Happiness hurts.
Because though I'm laughing
I can't help remembering
another time
I laughed just like this.
It kills me
that I wish to go back.
And when months
or maybe years
pass.
I'll look back at today
for the very same reason
I looked back at yesterday.

Life is a placebo.
Endless obstacles,
difficulties to overcome.
Eyes set on goals
we'd thought we'd achieve
even if it drained us
of all but an inkling
of hope.
Lies on parchment
the truth of life,
and I am but a quotation,
repeating words of false hope
so others can believe
we don't all die
wishing to amend
even one
mistake.

I've lost your voice.
The world has gone silent.
All I hear are endless
echos bouncing from the walls of my mind.
I only wish to hear it
One last time.

You once asked me,
what the world would be like
if we didn't love,
didn't smile,
didn't touch.
If we never met
under the stars.
If I never caught my breath
in the breeze of that summer night,
my heart struck by lightning.
Or maybe it was your beauty.
I told you I'd cease to exist in a world
without you,
my heart would freeze.
Shatter from the cold.
But I met you, loved you.
I know I did.
So why then
is the world
so utterly
cold.

I'm scared,
Change makes me want to die.
Nostalgia, the enemy,
Needles to flesh
Won't let me forget.
I can't stop crying.
I don't know why.
Or maybe I do.
Acknowledgment
Means it's real.
We're growing apart.
But have you noticed?
I hope I don't have to lose you
Too.

And when I look at him, I just wonder,
Was existence always this beautiful?
I wish I could slow down time and simply stare
At the personification of a star
That stands so effortlessly in front of my insignificance.
I wish I could touch you
But alas,
Flesh burns in the presence of the sun.

In a world that is engulfed in shadow, where I drown in endless darkness,
You are the only star.
Bright against a backdrop of agony, you shine ceaselessly,
And lost in regret, pain, tears, you become my salvation.
Saviour hold my hand and pull me out,
Of the wreckage that is my life.
Know that whilst I stand at the edge of a cliff, blinded by hurt as I mourn
You
Become my sight,
My only light.
And I know you exist only in my mind.
But if insanity means your presence when I close my eyes, forget sanity.
My 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑦,
I’m ready to follow as your shadow.