today marks one year
since your lips
found their way to mine
we've reached a place where it's the norm to ignore one another's calls,
the norm to let the other know that we're fine on our own,
the norm to swim in our toxicity until we're ready to dry off with an "i," a "miss," and a "you."
comparison is killer,
and when i find myself lost in thought
doing just that,
i remind myself that old loves are old loves for a reason
but it's never been this bad before.
my family cringes at the sound of your name,
they tell me, "you seem more lively without him,"
they come to my rescue when you've left me in shambles.
today is our one-year anniversary.
we argued last night and
you called at 2:33, 2:49, 2:50, and 4:15 in the morning
i guess to make things right
but for reasons i cannot yet grasp,
i'm not moved this time.
i remember the words, "i don't need you,"
i remember the lie, "no one will love you the way i love you,"
i remember walking into this not knowing you had your patterns and ways, being too blinded by the glowing fire in your chest to see the overly-confident smirk on your face.
i cannot pretend that i do not love you
but the way you hold my heart is an insult to love itself.
I've left nobler men for milder transgressions
while in search of my soulmate,
and it's taken me 365 days,
to finally accept that