What do you when you start to feel like you can’t breathe again? Your chest gets heavy, and a simple inhale hurts so bad a tear twinges at your eyes. My chest, my lungs heaving as if I ran ten miles, but here I am sitting on my bed in the dark grasping at my chest, the burning of a decade of cigarettes beating me down to the point of where if I try to stand my knees would give and I would lay an empty puddle on the cold hard floor.

A.C.

It left me burning. I expected hollow, but never the all together searing smoking pain. An eternal scalding I cannot shake. I envisioned my eyes aglow, instead my inside set ablaze

I wish I was a character in a book, all the time in the world to say the perfect thing, never stumbling over the right words or misinterpreting thoughts portraying a much more bitter taste than I imagined. In books, I can delete spoken words, alter past conversations, toying with an exchange so I always have what I want slide right off the tongue but much to my eternal dismay I am not in a book, I cannot simply backspace the wrong words, they are stained into the fabric of reality.

A.C.

I hope that you dance in the rain and soak in the night. Sunny days were made for others, not distant from light. You outshine the stars with your eyes so bright. Because you my darling, are a child of the night.

A.C.

Dear mom and dad, colleges been a whirl.
all nighters are common and I eat too much ramen but Ive kept off the freshman fifteen.
My friends pierced my ears and dad I'll out drink you with beers. But frat boys can be quite mean.
I took the car for a few trips outta state with my friends but I filled up the gas and didn't once crash.
I have a tattoo I haven't shown you. I really miss my old bed.
My friends got us a fish but that was a miss.
Then I broke my finger but the pain didn't linger.
I did get corona but after tacoma.
I kissed a few boys and made too much noise, but I did get to dance in the rain.
I showed my friend his first snow and watched my plant grow.

And although midterms made me cry, I got to watch the sky go from blue to pink with a friend

I'm just hoping it won't all end.

And she lay, draped across her bed letting her own chaos engulf her till she had drowned in it all.

A.C.

she looked unique and simple all at the same time. From her pale freckles forming constellations dancing across her nose to her honey colored eyes and lopsided smile. plain and breathtaking wrapped into  a little girl.

My mind has faulty insulation, cracks for thoughts to creep in no matter how hard I try to block them out. Fractures as if from years of wear letting painful memories or cringing moments flood my head wreaking havoc as they soil it all. Regrets plague my conscience, stealing me from sleep, from peace. Keeping carefree out of my reach, to no end. No end in sight.

A.C.

tell me, how can someone truly be gone? you were breathing the stale musty air, sitting on rickety bus stop bench simply a moment ago. But now you lay empty and grey staring at me with that face I once so gingerly touched with eyes that aren't your own, glazed over baby blues that chill you straight to the bone.

A.C.

a missed call notification lingers on my phone, taunting me in the small moments, reminding me of opportunities lost. A single minute voicemail replayed a hundred times. Your voice seeping into my marrow growing cold as it lingers. It's all I have left, all of you that remains. A notification, a reminder, a promise that just hours before it all, I was what occupied your mind.

A.C.

You want my pictures so bad, but never stopped to ask my middle name, nope simply to look at my nice frame. Never noticed the color of my eyes, you were just too **** focused on my thighs. Not where I'm from, but "hey, nice ***". Just give me a smile, don't be so hostile.You never asked my favorite food, only if I was "in the mood". You like my lace, not really my face. Asked if I was alone so you could be shown. But you never once asked my middle name.

A.C.

I will forever wish I was a girl of honey and glass like the one you sang about when you watched as she skipped down the boardwalk with the most breathtaking smile painted across her lips. But no matter the number of shooting stars I wish upon i remain the girl of smoke and tears, while she sweeps the world off its feet. It's not envy that fills my eyes, admiration neither. but a longing, a hope that one day i'm not "less than".

A.C.

Vast and deep, even the oceans envy your eyes.

A.C.

I can't help but wonder of your life outside these silly little walls. What memories and experiences have you acquired that I will never know? Tell me about your losses and your Christmas morning snow. How did your favorite day start and your worst evening end? Whats the drive down your street like or the name of your best friend? What was the layout of your freshman dorm or even just your after school norm? I can only imagine the little moments that make up your days, do you think you could should me all the ways you think and laugh and love? Then tell me what it is you dream of, I want to know you inside and out, as you leave me wanting more like a flower in a drought.

A.C.

I think you never really move on from 'that' person. The pain just becomes more dull where it once was so sharp, sending daggers in to your oh so tender heart.

A.C.