So i look in the mirror and wonder if this is the end.
I think of my life, my family, and a dead friend.
In my mind I see him smiling his face so bright.
Him laying down his head gently, sleeping soundly every night.
But alas he is gone never to return.
His memories burned but not stored in any urn.
I look in the same mirror as my eyes fill with tears.
I think about my dreams, and my unnecessary fears.
My dead friend had fears too, though much more logical than mine.
Unlike me he wasn't scared all the time.
He wasn't scared for his life, he didn't have to run.
He joy was everlasting, trampled by none.
But i wasn't jealous as i was happy too.
We were always looking for a new adventure, thinking what to do.
One last time i look in the mirror, and think of all he couldn't be.
But then i remember, that dead friend, it's me.

Sometimes I wonder
"Why am I alone"
No one around me, no where to go
They always say "I'm busy"
I know their not
I don't think I can run maybe ill hide
Take all that pain and ball it up inside
They all say they will always be there
That they will care
I know they don't. Just from the small things that are shown.
Maybe I should quit, give it all up
Maybe then they will care, they'll run amok.
Please help me i'm crying inside
Please help me i'm dying inside
Too bad I'm alone,
My screams are heard my none.

And I stand there.
High above it all.
I look down on everyone.
All the happy people.
I think to myself "I'm ready to fall"
So I turn myself around and stretch my arms out.
And with one small movement I wait to hit the ground.
As I fall I whisper goodbye.
No tears come out, why cant I cry?
No matter, its all over now I close my eyes and wait for the end.
The end....

I woke up to feel the pain in my chest.
It was the middle of the night, but I would not rest.
My eyes struggled to find the light.
But all they saw was the cover of the night.
The pain in my chest worsens, and my eyes fill with tears.
I am left in the darkness, with nothing but fear.
My body shakes and I feel all the pain.
I question myself, am I even sane?
But just as I thought I was crazy as could be.
My lips widen, and i start smiling with glee.
The pain has not left, but my mind has welcomed it.
My body has grown accustom to feeling it bit by bit.
A small chuckle escapes my lips, but my eyes are red.
I am crying nonstop and I feel broken... Dead.
The pain in my chest only seems to grow.
Like a stone being throw, to and fro.
My body quivers as I feel my blackened soul.
So dark and hurt, long since turned to coal.
My bloodshot eyes slowly begin to shut.
Sadly when I awake, I will still be in this rut.
All I can do for myself is grieve and grieve.
Because there is a stone in my heart... And it will never leave.

The darkness creeps up behind me.
I turn and look, what is it I see?
I see the faces of the people who used to care.
They just smile at me, they stare.
Meanwhile I am on fire.
The burning continues as the flames grow higher.
Unable to withstand the pain in my heart.
I wish it would end, I want to go back to the start.
The figures of betrayal wrap around my soul.
Til I am shrouded in darkness, with no clear goal.
No way out, because they keep me trapped in.
What did I do wrong? What terrible sin?
My naive self decides to give the betrayers another chance.
Only to be crushed once again by their morbid dance.
Over and over again they pull me deeper into hell.
They've been doing this since the day I fell.
I just want it to end, I want the pain to end.
Maybe they will help if it's a hand i continue to lend.
And so the vicious  cycle goes on and on.
I keep helping them and they eat away at my soul.
*And they will keep going until the day I am gone.

I will run and i will hide.
Trying to find what's left inside.
These dreams are broken.
All i had to say will be left unspoken.
Because i'm not going to make it it.
I can barely even move, only a little bit.
My will to try is starting to fade.
So i lay on the ground for days and days.
I try and rise to my knees, almost to a stand.
just to crashing back down to the land.
Just A little ahead a see a hill.
And in my heart i feel a frightening chill.
That was my destination, so close yet so far.
Now i cant move, as though my feet are in tar.
I close my eyes just to be frightened.
My bones shake and my muscles tighten.
I see all my fears and all horrors of this place.
Can't i die already, pick up the pace.
When i open my eyes i see the ones that I love.
Floating away going way up above.
I am stuck down here all alone.
I've been here for days with nothing to show.
So i close my eyes and give up all hope to try.
I'll silently wait here, waiting to die.

I'm screaming inside..
can't you hear it?
all these happy people only make it worse
they make it hurt more.. just put me a hearse
I feel so alone.. like I have no home
your reassuring words only bring more pain
I'm screaming help me yet no one comes
maybe it's finally time to say "i'm done"

I reach out my hand and grasp at the air.
My eyes well with tears, how can this be fair?
Surrounded by these people, but cursed to feel alone.
Forced to wander my mind, without a place to call home.
The tears, now a steady stream down my cheeks.
I hide my face and I begin to silently weep.
The people who care asking if I am okay.
Then they assume that I am, they resume with their day.
When I try and I try, never leaving them alone.
All I hear when I need help, is the blank dial tone.
I drop to my knees, finally giving up all thought.
I decide this is where I should be, left to rot.
I wish I could show myself, they really want to help.
But i can't seem to let them, I force myself into hell.
I lie here alone, alone with just my mind.
I wait to be consumed by it, it's just a matter of time.
I close my eyes, hearing the pleas of those I let down.
And I lie in my coffin, as I'm lowered six feet into the ground.

I lie awake in my bed at night
Waiting for the morning light
My thoughts run wild and free
It makes me wonder why I'm me.
I wonder why I'm here and what life means
I realize what was, is, and is yet to be.
I finally start to shut my eyes
Just as the sun starts to rise.
I pull my self through the day
And than once again in my bed I lay.

If you understood what I felt
If you understood what's inside
You would look at me and say
"Why don't you just die?"

don't you know i'm dead inside
can't you see it in my eyes?
don't you hear the screams of hell
the pleas of heaven to go somewhere else
to cold sound of endless night
endless rain and endless fright
never any dreams only nightmares
of course you don't why would you be there
I'm dead inside, these things are only a whisper of my soul
it's blackened now darker than endless night, or a ocean made of coal
I tried my best to stay alive
I cried for help as I died inside
no one came, the ones who were there left
alone in the dark I silently wept
finally my soul withered and dry
shriveled up and finally died
so now I'm nothing but a shell of a man
who needs this shell I ask myself
who needs to live when there's no one else.

I've been having these impossible dreams.
Well, impossible so it seems.
They are happiness, warmth, and love.
Like a wonderful gift from up above.
But as far as my eyes can see.
It's all sorrow, pain, and grief.
No end it sight no hope for me.
Maybe this is what i was meant to be.
But then they come night after night.
Impossible dreams, with no end in sight.
Then i remember long long ago.
When my life was happy, and it always showed.
Smiling and joy was all i could see.
I think to myself "Was that really me?"
Perhaps these dreams aren't lost.
It just seems they come at a cost.
Oblivious to all the sadness on this earth.
Happy inside but they can't see the hurt.
But once they lose that ignorant bliss.
It would seem to them something's amiss.
All the horrors and pain everywhere they go.
That seemed nonexistent but now they know.
They try and help, to help them all.
But the more they try the further they fall.
So then i realize these memories aren't impossible.
Just a thing of the past never to be seen.
And now i'm stuck here with these people judgmental, even mean.
These impossible memories, never again to see the light of day.
Finally i have nothing left to say.

just let me go.
just let me leave.
I'm tired of all this pain,
all the never-ending rain.
so it's about time I said goodbye.
and slipped quietly into the night
maybe then you can see
what life has done to me.
I know you'll care more once I'm gone.
you'll think what could I have done, what did I do wrong.
so the time is finally here.
there's no hope for me, no cheer.
goodbye I say to you all.
and I hope that none of you feel the same fall.

they say i'm an insane crazy person
you would be too if you've seen what I've seen
death is my friend
ill be with him till the end
I flew with angels
and fought with demons
every day my heart feels like its bleeding
I try to escape this world i'm in
you can see it these words how morbid it is
I laugh in the face of death not only because it doesn't faze me
its my friend even
they say im evil but don't take me the wrong way
i'll take a walk with god and have a talk with the devil both in the same day
maybe that's why it hurts so much
so conflicted inside my mind up in a bunch
I'm an angel and a demon you decide which you see
you'll know your choice the moment you look inside of me.

I thought I loved you
And I thought you loved me too
But your heart looked at another
So only my love was true.
You didn't tell me till it was over
And all was said and done
You said it was an accident
You said that just for fun
You knew how you truly felt
You said nothing anyway
You just kept on pretending
Day after day after day
Too bad he broke your heart
I'd never do that to you
Maybe you should have realized
I was the one for you.

It hurts inside.... it hurts so much
Every day I cry
Every day I want to die.
You say you understand.
But not even I understand.
It hurts.
Like there's a knife in my chest.
I'm drowning in my thoughts.
Just put me to rest.
There is no hope left.
Not for me at least.
But I cant tie you down now,you'll be free at least.
They all tell me "you have so much to live for"
But they don't understand how much I have to die for.
So bury me six feet under.
Forget about me, i'll be gone.
Like a quick roll of thunder.

There came a time when i finally realized.
there's no point in living this life.
I can't be who i need to be.
I cannot see what i hoped to see.
I try try and try again.
A vicious cycle to never end.
Endless hurt, endless pain and grief.
Don't you see what i mean.
I failed countless times.
Many more than would fit in this rhyme.
My point is i'm done.
I can't sleep and there's no peace.
This broken world doesn't really need me.
I wish i could just, give it up.
But, some won't let me, insisting my time's not up.
So i will sit here just awaiting.
The day when you are stating.
That I, have failed.

I wish I may I wish I might
slide a blade across my throat tonight
take a pill just one too many
the world doesn't need me there's more people, there's plenty
climb atop the roof so high
fall right off and try to fly
tie a rope around my neck
pull it up my life's a wreck
maybe now you can finally see
what this place has done to me

**** me I say,
Take my life away
Who needs me anyway.
I tried being strong
I've heard all the songs.
I love you all I hope you know
But you don't feel the same way so ill just go.
Please just let me go,
The more you "help" the more it hurts
So bury me 6 feet into the dirt.
Ill miss you all,
I wish I could just stop the fall.
Now its time,
So this is the last goodbye

Do you know I'll never leave you.
No matter what you do its true.
Even after you leave me,
Ill stay forever hoping you'll see.
See that I'm here and your never alone
But you don't care you have a life of your own.
Maybe I'm too nice and care too much
I'm rather clingy you should know as such.
So go ahead and leave they all eventually do.
Just know ill still be here for you.

People always ask me "what's wrong"
I tell them I don't know and they don't believe me
but that's the truth there's no deceiving
I'm all alone what more do you want
People ask if i'm ok
I say "I'm fine just a little tired today"
that's the truth don't you see
I'm tired of the pain
tired of this never ending rain
tired of always trying too hard
tired of never being good enough
i'm tired of no one understanding

Help, i'm trapped inside my mind.
I feel the walls closing in, i feel them moving closer from behind.
Figures of shadow loom over me.
I look and stare, what are these?
They look like me with sadness in their eyes.
You could tell by staring, they are all sad inside.
One shakes and shivers, like a child afraid of the dark.
Another is as white as a ghost, as bright as a spark.
Two look dark and blue, staring at each other.
They are separated, though they seem to need one another.
I look back around and see the walls are gone.
Maybe it was them, maybe they are done.
But i look to my sides and there they are.
These figures crowd around me.
Like that want to suffocate me soft and soundly.
Finally i realize.
All these figures, are what i am inside.

It's impossible for me to explain.
What i feel inside, this pain.
Like my heart is full of holes.
And my soul is black as coal.
My mind is lost, never to be found.
I've been buried alive, six feet underground.
I reach for the sky, hoping to see light.
All i get is pain, and endless night.
Since I can't help myself i help those that i see.
They just break me down more, they destroy me.
The rain doesn't stop, there is no end.
My wounds are too deep, impossible to mend.
Pain is all that is left for my life.
So i give in to pain, and take out my knife.

And I ran and I ran as fast as could.
The darkness behind me coming closer and closer.
I stopped and looked at the ground, I knew it was over.
And than inside my head a voice says
"Run, run towards the light and you will be saved"
So I ran and ran towards that light.
until I had little faith and barely any fight.
When I arrived I realized I was deceived, there was never any hope for me.
So I turned back around and looked death in the eyes.
I said all my prayers and all the last goodbyes...

I'm so sick of these people
I'm so sick of it all
I'm So sick of the lying
I'm So sick of trying
I'm so sick of the ignorance
I'm so sick of the hurt
I'm so sick of being used
I'm so sick of the arrogance
I'm so sick of the caring
I'm so sick of myself
I'm so sick of it all
But mostly of all
I'm so sick of the ones who made me fall.

As the tears run down my face.
I wonder, what is this hell, what is this place?
lost somewhere, never to be found.
Soon to be buried six feet under the ground.
No one left rescue me.
This emptiness is all i see.
I open my eyes, but still see no light.
All that is left is pain, and never ending night.
Please, take me from this hell I'm in.
Did i do this to my self, how much did i sin?
What could i do wrong to put me here.
Down with my nightmares, and every single fear.
So if you hear nothing from me, ever again.
I say to you, farewell my friend.

I wear disguise.
every day of my life
I will wear this disguise
till the very last light
I seem so happy so full of glee
you'd never know what's inside of me
deep inside is hell you see
a place of darkness, and than there's me
crying alone in the corner of hell
the demons shouting as far as I can tell
but you'd never know because I'm the happiest you will see
but deep down inside it's killing me

I look up through my window at the night sky.
The blackness above me as i wonder why.
Not a star to be seen, only the moons pale light.
Here in my head, it is a starless night.
I look away and shut my eyes.
Darkness is there too, not much to my surprise.
That Pale light that keeps me going, grows smaller every day.
I will sit here and wait, wait til it fades away.
Because there is not a star in the sky to keep me here.
Only the dark, one of my childhood fears.
I know there is a morning, but I'm not willing to wait.
This sky is filled with darkness, it's filled with hate.
The lights of my room they are growing dim.
The way this ends for me, isn't good, it's grim.
I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek.
I open my mouth as i try to speak.
No words come out, i have nothing left.
I tried my hardest, i really did try my best.
The tears keep coming, as i begin to weep.
I slowly stop crying, finally, it's time to sleep.

You see there's a prisoner,
Not trapped in any jail.
Where no amount of money could set the bail.
He was trapped in his mind, trapped in his thought.
He tried to escape for he was left to rot.
There needn't be a guard,
The voices took care of that.
As soon as thought he escaped he'd be be in a darker room.
In each room a way out, the way to his tomb.
He tried taking that way more than once.
But even though he tried he didn't have the guts.
I think that's weak
Maybe for help he should seek.
Now you may think I'm being mean
But the thing is, that person is me

Have you heard the sound of darkness?
I have, I've heard all of those terrible things.
I've felt all the pain the darkness brings.
But once you heard the sound of darkness.
You can never leave its like your heartless.
You don't know if your dead, maybe your alive.
It hurts so much your dead inside.
Those who see the light again one day,
Sometimes still get the feeling like they stayed.
Me, however I'm stuck here.
I can never leave the darkness my home is here now.
Ill always hear the sound of darkness now.

Time is a hallway, long and thin.
Open a door and see what's within.
See beauty or horror who knows what's inside.
Some are dreams that were left to die.
You will see laughter and glee.
And people who never were all they could be.
The disease of wallowing through time.
Is getting lost every night.
When you see someone who needs your help.
Do you spend you time or go someplace else?
Because the hallway is only so long there is an end.
Say goodbye to dreams, hopes, and friends.
For at the end of the hallway you see.
Is a coffin, waiting just for me.

Don't you get it
I'm never good enough
not anything
but I'm bad at many things
I feel like I have no home
there's no place for me
life's like a race I always lose
you couldn't understand the pain
you were never left alone in the rain
I'm so hurt inside
id rather not live this life.
i'm so tired
so tired of ife
so tired of wondering when the hurt will end
call me stubborn never willing to change
it's because i'm alone, that's what made me this way
you say you understand, that
you've felt this way before
but it wasn't the same for you
death wasn't knocking at your door
so once again I sit alone in this empty room
wondering why I live...what to do

Voices, voices all around
don't you also hear the sounds
the voices yelling, screaming at me
"why don't you just end it, just leave"
they stay all day and keep me up at night
they say "try again till you get it right"
so I take out the bottle of pills from my drawer
and hope ill be in pain nevermore
but than at the end they're still around
"your so weak you would leave your friends crying on the ground"
I try and run I try and hide
no matter where I go they live inside
so I made a decision to end it all
because I've hit rock bottom no where left to fall.

Do you see how blue the sky is, not a cloud around.
A beautiful day, with only the calming sounds.
The birds are chirping, the gently breeze flowing.
The sun is shining and the grass is growing.
Clouds slowly move across the expanse of blue.
Casting huge shadows, sometimes over you.
One rain drop falls down through the air.
You feel the water on you, slowly wetting your hair.
The clouds darken the suns rays as they disappear from sight.
And on top of that, it is slowly becoming night.
You get inside, where it is bright, dry, and warm.
All of a sudden that rain becomes a storm.
I pillar of wind heading your way.
You know you wouldn't survive, so there is no reason to stay.
You walk outside and begin to run.
Getting cold once again without the light of the sun.
You watch the pillar of wind rip through your home.
You are stuck outside in this wasteland, forced to just roam.
So you sink to the puddle forming beneath your feet.
So helpless, alone, and cold you begin to weep.

Why are these dreams broken?
when all these words are left unspoken.
Uncertainty killing those who care inside.
They are left to rot, left to die.
Why are their faces filled with sorrow?
They see no light, no tomorrow.
They beg and they plea.
Only to see cruelty.
Why do the stars fade from our eyes?
Is it because we are slowly dying inside.
Why are you sad, why can't you breath?
You are drowning in sorrow, please don't leave.
Why are we abandoned and left to rot.
Never to leave stuck in this spot?
Why do our nightmares overcome our dreams?
Because can't you see.
These dreams are broken, they are left unspoken, by me.

Once again i sit on my bed.
all alone with thoughts in my head.
The click clack of the keyboard repeating itself.
The words in my head, emerging from hell.
Flowing to the screen on which you read.
The words I write are what's left of me.
I am but a whisper in the wind.
My mind is gone, it's on the paper, so thin.
These poems i write are what i feel within.
Brush past them, or read them, whichever you may choose.
What i write is what i feel and that is true.
I sit here and write, and pour out my soul.
and all who look see something as dark as coal.
So turn back now, if you choose to believe me.
There is this darkness i perceive, one that you too will see.

Why don't they get it?
The senseless hurt with no remorse.
The silent tears and all the lies.
What's the point of it all?
I try to stop it but it brings me down.
You might think you understand.
What im feeling deep down inside.
Not because what they did to me.
Because of what I did to myself.
I can tell.. you don't get it either.
There are very few who do.
Very few who care enough to understand.
But not about me.
About them.