I cannot show them my sincerity,
Cannot hold in my hands, my pain.
Delusions and dreams, my sweetest escape.
Except a lesson, what did I gain?

I thought I would know, now I don't know why.
My love was falsely advertised.

The emotions, they come in waves.
In my head, I still replay your innocent gaze.
The absence of our potential days, it lays
On my chest, becoming a part of me as it weighs
I guess we've both gone through different hallways.

I know, i fear to try
Yet maybe eventually,
I can make the whole bit right.
Even after all of the hell that we both have been burned through
I know the spark that lights up the way to my soul
Has always just been you.

Rotting in bed for three days now.
I was thinking about all the whys and hows,
trying to find an answer.
Maybe if I get up and complete a couple of tasks,
I can beat my temper,
which I always had at the end of the day,
when I realized I missed out on this day too, when I pray.

But today,
I looked deep into my iris in the mirror,
and told myself
today is the day that will differ.
only if I start and be consistent,
everything would be clearer.

Perhaps even by the end of the year,
I can make her proud, my mother.
This time I'll try to stay stuck,
hoping that eventually I'll get my luck.

God will hear the sound of my heart
and provide a bit more strength for my worn out arms.
Over time,
I will reassume to pray at night
from deep inside my lungs,
an opportunity for me to regain the control of my years which was anything but young,

And in the future I know I'll be glad i tried that day when the alarm has rung.
I'll throw every piece of darkness holding me back to the bin.
And as Liza Minnelli has sung,
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win.

Collision season of ours, it should have felt like strings in planetarium.
I still hold hidden affection in my chest,
Completely enough to fill a stadium.
Filled with patterns of anyone I ever loved, to be a mosaic museum.

Before we branched into different junctions,
If only we had collected more memories, oh the fear of oblivion.
We should've danced just like Mia & Sebastian.
It should have felt like planetarium,
Magical, cinematic, worthy of a scene, 3, 2, 1 - action.

If only our brains were lobotomized,
So we could spend our lives
cuddling all night,
without the weight of worry.
No more missed calls from mom,
just sleep and your arms
kissing you,
laying down into an eternal calm.

I remember the panic in our eyes,
How we looked to the window
When the police lights
danced furiously on the walls
A car’s reflection pulling us
to the great fear of getting caught.
The shade bled red,
and the misery wore blue.

You said,
"I just gotta be sure."
Well, I do too.
But who doesn’t want to know for certain
before they think they found the one?
Are we still meant to be
if we don’t feel that certainty
deep down?

I guess it was confusion
that made me cry.
The echo after our last kiss—
a quiet ache,
like knowing
it may never happen again.
The way your warmth
became a memory
before it even left the room.

You said,
"I just gotta be sure."
Well, I do too.
But maybe it was already fading
in the silence that grew.
Maybe love was the question
neither of us ever knew.

If only you loved me as deeply as i did
so we could sleep through the night again,
Before i saw your greed
without ever worrying.
But it was your heart
That started to lobotimize
That wanted just to be loved, not love
I could sense all of it
Deep and well in your absence
Who have you been touching in your silence?

That time you started to reply late.
That time I gave up sending the first message.
That time you never reached out.
That time I realized how many lies you'd been telling.
That time I blocked you from everywhere back to back
That time I wondered if you tried to text back.
That time I went on a new date.
That time I dumped our pictures and your gifts with a chest wrenching ache.
That time i saw under your mask, your real face.
That time our memories started to fade.
That time I started to forget your face...

Wandering around the room like I'm in a cycle, spiraling.
Hours passed, it hurts my knees from within.
Creating the millionth dream in my fantasy,
Will I ever stop this pattern or has it become a part of me?

Witnessing all these blurry images in me
Happy crowds and smiling faces, rising from my tragedy.
Is it my brain that is protecting me?
By creating false realities I've never tasted.

Should i be grateful for it or just stop?
My tasks are overflowing from the desk, a pile so high, someone could climb to the top.
My intuition tells me to cut this habit off,
Like a tumor that should be chopped.

Finally discovered it's all just parts,
Drenched in dark pitch, starving larks.
The moments i should have been in,
Have they turned into curses or are they just blessings?

Constantly putting off, it's addicting
Cause as long as I am in my head and dreaming,
I wouldn't need any other thing
Still, I can sense my higher self hoping:

Someday in the future I'd be quitting
Replacing these fake memories with something genuine
I don't know if it will happen but if it ever does
My legs would finally sigh and be greatly thanking.

It's three A.M. again...
The night's silence feels like a scream.
I found myself analyzing, once again.
Stress makes my skin itching
Till I let it bleed, bursting.

Disappointments from unsuccessful attempts calling,
Waking my buried feelings, making them digging
My wall that i long tried to built strong

I can feel the sun's plans to rise along
After that, perhaps i'll hear some chirping from birds' songs
And maybe then, these feelings will be gone.

I'll let myself fall into dreams-
A chance to run away from real things-
Until I find myself thinking:
It’s three A.M. again...

Every mistake I’ve made feels as heavy as they made by one hundred men
And maybe when the clock hits six,
I can finally sleep by then.

I still hold onto your fantasy in my head, tight.
Can you feel the memories at night?
Or are you completely alright?
Do you replay every detail in your head, too?

I believed in your potential even if your damage grew.
I realized they were always there, the clues,
A part of me still wants you to remember though, just for the sake of the blues.

I guess there was no way clear,
Your voice's still ringing deep inside my ear.
I know it'll pass and i'd be healed,
But i can't help and peel
My lips, when i think about everything,

Will we ever get closure or just nothing?
Guess i'll get my tea,
sit on that breezy balcony,
And try to do nothing.

I knew, since the start
True ones don't let you down.
I must praise your toxic art-
Of tricking and blinding what is real.
It almost made me accept the deal,
Until I found myself healed.

And see,
That I meant so much more
Than spending my whole life under your toxic core.
I’m glad that the second I heard the taxi horn-
I got in and got home.
Cried, cooked, and realized:
You're not worth a tear; you worth nothing.
It was then that I grasped-
It was my pure intentions that made you everything.

I already knew since the start:
The true one for me wouldn’t let me down.
Moral of the story?
Good riddance and good lesson.
You're at the age where you should have a son,
And it's high time I took my light back
And became my own hero
When I cannot see the sun.

Your world is eternally complete.
You don't need to change a thing.
Your existence is already gem concrete.
A divine white hole gives off rays and transmits an unfamiliar being.

A seed that blooms into a drop of water,
A destiny, ready to be changed by the sky god.
Sprouts gushing everywhere, born from the mud.
A mother has seen it all, asks for protection against this creation, odd.

Shadows dressed as sparkling beams float around,
Befooling the pure, hoping to capture the crown.
Words as soft as pongee, elevating the snake from its hole, deep down,
Spreading the decay, now it is dead on the lawn.

The outer layer finally cracks open after forever.
Has been thousands of years, now its job is to be the cycle breaker.
Such a miraculous blessing of nature, to be no wiser:
Oh to possess a soul too serene to comprehend the tempter.

A photon is destined to proceed forwards,
One's mission only to exist for creating radiance.
Scarcely, only for a moment, for a soul sky god has its eyes over, one particle jumps backwards,
Creating another realm where signs from the future comes down to past as divine messages.

Uneasy senses overflowing from the intuition,
For those who cannot see, it is just an illusion.
One must not question sky god's compassion,
Sending signs even for those blinded by realm of skeletons.

et mon dernier
acte d'amour
serait de me
forcer à ne plus
jamais te parler

All day, and everyday,
When i remember your face,
I recall those times,
When we were the same age.

As we ran through the hallways,
Completely in panic.
Running scared from those,
Identified as strong boys.

Elevating all the floor dust,
We were running while they were chasing us.
Through the screams laced with hatred
We were criminals
Just for loving whom we wanted.