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Moonflower Mar 9
come back, come back,
come back from the dead,
before the acid went straight
to your head.

come here, come close,
come hold me again,
the way you used to when
you were my friend.

you're near, you're far,
you're somewhere between,
you're hidden in shadows
and leaving unseen.

i feel the pull when
i'm thinking alone
it sticks to my teeth
and clings to each bone.
Moonflower Mar 9
I can't wait until you're a distant memory.
Moonflower Feb 19
yesterday marked three years
since the day i discovered how little
i actually meant to you.
you still cross my mind regularly
and i hope you are well.
i still think of your family and
past memories and hope they are still
enjoying life.
i hope you are now too.
i hope milo is still the top cat around
and that your relationship with your mother has mended.
i know that none of these things
are my business anymore
you will always hold a piece of me.
Moonflower Jan 4
you were a wound that wouldn't stop bleeding,
i was the gauze volunteering itself.
i don't know why i never accepted that you only ever put yourself first;
i guess i thought if i loved you fiercely enough you would see that i was worth placing at least second.
i think of our softer moments and it takes all i have to keep from unravelling,
even though they only lasted as long as the summer did.
sitting beside you in your hospital bed late june,
i know now that you just needed a distraction from your detox,
and that it wouldn't have made a difference if I'd just stayed home.

it's 7:25 in the morning and i'm outside smoking a cigarette beside grass so cold that it appears blue.
nothing will rid me of my thoughts reluctantly drifting to you.
thought takes shape in the form of smoke clouds
billowing out from my lungs on this quiet morning.
i realize now what little concern i have for my own well-being.
you never warned me of how abruptly you would change;
i was the poor ******* who saw your flaws and decided to keep loving you anyway.

i think of the feeling of when we kiss and how i can almost taste your soul
and so the breakdown begins.
i loved you so tenderly.
i remember the spring.
i guess our moments were just moments to you,
but to me, they were the beginning of our life together.
  Oct 2018 Moonflower
i love you
with welling emotions that pour over my cup
i dont question these feelings
niether do they waver to another persons

but i question wether it will be returned
this feeling towards you
i also doubt you'll be happy
with the future that's in our presence
i dont know wether we'll die together
or be torn apart by faith
i love you the most

but is it enough to bend worlds
it's for you dummy
  Aug 2018 Moonflower
I hope to find
strolling between
sunlit evergreens,
utterly lost
in the vast
that is
Moonflower Jul 2018
Time has a very peculiar way of bending when our eyes meet.
I'm unsure why
but it always has;
regardless of our status.
The chatter and noise of public places
all seems to quiet down to an unsure hush
with the acknowledgment of your presence.

Stumbling awkwardly on the line between what is acceptable to say as an ex-girlfriend and ex-friend leaves me speechless
I don't know what else to say other than to wish you well on your journey.
If I could go back to a time we were far more careful with one another, I would for nostalgia's sake.
I think we could agree you wouldn't do the same.
The past is the past and has separated us for a reason
but we were once Pangea, as you used to put it.

Even with the acceptance of you no longer being my partner,
I had hoped we would remain cordial.
Your bitterness is disguised as indifference
and I'd forgotten how vast your capacity for irrationality was.

I know I sound angry,
but I promise I'm not.
I'm content in knowing my pride does not outweigh my desire to be happy anymore.

Truly, I thought you to be god-like.
The first time I heard you speak
I pretended I wasn't listening as I wrote;
you were reading a riddle to our creative writing teacher that you'd written as an assignment for another class.
I remember being impressed by the way you crafted your sentences, the way you'd sewn your words together like a fine quilt.
I was entranced, naïve, and sixteen-years-old.
You were beautiful, troubled, and fast.

When I was merely nineteen,
I was afraid of how charismatic and dishonest you were.
My insecurities were amplified by your lack of reassurance which caused us to grow further apart,
blame one another for wallowing,
become exasperated,
and eventually, storm off.
In doing so,
we lost sight of what initially brought us together as friends in high school.

If I would have known that our friendship would deteriorate to this,
I would have never invited you over to help me decorate my bedroom.
I would have never allowed you to sleep beside me in bed.
I would have never kissed you back...

In blindly following my foolish heart, I lost one of the greatest bonds I'd ever known without even realizing it.
but in retrospect, I'm glad I was there.

I'd give anything for us to be able to talk as friends once more, as far-fetched as that seems.
Maybe I'm an idiot for wanting to repair a lost friendship,
maybe I'm still as naïve as I was then.
but in my wildest dreams, I never would have imagined we would one day hold animosity toward one another.

To put it plainly,
this *****.
this ***** a whole lot,
but such is life.

There is so much I wish I could tell you
you can't hear me anymore.
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