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May 2019 · 149
I Am Afraid
Zoe Grace May 2019
I hide everything from everyone
Because I'm Afraid.

I'm afraid of what people would say.
What would they say if they could see
The red lines gracing my skin.
What would they say if they could see The bruises on my stomach that cannot be explained away.
What would they say if they could see
The tears in my eyes when i said i was fine.

Im afraid of what people would do.
What would they do if they knew that
I screamed at myself because i
Walked too close to the kitchen.
What would they do if they knew that I hit myself in the head repeatedly because the thoughts are too loud.
What would they do if they knew that
When i smile, it's so i don't cry.

As a result of my fear
I've grown increasingly good at lying.
The facáde i've build is impressive
For there are barely any cracks.

All this, because i don't want
The people i hold dearest and closest
To leave me.
I don't want to be alone.

I Am Afraid.
I just want somebody to look me in the eye and know that im not doing fine. To see past the mask i wear constantly.
May 2019 · 414
Food
Zoe Grace May 2019
I want some good food.
Maybe ice cream? Some Tacos?
I'm always hungry
I just
Want
Some
Food
Please
May 2019 · 790
Sometimes
Zoe Grace May 2019
Sometimes...

Im dizzy and tired
My head is pounding
I'm ready to explode
I feel like i'm drowning.

Sometimes...

I'm awake and energetic
My feet are flying
I can't keep away the smile
I just don't feel like crying.
I don't know what this is, but it's true. There are two sides to me
I guess its because I'm a gemini, and, you know, that makes us two faced XD
May 2019 · 114
Escape
Zoe Grace May 2019
What am i to do
When the music in my ears
Is my one escape?
Blasting music in my ears does help sometimes. But when it doesn't help, it just makes things worse.
May 2019 · 410
Numb
Zoe Grace May 2019
Why do i feel numb?
I used to be so happy
Now i feel nothing.
I just want this to go away, i want to FEEL something. I hate it when i get like this.
May 2019 · 294
Sorry
Zoe Grace May 2019
Things are better when
I'm not there to **** them up
I'm really sorry
I'm so sorry that I'm such an idiot. That I'm stupid and useless and i ask for too many things. I hate myself, so Its only fair that everyone else hates me too. I'm a horrible person.
May 2019 · 294
YEET
Zoe Grace May 2019
Vines are so funny
This ***** is empty, YEET, lol
Why am i like this
Im bored and its late and you all have to put up with me because of it
Zoe Grace May 2019
Dear Past me
I congratulate you.
You make me so amazed
And yet sick at the same time.
I am proud of your achievements
That much is true.
But you took advantage of your friends
Treated them horribly
And what did you get from it?
Nothing at all
So, i'm glad you learnt the error of your ways.
I can't believe you were ever that small.
I can't believe you wasted so much,
Yet saw so little.  

Dear Present me
You're a little ****** up
But thats okay, because you've admitted it
You've told people that you need help.
You need to do more for yourself.
You don't have to know everything yet,
Because, **** it, you are only fourteen after all.
Put a little bit more effort into things.
Be kinder
Take some time for yourself, don't worry about love
Love will find you when the time is right.
NOT YET!
For ***** sake, do your homework on time for once you lazy *****.
Help your mother around the house.
She need it, and you know it.
Keep improving, you can go two ways.
Hit rock bottom
Or keep going higher.
It's your choice which path you take
Please take the right one.

Dear Future me
Please say that you're successful
And living in a big mansion somewhere
Preferably on the beach
Or  that you own a private island
That would be nice too.
I hope you've gotten more mature over the years
Did you get the job you wanted?
If not, there's still time for you.
Go out and do stuff while you still can

Dear Me
I love you
Be strong, girl.
You can do it.
May 2019 · 141
I Want
Zoe Grace May 2019
I want to scream
I want to shout
I want to laugh
I want to doubt
I want to live
I want to cry
I want to smile
I want to lie
I want to love
I want to gasp
I want to shake
I want to grasp
I want to think
I want to speak
I want to see
I want to peek
What else?
I want to be held
I want to be loved
I want to be kissed
I want to melt
I want to turn on the radio
I want to dance to my favourite song
I want to turn it up real loud
I want someone else to simg along
I want to look
I want to hear
I want to learn
I want to be held dear
I want to be hugged
I want to break free
I want some comfort

I just want to be me
May 2019 · 159
Just a tiny scratch
Zoe Grace May 2019
Most people dont believe me
When i tell them something isnt quite right
When i tell them i got overwhelmed
That one dark night
Alone in my room
Nobody answering my calls
I did something im not proud of.
And since then,
Ive done it again
And again
And again
And again
I cant seem to stop
But thats not what people dont believe
They dont believe me when i say
There is no blade involved.
It is still just as harmful
Its just easier to conceal
Easier to hide.
In public, it helps me
In the dark, it helps me
In the noise, it helps me
In the light, it helps me
I can hide it
Tell people its simply a bad habit
That i can stop easily
When in reality
It couldnt be furthur from the truth.
People ask
But how can there be scars if there is no blade?
And i say
There are thousands upon thousands of ways in which to inflict harm
I simply picked one.
I picked one that gave me pain
I picked one that teaches me strength
It makes me cunning
Resourcefull
Quick-witted
It isnt healthy, what i do
But it wouldnt seem that bad to you
After all, its just a tiny scratch.
Only a little pink scar.
For me,
Its how i deal with everything.
Life
Family
Friends
Stress
Dark
Light
Loud
Quiet
Pain­
Love
Ache
Longing.
Its just a tiny scratch
Just a few pink scars.
After ive covered it to the best of my ability
When its fresh
Its
Red
Raw
Blood
Pain
People dont need to see
May 2019 · 207
Inside and Out
Zoe Grace May 2019
Im fine

Thats what i say
Thats what they want to hear, right?
They want to hear that im ok
When they ask, they dont want to know the real answer
When they talk to me, they want a lighthearted conversation, a chat about the weather or something else trivial
They dont want to talk about my issues
Problems
Episodes
Pain
They say
None of that!
Dont be so serious!
Why do you feel so sad?
Why dont you get help?
Im busy.
I cant talk right now.
I cant deal with you.
Why do you do this to yourself?!
Stop it!

Im fine

Thats what i say to myself
Thats what i want to hear
I want to believe it
I want it to be true
But its not
The truth is that im broken
Inside and out
May 2019 · 202
Mask
Zoe Grace May 2019
Theyll never know.
They dont see me for who i am.
They see the version of me that they want to see
Smiling and happy
Laughing and bubbly
Sometimes it makes me sick.
But despite it all
I go back to them everyday
With the same old mask plastered on my face
And pretend im happy.
I do it for them.
I do it for everyone.
They dont need to see the real me, because
They might leave if they did.
This is my first poem, so... enjoy i guess? I´m still learning how this site works.

— The End —