Last week, on a particularly dark Sunday;
With only a permit between me and eternity;
I exhaled and it was gone.
Gone was the hurt and anger and pain
Gone was self-doubt and anguish and fear
Gone was the guilt and regret and self hate
Because gone was me
Not my body, or my mind
Not my love or appreciation
Those were expanded, exponentially.
No I literally mean me.
The guy driving, the pilot
The Great and Powerful Oz,
I pulled back the curtain
and no one was there.
And I was absolutely ecstatic
In a rush of pure love
The talking head exploded
and a butterfly took flight
"I think he's really gone this time"
Good riddance.

Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. Some days are better than others, but death leaves a cut too large to bandage. It's like a **** that with the slightest movement it will break open again. She tried to push it all to the back of her mind and not feel the pain. But all it took was one song, and the blood came gushing out again.

I was feeling weak
and you were strong for me
I was broken
But you matched me perfectly
I believed in you
Call it blind trust
I fell for every lie
But I believed in us
Tired of love
But was willing to fight
There I was
Laying in your bed every night.
Sweat on my body
As I laid close to you
Slowly giving you all of me
Hoping you would too.
But you started stealing my love
And stopped answering my calls.
No more drunk nights in your room,
No more hot loving all night.
Still I was weak
And was feeling alone.
You said you were in love
But I was all alone.

I try to navigate
take the longer path
hope the roads confuse me
hope they create an illusion,
not even the steadiest eyes could endure

I try to memorize what I need to explain
hope a beast surrounds me and takes my breath away
hope it leaves me with no chance to speak again

I try to persuade myself it's all going to be okay
but really
i wish it wasn't me
who had to carry the bags
explain the mess

eventually I run out of roads to take,
fake illusions to make, and their are no more beasts that could possibly harm me

so i tell them the truth

'the pain hurts every single day, and I'm afraid, his memory is never going away'

and if a tear or two falls down my cheeks
I turn my back and accept - i've done my best.