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Nickols Dec 2014
You've taken my soul.
Cut it from the seams.
An empty vessel,
Floating on a stream.
Nickols Jul 2013
Walking in the rain in the middle of the sunny sky.
Running circles in a square room, till I fall and I'm standing up tall.

I'm nothing but a mix up girl, in a strange and odd world.

The scene passing by as I'm not moving at all.
Wearing two left shoes and only going right.

I'm nothing but a mix up girl, in a strange and odd world.

Through the valley of shame with a smile hanging on my lips.
Never knowing the beginning because we're starting at the finish line.

I'm nothing but a mix up girl, in a strange and odd world.

Glistering white pearls broken to relieve nothing but hollowed and black.
A lie turned into a truth.
Our rumor shattered into reality.

I'm nothing but a mix up girl, in a strange and odd world.
And you're nothing but a sadden boy, in a blissful, normal world.

What a pair we make.
© Pandarra
Nickols Jan 2014
Time is just a concept, a moment with a name.
Something in-which can never be evaded.

A freedom, lost in the concept,
bound to a ticking clock.

We want to forget.
Just for now.

Begone.
in
our
swirling
vortex.

Take me back to the day,
that moment with a name.
A time: where I was meant to be.
My thoughts clouded with sage.
A haze pushing me side-ways.
My black memory's.

Time is just a concept,

in-which we can never repair.

No going back-ways,
all will have to remain.

No-one to blame,
the fates will withhold.
And nothing will ever be foretold...
© Victoria
Nickols Dec 2014
The depletion of a beating heart, unimpeded to even start.
Down where the feelings concedes from the beginning.
Misleading as you succeed through the indubitable scheming.

Repeating; repeating; repeating -

The moments of despair
from first lips touch.
A taste of tongues,
the caress of skin.
Fighting words
till fists occurred.

The end draws nearer...
Every breath a guttural sound.
Elegant fingers of death,
wrapping around a pale neck.
(The bringer of demise.)
Here and now.

I don't understand how,
such a creature has come now,
at such a perfect interval,  
of space and time.
but
If I let you by,
I'm bound to lose my mind.

...
..
.
Nickols Jul 2014
I stand before the walls of a glorified failure as it tumbles beneath itself.
The nature of a grave danger, labored with a dire wager.
Plunges and crumple, into a pile of rubble
and to continue forth into a hidden tunnel.

Dirt stain fingers and my inner winner;
The only tools left to dig a way out of our rapidly crumbling puzzle.

You delivered me my unfathomable killer-
A ineradicable form of justice.
My sacramental, misjudgment of
a thrill gone astray.
Leaving me feeding the birds which prey on saints most days.

I stand before the wall as a simple thrall.
Dirt and grime painting my nails.  
I stand in my hellish pit readying to climb.
Ready to rise from the plague surrounding me.
To fill my lunges with air, not lingering with death.

I am ready.
The bringer on the rise.
Nickols Jul 2015
Now I know.

Trust falling on a daggers edge.
Will leave a deeper wound,
when you reach the end.
Nickols Apr 2014
I see you.
I see you for what you are.
I see the hate and the self betrayal.
I see the lies of a life that was never to be yours.
I see a devil inside you, dancing beneath the pale moonlight.

I love you.
I love you even though its wrong.
I love you through the pain and deceit.
I love you with every bone within this decaying body.
I love you, even though I know you killed me with a smile on your lips.

I lie here.
I lie here in my hole.
I lie here in my hole with no name at all.
I lie here because you put me here in my bed of dirt.
I lie here with the hands of a devil around my throat.

I see you; don't you see me?

I love you; will you love me?

I lie here; wont you come into my bed and rest your head?
© Victoria
Nickols Jun 2014
You look to me with such clarity.
A sense of durability,
with a dash of humility.

The impossibility, of the greatest infallibility.
Leaves me quaking from your all desirabilitys.

Tranquility, before the fall.
White hot, rush,
over the wailing-wall.

The infamous red curtain-call.
Entering the entrance hall:
urban sprawl, to reinstall
the purpose to this circus for all.

"I love you."

There I said it,
removing my bulletproof-vest.
What a relief,
from upon my chest.
Undressed flesh of my *******,
the indirect test, to attest your barest of virtue.

It's your turn, my love...
To return the favor.
Speak the words,
I know I'll savor.

"I love you.", say it with meaning.

"I love you.", prey for it while you're sleeping.  

"I love you.", lay with it while dreaming.

Know: I saw you trip and fall...
as if it was a variety show.
Even though, the desire to know, was still there.

I wanted you...

Nay,

I want you...
I wanted you,
to know,
I saw you take the fall.
I like rhyming.
Nickols Oct 2014
If only I'd known it all,
I would have said 'I love you' at the fall.
Nickols Jan 26
There was the time before you. When I was free in my endeavor's.

Then the time during you. When everything became unfathomable. And I  wanted to spend every waking moment with you.

Then there was the time after you. When? It does not matter, because you are gone.

And I am done.
Nickols Oct 2013
I'm falling off that ten foot pole...
A world of difference separating us through the positive space between our two bodies.

I'm hearing the words you are trying to say but the sounds are barley coming through the negativity surrounding you. I would fall (as I am now.) die; even take a fetal wound for you. But would you do the same for me?

I need you like the oceans needs the moon, unlike anything new. Rising my waters above the rocks to only draw away, leaving me drowning out in my empty stone bed.

A rudimentary principle, a never ending cycle. A daunting reminder: I'm the one left diminishing and tumbling towards my fated decent into Purgatory.
© Victoria
Nickols Apr 2013
The first rays of the sun were peeking over the green tree tops. The sky masked in shades of rich oranges and amber as they fought back the depths of the dark lonely night sky. Deep shades of reds and pinks collided with colors of the coldest blues and blacks, leaving a beautiful display of purples and violets bursting through the heavens above.

The lingering stars twinkled dimly and were fading fast with the sun rising brighter in the colorful sky.

It had been one of those warm clear peaceful summer nights with the stars and moon full and round, shimmering beautifully high above.

You could still hear the grass hoppers chirping their sorrowful tune as the night faded into twilight with the morning fog hugging everything it could reach.
© Victoria
Nickols Dec 2012
The knifes are in the water,
there below, just beneath your feet.

The river flows with blood
of the sweetest innocents.

A mermaid escaping up stream,
against the current of the most importance.

So, where does this bottomless journey end?
This lost channel of endless hoping.

Two bodies of water,
intertwining into the everlasting waterfall.

A voyage down the rapids,
Falling...

Falling...

Falling...

Falling...

Down into the pits...There just below the waters.
Where I can rest my weary head.

Fin.

© Victoria
Nickols Aug 2013
Listening to my little one as he takes his night-time shower.
Me lounging and relaxing to the sounds around me.
His cute little voice, with a song on his tongue.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you.

The little voice doesn't care he lacks the entirety of the song.
He just enjoys singing it to the cat,
who sits out side the shower glass  door,
for the little man inside the walls of steam,
to let the odd cat inside to play.

**fin
Waiting for my 3 year old to be finished with his shower... and this is what happens. AND yes, my cat likes to get inside the shower.... he's really weird.
© Pandarra
Nickols Jul 2014
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.

Harboring the box,
brimming with malcontent.
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.

Lies of false debauchery.
Harboring the box,
brimming with malcontent.
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.  

My anger lining a taste of agony.
Lies of false debauchery.
Harboring the box,
brimming with malcontent.
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.

Pain laced from a carnal betrayal,
My anger lining a taste of agony.
Lies of false debauchery.
Harboring the box,
brimming with malcontent.
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.

My shame, the final step.
Pain laced from a carnal betrayal,
My anger lining a taste of agony.
Lies of false debauchery.
Harboring the box,
brimming with malcontent.
Contains a hidden soul.
Within the blackest of holes.

You win...
You finally win...
What you win, I haven't the clue.
Nickols Oct 2014
When I just was a girl,
with pink ribbons and skinny, bony legs.
I was naïve, without a care in the world.

I'd dream of the someday,
of what the future would become.
I didn't know about the heartache, pain,
the struggles lain out before me.
I knew nothing of the mountains I (w)could climb.
Nor the mud I'd crawl(ed) through.

In my perfect world, I was in a bubble.
In a valley that would drop
my feet out from under me.
I would fall.
Trailing into the arching past.

I would pay every dollar, I couldn't afford,  
Just to go back to being that skinny, bony child, draped in her pink ribbons.
Lost in my naïve world of 'what's to become...'
Nickols Jan 2017
I know heaven from the lines on your face.

You know truth by the lies being told.

I know I've sinned from the tears in your eyes.

No one prays, until they're in pain.
They don't believe in God, till a war has been won.

I'm not a demon if there's no fire in my eyes,
my ghostly feeling are authentic,
Even if they're not spoken in tongue.

You're not an angel with wings cast from soot.
A pedestal built upon lies I have said.

Will you move when the voice inside you calls?

Will you stay when y(our) light begins to dim?

Or might you, show me the wrong I have wrought?

And together, we will let love in.
Nickols Nov 2014
I knew one day, I would have to grow up mentally and physically. With each hour of every day growing steadily nearer to the time, I would be consider an actual adult. I was suddenly stuck by a great thought. That thought, grew into an superb idea, which sprouted into something I could grow upon. A foundation to live off.

To be not as a child nor an adult.
For I am me.
Neither but both, entirely.
Not a poem. Just something circling my head all day.
Nickols Feb 2015
One day
your parents
will put you down
and never, ever
pick you up again.
Nickols Oct 2013
Finding my rose colored view of the world is truly gone.  I have stepped on the broken glass of life's meaning and have found it lacking of the beautiful place I imagine as a child. My feet left bleeding, staining my view with that awful shade of red. As it's left my mind confused as my veins turn from blue to amber in color.

Why do people lie? Why cheat? Why steal? ****? Torture?
The simple act of being charitable has now turn into darken ash upon my tongue.

Our world is a very sad place, where a woman is more worried about how pretty she is, than the starving children living sleeping in feat.  It's truly sad, beyond depressing. To be on this planet and my glasses smashed underfoot.

My feet may be bleeding, but heart is the one left aching.
© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2012
=^.^=                                                            ­      * A
                                                       ­         A    thousand and one chances;
                                               A         thousand and one chances;
                                         thousand     and       one
                           A thousand and        one    chances;                                
                A thousand and    one      chances;    
      A thousand and one chances;
              and      one
              one    chances;­                                                                 ­                                           
          chances;          *                                   ­         
                                                       ­          **To be who you really are.
A thousand and one chances; to be who you really are.© Pandarra
Nickols Jan 2014
You are the only one who my madness doesn't touch,
and the only entity whom can touch my heart, simultaneously.

Tell me, "I love you."
Say it with conviction.

Wait for the time.
Where the nine realms collide.

A touch of insanity with a wicked kiss.
Silver-laced tongue, sharp and keen.

Did pleasure ever feel this exquisite?
Nay--
from a morals hands, calloused from tiresome battles.

Verily; with hands carved from flesh and blood.
life and death.

A hundred times over;
have I fled from a lovers touch?

A thousandth time;
did I plea for mercy.

I spit the cry out
with fire and brimstone burning my throat.

For all this chaos and despair surrounding me,
A god on his knee's begging for repentance.

What a sight to behold;
malevolent creature with a benevolent cause.

I worship you,
a man made of Iron

You are the only one who my madness doesn't touch,
and the only entity whom can touch my heart.

Fin
Frostiron anyone?
Nickols Oct 2012
Have
you lost
the
seam of
your
heart
     my love...?

A
      simple ♥   
            thin  ♥        
                    stri­ng... ♥                     
                           ♥   blowing.
on...  ♥      
               ♥     the        
winds...                
♥          

         ♥
                   ♥ 
                          ♥
             ­I              ♥
         Swore        ♥
           I            ♥
        Saw    ♥
      it   ♥   
             Fluttering            
     ♥       
♥ away
           ♥    on                 
   ♥       the          
                              ♥      winds         ­                           
♥                      
     ♥                      
        ♥                    
   ♥         
♥  

       ♥
                     ♥  in...
                      ♥   
                     ♥ 
       ­     one.
        ♥    
♥  
single.                   
♥                
  ♥            
     ♥    
                        ♥   bound...
             ♥
    Lost ♥
       to  ♥
    a  ♥

♥ world
♥ of

unbearable

♥        
♥ struggle
   ♥              
♥          
   My ♥ Darling
♥ have
       ♥   you        
    ♥     been      
♥  tugging
♥  on
        your  ♥              
fraying♥
heart ♥ stings
     ♥ again?
  ♥        
    ♥
               ♥ 
                      ­♥
                      ♥
             ♥
            ♥       
    ♥          
            ♥                  

© Pandarra
Nickols Jun 2014
I am not a pleasant person, or even really all that nice.
Instead imagine me as the broken glass you backed over and now are left with a flat tire.
The one black sock in your load of whites, staining the fabric in shame.
That annoying buzzing in your ear that never goes away.
The wall you stubbed your toe on in the middle of the night and screamed, "*******!"

I am not a Sunday morning
or even
a Friday night's lay.
I'm a Monday, 5PM traffic hour just waiting to flip you the bird.
I am the gum on the sidewalk which you happened to step in.
I'm a disaster.
A train wreck.
The red stain on existence, that won't ever come out.

I'll never will be any thing like, a simple smile. Or even a timeless wonder.

I am the darkness that dances in the light.

I am me.
Unpleasant and really not that nice.
This is a poke at myself. Sometimes when you're down, all you can do is make fun of yourself.
Nickols Feb 2017
"I could actually, win," I said to myself.

Then reality hit me in the face.

And I lost, before I could even try.
It's been one of those type of day.
Nickols Jul 2016
I feel empty.
A black hole in my center,
taking all of my gravity,
annihilating my heart rate,
captivating it to molecular weight.

I feel hollow.
An irascible clout,
of unimaginable doubt.

Day-in-and-day-out.

I wonder--
Will this ever finish?
This plague of bubonic proportions.
A rage sung in monotonic tones.

I ask--
Have I seen this all before?
A red light, in hindsight,
despite holding on too tight.

Warnings of pure dread,
Heard over head,
The last true mouthpiece
spoken in tongues.

Freedom of assembly,
where there is no law,
of degeneration.
Divination;
or
a lack of.

I say again,
I feel vacant.
A hole in my soul,
where all I am,
comes tumbling out.
Abnormal activity of neural circuits may be the cause.
Nickols Oct 2014
Into the darkness I walk.
Hand and hand with the unfathomable flock.
Leaving footsteps as I stalk the docks.
Hands in pockets, filled with rocks.
I begin my journey with locks on my ankles.
Breathing in, working against the clock.
I hear my heart squawking like a trapped hawk.
Inside my head, listening to the knocks.
My lungs fill, balking within my plummet into the darkness.

For once, I fear no rejection.
In the darkness there is no direction.
Only the natural selection.
The perfect connection.

The correction of my death in deepest, blackest of waters.
I was feeling morbid. Can you tell? O.o
Nickols Apr 2015
My muscles ache from the emotional burdens you constantly place on my shoulders.

My bones creak from the additional weight, I'm barley able to carry.

I drag my feet along in the dirt.
My knees, weak and trembling from the great effort of not falling face-first to the ground.  

Instead, I carry on.
Walking with my head held high.
Far from the murky dirt, below my feet.

I may ache and creak from the strain.
But I'll be ****** if I'll crumble under your backward ideology.
I'm tired of arguing.
Nickols Sep 2012
Your screams always cut the deepest.
Like a hand scolded under the hottest of water.
Cold to the touch as it tricks the nerve into believing--
A sheep in the wolfs clothing as it drifts into searing.
The watery message relays the misery.
The detail all there lain before my eyes.
My skin battered and marred--
Torn asunder with merely your voice.
Thick with rage, smoldering with pride.

Words intended to be used as a weapon, will always wound the feeble.
© Victoria
Nickols Jul 2014
Was this not what you wanted?

A sliver of hope--
Instead you ended by shivering out on that unsteady-tipping *****.

And for all those somethings, I hadn't  know,
well, I had to let them go.
Now I am, all alone.
But hey, it's not like you would've know--
Too lost to see through your own moats murky waters.

Was it One; Two; or Three;
Captured sirens swimming with you,
within your clouded judgement?

Or is it, One; Two; or Three;
Vile hags trampling with you,
within your undeserving life.

Are you feeling empty yet?
Or are you full of your lies?

It appeared to be a feast--
While in harsh reality, you were plucking at nothing...
Nothing except brittle bones.

Its all a shame,
for it was a dream spun upon spindle--
Lost in a cowards looping *****.

Was this not what you wanted?
                Hmm-
          What a shame...
          What a shame...
Nickols Jan 2015
You know he's in love with you,
When he says you're pretty without your makeup on.

You know he's in love with you,
When he will kiss you first thing in the morning.
(Morning breath and all.)

You know he's in love with you,
When he'll support you through the worst.

You know he's in love with you,
When he'll hold back your hair
because you drank too much.

You know he's in love with you,
When you're yelling and he simply smiles because he understands.

You know he's in love with you,
When he takes your hands in his and tells you, "all will be well again."
In that moment when you need to hear it the most.

You know he's in love with you,
When he calls you beautiful, instead of something without meaning.

You know he's in love with you,
When the whole worlds stops,
because he said those three little words.

"I love you."

That's when you know he's in love with you.
I LOVE my husband!!!! <3 This is for him!

(Had to rewrite this.)
Nickols Sep 2013
Children's laughter,
fading echos.
Hidden deep; rooted within the wood.

The smells of forgotten coats and dusty carpets,
as we squeezed inside the family's wardrobe.
A secrete, kept within a child's sacred memory's.
Distant reflections hanging on the fabric of the colorful cupboard.
Our savored innocence, smeared on into adulthood.

Giggling, as we played.
Conscious of the time we bared.
The simple purity of a child's endless games.

How we've forgotten the easiness of the virtue of being young.
The transparent need of just breathing you in.

Two friends, growing beside one another.
One a boy and the other...
Well, she is a girl.
A girl,
No, not something so vague--
A woman,
Who's lips, burns with a redden kiss.

Our childhood stored within the endless wardrobe,
the lust of our youth, suspended forever in dust and wood.
Hidden within the fading echos of times since lost.

I never told you how I love you,
but I carved it into our wall.

A♥J

The mark forever branded.
On my soul to bear.
We are human,
no matter the age.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I speak these words as I lock them away.
To the back, hidden beneath the skeletons in the closest.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

A noose around my neck, these words they are.
A dead man hanging with flowers adorn to crown.

Grown mans tears,
fading with echos.
Hidden deep; rooted within the wood.

I loved you, why couldn't it be so simple?

**fin
© Pandarra
Nickols Apr 2014
I wish, wishfully to wish a wishful wish.
© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2012
The day he found her weeping in her ***** hole,
all twisted up with her backward smile.
The white knight had finally found her-
with the rest, can't you figure out?                                                                                        
But with a cruel joke;
The handsome savior dispearses into the darkness,
Back into that deadly black armor.
Listen close,
Please don't forget;
always remember, sweet dearest Alice.                                                                                                                
A rabbit hole is too far down to fall, with the intent of being caught...
It’s a shame it was all a dream;
My bread and butterflies kisses were yours to feel.



© Victoria
Nickols Mar 2017
Sometimes when I set my pen to paper, I have no idea what will appear.

Swoops and swirls.

And backward twirls.

My mind has created once again.
Nickols Mar 2014
There once was a time I would have cared.
Would've got down on my knees to make you see.
Cut my veins, just so you wouldn't flee.

So much, I would've done for you.
All you had to do was ask and I would've been there for thee.

I would've done anything before I realized the truth.
The toll that had to paid.
My soul, tarnished in lies of untold truths.

I would have. I should have.

But it's all gone away.
© Victoria
Nickols Apr 2013
A forger is what they called you—
A man of many faces.
The dream is where I met you.
The dream is where I should have left you.

They warned me not to fall,
For falling in love with someone like you, is nothing but a game.
They hadn't warn me,
that falling for you could be so simple.

A crooked smile,
And a flash of baby blues.
And oh, great God—
Your mouth;
A sinful entrance it is, rolling on my name.
Arthur...

A Point Man is what they call me—
A man of many ideas.
The dream is where you met me.
The dream is where you should have left me.

Did they warn you of the danger of letting me in?
For falling in love with someone like me,
is nothing but a chance to win.
Had they warned you,
I’d already fallen for you?

You formed my soul into something  keen;
But yet, altogether malleable.
A pointed forgery,
A loaded dice, tumbling into the play—
Readying to steal your chips away.

Winning and losing all the while;
Truly believing, in our downward spiral
through the machine.

It was a shame, for it’s all in a dream.
Our dream within a dream.
Been watching a little too much Inception. I love that movie!! Love me some Arthur/Eamse.

© Victoria
Nickols Sep 2014
In death.
A grave marked (Y)ours,
Remains, an empty plot.
The story left unfinished.
A poem left to rot.
The fraying ends of a lover's knot,
cannot and will-not meet the end
at the melting ***.
It will remain an empty plot,
wrought with metal and without a  
weak-spot.
For true loves knot,
cannot and will-not
ever come to naught.
Nickols Feb 2015
By fates hands she will arise from the seed,
with the joining of the seven.
A cause is the effect.
An effect will be the cause.
Sow the seed; to reap the fruit.
Alpha unbeknownst to the omega.
It will all begin, within the ending.
For a book I'm writing. It's supposed to be open-ended.

The term Alpha and Omega comes from the phrase "I am the alpha and the omega" (Koiné Greek: "ἐγὼ τὸ Α καὶ τὸ Ω"), an appellation of God[2] in the Book of Revelation (verses 1:8, 21:6, and 22:13).

— The End —