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Hal Sep 2017
And the thing is, you don't ever stop missing someone. The grief you felt the second your world shattered never really goes away. Somedays the sadness overtakes you and you struggle to find the light again. But other days it will just be a dull ache in the background. And then, out of no where, the throbbing increases and your throat tightens and you start to choke on the tears you didn't know you were holding back. Just when you thought you were okay, you're heart reminds you that you are not. And you are just not sure if you ever will be again.
Hal Jul 2016
I offered him my heart, and he easily accepted if. But sadly, instead of protecting my fragile glass heart, he carried it around in his pocket like a piece of candy. And then, once he was satisfied, he discarded it on the ground like a wrapper. Only glass isn't very resistant to cracks, and after he tossed my heart onto the pavement like a piece of trash, it shattered into a million tiny pieces.
Hal Jul 2016
I knew it the moment I first started talking to him that he was only flirting with me because I was convenient, but **** at that moment I craved even the slightest attention, and I was willing to take whatever I could get. I wanted someone to make me feel special, even if it was just for a little while, even if it was by a boy who never deserved me to begin with. And it worked for a little while, until he left and moved on to the next convenient girl. But unfortunately for me, in the end he left me in worse shape than he found me. I began to retreat back into my little bubble of depression, only to find it was now bigger and lonelier than it ever was before. So I just kept talking to the few boys who came my way, desperately trying to find someone or something that could fill the void of emptiness... Maybe I'm just searching for a little  convenience too.
Hal Aug 2016
You'll never know how much I wish that you could glance at the person in the mirror and see all the beautiful little things about yourself. Your tiny little freckles or the adorable way your nose crinkles up when you're confused. The way your eyes twinkle like stars in the night sky when you speak with passion about the things you love. Your dimples when you're smiling with out even thinking about it or your laugh that is so captivating. The way your inner beauty radiates off of you, even when you're sporting a messy bun and sweats. God I just wish you could look in the mirror and fall in love with yourself instead of seeing everything about you that you hate. But, all you see is a face full of acne scars, eyebrows that aren't quite perfect enough, a nose that's just a little too big, and dark circles under your eyes because your late night thoughts kept you from sleeping  again. You hate yourself so much that you turn away from the mirror. You don't love yourself, so you can understand why no one else would either, and I think that's truly the most heartbreaking thing. And, maybe the hardest person to love is yourself, but darling I'm begging you to atleast try.
*- yourself
Hal Feb 2017
And I told myself that I was fine. That I had moved on. I forced myself into believing that the waters were calm and they would remain shallow. But dams can only hold back so much water, and the flood gates seemed to have reached their limits. Now I'm drowning in tears and I can't quite remember how to swim.
Hal Oct 2016
She asked me how I felt and as we sat in silence awaiting my answer, I came to realize that maybe the emptiness in the air gave a better explanation than the words I couldn't seem to fathom.
Hal Sep 2016
Her love enslaved her soul to you, your words the chains that bound her to your brick heart.
     Starved and hungry, she gobbled up the enticing lies that danced of off the tip of your tongue.
 Scared and lonely, she clung to any contact you sent her way, a gentle hug, warm hands.
      
      Thoughts of you consumed any she had of leaving. You're slowly destroying her from the inside out but by the time she realizes it, it'll be too late.

    Now she's trying to break free from you, but all she's left with are ****** wrists and tightening chains.
          She's trying to spit out the enticing words you send her way, but she's left gagging as you shove them down her throat.
      She's trying so desperately to get out of your grasp, but now she's covered in hand prints where you forcibly held her in place.
  She's trying to escape from your destruction, but now she's trapped by her love and enclosed by her fear of a broken heart.
  
  She's trying to set herself free but she just can't seem to cut herself  loose.

*-if you love her, let her go
Hal Jul 2016
There are those of us with feelings that we cannot seem to put into words and then there are those of us with the words who cannot seem to find the feelings behind them. It's all an equal balance.
Hal Jul 2016
You're not happy and I know you haven't been in a long time.

I understand that waking up and plastering that smile on your face is getting tiring,
that laughing with your friends is starting to feel like a chore rather than enjoyment.

That getting out of your bed in the morning is more difficult than it should be,
that you don't have a favorite anything anymore, because everything's the same.


But sweetheart,
maybe if you continue to fake that smile, eventually it will become real again.

Maybe if you surround yourself with people who are trying to make you feel happy,
they might flick the light that has been switched off inside of you, back on.

Maybe if you force yourself to get up and go outside,
you might feel the sunshine on your skin.

Maybe if you keep searching for random things,
you will stumble across your favorite something again.

But what ever you do honey,
please don't work so hard to find your happiness and then hand it over to one person to carry for you.

Your happiness is far to heavy and precious for one person to carry,
they will drop it- they will drop it every time.

Instead sprinkle it around like fairy dust,
touch everyone and everything, a
nd eventually it will touch you.

As you make the world around you a better place and inspire others to do the same,
you will heal yourself without even trying.

So darling I beg of you, stop trying so **** hard to fix yourself, because you can't repair a broken soul with the same hammer that shattered it.

Use the tools you are surrounded with to help patch up the holes.

But, no matter what, if you don't fix your situation, you will end up shattered again,

and there's only so much tape and glue can do.
Sorry this poem doesn't make very much sense.
Hal Sep 2016
Loving you was like playing with fire, enchanting to the eye but dangerous to the touch. Funny how all I'm left with are memories of getting scorched and scars from the burns you gave me,
yet no memories remain of your warmth that encompassed me or the way you lit up my night. You know what they say, fire destroys everything in its path.
*- And I guess I was no exception
Hal Feb 2017
Don't ever forget that you are fire, gentle enough to warm the hearts of others, yet strong enough to burn anyone that dares to play with your flames.
-A lesson I wish I learned sooner// I should've scorched you, instead of letting you steal all of my heat
Hal Oct 2016
He looks at her like she puts the stars in the night sky and I just pray for day to come, for he looks at me like I am the sun, but only when the moon and stars have disappeared.
Hal Nov 2016
I feel like I am being ripped open from the inside as my throat fills with fire from the sobs I am choking back. My eyes feel like damns about to burst because the flood gates were never build to contain this many tears. My head won't stop pounding as my thoughts ricochet around in my brain, leaving me with an ache in my skull that never seems to leave. My arms that once wrapped around you for comfort now lay limp at my sides lost without a cause. My legs that once ran up your stairs to see you, I now have to drag through the front door. But what hurts the most is the fact that I should be feeling all this pain but instead all I am left with is a void of emptiness that seems to be absorbing everything. And you can fix a broken heart and you can find someone to wipe away your tears but how, may I ask, am I supposed to fix this?
- *I'm still waiting for an answer
Hal Aug 2017
Honey I hope you haven't forgotten that you are a diamond handcrafted with the utmost precision and care; there is no flaw in you. Your beauty is so pure and so natural and cannot be easily replicated. That being said, you are not for everyone. Not everyone will be able to admire the way your messy hair cascades down your back in little half curls or the flecks of sunlight hidden within your eyes. Not everyone will be able to appreciate the way your pants hug your hips or the way your toothy grin and infectious laughter brighten up the entire room. Not everyone will be able to cherish you like the diamond you are, but that's okay, because you my dear, were not made for just anyone. You are destined for adoration, and until then, love yourself. Sweetheart, I hope you haven't forgotten how.
Hal Sep 2016
I hope you never look around at all the happy couples and make yourself feel ugly and worthless. I hope you never show up at a high school dance sad because no one asked you to be their date. I hope you never feel the need to be validated by another person. I hope you never completely lower your standards because you are getting tired of waiting around. Because *******, you don't need someone else to make you happy or feel valuable. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect to love someone else? You don't need to have a date to have a good time, find some great friends and I promise you you'll have a much better experience. You sure as hell don't need someone else to validate you, just be yourself and don't even bother with other people's opinions. And never, ever lower your standards. By investing in a low quality relationship, you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak in the end. I know, you're getting tired of being single and lonely, but honey once you find someone worth your time, it sure as hell is worth the wait.
Hal Jan 2017
And after all the **** you put me through, I still cannot hate you for you had the courage to do what I could not and save me from ruining myself. So instead, I'll think of you with indifference, because you sure as hell don't deserve anymore of my time.
-I'm done wasting my time on you
Hal Feb 2017
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head but the only thing that came out my mouth was silence. Forgive me if I can't greet you like an old friend, I'm still struggling to understand how you could come in and shatter my heart into little pieces and act as if nothing happened. I don't miss you but sometimes I lay in bed thinking about you and I can't get you out of my head. It's not the "I miss you" kind of thoughts though, it's the " I regret that" kind. I regret letting you push me past my limits and then forcing myself to accept that I really didn't mind. I regret giving in to you because I was afraid to lose you otherwise. I regret every minute I let you treat me less than I deserved. But most of all, I regret staying with you even after I realized you were toxic. It's not still loving you that I'm struggling with, I'm way past that, I'm still trying to love myself again after all you put me through. Did you ever realize what you did to me? Why are you spreading rumors and trying to destroy my reputation? Did you ever even care about me? Why do I even care? What good is regretting all these things going to do?
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head and I'm glad the only thing that came out of my mouth was silence.
- I'm done wasting my breath on you.
Hal Dec 2017
The problem isn’t that you aren’t good enough. No. It’s that you give your all to people that don’t give a **** about you.
- flowers can only blossom in nourishing soil, and you, my dear, have been planting them where there is none.
Hal Dec 2016
I know you're lonely and tired of being by yourself. You just want someone to give you attention and at this point you are taking whatever you can get. But **** I hope you wait for him. Wait for the boy that doesn't think he deserves a girl as good as you. Wait for the boy who remembers little things you told him during late night conversations. Wait for the boy who knows that you prefer juice boxes to bags and chicken strips to burgers. Wait for the guy who will drive you around with one hand on the steering wheel and the other in your hand. Wait for the guy who will listen to a song on the radio he doesn't even know just so he can listen to you sing along to it. Wait for the guy who's going to treat you like his princess. Don't give pieces of your heart away to everyone who comes walking your way, you deserve so much more.
- a lesson I wish I learned sooner
Hal Jul 2016
Don't forget that you were a princess long before he ever started addressing you as one, and you will continue to be one long after he stops. You will remain a princess and he- he will go back to being the irrelevant peasant he was before you noticed him. He was never the knight in shining armor you thought he was. He is a just a commoner who doesn't realize the value he once obtained. Know your worth Princess, because if you don't, how do you expect anyone else to?
Hal Jun 2016
Since when is my beauty determined by the amount of likes I get on an Instagram photo and rates out of 10?

When did other people's opinions of myself become more important than my own?

Since when is my worth determined on a four point scale called a G.P.A.?

When did my knowledge of quadratic equations and ionic bonding start to decide how qualified I am to work in the real world?

Since when are my friends determined by the price tag on my clothes, rather than the value of the person wearing them?

When did the brand on my outfit brand me the kind of person I am?

 Since when does the amount of zeros in my bank account determine my success?

When did the amount of money I make become more important than the amount of happiness I have achieved or the amount of times I have managed to pick myself up off the floor after falling apart?

Since when does the number on my bathroom scale determine what clothes I can wear?

When did my weight start to decide what I can and cannot do and how the rest of the world sees me?

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,

Since when does society minimize my individuality by defining me with all kinds of scales and numbers?*

When did how I live MY life become society's decision?*

Oh wait, it isn't society's decision, and it never was to began with.
Hal Jan 2018
And while beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, not even you can deny that she shines with a radiance that makes the shining stars in the night sky pale in comparison.
-everyone can see it except her
Hal Feb 2018
When you think about me and you start to fall apart,
Please remember darling, that I love you with all my heart.
When you are bawling your eyes out and are feeling sad,
Please remember darling, all the good times we had.
When an old memory pops up and you start feeling down,
Please remember darling, that I hate to see you frown.
When you start to feel angry and you’re starting to doubt the plot,
Please remember darling, that God has a plan whether we see it or not.
When the days pass by slowly and all you can feel is dread,
Please remember darling, that it is not you that is dead.
Because while I might be gone, and the sun has set for me,
Please remember darling that you have so much yet to see.
And despite what you think you never got the chance to say,
Please remember darling, that I watch over you each and everyday.
So when you’re thinking of our memories, darling I hope you smile,
Because we made the most of what we had, even if it was just a little while.
So when you think of me and start to fall apart,
Please remember darling, I love you with all of my heart.
-words I imagine he would want me to hear
Hal Feb 2017
And when the sun was yanked out of my sky, I let the darkness consume me. For months i let it swallow me whole until all I felt was the emptiness and the loneliness of the abyss. And after all that time, I'm starting to see the light again. Piece by piece I have been rebuilding my sun and now that it is whole again, forgive me if I'm more careful with who I give my light to.
-I refuse to be left in the dark again
Hal Jan 2018
You confuse me. Why would a woman who knows she deserves more continuously settle for less?
- wait for someone worthy of your love instead of giving pieces of yourself to every man that smiles your way
Hal Mar 2017
You must look back upon our time together and smile. I know it's going to hurt, some days it's going to feel like your heart is ripping to shreds and tearing you apart from the inside out. I'm not saying that living without me is going to be easy, for I know it will not be. But whatever you do, do not let this loss deplete the warmth your smile holds or the joy your laughter spreads. Remember that in order to feel so much sadness, you once had to have experienced an equal amount of happiness. So, when the tears well up in your eyes and your throat hurts from the sobs you are choking back, I beg of you, remember me with a smile.
-words I imagine Grandpa would've said if he had the chance
Hal Dec 2017
Today you looked me in the eye and told me I'd never understand. Today you said oh please you're not depressed, you're just sad. Today you said you can't help it and it's out of your control. But what I didn't tell you was honey don't I know.
Were you there when I was slowly falling apart?
Of how about the time I was crying over a broken heart?
Better yet where were you when all I could feel was numbness?
Where were you when all I had was emptiness in abundance?
You don't know a thing, yet you still came to your judgements
The difference between you and me,
And the thing you fail to see,
While you’re out here looking for attention
I choose to battle mine silently.
Hal Jun 2016
The pretty girl with the wide smile,
that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
The happy girl with the loud laugh,
that doesn't want to socialize.

The quite girl with the long sleeves,
is starting to feel like a fraud.
The perfect girl with the straight hair,
is getting tired of the façade.

The pretty girl has a fake smile,
and is filling her body with cuts.
While, the perfect girl with the straight hair,
is puking out her guts.

The happy girl with the pretend laugh,
spends her nights crying to the stars.
While, the quiet girl with the long sleeves,
has a body full of bruises and scars.

So, not everything is as it seems.
Because, while everything seems fine,
these girls are full of silent screams.
Hal Oct 2016
Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. Some days are better than others, but death leaves a cut too large to bandage. It's like a **** that with the slightest movement it will break open again. She tried to push it all to the back of her mind and not feel the pain. But all it took was one song, and the blood came gushing out again.
Hal Jul 2016
Sometimes you get bored and decide to send me an "I miss you" text. My fingers reach for my phone, ready to type a message as if on autopilot, but then I remember why we don't talk anymore in the first place. Loving you destroyed pieces of me and it was either I let you go or lose the small part of me that was left behind. I decided a long time ago that I will not tear myself down to help build up someone else. So then, when my fingers grasp the phone and click on your message out of habit, I realize I can no longer say the same about you. I begin typing but the message you received is not the one you were expecting.
*-I sure as hell hope you do.
For the boy who didn't appreciate me enough when he should have.
Hal Feb 2018
And she’s breaking down, because she is forgetting what it feels like to remember.
And that is what truly terrifies her. That one day she’ll wake up and she won’t remember what your laugh sounds like or the safety your arms provided when she was in your embrace. One day she’ll forget your jokes or the way you always told her how happy you were to see her. One day she won’t be able to recall the advice you gave her or the teasing remarks you made about all of her “boyfriends”. She used to dread the day that would come when you would no longer pick up the phone and all your conversations would have to be one sided. But, despite all of her prayers that day has passed. And just like the last, try as she might, she cannot stop what’s coming, and it feels as if her heart is breaking all over again. She’s trying to hold on to her memories but she can feel them slowly starting to slip from her grasp one by one and she terrified of the day they’re all gone. Because if she can no longer have you, your memories are all she has left and she cannot have those ripped away too.
She is forgetting what it feels like to remember.
-her heart is shattering and her eyes are screaming for help but all you can hear is silence
Hal Sep 2016
After months of darkness, the dim light creeping out from under the door illuminates the black abyss like a shining star leading the way to a brighter destination.
Hal May 2017
When he tells you we ended things because it got "too far" what he really means to say is that I was too much for him. Too much. I gave him too much love, when quite honestly he didn't deserve any at all. I gave in to him too much, when really I should've stood my ground. I let him get away with too much stuff because I was afraid I would lose him otherwise. I gave him too much of my heart when I knew he was going to destroy it anyways. I forgave him too much after every time he messed up. I let him see a little too much of my soul when he couldn't appreciate my value. And I was too much for him because I wanted more than he was ever willing to give me. And the sad thing is all I wanted from him was a little respect and a little compassion, but you know what? I was asking too much from a boy who was never enough to begin with.
#breakup #notenough
Hal Mar 2017
And sometimes when I'm with him I have to do a double take because the words that spill out of his mouth are the same words that fell off the tip of your tongue. Sometimes he reminds me of you and in those moments I feel as though I'm suffocating and I just wish you would release your grip on me. I'm trying to move on but I'm too afraid of making the same mistake twice. So when he opens his mouth and your  words fall off of his tongue, I'm scared of what we could become. I'm scared that he's going to be exactly like you and I refuse to put myself through that again- especially not after I've spent so much time rebuilding every wall I let you knock down. My walls are thicker now and I don't know how to let anyone in. I'm scared of loving someone again and having them turn out to be like you. And the worst part is it's not fair to him that I can't let him in.  It's not his fault I can't have a conversation about dating without feeling like I can't breathe. It's not his fault that having other people acknowledge the fact that we have a thing makes me want to end everything and run in the opposite direction. And it's not his fault that he deserves the world and I just don't think I can give it to him. It's my fault because I look at him and I see a glimpse of how i could get trapped in yet another toxic relationship.
-You ruined him for me and I hate you for that. You ruined me and I hate myself for letting you.
Hal Jul 2017
Do not confuse attention with affection my dear, that boy would just as soon leave you as he would hold your hand.
-you think love is acknowledgement, and that is why your heart aches so immensely
Hal Jul 2016
I've always admired how flowers bloom without any acknowledgement of their surroundings. A flower doesn't seek approval from the flower growing next to it, it just focuses on itself and blooms into what it is supposed to become. Honey, I hope you have the courage to be a flower, and bloom without any regard to your surroundings and the criticisms of the world. I hope you focus all of your energy into becoming the best possible version of yourself. Don't let the weeds around you stop you from flourishing, but also don't conform yourself into something you are not. Sure, a rose is a beautiful, but darling so is a wildflower.
Hal Jan 2018
And what you don’t understand is that asking me to write is like asking me to rip open old wounds just so my blood can soak the bandages once more.
-it’s so much easier to write about the pain than it is to write about the emptiness
You
Hal Jul 2016
You
Everything was easy with you, and I suppose that's why I loved it. There is beauty in simplicity, but there is nothing beautiful about a girl crying herself to sleep at night wondering where she went wrong and messed everything up. There is nothing beautiful about a girl staring into the mirror and only seeing every single one of her flaws and knowing exactly why she isn't special enough for you. There is nothing beautiful about a girl who hates herself because she was stupid enough to fall for every sweet word that fell off the tip of your tongue. There is nothing beautiful about a girl deciding between all of her morals or the guy who makes her "happy". So I guess maybe loving you wasn't all that simple or beautiful after all.
Hal May 2017
You don't need him, you want him. Don't ever let a handsome boy with a cunning smile and eyes you could almost get lost in, ever tell you that you cannot exist without him. Sure losing him will hit you hard in the chest, your ribcage will feel like it splitting down the center and you might struggle to breath on your own for a while. But **** once you remember how, and trust me you will remember how, you are going to breath fire. You are unstoppable. You have a passion somewhere deep inside of you that could make an explosion. You are a force to be reckoned with; never let anyone forget that. You are everything and anything you could ever wish to be right here, right now in this moment. You are going places baby girl, but it's up to you where. So if he's holding you back, dragging you down, or pushing you in the wrong direction, you let him go. Blow away his presence as if he were a dandelion in the wind. And then, after you are free from the drought that has been preventing you from growing, you bloom honey, and you blossom into the woman you want to be.
-from a girl who finally learned how to sprout #movedon #letgo #youdontneedhim #him

— The End —