It's 3 A.M. again...
The night's silence feels like a scream.
I found myself analyzing, once again.
Stress makes my skin itching
Till I let it bleed, bursting.

Disappointments from unsuccessful attempts calling,
Waking my buried feelings, making them digging
My wall that i long tried to built strong

I can feel the sun's plans to rise along
After that, perhaps i'll hear some chirping from birds' songs
And maybe then, these feelings will be gone.

I'll let myself fall into dreams-
A chance to run away from real things-
Until I find myself thinking:
It’s 3 A.M. again...

Every mistake I’ve made feels as heavy as they made by 100 men
And maybe when the clock hits 6,
I can finally sleep by then.

I knew, since the start
True ones don't let you down.
I must praise your toxic art-
Of tricking and blinding what is real.
It almost made me accept the deal,
Until I found myself healed.

And see,
That I meant so much more
Than spending my whole life under your toxic core.
I’m glad that the second I heard the taxi horn-
I got in and got home.
Cried, cooked, and realized:
You're not worth a tear; you're worth nothing.
It was then that I grasped-
It was my pure intentions that made you everything.

I already knew since the start:
The true one for me wouldn’t let me down.
Moral of the story?
Good riddance and good lesson.
You're at the age where you should have a son,
And it's high time I took my light back
And became my own hero
When I cannot see the sun.

I still hold onto your fantasy in my head tight.
Can you feel the memories at night?
Or are you completely alright?
Do you replay every detail in your head, too?
I believed in your potential even if your damage grew.
I realized they were always there, the clues,
A part of me still wants you to remember though, just for the sake of the blues.

I guess there was no way clear,
Your voice's still ringing deep inside my ear.
I know it'll pass and i'd be healed,
But i can't help and peel
My lips, when i think about everything,
Will we ever get closure or just nothing?
Guess i'll get my tea,
sit on that breezy balcony,
And try to do nothing.

et mon dernier
acte d'amour
serait de me
forcer à ne plus
jamais te parler

If only our brains were lobotomized,
So we could spend our lives
cuddling all night,
without the weight of worry.
No more missed calls from mom,
just sleep and your arms
kissing you,
laying down into an eternal calm.

I remember the panic in our eyes,
How we looked to the window
When the police lights
danced furiously on the walls
A car’s reflection pulling us
to the great fear of getting caught.
The shade bled red,
and the misery wore blue.

You said,
"I just gotta be sure."
Well, I do too.
But who doesn’t want to know for certain
before they think they found the one?
Are we still meant to be
if we don’t feel that certainty
deep down?

I guess it was confusion
that made me cry.
The echo after our last kiss—
a quiet ache,
like knowing
it may never happen again.
The way your warmth
became a memory
before it even left the room.

You said,
"I just gotta be sure."
Well, I do too.
But maybe it was already fading
in the silence that grew.
Maybe love was the question
neither of us ever knew.

If only you loved me as deeply as i did
so we could sleep through the night again,
Before i saw your greed
without ever worrying.
But it was your heart
That started to lobotimize
That wanted just to be loved, not love
I could sense all of it
Deep and well in your absence
Who have you been touching in your silence?

That time you started to reply late.
That time I gave up sending the first message.
That time you never reached out.
That time I realized how many lies you'd been telling.
That time I blocked you from everywhere back to back
That time I wondered if you tried to text back.
That time I went on a new date.
That time I dumped our pictures and your gifts with a chest wrenching ache.
That time i saw under your mask, your real face.
That time our memories started to fade.
That time I started to forget your face...

Rotting in bed for three days now.
I was thinking about all the whys and hows,
trying to find an answer.
Maybe if I get up and complete a couple of tasks,
I can beat my temper,
which I always had at the end of the day,
when I realized I missed out on this day too, when I pray.

But today,
I looked deep into my iris in the mirror,
and told myself
today is the day that will differ.
only if I start and be consistent,
everything would be clearer.

Perhaps even by the end of the year,
I can make her proud, my mother.
This time I'll try to stay stuck,
hoping that eventually I'll get my luck.

God will hear the sound of my heart
and provide a bit more strength for my worn out arms.
Over time,
I will reassume to pray at night
from deep inside my lungs,
an opportunity for me to regain the control of my years which was anything but young,

And in the future I know I'll be glad i tried that day when the alarm has rung.
I'll throw every piece of darkness holding me back to the bin.
And as Liza Minnelli has sung,
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win.

All day, and everyday,
When i remember your face,
I recall those times,
When we were the same age.

As we ran through the hallways,
Completely in panic.
Running scared from those,
Identified as strong boys.

Elevating all the floor dust,
We were running while they were chasing us.
Through the screams laced with hatred
We were criminals
Just for loving whom we wanted.