy
I'm not a rubber ball
That will bounce back
To your love
When you need it

I'm one step closer to
Losing my ****, I say,
Knowing very well that
I'll need more than prayers
To keep me in a state of contempt.

Am I too much to handle?
Socrates once questioned
His own existence, so
Why can't I? There'll be
Nothing left of this page
If I speak my mind
And scatter my brain matter
Onto these overnight fears  --
Not in a literal sense, unfortunately,
But in a way only I can see.

When I think about the times I
Ever had a true sense of keenness,
All I see is a notepad with
As much emptiness as
The ideas inside of my cranium --
But look at the **** you'r--
Can I be any more clear? This ****
Is nothing but another daily reminder
We tell ourselves each day; don't
Act like you haven't thought this way.

When I've found the answer,
I can say that my abstract outbalanced
The complex and my bad outweighed
The good, because what else can't
A 16-year-old boy keep to himself?

Through restless pupils,
I struggle for success
I bend over backwards
To try and be something—
What is that word to me?
Is it the answer to feeding myself
If I end up without a bright future?

I used to wonder what struggle was
As though my teachers
Didn't define it clearly enough
My mom explains to me,
Be something—don't settle
For the basics like I did.
I wonder if she bruised her nose
Searching inside thick textbooks,
Questioning what it would teach her
And where her future
Would be in twenty years
Did any teacher show her
How to pay her taxes
Or write cursive as beautiful
As she writes it today?

All I ever think about is
What topics I'll be forgetting next
And what grade I'll manage on the test
Maybe one day my children won't
Be forced by their teachers,
Who listen to a corrupted government,
To learn to hate the idea of learning.

The time is 5 a.m.,
Time for school,
I repeat.

It's been two years
I still make that attempt
Where I look at them
In a convincing and promiscuous way
Eager heart with not much to show
My body screams "too hard to handle"
I do not know why
All the lovebirds get to sing their song
And I, in a truly saddening fate
Am stuck lying to myself

In three seconds
We'll be the talk of the world
The lingering at its max
Fire burning to a scorching blue
The two of us swimming
In a pool of seduction and intoxication
I see your soul in the distance
In between the ocean
And the clouds, white and clear
I occupy your holy space
Your entity fills me up with utter delight
Let's think for a moment
Do you need your job?
Do I need anyone else?
There's no telling
What words mean right now
As I stare at the definition
Of desire

I had post-its all over my desktop
that each reminded me of important things
but never could I put down your name
because let's face it, you could never be mine.

I'm a little selfish
when I think about you
with anyone else
and I have to watch my mouth
when you are mentioned by friends
oh, they don't know what I have
on my ***** mind.

A wise man once said
All that we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream
which made me feel as though
love is truly ******* impossible
when it comes to you and I.

I want to crash my soul into a million pieces
like the way my heart breaks when I see you
what's the point of this useless *******
if all I do is see us on a stage of camaraderie
where everyone is oblivious to my feelings
and you won't bother with looking my way?

Oh God, please look my way!
Come here!
Hold me! Kiss me! Love me!
Lover, will you give me a sign?
It's like I have to dream
every time I want to caress your body
or say what I feel
without sounding disgusted with myself.

I'm so utterly locked in these closets
looking for answers that come close
but never quite finding them.

She stayed true to the pearls
That she lassoed around her neck
And kept her heels on tight

Her tears would fall down
To the rhythm of a folk song
She would slowly sing along
In a lamenting fashion
She could never admit that
Being alone in this world
Was so hard to handle
On her own

She wanted God to bring
Down a glimmer of hope
That would guide her back
To something much better
But all she had ever heard
Was God calling her home

And in every bathroom mirror
She smeared the makeup to
Resemble a clown
And it suited her
Every night

I look at my life
And see that without you
I have nothing
I could try a day or two,
Keep you off the mind--
But the weight would stay.

This is what you love to say.

I look at my life
And see that without you
I could be so much happier
I could stay in love with you,
Keep the feelings in tact--
But my heart will only stray.

This is what I refuse to say.

How come I find the worst in you
While you value the worst in me
Can you leave the light on outside
For me to find my way back home?
That's the way I do things now
I hope the bed is made
When I step inside
Can you promise me happiness?
Of course you can't,
Not when you haven't found it.

It's always nice to stick my head out
And let the wind hit my restless pupils
As I drive along the rocky road
This is where I find the greatest solace,
Never having to explain myself,
Never having to worry about life
And the troubles of being human.

I think about her on these trips,
With her hair flowing freely
Against the sides of my car
With my hand pressed against her,
I find us at peace with each other
You are so gorgeous.

This is what I live for.

Where does time stop
When time is inevitable?
It's true, I spent the summer
On my back, waiting for a sign
Each one has felt like a trial
My life became more opaque
By the second
You don't want my storm
You never did
You fall in love with people
Who don't love you, not like I did
As turbulent as we were,
You never met a man like me
I don't belong to anyone
Don't need one like you
Really think you should
When I was a child
I thought love was fated
Seems like I was a coward
Unaccepting of the fact
Love is the rain, love is the snow
Love has come, love has gone
The thunder
In my heart
Was too much
For your raincloud
To take

2 am, no sleep
Feels like every poem begins like that these days
Dense in my stomach
When did I last eat?
As long as I don't wither, I'll be fine
Why am I always tired?
Once I take those iron pills, I'm good
That song came on twice today
Heard your name as always
It hurts a little less each time
Punches my gut, knots it in two
I closed my eyes when I passed your school today
Because I never got to say goodbye
We stayed contained for too long
I never knew you the way I wanted to
I could play our love back
I'd only be sad once again
I gave you too much to handle
Life, it seems, was too fast
For my baby to keep up with
So now I sit at 2 am
Without your voice ringing in my ears
Alone, but not as broken
As you might think
Just full of thoughts
Stuck on *what if?

Last night we threw up
In a bucket of circumstances
I never knew your name
The day we first met
In the ballroom, we kissed
Liquor on our tongues
People staring, you weren't aware
By then, your name engrained my mind
How could it not
With your lips on mine
I loved everything about you
In your tuxedo
Adjusting your tie, it was special
Our cufflinks shined bright
In our slow dance
You held my hand down the streets
I felt safe as could be
The moon was our way home
What I'd do to spend a day
Up there with you

It is drawn to life in seconds
I never thought of it fast enough
I circle around the room all night
As the bass surrounds my cranium
For now, I tackle my problems
Allow them to escape this planet
I make love to the thought of peace
Cradle the vibrations of sound waves
Eat up the ******* truth of it all
Can you come around the front?
I'm not sure how much longer
I'll last in this planetary hell
Working like a pack mule til I die
Sounds like a **** bore to me
My lips encircle the lips of another
A beautiful blue-eyed fantasy
He's such a confusion, she's such a rush
My body wants more of the truth
It craves a taste for it
I love the sound of desire
I want you to pacify my weakness
Make me a man with a purpose
Envelop my mouth with an answer
Make it as satisfying as you, as the truth

Within us all lives a spirit
There is no easy way to decipher it
It creates feelings inside of you
That you never thought you could have
Your spirit leaps from brain to heart
In a matter of seconds like a tick
And makes your life choices
It chooses your first kiss,
Your first feeling of true despair,
Your first opinions of other people
And yes, it will choose against you,
But you will forgive and forget it,
For it is the bravery you don't have.

We all begin life floating in an endless bubble,
Looking for something to save us
Some of us find solace in divinity,
Others find the warm call of love
But we all have our spirit to thank
For finding our bubble and bursting it
Even when you live in the corners of the dark
And have no way of being saved,
It will find you.

It found me.

As if I could ever understand pain
I carry symptoms truncated at the head
Their blue feverish reminders never dead

Emotions of your bright autumn nights
Replay in my head like no other
I lost you, my best friend, my lover

Truth blossoms like a ****** rose
My stomach curdles when I find
A love that was not dead but blind

Bludgeon me across the face
So that I may awaken in delight
Finding you in the twilight

If I can't face the mirror anymore
And my gold paper skin turns fair
I will know that our love was rare

Set the scene
I'm drunk again
Off our satisfaction
Lifted off from a land
Where I tell all
You love me like you know
I heal your love of lonely
And you accept my embrace
Like you know you need it
But babe, so do I
And your lips, soft and tender
Make my heart stretch
Wanting to kiss you stupid
Make your face feel
Like it will never be lonely
As I pierce your glaucous bubble
You come to life
Crystal and reflective
But visible all the same

There's no more room to breathe,
No more stories left to be told
I've been living in the same place
For one too many years now
It's a harsh world to face,
And I'll need to figure it out
Moving farther away from my past
To bring me closer to my future
Here I have such a history to carry
I must sit and accept that the people
I love the most will leave me
To find their place in this world.

Where's mine?

My intentions are weak;
This much I know.
But I try my hardest
just to please you each day.

If I fall            Why don't you
you fall.          try a little
I don't             harder for me?
want to
make things
worse.

We could make the memories
between you and I cherishable.
Lessons are the things
you experience daily
with no sense of reason
on what they actually
do to people—like us.              "Keep me in
I hope that you observe           your memory
the clear drops of rain              each day
that touch your windows.       you walk
They have the right idea—     the narrow
to move on to better places.    sidewalks."

I wish I could survive on solar power
Like a calculator without the batteries
I know that I wouldn't have to hurt
Or live in constant regret every day

My arms and legs are up for auction
That no one could care less about
I feel drowsy at the thought of love
What the hell is love?
Am I giving it away
Or am I just spreading hate?
Is love the feeling of being with someone
Or being helpless without them?

Before I came home that night
I knew that I’d be back to you
Like the perfect hue of blue
And like a madman
I wished you were
As sad as me
The truth flew into the winds
And whispered to me softly
I’ll see you in a few

The drinks told me you were gone
The **** told me you didn’t exist
The sadness told me I missed you
And my legs never felt more weak
Than when I carried myself
Toward the ledge of my sanity
Loving myself in the shackles
Of constant pressure

Remember that day in October
Like the moon walked us home
But our feet were on fire
Yet our hands were the water
And the glands that said
Hello to our profuse sweating
The smile faded
And the king was a king no more
What happened to peace
Was now a curse

I've seldom been inhabited
I'm an isolated shelter
Looking at the archipelagos
Oh, these islands are so dull
Where is my sanctuary?

As I wait for a shoreline
I find you in the distance
The sun gleams on you
So it's not that hard
To find your small land.

Then it dawns on me
I can't move toward you
Because I am an island
And so are you
How can I be yours
When all we share is distance?

I grew tired of being a placemat
By the door to your vacant home
Will I ever be more than history
Lying in the back of your mind

I haven't seen the sun in days
You walk but you don't run
Tell me, is it better to flourish
To leave it all behind
Than to have lived through a passionate wish

Being with you was a wasted ******
I'd flow my stream into you
Wished for more than necks intertwined
I punctured your rejection with great strength
The pain was nothing compared to the way
You left me behind at arm's length

I cough, I ache, achoo
I sneeze not one, but two
Times as I forget you
You **** fool, why did you make
Me fall in love with you

I was walking a steady rhythm yesterday
And my blood swayed like a boat in the ocean
I can't make things the way I want them to be
Can't I just stop all of this loud commotion?

I'm at the bottom of the well today
And my skin trembles like a leaf
I wish that the future has high hopes
And I can go a day without grief.

I let you get a little too close to my feelings
And now you march to the beat of your own fears
You're the reason I sleep all alone at night
Now I drown in a cold pool of my own tears.

When my body aches in pain,
When my loved ones leave,
When my hair turns gray,
When my brain loses memory,
When my heart beats no more,
My love will be as pure and whole
As the day that I first met you.