Take me up to Maine, up to Nanny and Grandpa's house.  Take me out to their dock at the bottom of their sloping back yard with its perfectly manicured glass, down the aluminum walkway that's too steep for Grandpa to walk down anymore at high tide.  Take me to the dark-stained, thickly varnished wooden planks that we fished off of at dawn and went boating from at lunch and here we dangled our toes in the salty ocean before dinner.  Take me there to die.
                But not yet.
Wait till the summer, when monarch butterflies alight upon the hollow railings that you always tell me not to hang off of.  Wait till the end of June, when the heat of summer is such that garden snakes sun themselves on the rocks that lazy waves sidle up to in the gentlest of breezes.
                And when we get there, wait for me to be ready.
Let me undress and show you the bones that will, by then, stick out from me at every angle.  Let me show you the lines that you thought were from the cats in the fading light of a Thursday sunset (because Thursday is my night) and let me show you that you were wrong about me.
                  Tie a heave chain 'round my waist.  I promise that I will be thin so it doesn't take much length, and you'll want to cinch it tight like the belt you say I wear wrong so it doesn't slip off.  Weigh me down with the skillets that are never clean enough.  Padlock to the metal links the books that were my escape till you took them; I won't care now if they get ruined.
                 There we will stand, eye to eye, as orange sunlight contrasts with the elegant starlight as the night is revealed to us.
I will set my glasses down far away from the water's edge lest they fall off and be lost forever in the tangles of seaweed swaying softly beneath our feet.  Then, for the last time, pick me up.  You will see, then, how I've faded to nothing against your ever-critical gaze.  For the last time throw me off the dock and for the first time I do not struggle to stay dry.
                   The night I made this jump thirty-seven times on a dare and a whim, the arctic water never ceased to sting as bare skin met briny sea.  On this one occasion, this one last occasion, I will feel instead the welcoming warmth of summer that is my last season, taking me in with a comforting finality.
Collect my clothes; in a heap too untidy for you to look at will be a grimy green t-shirt and dusty old shorts.  Take my glasses too, and go home.
I'll be fine.

Rain water soaks me
You undress me
You dry my body with your lips
You hold my hips with your finger tips
Your touch burns my body with original sin
You look at me and ask "Are you ready?"
I look back "Yes." I say, "Don't ask again."
Our hips now connected
We both gasp and sigh
as our connected hips move together
The looks on our faces after we're done
The looks of sighs and pleasure
My head fits perfectly in the hallow between your neck and shoulder
Our eyes flutter closed and what we did is repeated in our dreams to relive again...

Confess, to sins you lie on,
Contest, not a quality of mind,
Attest, reality and fiction,
Undress, utility of pride,
The Sloth still sleeps, blind,
And hide.

dish water rattling
i want to take my clothes off
my neck is slightly aching
and all thoughts of love come rushing
through my lungs and constrict the position
that I'm placed.
privileged kids with big egos, big brains
heads full of assumptions because of the clothes you wear
or the friends you've made.
and it just so happens that you're one of them,
the strategy to get out of their judgement's alignment
alludes you and you fall into patterns like clay bricks
stacked one on top of the other in a straight row with
no cement between and you're restlessly waiting for them
to tip over and make your escape.

friendship wasn't so much as a license to love
as it was to be stepped on back then.
when the realization occurred in that brain
you framed impatient, the agreement to share
thoughts expired and you gave in to the dreams
you fought to suppress.

I want to undress.

my love is shy but he's all mine
he gets distracted and forgets the time
but look at me,
my love is bold and I am lost to it
I stare at the clock so long
I might as well marry it
oh, **** me please, I just want to carry it
this heart of mine in my chest
no, **** it, I'll just bury it.

if I wrote the things I wanted to say in anger
then I could just crumple them, just like my bones
do when I've jumbled them, and I can't get a grip
with the tip of my lip on your lip,
or
maybe that's the only way I feel I can in some moments.

here I am, killing myself.
don't worry, I'm doing it slowly,
and only slightly on purpose.

keep telling me you're trying,
I don't want to hear you've given up.

The slender curves of your waist
Smile at me as I caress you with my eyes
And undress you with my lies

oh i knew the day i got a peak at ya body
i was gonna have dreams of me being naughty
well today's the day my dream will come true
and it starts in this room with me and you
were both virgins,
were both ready
my goal is to make yo body bust like confetti
shhhh baby let the music play
while my hands caress your body bay

let me undress you slow
while i kiss you soft
yea go with flow
cause imma set the mood off
kissing on your neck
down to ya breast,
you no what comes next
this the definition of real ***
shhhhh baby no need to tell me things
i know you like it when that tongue play with your belly ring

next I come down to ya thighs
going down your legs,
when i get between i see your wet that's no surprise
your body's like my jungle
i'm the last survivor
feel so much heat,
i might just be ya fire fighter
so when she see me going through it i surpised her
your body's my intense,
so im giving it great sastisfaction
you know you wasn't ready for this ***** eating action
your body's my problem,
and imma solve it no math fractions
this not a movie but we both giving plenty action

you really thinking imma keep on *******
put them legs around my waist its time to start *******
see baby were no longer dreaming
as im stroking it back to back your loudly screaming
little did i know,
she turned over on top
riding on me fast,
like she don't even wanna stop
i swear i wanna make her my only girl in this city
as she rides me i start ******* on both her ******
once she stopped i'll admit i thought she was done
then when she put it in my face,
i seen the battle wasnt won
dang she got me lost inside with no map
even tried to escape but my heads trapped
im not giving up,
this not a battle meant for losing
got me ******* on ya **** as body oozing

hate to say it but im almost going down
this girl trying her best to make me drown
i finally see shes tryna be tough
so i puwhile i hit her from behind
it feels so right we wish that we could rewindt her hands behind her back

Call me crying, sweetheart.
The sound of you cracking,
would be a joyous symphony
to lonely ol' me.
Your defeat would only affirm
my prophesy.

I love you, kid.
But that doesn't mean
I don't want you to be
absolutely miserable.
Get ******, call me bitter,
cruel, or a synonym of sorts,
but allow me to remind,
my use of the word "love".

I saw you stand alone.
You had a majestic, individual soul,
now you are a blinking projection,
of what some hungry boy wants
you to be.

How often do you see him
when you don't undress?

How often do you whisper,
"I love you" without making a mess?

I hope all your thoughts
are second thoughts.
I hope all your fantasies
turn to lucid dreams.
I hope your tethered body
tears from the seams.

I love you, kid,
and I want only victory.

An overactive imagination
makes way for infatuation
excessive stimulation
brain saturation
I'm satiated
but not satisfied
and that is life
that leads to killer lies
A killer lies
deep in my soul
but I'll never let it go
never let it wander
travel
into the real world I see
my perception knows no reflection
A pretty girl
I undress
with my eyes
to remove her guise
when she speaks
I look in her eyes
but not too long
to my surprise
in her heart
there are other guys
so it is my demise
that the reality
is not so real
and now I feel
collision
of two worlds exploding
my mind imploding
never ceasing
or stopping
to think
or take a drink
of a soothing glass of peace
when it comes to peace
I'd like a piece of mine
to share with the world
so they can see
the gift and the curse
that consumes me
and I speak truly
from a heart
once soft
now made unruly
I wait
to hear a noise
see a vision
make an incision
a repair
I come back
with more flair
and let my hair
grow
so I can show
a tiny bit
of what it is like
to be a man
with an expanding mind
with the windows down
no sense of time
or place to go
I'm free at last

unlock the door.
undress, clothes will just get in the way.
turn on the lights, inside your soul is where the light will pour.
take your time, select a motion that will make them pay.
your looks are what they are here for.
give them a key to your home, they are hear to stay.
no time for thought, we dont want that, we want the *****.
we want the filth of your skin, the rest can go away.
if you dont let them in they wont accept you, not anymore.
we are vampires waiting for blood.
we are trolls rolling in the mud.
we feed on your indivuality.
**** away at your pureness.
slash at your spirit.
all we want is your body.
everything else can go away.
all we want is to hurt you, no one cares anymore.
your are a women, and society wants your body.
you are a man, and society wants your body.
you are a human, and the trolls will feast on your weakness
the vampires will **** at your happiness.
until you are just skin.
which is all we really care about anymore anyway.
no more love, or thoughts.
just lust, and thots.

my mom was right
when she said "don't look into their pretty eyes
you'll lose yourself in them" she said
"and they'll steal the most beautiful parts of you for themselves"
but i did not listen to my mother
instead i listened to the boys with eyes full of wonder
when they filled my head with lies
i suppose i had a thing for the way the words tasted off their tongues
making me feel they could do no wrong

my mom was right
when she said "don't let them taste your beautiful skin
they'll never be able to see you as more than a body after that" she said
but i was a silly little girl
and i bared flesh to the boys with strong hands
and sparkling teeth
it was just that when they touched me
it felt as if they'd never let me go
i felt safe
but i ended up becoming just another flavor on their list
a one-time taste

my mom was right
when she said "don't fall for the ones who seem to care about that precious mind of yours
because they don't"
she said
"because they never will"
she said
"they’re using your mind & your thoughts
as a method to get inside your body"
she said
yet i ended up pouring out my heart to boys with faces shining as bright as the moon
i told them about my wildest desires and my craziest dreams
like how i wanted to change the world and make people smile
they smiled
and listened
while they slowly unbuttoned my top
one piece of clothing at a time
i undressed my soul when all they wanted was for me to undress my body

my mom was right
when she said "don’t fall in love with their “live fast die young” attitudes
their definition of living in the moment
is use and abuse, my darling daughter,
don’t listen to the words they speak with their hands"
she said
"don’t let them fool you into thinking that your one night long romance
is b e a u t i f u l"
but i couldn’t help myself
i fell hard and i fell fast
spent the rest of my nights
wondering why it felt so wrong when at the time it felt so right
i blamed myself for being too clingy
when the truth was
i was just naïve and silly
they asked for my body
and i gave them my heart along with it
silly
silly
silly girl

my mom was right all along
& i wish i'd realized that
before i ended up all alone in my bed
my blanket full of regret
and stains of my mistakes
i'm sorry, mommy,
i'm sorry i didn’t realize you were right from the very start
now i'm paying my dues in *sweat, blood & tears

I notice you from afar
and as I glance to you and away
repeating until our eyes meet

There is nothing between us
but I feel a buzz a burn
your eyes follow me
as we move close

I see you undress me with your eyes
that's how our friendship is
built on a lust veiled in lies

as the niceties ensue
you press me closer yet to you
and all that's on my mind
is no greeting that I give
or  answers to "how do I do?"

but fantasies of past
forgotten in the midst of
everything that curtly ended

we briefly know to talk
to give each other space
but those feeling will not erase
the tingle in my spine
the warmth from my inside

from there we continue on
I wondering what went wrong

I'm mad at you
and I don't want
to be mad at you.

but at the same time,
I'm not mad enough.
I should be angrier.

there have always been
gaps in my memory,
places where my trauma
nibbled away until the
memories were useless.

you knew this.

I have spent years of
my life trying to recover,
trying to patch up
the holes in my memory.

I lost my entire childhood.
I spent all of it trying to
remember what my brain
wanted me to forget.

I have cried and hurt
and panicked and once,
I even tried to give up.

for most of my life,
I have hated myself
and harmed myself.

you knew this.

you knew how badly
this ****** up my life.

you even tried comforting me,
giving me brotherly speeches
and advice that I took to heart.

I trusted you.
for all of these years,
I have trusted you.

the memories came back.
I haven't slept in six days.
I am being slowly destroyed
by my own mind, and
I don't know how to stop it.

you were there that night.
I ran to your room and
I banged on the door
and you opened it,
and I told you everything.

you were the voice
in the bathroom with me,
helping me undress
and assessing my injuries.

you knew what happened,
and you said nothing.

I know you were young,
and I know that this has
traumatized both of us.

but you were old enough
to remember everything.

you remember the
blood stains and the
fear in my eyes and
how I barely knew what
had happened to me.

I understand why you
didn't say anything
on that night all of
those years ago,

but why didn't you
say anything when
I was older and you saw
how it shattered me?

I almost killed myself
trying to remember
what you already knew.

this is my body.
that was my trauma.
those were my memories.

you knew this whole time.
you knew everything.
you ******* knew,
and you said nothing.

why did you say nothing?
why didn't you tell me?

I just need to know.
why didn't you tell me?

why did you keep this
locked inside of your brain
while mine desperately
searched to find it?

how could you?
I trusted you.

and this whole time,
you already knew.

**** me with your feelings
caress me with your care
fashion me with kisses
then undress me with your stare
wrap me up
inside your soul
I'll start a fire
so you won't get cold
& I won't ever tire
of having you to hold
you made me feel like a diamond
when I thought I was coal

I feel lost and forgotten
The white light strings
No longer tether me
To hope

The pattern of people’s behavior
Is not something I savor
I tire of trying to play savoir
To the mad mass of human cattle

Love is but an illusion
Dull despondent
I no longer long for it
A bitter mistress
Who I undress
With no more self-delusion

It is a fog and as all fogs do
It must pass
I must ask
Myself to be patient
But it runs very deep
And I would rather go to sleep

Ghost in the shadows, killing thoughts had in the dark,
What luck to have been so close to an edge,
pulled away from the cliff, close to being cut off,
But my scaled skin just broke off the tip. Given a
second chance to live.

Sort of took a chance to breathe, took all that’s in,
And letting out desire; seems my old inner demons
are quick to come together and conspire,
Darling I’m only a liar, I could never count all
of the daily lies in pen, and catchy rhymes.

But just wait for tonight.

Tonight we’re going to be caught up in a lie,
laying sheets of paper on a wooden bed,
Drawing closer to an embrace, with my imprint
on your skin.

Oh where to begin?


Is it sweet lips, cherry bites, and still wild,
scented candles, and perfumed necks,
Smelling of youthful passions, and exuberance,
I’m dying fighting this flesh.

Chestful of voices, holding breaths, holding
embraces, and swimming pools, swimming
breast stroke. I’m smothered by your pillows.

In the centre line to the belly of tickles, all the
sensitive areas for both of us.
Of course the senses are only too much, if my
tenderness of kisses are a bit too fast.

Setting sun, and a sinking moon,
in between an ocean with it’s two peaks,
I had my glimpse under a dress,
address me as a favourite flavour, slowly as you
undress.

The duration of warming up long legs,
pressing down buttons, pressing knees,
Pressing feet, pressing emotions, pressing
concerns, I’m pressed to solve them with a
bust of a gun.

Won’t our tonight be so fun?

Sprawling Hills of Robbins calling, flitting up and diving down plumes of cherry blossom. Whispers between sunlit shower over speckled lawn canvas that keeps me rolling in anticipation of what's to come. To come. My one. When God sends, he will tread my boundaries exploring, yet never wanting to crumple one leaf, but I whisper between our fifth and sixth eyes the omens flung about my halls, that he may crunch every leaf and twig his soles do bound upon, the past may rip and scream across the forest floor if it means he will be who he needs, not who I need, so that we may meet in harmony,  so that I may have him and hold him for all this lifetime. He may crunch his path as he runs, with no plea by me to stop echoing death. I am heaven sent, I pulsate frequency  radiating out of me, not likely to leave my King, or the king my King brings, in favor of fanciful histories.. I will delight to be his queen of the mornings. I will be the feast his eyes eat up. The fruit so nourishing, before it fall, leaves falling. Falling. Back to the Earth from which I came, to be reborn in spring. Falling. Falling. He will be my summer calling, I his long awaited rain. He will be the harshest winter that makes my ego hibernate or there'd be no surviving. No writhing. Butterflies from the tomb, exploding out like flumes, the free falling, falling. Poppies popping through ice pockets, shattering what was frosted, and cloudy. My sunshine melts away his cold, I will be the life force he delivers into new dimensions of reality, cuz together we are the Galaxies.  Galaxies. They waited to be born since we last pulled apart, my love weathers every storm, my Lord hath created, Created. To test integrity that should burn through centuries, through the ages. Ages. My King will be assembly to every notion born of my hips. He will be the part  inside me I can't shake and I wouldn't want to,  because how much he cares shows through constant. I want for him to be the only one to undress me for the rest of time, his hands on my waist haunting til I say his name and baby comes back crawling to make mama sing and scream til she's back onto her day with a charming grin she can't even hide when she's trying. That's golden. Golden. He is Daddy, he'll be the first and last man to know her pleasure cuz he's everything she's ever wanted and he knows it. He also knows that he should treat her kind so they don't scream and fight. Screaming or more likely crying would be the inevitable cuz she would never walk out on marriage, the institution that doesn't change things just cuz you've commited. The ego fuckery isn't dead on arrival of our Father to a blessed union. He wouldnt walk out on her, cuz he evolved past thinking he doesn't deserve everything that God did bring him. The Great Mother did sing that this would be beautiful something. Naturally, I'd wait for her ques to tell me hes someone true. I dont come unless I hear Angels calling. Calling. I muse I hope itd not be truth that Im a glorified learning tool, for I wanted the table itself to sprawl upon. The problem, reality calls, is word of free will runs rampant out of control from soul, I'll beat my pride down like a game of whack a mole cuz that's how much I love him. Love him.  I'll steal every show.  My will unlocks every door, its not whats next for renting, Im the rare bird. You are the rarest blue, so true then sad takes you to an underworld of pain through past fast forward to lessons. Transcendence. Its not that in our true essence, we're less worthy of Gods blessing, it's just that the timing has to be right for picking.  Mutual peace must be obtained,  non mutual paves no way.  Love is not jealous. Jealous. Love is not boastful, never. Must not boast of bitten hands or fan self delusions that we're not worthy. We are worthy. So worthy. Love is not prideful. Love is what's left when you brush the emotion off the past. Love is the deepest forgiveness that only comes from truly loving oneself. If I must wait, I promise I will befriend you til Jesus pushes you aside to make room for husband,  or til he helps you push out your own ego and locks him out our happy home. Permanently. Forever. And we can be what we thought we might,  if only the timing was right,  and everything magically aligned how we hoped when we astro-traveled and looked down on the Milky Way, just hoping. Hoping. In our furthest dreams, that by God's grace we'd meet. Our fingers are still intertwined out there somewhere and I swear my soul feels it. I can feel it.

She's cold* but she needs a fix to warm
Her shattered body withered away from strange
men stuck in a world were make up
is a good enough I.D. so she plays in the snow
A little longer no one dares utter *Merry Holidays
carrying bags filled with goodies for good kids
Who only undress for a bath Shes no sweet piece of pie
It seems everyone knows shes a bad kid though seeking
goodies only handed off in hotel rooms with
water stained ceilings her heart beating to bed springs

She's cold but she needs to make a dollar or two
more to get a flake on her tongue unfeed yet
if everyone knew she was sent here to stay
with a uncle she never knew lived up here
For the holidays another sacrifice for her mom's
Christmas tree habit

She's cold Yet she has to make a snow angel
tonight to feel like she's not just a girl apart of
a group of sixth who sit in between client time
imagining what high school would be like
if daddy would let them attend just
to feel as clean as class room desk

She's cold but its just the right temperature
for her to collapse another vein from pressure
of snow falling to fast for her to move Shivers recede

She's cold but she cant move her body up
in a way feeling a high faster then her arms can spread
wide and her legs can seem to move outward numb

She's cold but she knows in this dead end alley
Only hands of thieves will move her so she closes her
eyes and on Jesus's Birthday feels no more cold
Because snow angels go home to heaven?

i step into the shower
picking shards of glass off my palms
delicately undress the wounds on my legs

cold water pours
i rest my purple, ****** fingers against the shower stall
and douse myself in rose-scented soap
scrubbing what skin remained

see my black eyes in the broken mirror
as i wipe my face off.
an arsenal to fix the mess.

loving arms wait outside the door
but my cold hands tremble on the ****

bruises wrapped in a tight dress

i’d lie gorgeous in a casket
and finally rest.

You may not want to hear this from me, I understand.
But I'm going to allow the words to escape.
Fair-warning.

I'm sorry things aren't going smoothly in California. A lot has changed, I'm sure everyone just needs time to adjust.
They care, I'm sure they just don't know how to help.
I'm sorry you're trying to find ways to fill the emptiness and it's leaving you bored. Boredom can be dangerous.
I bet you feel like Milo, stuck inside on a rainy day.
I hope you wake up one morning and without realizing it, you are filled with peace, joy, and curiosity as you discover your new surroundings.
I really do.
And I assure you, you've not been forgotten.
Not by me, not by anyone here.
I'm not sure of their reasoning, but I've kept my distance so you could walk the streets of San Diego without feeling the weight of the people missing you back home.
Also, because I can't shake the thought of not meaning **** to you anymore-- why would you care to hear from me?
It's shrug-worthy, but you are thought of every single day.

I read your poem and it resonated with me until the lines about emotional abuse in regards to our relationship past.
I am sorry you feel as though you were emotionally abused while we were together.
Your feelings are valid, your thoughts are valid, but from the bottom of my heart, I can't agree.
I am adding vinegar to this story caked in mold.
Forgive the smell.

During our relationship, I would end things because I thought I was doing what was best for the both of us.
Though my intentions were pure, it was undeniably impulsive of me
and I am truly sorry for being so **** fickle.
I left because of the red flags I saw-- a defense mechanism used by trauma survivors of abuse-- I left to protect myself from someone who I loved deeply but was indifferent, manipulative, and passive aggressive at times.
I went back because of how much good I know that I know there was and still is in you.
Your faults do not define you.
I loved you at your worst. At your best. Especially on the days you couldn't describe how you were feeling.
You didn't need to tell me because I understood.

I left to protect my heart and so you could find someone who would make your eyes light up just from walking into the room, because I knew I couldn't.
Seeing you smile at everyone and seeing my smile met with your bored eyes, I'll admit it kept me up at night. I'll admit it kept me silently crying from room to room.
The rejection I'd feel from someone who would make it clear he wanted me only when he would **** me.
Lights out, keep my distance, repeat again tomorrow.
It seemed there wasn't an end to the lonely nights spent by your side.

It was my choice to stay in such an environment for the time that I did, and I don't regret it.
I stayed for the days we were in-sync. The days we would look across the room at each other with a knowing glance. The days we would walk for miles and laugh along the way. The nights we would drink and get so dizzy as the room spun
with nothing to keep us grounded but our lips pressed against one another. The nights we would undress and lie in bed, talking, sharing stories, kissing one another's skin.

****, now I'm remembering too much.

The point is
I put you first.
Forget my own mental health, yours mattered more to me then.
You didn't ask me to, I wanted to. I wanted you. I wanted to be your friend.
If that is emotional abuse on my end, please enlighten me as to how.
Because I'm still feeling the neglect yet still hold you lightly in my head.

I left to pursue someone who I thought deserved a second chance.
I was convinced you were bored and didn't really care who I ended up with, that you were with me out of convenience.
I felt unwanted.
Later on, after we got back together, you said if I ever went back to him, that would be it.
I understood.
After we broke up, I hooked up with him.
The same night you slept with someone else.
I didn't hold it over your head; we weren't together. But you held it over mine.
To be honest, I think it's ****.
I think it's unfair.
For me to forgive you for going even further than I did and for you to not reciprocate.
Your drunkenness is not an excuse, my dear.

You slept with someone else and I forgave you.

I don't need your forgiveness, in truth, I did you no wrong-- we weren't together when we ventured out to different people-- but it would be nice to move forward without this ink splotch mucking up the clarity of things.

Once I'm convinced of something, it's hard to unwind the coils, unbend the metal, and begin again, you may be similar, only you'd know.
But I think you'd learn a lot from this if you took a step back and slipped into my shoes for a moment. Really reviewed our time together with a fine-toothed comb.

My error was in not taking care of myself, trying to take care of someone else, and doing a **** job at both.
This year was one of the most exhausting 12 months of my life. My physical and mental health took quite a beating.
I wasn't in a place to tend to the issues I kept ignoring that I'm digging up now for my own sanity.
I feel better now,
and I hope once things settle down and this depression fades, you will too.

I want to humbly and sincerely apologize from the depths of my being for ever hurting you.
I am sorry for the times I woke up in a bad mood from not sleeping well the night before.
I am so sorry for not just walking away when I was irritable so you wouldn't have to remember it.
It is over and done with and I am pouring water over the embers of what we used to be,
but still, I am sorry.
I forgive you-- even if you aren't sorry.

I thought about listing the things you've done, the ways you've hurt me, but pressed backspace instead.
It doesn't matter anymore.
It's forgiven.
It is now forgotten.

I respect that our views of the events that transpired between us clash, I respect that things might not ever be the same again.
But I'll be ****** if I didn't wish that we were given one more chance by the Universe to get it right.

You are still someone I love deeply, someone I would take several bullets for, someone who will be spoken of as a lesson for my future children.
I will tell them of a young man I once knew who revealed to me what it meant to selflessly love someone,
and when to walk away.
I will tell them of the story that you are.
A breathing legend.
My old best friend.

I don't miss your eyes
or even your lips.
I don't miss your frame:
your shoulders, your chin, your hips.
I don't miss the lust,
or the heat of the moment.

I miss the feeling behind it all.

I miss eyes that undress my thoughts.
      Stripping them of every layer until all
      that's left is venerable, naked, trembling truth.
I miss lips stitched to a mouth that has power.
       The power to speak not only to my ears, but to
       every inch of me.
       Shooting hot, prickly shivers down my spine
OR
       sending massive cashing-to-the-shore shakes
       on the Sea of My Own Tears.
I miss a frame that screams "I want you".
        Shoulders that lead,
        a chin that rests,
        hip bones that press.

I miss you more than I thought I would… think I should.

do you feel that too? do you feel the sting of the static electrocute our lovelorn lips right after they part? do you feel the pull of gravity when we kiss? it guides our hands to find each other’s necks, and every movement creates heart earthquakes and little soul deaths. do you feel the bumps on my skin as you undress my mind and at the same time, take off my clothes? do you feel your fingertips mark me with potential wounds, but cover them up with warm kisses? you’ve traveled on my body like a clueless wanderer, and you found the places that i hide from everybody else. you’ve touched the parts of me that nobody can see but us. do you feel that too? do you feel the ghosts hide behind the curtains when you say, “you still haunt me in my sleep,” even when we sleep side by side every night? you used to say that the grass and the trees and the leaves and the branches dance for me. well love, they stop all their swaying and twisting when our bodies move together in the dark; we have an accidental choreography to the symphonies that our hearts create. the whole world stops to listen when you say, “you’re beautiful,” and the sky forgets to shine along with the sun when i smile. we are each other’s world; we are each other’s sky & sunshine. tell me. do you feel that too? do you feel the colors splatter your insides when you realize that you’re in love, and when you realize that you wouldn’t know what to do if this love ever falls apart? because i do, love. i feel them all. i feel the static. i feel the earthquakes. i feel the world stop. i feel the clocks stop ticking. i feel everything all at once, even when it only really happens in my mind. tell me, do you feel this too? i feel everything for you.

Swift whiffs catch grasp
as you pass last, lasting
gazes and breaths past
clinging to breast, backs
scratched has
he made you,
feel this good in a while?
Or am I the one- hidden in
the shadow of your past stories present
and on the crest of the futures picture
which her to choose... one of you
one of two blended to be, mended in me
is that place where her perfume lingered dense and stale
tell the tale
no more
Only repress
undress
and make each other happy
one more time.

O <youknow> the words
sound so simple
~Letting ~you ~~~    go
but; ha¡ there you are¡
In. My. Skin.
& it's a ''knee ''****
a {{back {bend
a hair 》pull
purple bruise
| paper | cut |
where¿doieven¿begin
spl/it/tin/g /cel/l/s
unwish-those-wishes
....to° the° moon°
Unkiss
     Unhold
          Undress
& back a _ gain
you're in [you're in] you're in
left < to < face
the GReater truth:
there is no
                   UnDo > you.

I cry all night
I cry all day
Thinking that you
Will never come back
I soon read the love songs of the
6th Dalai Lama
Then you come in
My heart leaps
I lead you to
My bed
We kiss
I ask you your you name
You say that’s it was karma.
Mine was Jin Mai
We continue to kiss
Passionately and fall on
My bed and on eachother
I can feel your hardness
When you undress eacother
And make love
My gentle soul.
You ask why I was so sad
I sad that
I forced to horrible things
And you didn’t care
You pulled me closer
And kissed me
Deeply.

Abela
sips her wine
wipes her mouth
looks around

love it here
Dubrovnik
she utters

I sip beer
turn a page
of my book
poetry
D. Thomas
Welsh poet

lovely wine
why don't you
try the wine?

I like beer
I reply

why do you
have to read?
she mutters

why do you
have to talk?

she cold stares
sips more wine

cigarette?
I suggest

get your own
she replies

I sip beer
close the book

nice place this
beer's good too
and that girl
that waitress
she's good too

what's so good
about her?
what's she got
that I’ve not?

I don't know
not seen her
undress yet

I light up
a hand rolled
cigarette

those two guys
she tells me
at the bar
the other night
are gay guys

I inhale
hold the smoke
exhale it

you think so?

it stands out
a wide mile

you liked him
the dark one
his dark eyes
wavy hair

she closes
her eyelids
zips her lips

what makes you
think they're gay?

I saw them
lip kissing
she whispers

we lip kiss
we hand kiss
we thigh kiss
we breast kiss

THAT'S ENOUGH
she bellows

I think they're
nice fellows
I tell her
not my scene
but nice guys

Abela
drains her wine
glares at me

another wine?
I ask her
cigarette?

I want gin

I signal
a waiter
one gin please
I tell him
and whiskey

he goes off

she lights up
a French smoke

about the girl
the waitress
just a joke
I tell her

(but the girl
the waitress
occupies
a small room
in my mind)

how days go
she utters
how time flies.

Look me in the eyes
Admire my beauty
Come closer
Wrap me in your arms.
Put your fingers in my hair
Whisper in my ears
Kiss me with passion.
Exchange some saliva.
Exhale gently
Caress my flawless skin
Undress my intentions
Feel my skin against yours.
Drink my nectar
Fill my every void
Set me on fire
Love me like it is the end of the world.

Can you come a little closer?
Let me undress your wounds
And let your wounds bleed and bleed
Let me help you find some release

I know you’re not used to
Letting others sit in your cult of pain
But I feel your pain too
Please let me feel it with you

Don’t push your pain to the shadow of your mind
Embrace it, reveal it, you deserve to feel it
Please stop smiling with your misty eyes
Please don’t cover your wounds with bandaid lies

I've been walking past the same dinosaur ******* a dozen times and it doesn't bother me. What bothers me though, is the threatening message that is faded and smudged out in the bathroom's handicapped stall. I can barely read it saying "Carl something, I will find where you live something something. Above the message reads a cryptic proposition: 416-818-9120 Jay. What kinda sick fun could the number propose.

As I walk out I see the extinctee's gaping cavity release nutrients for the thirteenth time. I feel like someone important in some kind of cerebral movie; especially the fact that I've found a newly discovered purpose in my life. As well the clothes they have given me add a prominence of flare and swagger. My friend catches up to me asking about something, I don't really hear him. I find a pay phone and punch in the digits. The phone rings but no answer. Disappointed, I walk away, but the phone then rings. I pick it up and hear only heavy breathing. I don't know what to say. I say nothing.

He then says: "This is Jay."

He spares me the details and he or she tells me to meet him at the Slovenian BLED HALL.

"What's there?"

Click . . . I ruffage through my bag for a change of clothes, I don't know why -- a muscle shirt and sweat pants with lobsters and oranges on them. I leave the duffle bag. My friend and I jump in the car and pin it.

On arrival, I see a dirt path that leads us to a white church in  the middle of a stray field. The paint is chipped off from harsh weather, windows are smashed, and brown is smeared on the front porch.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this" my friend says.

I ignore him. I walk up the sticky steps and open the creaky entrance door. The room is filled entirely with candles, ceremonial red paint cover the walls, and my friend has only a bad feeling about all of this. He wants to leave.

"You shall not leave" the voice of Jay echoes.

"Who is that?"

"I summoned you. You shall not ask any questions, and you shall not leave. You with the pants. I want you to undress your friend."

My heart sinks. I have no choice. I feel a dozen other men staring at me behind the darkness, their daggers pointing rock hard at me. I feel like I'm in a gay ***** film now. My friend starts to sob as I undress him. Shut up, you'll be fine. He is shaking, his mind in shock. The cauldron bubbles at the end of the room. I know what must be done.

We both stare down at the scolding hot ***. He's literally begging me to change his mind and it really gets on my nerves. I throw him in head first. His scrawny legs dangle upwards. He pops out, holding his burning face, his guttural screams echoe the chamber. One of the men hands me their dagger. With one swift and easy motion, I slit his throat. His body descends, his life no longer a struggle, he is now simply being cooked. I hope these guys don't try to **** me.