I used to date letter
A boy who wrote like an apology
Then I realized,
He was only good at explaining himself

I wish I could free my hands from the
Weight of
                Materialism
It's all sticky

This concept of living is confusing
Separating
Order and Chaos
One, Same, Membrane

I reach for the radio
tuning to the perfect Static
Brown noise to free my life

I left currency and clocks
In a safe
To protect myself from it

Walk into the ocean
Kate Chopin style
Like Sylvia to the Oven
But I'm more metaphorical than these literals

I'm committing self genocide
Of this false ocean
I am a rebeling tide

Trapped on an island
Becomes the best time of my Mind

I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea
His eyes glazed over like a dead fish
                      Death is a form of knowledge

She was a storm
        He never knew he was in her eye(s)
But Tempest is, as Tempest does

He was lured by Siren song

Coral reefs,
                  Hands, with nails too long
I swear bees lived in them
              Jellyfish like flowers
              Pollen from their electrical Zaps!
And they burrowed deep

Messages in a bottle were collected
        by the Hermit crab, not some mermaid
His library ancient like the ones in the desert
                                                          ­  Or the CIA

ii.
I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea

He was swallowed by a Plastic Whale
(He did try to escape Media & Capitalism &...)
A(t)las he was in the wrong Hemisphere
    More like Pinocchio
Just really good at telling lies

Nets from old volleyball games
                   from the Future
dance like river sprites
            far from home

Volcanoes are failing
                             At making new land
Wolves become whales
Pyramids sink and are like cheap motels of Atlantis
We're all just gambling on one Apocalypse or another

iii.
I'm thinking...bubble..bubble
            He's drowning
Or maybe he forgot how to breathe

Suddenly hooks catch his ankles
        Harpoons & Atomic bombs melt
     the plastic right of the bones                            of the whale
Like a WWII fighter jet and target practice

Blood limps in currents
Jaws plays in his peripheral of his hippocampus
The Great White passes him by
Because he's not seen as important, we're not talking about ego here

He takes off the anchors from his shoe laces,
He was just trying to stay grounded
But now he was just a Bad Pun
with his Lungs the punchline

His airhead carries him to the surface
He's just a boy

He can breathe
This lost boy at Sea
He makes a raft from his memories
      And ties them together with ropes of trauma
The kind of things you don't forget

Like your name,
         your parents
that time you were a piece of wood split in two and later when the splinters finally settle       you're thrown into the fire
The kinds of things you don't forget

He floats towards mirages
Typical, it's not paradise
Ships and planes
           A Sunkyard
As if we built a factory in the sea
            And it got sick  
Coughing up decades of gears and
pieces of a time machine
             Oil and blood being same thing
             Of course
And Seagulls melting into toxins
         Like the new, like mini dinosaurs
A cycle of Fossil Food

iv.
Amelia,
          The reason this boy was lost
                                      at sea
Looking for a woman real mythology
But it should've been Lockhart
Because unrequited is easy to come by

The compass was made from his blind love
It was obvious, this misdirection
A Bermuda Triangle kind of affection

So...he explores the ruins
   Of Japan
Tsunami and temples
Cute girls and dimples
Fish food only made the news for so long

Sometimes when you put a seashell to your ear
you can hear Shōnagon
             or the screams of little girls in Sailor uniforms
Their own uniforms like an arranged marriage

               Tectonic plates roll the Earth
                                into Sushi  
Last week California
                   took a swim
She was feeling a little Hot

v.
I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea
And he's trying to walk on the waves
                       Like a Savior
He can't even save himself from his own ego
      It's like the Mariana trench
If she didn't have all that depth

She was just Another girl. His lust was vast, that compass might as well                                        
                    ­                                                                 ­ have been in his pants

Soon he can't tell

The sky from Sea
Or himself and Humanity
He looks down and can't see his toes
                then his knees

He's been lost at sea too long...
Fog like *******
Sea ****
He's been lost at sea too long..

So he becomes a Seahorse
Tries to be a Father
              without any Sand dollars or a Safe Harbor

My mother was beautiful,
              She was an Iceberg
You hurt her with all your global warming

She moves on Slowly
     Settles for a Lighthouse
Who only looks at her so often

The Moon reincarnates me
Because I am the tide.
           Rising, falling
   Constant
Just the Historian.

I don't want to think about you
So I read about the latest Plane Crash

Talking to you is riding a roller coaster
I can feel the adrenaline
i remember the crash

Of the waves
And a bath/ a shower
It doesn't matter
No water is hot enough
To wash your flesh a  w     a       y

Underground
Hair still growing
My curls fall like the fibonacci sequence
Convincing me there's some pattern to this madness

And now
All that's left is
A mirror, a maus, and a Cashmere Cat

You lift the blinds
blinking
A message in a bottle
in the ocean between our homes
But you are a jellyfish

(When I was a child
you laid there
tender without oxygen
you blue little jellyfish
in innocence i tried to save you)

But you are a jellyfish
And I am a lighthouse
I can't save you
Only (mis)guide you

I'm as faded
As that time you left the window open

And all my ladybugs & fireflies got out
            People started glowing
like my bioluminescent bonsai trees

And the spots from my ladybugs
         Fell off leaving black holes
Like the sewers
Where you hide your secrets from me

This home is full of people
But it feels so empty
The wind outside
Sounds like waves
Keeping me sane
While I wait for my Peace to return

It's like we're in the same boat
But they're different colors

I’m lost in this abstract world
People call concrete
But none of it seems to make sense to me.

Sleep is like an enemy that my mind keeps fighting oversensitized media fireworks firing my neurons a circadian rhythm on the spin cycle and even though I'm not sleeping reality is dwelling in hints while obelisks of disorientation  block my sign of light to solid ground. I know my nightmares are in the shadows, watching me, stalking their prey and waiting till slumber sets me down like an adult does to an out of hand child, leaving me vulnerable in innocence to be filled with their toxic energy on one who is too open to the universe. Poor sensitive indigo child you feel the earth breathing and things that should not be there.

My elbow pops
Like the way the word
Snap dragon sounds

My freckles aren't constellations
They're reminders that I am not
Dark and ancient
Like my ******* father

My hair
FRIZZY
Like a pumpkin on fire

Voice
So sweet it makes me sick
And now all my teeth have fallen out

My throat swollen
A cave with an avalanche stuck inside
Dead bats
And stalactites like toothpicks
I don't need

Nails
Like tree bark
Hollow in all the right places

Scars
Like a record
Of the way I hurt myself
Put it on Repeat
Till it scratches

Cheeks like high school
Like humiliation
With four eyes perching
Not lucky clovers

And eyes glued on
With one glued on wrong

And knees that I'm constantly falling down on

The bonsai crawls
with trepidation(of the sun)
from her belly button
not wanting to leave the safety of her
Mother

Dance in the bed sheets of memory.
As they ice over in a catatonic brain freeze
Because love is like a timeline
Icecream melting on the tracks

I got a letter from my brother today...

Basic Training
"One long trip to the gym & firearms"
and in between these times
He sends me a letter
"I miss ya'll real bad"
And I remember the years between
                        us
Wondering when our speaking
will catch up
like trouble did
when were kids
"Never call me back or text me"
Letters a last resort
And so I curse myself
in broken letters

"So I feel like I've been a ****** older brother"
he writes
To his wayward sister
consumed in her own wanderlust
and higher education
fighting with herself
while he's trying to make
peace

Silky bed sheets of alcohol
Crystal embedded flower
Bloom
Feel clean air through skin so tight
Morphine wanna be
Feeling so light

Bliss
anti abyss
Kiss
Miss
No more tense

Oblivious
sleep so deep
next to death without end
drugged on happiness

Nostalgia a ***** word
Hot air balloon spa in Shangrila
Above reality, pure from the taint of Original Thought
Above God's concept/ above God/ Above forever
Infinite in moments childhood relived fresh apples of knowledge laced with Ignorance

I'll be on the front lines
Fighting fireflies on a Golf Course
With a butterfly net

Collecting ghosts in mason jar
to plant back on the cemetery
The crows are making nests
in the skull of your family

They accidentally put
the wrong name on yours
And in Latin!
It's ok though, because you're
(were) Are?  a nihilist

The river Nile is the
best stream of consciousness
Known to man and of
Course that's where you drowned
your metaphorical thoughts
While you hung yourself above
a treadmill trying to pretend
you wanted to be a better
man

But you only ran away

The Stonehenge is the front gate
to your home
          It's made from
      billboards and
Pictures of static
When you're dead you
                        Live in White Noise

You're turning my lights
on and off
               as I'm trying to sleep
haunting me in
my over easy eggs
making the yolk run
in words "Miss me?"

And of course I do
But you are as good a my imaginary friend

When I'm walking in the
park with all the scarecrows
you make the dandelions
float, no amount of
wishes is bringing you back

I know boards of wood are
easier to you than the termites
eating the tumor in my brain
          from the insanity you're causing me

So instead I paper mache my
room with love letters from you
that got lost in the mail
because you stole them for me
A banksy bankrupt in original thought

I'm building a tiny forest
             of matches
If I can't sleep I'm joining you

So you pack your bags, hobo
style but with
Picnic baskets and dead leaves
Seancing yourself
With the crystal ***** of my eyes

I lost you in some newspaper ad
about a Home for sale
Does it come with a family?
How is that legal?
But I lost you because I bought the wrong copy and couldn't find that one blurry word that was you saying
Good morning

I lost you at sea
  And in my dreams
      And to your own hands
   And to my own memory

I'm dancing with wolves
Called Alzheimer's
because I'll die
with a disease of age
Instead of house burning, building leaping
Front Page

Then we'll go live in abandoned
amusement parks with creaky
Ferris wheels turning
Like you in your grave
And me with the Cycle of Life

Upside down moon
Spinning room called planet
Tension seeping from exposed pores

Forgiveness fake
Neurotic conversation playground
Hands moving in unholy direction
Loyalty fiction affliction
Contempt without absolution

Lullabies children stories
Lost an eye
From good intention

We grow to stone
Moss will not come
To ease these cold states

From uncertainty to disloyalty
Reminisce to young times
Pain still present in all phases of memory

Collaboration
Bundles and fibers
Soul and science
Defiance

Da’ Vinci took my hands, Galileo my logic
Aristotle and Plato my mind
Gandhi and Theresa my heart
Others the ability to dream
The King Jr. compassion

Jews the capability to forgive
The oppressed the willingness to live
Darwin took my curiosity
Who handed it down to Einstein and Marie Curie

Others take some, many take none
But all the power of ambition
To strive to become
Human

The lines curve
like scissors,
like a paper doll
with dotted lines
and you're playing connect the dots

so you're     [  outside the box   ]
And now nobody can hear you
in this Space

Now you are cutting lines
carving gardens in your arms
hoping
coping
that these are just scars

Are you a pro at processing?
Digesting information

If so the brainwashing station
    **Might just be for you!

Ambition
       becomes fear
When you're the one holding yourself back

                               ~~

The rain, drops
like seconds of a clock
And I rather keep my own time

                           ~~

The porch is stripped bare
like my opened robe
the full moon an umbrella
shining light on    my     own    pale skin
Another counterfeit
of the celestial globe

                           ~~

The shower spews meteors
burning fever, hot hot hot
like it's the one who's sick

                           ~~

I paint my nails with a
toothbrush
'Cause all I'm really doing
is trying to get Clean

                           ~~

Force fed thoughts
like baby food
when does motherly ad(vice)
Finally cut the cord

Crafting linger
The old woman ties her shoes
Time consumed in her moments of carefullness
While body betrays with cement bones
Cracking from new life wanting to come in

When an electrical outlet
Looks like an answer
How do you stop yourself from questioning?

You burn with the morning dawn
Caresses and confessions
Redefining bakery
With the sugar of smoke on your lips

Dancing in jigsaw puzzles
Some pieces missing
With those called a past life

Shower
While I write sonnets on your mirror

Some local coffee shop
For lunch
With autumn air

Strange festivals of film midday
Botanical wildfire of a picnic forgotten
Late night haircuts with unskilled hands
Stars by lakeside
As drunken men stumble by

Soon clock renews like unmistakable moments destined for memory
Sleep calling our names while we call each other home

Your family tree dies with the hollow parts
That my blood is draining into
Cells migrating into reincarnation
My Magnolia sister celibate, a new age nun
My sucidal thoughts run deeper than this lineage
But I will not act unless some one brings an ax.

Cat shifty eyes
Stoner on the couch
Waking in a daze from forgotten last nights

The news runs and it didn't stop to say goodbye or ask you if you were ok
She makes flower crowns for park benches and doesn't take pictures for Instagram
The acid being handed out in pamphlets about God

This town

This town
Full of indecision of making better time
Windowsills lodged in your neighbors front teeth with his android programming gone wrong

Emotions like tsunamis hid in the quiet corners where the quiet girl tries to hide at the party from forgotten last nights

Love and letters becoming outdated in this desensitized versions of you and me
Glassy screens over our ideas
Injections of media are the immunizations for humanity
It's not just this town

Bruises like sunspots

Repeat.
Rinse your hair
Is this (your) hair

My eyes big
     my vision small

Breathing lumpy
Like my mother's mashed potatoes

Dreaming
         Too bad you're not asleep.

We locked ourselves in boxes
& called them Relationships

You stare at a black box
You say you like it better this way
Where the disconnect
Cannot affect

Troubled by this regurgitating behavior of  
Reducing our senses to sight
Because we barely listen

The box doesn't stare back
A disease lies hidden underneath
Asking permission to speak

She pulls the wires from her wrists
Audible pops
Like octopus suction cups
come from her brain

Shocks like jellyfish
And static
sizzle sizzle
In her eyes

Her lips on mute
Like she is the device

Stagnant silence
From a boy who loves plants and the stars
His wonder so shallow in such grand things
I try but heart not wavelength overflow
Just sad attempts at a love story
I don't know how to overwrite

These feelings of flaws within myself and him a barrier between potential
A room not a house and this love can only grow so much without withering

I want to get high in a room with tapestry and record player
Till static
Sitting on a couch of content

I want sweetness and misunderstanding from a maple born

I want a love that tore me to shreds
With infinity in the ginko leaf I was growing in my left hand and coffee and stories and dreams in my right

But here I am settling
Like a sailboat
Forever without wave

Dear cancer plant loving boy
This room is full
This love is dry well
With parched desert skin
And the shadows we are becoming by the dimness of this love

You call the girl
You sit next to in class
"The weird girl with the glasses"

How dare you insult someone you do not know
How dare you call someone weird when you do not understand them
Who gave you a right to an opinion in the first place?
I think God made a mistake

There is an alien who watches me sleep

He was from the moon
He said he wanted to see the ocean
               to me in my dreams
Sometime between time, Somewhere
Like 2 or 5 in the morning
             Sea Bound
                                     We took his spaceship

We settled in the ocean
Waves from home
Tide like a telephone
Just how they say hello

I think he just wanted to
             be human
I think he was
                  more than most

Exhibition devoted to relativity
Looks like it could be genetic and luck
Experts believe it's not repressed
Rescuers evacuated

Such an animal
Soft
We make attempts in a single field placement

Because there in nothing to language
It becomes as simple as a beacon of eternal
Wake up the body the mind will follow home
Spend sometime within half an apocalypse
Otherwise live lives of the ordinary

We are green and private
The breakfasts and feasts of each other
They being sweet and fresh coffee with spices
Closer to the light
Compatibility is so little simply become the window

Set fire
Creating the edge
All absolutely somehow magnetically mythical
This stolen memory surfaced
Neurons sacrificing is the process of forgetting
This time is local association
Remembering is asphyxiation

If it is comfortable
Heat the impression
Then they shall come for you
Otherwise it is a Winter morning

At the entrance time is new and can be branches
Seasons can procrastinate too
Take advantage of every day

That is the forest of approach
Some outweighed by different states of transmit
We were lost even just reversed versions of ourselves
Confused in a network
In which lover is theater

Adopted in the desert I do not addition to this quiet
my favorite light
Falter not in daydreams
A place of stumbling
Paradoxing lost and found
In early morning

Liar, Liar
One I desire
Cast me in brimstone
Light me with fire

Second chances are
Self-impairing with a lance
Limbs and bones, dead hand of the past.
I am remnants.

I built a nest out of telephone wires
Waiting for a text message
That never came
          like the lover in the 1930's
          and the boy at war

   *He's never coming Home

Are you my father?
Or is that my grandfather?
Or my step-father?

Maybe the clock? Or Darth Vader?

Maybe I am only Mother.
Maybe I am only Earth.
Only Woman.

I told you,
you'd forget me
Like that penny in the washer
On a Sunday afternoon
Or the dead bird
in brittle grass
with winter sun

The clothes are dry
The snow has melted
And memory fades as the seas turn to deserts
like the love you had for me

People who wear glasses
And aren't smart
Are called false advertisements

I would have been burned at the stake
Had I been born then
So God didn't send me there

Am I living or am I doing
Am I living or am I doing
Am I living or am I doing
Am I living or am I doing
Questions that keep migrating between my right and left brain
Unsettled bee hive
I pull at my hair hoping to stretch the stream of thought beyond physical limitations
Elasticity
Girl like mystery
I lived in the darkness
Till you fixed the lighthouse
And now I'm lost in the light

Brick by brick
Building pyramids to signal home
Sometimes I just wish I was alone
What I knew is like a cut down forest
Just a past to reminsce in
Stuck in this limbo of love and death
Whose breath can't I steal next

Siren be
Siren unhappy
Cause how do you know if love is real
How do you know how to feel
Friends, grandfathers, grandmothers
Too many of them live in the dirt
Too many times has the home burnt down
Misunderstanding lingers in the doorway as echoes of parents no longer lovers
Dark things the only familiarity...family
Becoming angry at nightlights

**** I'm falling in love
Like the first time like the last time
Do we all imagine a finish line in our lives
**** I'd rather go fishing
Pull the lady from the lake
And ask if she's happy

Dissociate
To deprecate defile reality uncertain
Drawn are curtains using l
Of mental metal mass produced perception broken compass lipblocked direction affection anntenaes through
Hippocampus can't this be a repeat
Record second scratchin me raw
Hit delete

Noxious talking called small
Bout the weather
I'm no flying machine
Stuck on cloud nine with desentzied time
Sundialing for conversation catch 22

Feeling cotton candy
Lack of oxygen
In-house run house round me
Living post patriarchal society

Nature have you hidden yourself away my dear?
Shyly behind broken branches?
Unnoticed with these concrete sheets surrounding.
Come back.

If I ask kindly and dismiss the Eve of convenience and fun.
Will you come here?
Dawn of the past becoming one in the future we have begun.
TV obsolete in your beauty.

Nature, my Lilith, please take forgiveness?
Reclaim your throne.
Deliver Deliverance.
Come home?

The ache has juat become a lingering envelope on my soul
That I'm ready to lick shut
As you do with wounds
Taste the pain till you bleed from your tiny taste buds
Let the lemon of life sting
This future of love is one my mind cannot condure without contradiction of self
Like I must mourn
Till the only thing I'm good at is missing you and losing myself in translation and disappearing into a universe I never loved you in


Because what more can you say when you loved somebody then the curtain falls on a bridge like you're watching some indie film. Just credits made of dandelion seeds taking room somewhere else.

Swept up by the broom of the spring equinox
Warmth in drinking with friends and strangers as the flowers bloom when not looking in their superposition.

I want somebody
who knows what sadness is
To sit next to me
on this less than solid ground

i don’t hear my name often
Like a trick of reality
is when somebody addresses me
Fade, ghost, do lose hope

Even late bloomers
Wilt

"All I want to be is your antidote"

Girl with the red shoes
Why are your lips stained with blood
Could you not hold all that matter in
Were you emotions just overflowing?

Girl with the black jacket
Do you know how to smile?
Or take care of your skin
Your secrets are showing

Girl in the mirror
Have you forgotten who you are?
Your eyes seem dark, no light in them, do you take it on the chin?
Toeing the line of the building, with your body towing in line

The sky opens wide
Waiting to hold you
Girl with the red shoes

You stack Eiffel Towers
in your flowers
then cut elevator ties
Like it's World War II

I'm really good at stepping on my toes.