Untangle twisted
knots from my hair
the air, forces
sudden bonds, make, break
that shouldn't have been
or believed, unseen
twisted trees,
separation in the eaves,
the leaves, the leaves
detritus strewn across
the drive, dented car
reverse the damage
of the break, the break
creaking swings and songs
from birds, leak into
sullen air, once black
now golden, yet how
in the green of grass
green of the spare
of the sheets
left to billow and straighten
like the knots in my hair

You, with the Hollow Heart and vines of fool’s gold.
They glisten but hiss within, seeking warmth from Hollow’s cold.

The vines stretch out and find a heart full of light.
So warm and genuine that the vines hold it tight.

Hollow feeds and fills her own empty shell with greed.
Full Heart doesn’t notice that she’s trapped and not free.

Hollow let’s go, as warmth calls elsewhere.
She’s taken so much light, that Full Heart is nearly bare.

Onto the next bright heart, her vines swing away.
Leaving Full Heart emptied, naked in the ray.

It takes a while to notice that her heart has been used.
The pain isn’t instant, but she fades like a bruise.

Eventually tears come and hurt is released.
Her heart is now full of fire like a ravenous beast.

She roars and cries as the water and fire merge.
Alchemy is achieved as a Phoenix cry is heard.

The elements refill her heart with renewed strength and vigour.
A scar is left from the vine, but her heart grows bigger.

Hollow will never be full and will always be soul-searching.
Ever reaching with golden vines, for light that is surging.

A lesson has been learnt yet a scar has been left behind.
Full Heart burns brighter, by trauma she will not be defined.

The little bird sang
Every dawn and dusk
Upon a swing within its cage

Each warble and chirp
From its breast it did ******
Singing for freedom upon its stage

It longed for the space
To spread its tiny wings
To feel the air rustle its feathers

The owners would never hear it
Like a harp without its strings
Little birds heart was tethered

The time did pass
As its song did fade
It knew it would never soar

But the owners had now gone
And the bird had remained
It hadn’t noticed its open cage door

Little bird, don’t you know?
The freedom is yours
Just fly out the cage and you’ll see

Little bird, don’t give up
Your heart aches for more
Just fly little bird, just be

You won’t want to see me now
But I would hold your hand
If you wanted a way out of your tower
That you’ve made out of the sand

And the white horses run
And the white horses run

Have you found some happiness?
Or love next to the sea?
I know it’s what you always wanted
To feel like you are free

And her heart hears the drums
And her heart hears the drums

What price have you had to pay?
For a windowless view?
Remember it’s just sand you’ve built
And your wildness can’t be subdued

And grief she’ll become
And grief she’ll become

She’s always happiest on the run

I was the calm, you were the storm
I'd say too much and you'd perform

I can't sing, you won't sleep
The bond won't fade and tries to creep

I still love, you still hate
I thought I saw hope and took the bait

I have grieved, you won't see
Just how much you mean to me

I hear your name, you won't say mine
You broke my heart so I took your shine

You'd never say it, I wouldn't know what for
No one saw me crying on the bedroom floor

Don’t look
Just hide
All the lies
Overt your eyes
            from the truth

Don’t lift
The plush
Keep hush
We’re in no rush
            to see the reason for your rage

Don’t speak
The truth
Or play sleuth
What’s the use
            of cleaning up all that mess?

Don’t confront
We’ll fight
For the right
To lose sight
            of our past injustices to you

Just sweep
Get a broom
There’s more room
For the gloom
     It’ll fit under this beautiful rug

If you don’t
Or you shout
Strikeout or pout
We will cast you out
     of this web of ours

Go on
Be sincere
Face our fear
You don’t belong here
    and never will again.

I can't stop cleaning
My knuckles are dry
Red
Rivers of disinfectant fill the parched cracks of my skin
A storm in a gorge
There's too much dust
A sandstorm
I swipe it away
It comes back!
Dark grey tufts of storm clouds
That I, with my
Mighty Hand
Brush away
Insignificant

But it's not nothing
I know what it is

I tear the filled pages
Out of my notebook
Cast them away
They're impure
Scribbled on
Clean white pages are all I need
The purity of sacred bleach

Smell the chemicals, the cleanliness
Destroy the dust, keep order
Tear the paper, fall like rain

It's never nothing
I know what it is

Circle & Arrow, Circle & Arrow
Cancelled out circle & cross

Measure my truth
Against your unyielding ruler
Oh, you’ve seen this before?

Scrutinise my broken skin
Under white
Hot
Lights

He said
He feels
He thought

Yet cover your ears
From the sound of the drag
Of the heavy cross, I carried.
Bare.

Harsh voices
Blame & shame
The guilt was never mine

How straight, you conclude.
How straight.

You don’t get to choose.

My strength defeats your justice
My truth is my fuel

Who heals the healer,
when there's nothing in them left?
An empty mind full of empty thoughts,
all her senses bereft.

How do you heal the healer,
when acceptance can be shunned?
She feels she doesn't deserve it back;
the quiet insecurities never outrun.

How do you help the healer,
to find herself again?
Pull the red thread taut & hold her hand,
and wait for the cries of amen.

How do you love the healer,
is an easier answer to give.
She's my life, she's my love,
I will show her how to forgive.

I pray for an eclipse to hide you, Sun.
For I can’t hide this look on my face.

I hope for trees to shades your rays, Sun.
To clear my head of your haze.

I search for water to quench my throat, Sun.
The words get stuck on my lips.

I count down the hours until you set, Sun.
A bittersweet release from your grip.

I wait with the Moon for your dawn, Sun.
The stars know my secrets too well.

I fear the whispers in the moonlight, Sun.
With morning birdsong, my heart swells.

I see your light on the horizon, Sun.
Facing me East, so dear.

I realise the strength of your power, Sun.
My feelings burn so clear.

We are matter that doesn't,
within secret stars.
An elemental chance
between Venus & Mars.

Collisions are what made us,
reactions caused life.
Somewhere in the stardust,
we connected eye to eye.

Feelings spelled out
in patterned constellations.
Our energies connect
on the same vibration.

Before we were this,
we were something far away.
Attached to the rhythm
of our own night & day.

Your heat as the Sun.
My cool as the Moon.
Linked together like water,
so closely attuned.

Light-years passed with your absence;
A black hole in my heart.
Your departure caused an explosion
& tore us apart.

Once fused, now alone.
Drifting from our Supernova.
Confused & divided.
In the dark matter, we were over.

Through galaxies time erased
& I became something new.
I found my twin flame
& felt a different Sun, renew.

We grow & burn together,
looking up at the sky.
Now here, we are what each other needs,
until the day we die.

But here you are in front of me;
across millennia you appear.
To confuse my heart & mind?
To threaten what's truly dear?

Two Suns orbiting one Moon,
a satellite love.
Let me learn from this equation,
I pray to spirit above.

I learnt from the old.
I grow with the new.
Australis & Borealis,
let your light shine through.

A lie is fake
The truth is real
A lie will mask
What truth reveals

A lie is *****
The truth is clean
The lie lays in shadow
The truth beams

You are the liar
I am the truth
The lie is easy
The truth cuts through

You can't face mine
I don't want yours
One cut too far
But what do I lose?

Not much lost
Nothing gained
No more lies
No more pain

You are fake
I am real
You can't mask
What I reveal

In the bubble were hopes and dreams.
Hopscotch, handstands, Mr Whippy Ice Creams.
The freedom of playing outside on the street.
Summer holidays, bike rides and pick’n’mix sweets.

Years swept past and the bubble was still there.
Now 13 more interested in clothes and my hair.
Music and dancing; cigarettes and *****.
Never thinking ahead, just running wild and loose.

BURST went the bubble is his sly hands.
A past and present stolen; a future with changed plans.
Colour and glitter fell in horizontal lines.
Out went my sparkle, off went my shine.

Much time passed as I continued to grow.
Teens and twenties a blur but in my thirties I slowed.
I remembered the bubble; I remembered his hand.
The memory knocked me down like a wave on the sand.

With love I healed and began to blow, a fresh new bubble for my mended soul.
Filled with hope and forgiveness; love and light.
Books, food, nature; spiritually taking flight.

Yet I winced when I saw him once again.
Feeling sick to my stomach, almost feint.
He plagued my thoughts and dreams for a while after.
But truth broke me free as negativity shattered.

He took a part of me forever and that I can’t forgive.
But I have to move on in order to live.
My innocence was snatched but my future is mine.
I will live it to it’s fullest; forever I will shine.

At my desk I observe
and witness the absurd,
as you talk about 'working relationships'.

You say you want to know
all about me and so,
to manage me according to that.

I listen to the farce
as you save your own ****
and remember to keep my face straight.

You're a joke and tell lies;
all you do is undermine
me and for that I can't forgive you or trust.

So, I'll fake it for now
until the next row
when you put that size 7 shoe in your gob.

So just leave me be
while I make my coffee,
it's too early to listen to this script.

The girl hums happily, stitching the ragdoll back together.
Spools and needles lay around her, ready as ever.

Every morning she threads a needle and stuffs back the cotton.
Smiling to herself whilst looping the pretty buttons.

Each night is the same as the young girl sleeps.
The ragdoll awakens and from the bed she leaps.

She tears at her stitching and yanks out the cotton.
Pulls her limbs away and prays to lay there forgotten.

But the girl never forgets and at every dawn,
gathers the doll up with a smile and a yawn.

''Oh ragdoll, every night you do the same thing.
Tear yourself up limb from limb.

You don't think you're special or worthy or loved.
At the bottom of every pile of dolls, you've been shoved.

But I will keep stitching you back up until you see,
just how much you really mean to me.'

As we drank the wine fast, our tongues untied.
Truth crept among us like an icy dawn.
Siblings remembered; through memories cried.
A glimpse of a bond with loyalty sworn.

A compliment rejected; moods now changed.
The barrier was raised and weapons drawn.
The three, little words thrown into exchange.
Through bitterness she moved the final pawn.

In doing so, she cut their final link.
His submission affirmed her icy hate.
The sister had lost, fallen at the brink.
The wife had won, through him she would dictate.

Sadness has fallen; a snowflake on ice.
Unbreakable bond broken, at what price?

The King nor the Queen
wanted the crown.
Too heavy to bear,
it dragged them both down.

The King wanted to drink
and party with his men.
The Queen couldn't manage
and wanted a friend.

The oldest princess
wanted love and money.
To sell the crown
and find a honey.

The youngest princess
was eratic and cold.
She hated the kingdom
but loved the control.

They bickered and squabbled
so no one did see.
The middle princess
picked it up so gingerly.

She placed it on
Her Royal, fair head.
She managed to stand
with courage and said...

'I will wear the crown
that you've all cast.
To protect our kingdom
and serve as asked.'

They all stopped talking
and quick as a gun,
turned their back on her
and continued their fun.

The King kept on drinking.
The Queen hid away.
The oldest spent her inheritance.
The youngest plotted and played.

All the while she fought there.
Defending the walls.
Fighting for their safety,
Pledging allegiance to them all.

The youngest became jealous
Of this brave new Queen.
She unleashed her rage
And beat her senselessly.

No one did anything.
The Queen looked away.
Nothing in it for the eldest.
The King stood & swayed.

Yet here she was alone,
Crying in the crown.
Unprotected and alone.
Slowly sinking down.

The eldest took her energy.
The Queen gave no hope.
The King let her down.
The youngest gave her a rope.

So she hung herself and died,
As they continued on.
Her absence went unnoticed
As their kingdom lived on.

The white rabbit leads me silently
I follow her dutifully blind
She's all I've ever known in this life
No lost world left behind

The caterpillar won't help me
Surrounds me in thick, grey smoke
Cocooned in itself as always
The truth it always cloaks

The hatter dances to no music
With the mad March hare
Intoxicated on more than tea
Through me the hatter does stare

The Cheshire Cat is plotting revenge
Grinning high up in his tree
Watching my every movement made
He's hiding the only key

The Queen of hearts just hates me
With all of her strength and might
No reasoning will soothe her
All she does is done in spite

This is no Wonderland here
No wonder to be held at all
I scrabble in the darkness to find it
The key to the only door

Dreaming in colour
Awakened by grey
Drunk in acid green
He called my name

Dragged me blindly
Consciousness like fog
Eyes scanning the darkness
His intent clear through smog

My mind sensed danger
A light switched off and on
Passed out, tuned in
My innocence had gone

Chewed up and spat out
My use was done
Pushed me back to my bed
A victory he had won

Years flashed by
The memory was shunned
Swimming in dirt
Unable to love

Then I dreamt in colour
Remembered the grey
Flashes of acid green
I spoke his name

Born in a spiders web
So silky and neat
Spreading over her crown
To her tiny, pink feet

A family of spiders
Scuttled and stalked
Weaving their way
Through dust and chalk

As the baby grew
The web threatened to break
But they repaired and spun
Around her like snakes

She was different to them
So innocent and pure
They tried to trap her spirit
With lies, secrets and lures

The child, now a teen
Succumb to their ways
Her truth unspoken
The web's now a maze

She knew no love
No heart or care
Just lies and jealousy
A world of traps and snares

Through the tunnel she shuffled
In front of her stood
A girl just like her
Someone she understood

This girl smiled and unwrapped her
From many years of web
From her bare, mucky feet
To the top of her head

What freedom she felt!
She smiled and laughed
It echoed in bright lights
Through the tunnels and shafts

The spiders squealed in the light
Angry and eight eyes blind
They could no longer contain her
No longer bind

The girls escaped together
Hands held and then she knew
This was all I ever needed
Love from me to you

Palms sweating on the steering wheel
I try to chat
Hold on tightly
I look ahead
Red lorry, yellow lorry
My breath catches in my throat as we approach the bridge
Parallel lines pass me by
Don't look
I know how high up I am
If I wanted, I could drive off this bridge...
With one...
Lines
Flick...
Lines
Of my wrist.
My stomach rises and drops too fast
I feel like I'm falling
Releasing dread and panic
Adrenaline and tears
She gets angry but tries to calm me down
Down from the bridge
Get down
Fall off
Fall off the Earth
Be ****** out
No gravity
Oh God, no gravity
I try to breathe
I breathe
I breathe
Hold on tightly
We're off the bridge
I try to chat
Palms sweating on the steering wheel

It’s not a weight on our shoulders
Or an anchor, heavy on our feet
Not a ****** victory over others
Nor a weakened or beaten defeat

It’s not a maze of constant worries
Or an indecipherable scribble in our minds
Not a rulebook for our partners to follow
Nor a road full of stop signs

It’s not a game of lust and cheats
Or one image meant for all
Not a series of conditions ‘Only if…’
Nor split, withheld, or bought

It’s not sadness, tears or heartbreak
Or using one another for gains
Not ridiculous expectations to be forced on us
Nor emotions to be smothered or chained

It’s as natural as the breath we take
To give it out is simple and plain
It emanates from all our souls within
A light within us always untamed

Take a moment to truly find it now
Be still, be calm, be true
For when you do you’ll realise how easy
Unconditional love is within you

In amongst this bittersweet gathering
You both slice me looks, quickly
As I savour my cake

Under the easy chatter & voices
Comes a growl from behind your teeth
The dog chases the kids, comically

I sip my tea, smiling & laughing
Your jealousy pours as thick as cream & just as sour
White, one sugar please

I get her a drink at the table
Your hatred boils at my proximity
I mix with a steady hand, oblivious

I forget you're both there in this garden
You make your excuse to leave, defeated
My unbreakable peace doesn't falter now
I pick the crumbs from my plate & lick them from my fingers

I thought I knew love
Through and through like a well-thumbed book
My favourite movie on repeat that I know all the words too
In most parts
I play out tragedies
So beautifully painful a feeling cannot describe
The author hanging a fountain pen
Above my head
Ready to strike out any happiness

I thought I knew myself
From the back of my hand to my palm
All intricate lines crossing
Running alongside
Reaching out
So beautifully carved within my skin
The maker unhappy with his work
Frustrated
Ready to squish and start again

I thought I knew life
From its coincidental existence
To its many choices and turns
My empathy harms me here
A big heart
Has no place in a world
So beautifully ugly, with the human race and our endeavours
That there must be something
To hold onto
Something to live for

And I’ve suddenly found it.
Everything.
All.
In a flash of spirit and soul I understand love, myself and above all life.
In my existence there’s only you, and you alone.
That’s all we need.
All I need.
All others need.
Unconditional love

Mirrored in stark, cold symmetry
Branches shake and entwine in a delicate whisper that ruminates from a place unknown
Our names were called to a white path with the fluttering sureness of a snowflake
Closer we cling in deep breath
Feet shaky on firm ground
Cotton clouds shape and form in a ever changing grey sky
Within dreams of elegant falling feathers and wings
We pray for help through this raw Winter
And there, in each other, we see it
Through every bitter sense and every sweet harmony of the Robin's call we find it
There is beauty
Mirrored in stark, cold symmetry

Helplessly Incomplete
Panicked
We search for our twin departed
The other half on this
New Moon; the Heron silently watches
With a knowing eye, old friends
Pulsating sadness; he reads our truth
Drinking its gravity
A pull down his feathers as two fall
Pulled above water
Guided by a shadow of a Hare
Rippling from an egg that has
Split into two

Not whole apart; a part here resides through
Memories of broken shells
Barefoot we run into the Wildwood
We remember the way
Back to a maze instinctively
Through the door in the tree
A face in green leaves whispers to the higher
Sight
Drums dance in my chest
The Shamans chant is my breath
Follow old tracks to make anew
A wheel turned as we
Bow to the bones
In my soul a Heron feather lies
And so in yours
A journey complete

Alone I've always been
Their true souls I've always seen
Casted out for my sight
Unsupported with few rights

I am the moon overhead
Shining on what's left unsaid
For this comes a heavy price
Knowledge of what's wrong and right

I am a song unheard
Always forgotten and never learnt
They do not wish to hear the words
That escape from their caged bird

I am the lone wolf of the tribe
No one's ever at my side
I am them and never me
Yet from my heart they always flee

Alone I always will be
Truth I always will see
Accept my solitude in this role
Expect nothing, embrace all in my soul

Tinkling musical notes pull you closer from across the Fair.
Through mazes of stalls you search The thrilling roller coasters zoom overhead.
Though your eardrums throb with the sound of screams you can still hear the soft tune getting closer.
A beautiful carousel.
Gently bobbing up, down and around in never ending loops.
Ornately painted horses of all hues compete for your choice.
But which one?
The music drops a key, and distorts in the speakers.
Your gut instinctively clenching, as the empty ride spins faster.
The once majestic faces bare grotesque bloodied teeth at you.
Other horses laugh or smile with red eyes that cut to your soul like lasers.
And one horse faces outwards from the rest, staring at you with no face at all.
Your muscles long to move and fists beg to be released.
Your eyes sting, wide open to this horror.
It begins to whir back to it's original speed.
With each turn the horses change back to their positions and resume their delicate poses.
A small man hides in the shadows, operating the ride.
'Which horse do you choose?'
His voice crawls itself under your skin and his sickening laughter spreads it around your body.
Adrenaline hits your veins as you run.
Run from him, the faceless horse.

Swirling patterns of white smoke still hang and reside as stubborn as a cobweb.
Swimming and floating atop the waters of my soul.
No embers remain of the fire once held there, so brilliant and magical.
It was put out messily.

Scorching everything that was, to a damp smoky haze of uncertainty.
Fear feeds the smoke, unaware of the time since passed.
A light, all colours of my spectrum and of those that guide and heal me, begins to shine.

The ***** smog rises in the heat of this light and warmth as guiding breaths banish some smoke entirely to the Earth once more.
With such clearance my soul begins to bloom to the once beautiful flower it was.

I cannot yet fully see it, still smoke-blind but I know it's there and with purpose.
I feel nothing for the ashes at my bare feet, watching them spin and break in the breeze.
All but a hard lesson, now emotionless yet once such pain.

I don't need it, I need me.
And with that acknowledgement I begin to see.

I want you to hold my hand
Take it in yours with natural ease
Softly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to kiss my head
Protecting me from the world
Tenderly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to hug me tightly
In the middle of the street
Triumphantly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to look at me
And notice how much I shine
Brightly
Smile at me
Show them I'm yours

I want you to say it
I'd say it to
Lovingly
Smile at you
Show them you're mine

Without an answer you left me for dead
Alone and disturbed of what I became
My body so limp; a storm in my head
From nightmares I watched it frame by sharp frame

I wish to make you feel and watch your guilt
You are clueless to the destruction caused
My being castoff; erased what was built
Years given in service; future now paused

From blood on stone I stand on weary feet
And watch the heavy darkness turn to dawn
The birdsong is clear, they know and they tweet
It moves within me; a rabbit is born

I’ve come so far and you will never know
What I’m now made of or how much I’ve grown

My mind asks me repeatedly,
'What does he really have to offer?'
I answer it back with a weak 'Nothing'.

'I know he can't give me what I'll eventually want.
He's closed, hurt, has already had his life.'

My mind listens and calmly replies,
'Then why pursue him?'
I struggle for an answer.
Biting my lip in silence.

My heart replies for me with gusto.
'He gives her comfort, company, happiness and above all a laugh. Their chemistry is unheard of. Let her have this, stop overreacting'

'When it goes wrong, which it will, who will suffer the most then?' My mind retorts.

They're both quiet.
I answer.
'Me'

A kaleidoscopic vision of myself
Bursts into your eyes
Changing fluidly into colours
Intricate patterns and lines

I shift and change constantly
To find my own peace
But the colours start to bleed
Nothing clear is released

I know my colours are broken
That I need to be alone
But I can’t stop myself from thinking
That you’ll help the hues grow

A kaleidoscopic vision of myself
Bursts into my eyes
I see nothing but black and grey
And no definitive lines

Through the feathers and smoky bodies
Sparkling in the ballroom
The music marches me to you
With deft purpose
In my gown so pretty
Masked
I feel your familiar heartbeat call me
Everything falls away
From my senses as you
Take my hand and lead me
Soothing my anxiety in your embrace
Spinning in circles, green to blue
Holding me with care
Nothing else matters in this affection
Our dance is all I see reflected in mirrors
A beautiful, private show

My head swims heavily and I feel sick
It's too fast, too familiar
The mirrors crack like I knew they would
Chandeliers crash at our feet
You spin me quicker through the mess
I beg you to stop
I remove my stifling mask and rip off yours
My horror cannot be hidden
As I see your rotten skin
Your body so limp and cold in my arms
The chequered floor drops underneath me
Everything falls
Balloons and masks
Glass showers my vision in a rainbow of glitter

I've been dancing with the dead

What was once his
I give so freely
With blood and bone
I don't see me
I give the shell
To find the heart
The wildness burns
There's nothing so stark
It's my punishment
For losing it all
The less I feel
The harder I fall
To crack my bones
And bleed my blood
Hit the floor loudly
On stone I thud
I deserve the pain
The tears won't cease
My memory won't fade
The pain brings peace
What was once his
Is no more
I lay bleeding
On the stone floor

Some days, since it happened, are hard
Days when the grief decides to tap dance on your heart
Stomping over scabs and opening cracks and wounds
Just to remind you, on normal days, what once was
What you had and have lost

I pray for the grief to disappear
For my heart to be whole again
For everything to stop reminding me of you.

Some days.

I'd given you everything
My armour
All weapons
My money and clothes
To please you
To fight for you

But when the drums of war
Sounded
And you had to choose
You looked at me
Half naked, knelt before you
With nothing
But my heart to win

I thought you'd join my side
And be rid
Of your armour
All weapons
Your money and clothes
To fight for this with me

You held up your hand
Not a favour
But a flag
White

You'd surrendered
Before you'd even tried
And left me
Alone on the battlefield
With nothing

Two keys have two keepers
To a secret part of me
That they can unlock at their will
Even if I plead

One key is black onyx
But it glitters like gold
It's twisted like a tree root
Like a flytrap it unfolds

The other is sterling silver
Its handle's simple and straight
I feel its heat in my palm
As it calms my anxious state

The black key unlocks
My darkest mind and limbs
My body becomes alien
Overcome by its whims

The silver key unlocks
My soul's warmth and love
Emotion runs too wildly
In a safety undreamed of

Two keys have two keepers
To a secret part of me
But to find a keeper with the master
Is what I must try to believe

A wild storm
rolled out onto the sea.
Taking my boat
and discarding me.

I couldn't see.
Could hardly breathe.
What had happened,
I couldn't believe.

The waves hit against my
head and limbs.
I blacked out to try
and forget everything.

Deeper I sank
and there I would stay.
The storm forgotten
as my body decays.

But the surface calls
me to take a breath.
And face the sky
in the storms death.

The light came closer
and the surface I did break.
Neither sad nor relieved.
No expression on my face.

Not yet ready
to begin the swim.
So I float for now
and recall the dim.

My grief was ugly,
Like a black tar.
So foul that I shut it away,
In a dark room within me.
Letting it dry and shrivel,
Hoping it would die.

But through my ears
Flowing to every nerve
Came our song.
The one I was avoiding.
My veins drowned in sadness
That spread like a fire,
At the echo of that beat.

The music filtered through
A maze of rooms.
Reaching the grief,
And with one intake of breath
The door unlocked.
My grief was freed.
Releasing into my blood,
As I'd feared, like a poison.

My heart felt the pain instantly
In one fell swoop.
The familiar notes
Were a bittersweet release.

I tried to sing but
No sound came out.
Overwhelmed.
All I could do was cry to our song
And pray for the grief to leave me.
Like you did.

I’m waiting for the rain

To fall mercilessly

The air is to be cleared

Of this heat


I watch the clouds

Shift and form

Into threatening shapes

Taunting me

Like wild beasts

Baring their teeth

Backing me into their corner

Listening to my heart cry with fear

But they’re not biting


I step outside

The flies are low

They hover lazily and I don’t bat them away

No time for flies


The atmosphere is heavy on my temples

It’s bursting with pressure

Like an over inflated balloon

Pregnant rain clouds loom closer


C’mon, I urge

C’MON!

Rain on me!

Blacken the sky and make me lose sight

Strike me with lightening and burn my flesh

Make me cry when the thunder roars

Let me drown in this storm!


I’m panting in the hot air

My skin bared and ready for the water


I wait

Breathless

For the rain

Our love felt instant; a flame through my heart.

A soul mate here found, a life to be shared.

Promises were made to never depart.

And upon a kiss our spirits were bared.


Away from my home, I began to break.

I feared the sea would take me forever.

You carried me back, a home we should make.

Your tie with the sea, a strong bond to sever.


Never were you happy enclosed by green.

You yearned for your family and for blue.

Your eyes, they betrayed you without their gleam.

The decision was made before I knew.


Without warning you ran home to the sea.

My soul flooding empty inside of me.

The song comes through,
Even if my lips don't move.
Like a solitary bell,
Ringing for the return.

Only the closest hear it,
Even when I don't.
It chimes out,
In sad harmony.

Marking the lost one,
The vibrations of my heart
Will shatter it to ash
If the chimes get louder.

Until I sing the song.
Until my lips move.
Like a solitary bell,
Ringing for the return.

I am done with my graceless heart, truly.
For it only beats to make me survive.
It's taken me through stark streets unduly.
Broken into shards in his hands, deprived.

He took the moon from my eyes;  tore my soul.
I became an empty grave in the sun.
As frail and lax as a newborn foal
Distressed, from my hunter I could not run.

It is always darkest before the dawn.
I awoke from my slumber in the Spring.
I won't be that shell again or so drawn.
Hold it to up my ear and hear it ring.

Grief doth fade and hope doth thrive, from ashes
My all no longer under your lashes.

I knew it'd happen.
A dead Ladybug over our heads.
But we drank.
Beer,
Champagne,
Sun.
We painted our nails
Black, red, ladybug's dead

Out we went,
In our finest.
One drink down,
New town.
Sticky floors, sticky web, the Ladybug hung dead.

I say something,
to you.
I know it's going to happen.
You fume.

Tick, tick, tick...

You start to shout.
Cigarette.
Here we go.
I'm not backing down on this,
I'm trying to help!

Help me, help me, set me free, let me live, ladybugs free!

*****

I bite my lip

SNOTTY

I breathe

LIAR

I blow

Tears spill on your face,
My truth comes out,
You pushed me!

Poke, Poke, Push!

Poke, Poke, Push!

We hurt each other.
Over nothing.
Over something you don't like?
What is it?
I give up.

Taxi for one,
Taxi for two.
My head is heavy,
Eyes weak.
I'll be the bad guy.
You'll cry to them,
and lie, lie, lie!
Fly, fly, fly far away. Ladybugs aren't here to stay.