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Jaycee Feb 2015
But what if my dreams are your reality?

What if we're really Sims characters and we'll all fade away once someone quits their game?

What if my pink, is your blue?

What if my floors are your ceilings?

What if my water is your orange juice?
ryn Oct 2014
Since you've been away
I've trailed the wake of the clouds
Just crumbling clay...
That lay in the shade that enshrouds
Depending on the ifs and mays.

   Wake up, my love...
Since you haven't been here
The sky did nothing but only sang
Ambient translations of mocks and jeers
As the green blades of earth bared their fangs
Mischievous songs that I've held dear.

     Wake up, my love...
Since you've been gone
I've realised that I'm not moving
And you too, haven't moved since last dawn
A reality all too disheartening
Bits of me all cut up and sawn.

         Wake up my love...
Since you've been missing
I am never whole, and never will
A lifetime of endless chasing
Bottomless jar without a seal
Void clustered emptiness in need of filling.

            Wake up, my love...
Since you've been absent
I could only hope for this lungful
To lead me to subsequent
Ones that taste like bitter pills encapsuled.
Mind full of drugs running rampant.

               Wake up, my love...
Since you wouldn't have known
What these days are like...
Time induced tumours have grown
The hours impale with temporal spikes...
Inseminating malignant thoughts soon to be sown.

                  Wake up, my love...
Since you've been away
I'm a player hoping for a fair game
Nonetheless still crumbling clay...
That lay in the dark just the same
Choking on the what ifs and what mays.
Wake up....Me...
Hali Nicole Oct 2018
If I had just,
what if...
if things had been
different...
The two letter word
one syllable
synonymous with
condition that,
provided that,
supposing, assuming, presuming that
as long as, given that
in the event
its if
if i roll it around in my head enough
if my thoughts lead me there
its that unattainable direction
if , if i let those thoughts go far enough I wonder
if the lines blurred enough between
my insecurities, my vanity
my never take the blame
shamefully, unashamed
narcissist paradox personality with suicidal tendencies
if i drank my fill of it
mixed up and down
my forever favorite
and took that train all the way out
the only way out now
if I could would I slip
right past my own grip on all of it
the whats and who's that is
those that could have been
if....
if I could just hang on a bit
if i could just make sense of
some or part of it, if I could turn back time and save them from my existence
if my poly substance abuse
and dis-associative disorder
could play nice for once. Stop pulling each others hair!
if weren't for that genetic predisposition
An inherent inclination
for habit forming mind alteration and I’m
double dosed both sides heaping and if not them
itd be those socioeconomic circumstances,me and little sister were prison  system victims at 6 and 3 and when the parents got out they didn’t get far and still get kept down by the same badges different clowns. Same name discrimination probable cause probably cause my name is 4 letters 2 syllables synonymous with she’s definitely holding, or on something,
that below poverty, white trash-ness
I cant spend enough ******* money to scrub off or find a label expensive enough to cover it up
if I had been wealthy
instead of so ******* good looking
if I hadnt been told since
I was 13 years old
my pretty face made up for it all
and if i had just listened to those voices
and cashed in on that gold mine
I squeeze in my double zero designer jeans
instead of working myself to nothing
trying to maintain the weight
of those price tags hanging from my
all consuming habit, my emotional baggage,
my questionable relationship status,
buckling under the strain of a no where fast
job and that reminder between my thighs that
with a little less pride
if, I could just ******* stomach it
live with myself after it
look myself in the eyes again
I wonder what shades of gray
theyd be after that dissolution of self

if... mistreated, misunderstood, mistaken
medicated pre teen to present day
for more than my share of misdiagnosis

My brain on lithium forgets about any and all those feelings and tells me none of that **** ever even happened. Prozac feels like the emotional equivalent of Novocain filled gums you can poke the absess as much as you want and feel absolutely nothing. Prozac is the greatest, says Who cares to any and all of my negative questions and comments. And the only trouble with that is we peace out just about everything bad, including my guilty conscious. And with out that the lines of perseption that blurr are no longer in my psyche but in wrong or right and impulsive decisions, makes it ******* my relationships.

Hard to love on all of the above and impossible to get along with with out something and if I could just find a doc who could draw the right straw and dose me accordingly , if balancing my chemicals didn’t require sobriety
I might’ve been fixed but Prozac doesn’t lift a finger to help kick a habit and forgetting to take it’s emotional break down city and breaking something expensive in a tantrum is inevitable, so is hitting up some one you don’t even like so he can hit on you so you can shut him down again for no good ******* reason other than you’re bored and insecure.

If..
If I could write with out rambling and say what I feel just be a little more cohesive, my journals wouldn’t be front to back scibbled out iledgable self portraits in poetry.
If I painted myself now I think black and blue and green like old bruising would saturate the pages. I’d paint me *****, my ribs jutting, my eyes sunken, tattoos, scars, concealer covered track marks and my perpetually tangled hair... burn the edges... paint me drowning.

If I could stop wasting loose leaf and get back to the point of this no ones gonna read it any way 8 pages of journal number cant count how many I’ve filled and thrown away, poetry? No I’m purging.

My point was that a two letter word with one syllable did all this, and that’s all for negative, flip for positive
Triste Nov 2018
Ang tula ay isang wasak na puso
At isang nababagabag na isipan
Na lumalakad sa mga bubog ng alaala
Duguang mga paa, saan ka pupunta?
Lumuluhang mga mata, ano ang iyong nakikita?
Kung ang kahapon ay nilisan na, sa pagsikat ng araw mananatili ba?
Kung ang sana ay isang mahigpit na yakap, kakapit ka ba?
Kung ang mga halik ay matamis na panaginip, gigising ka pa ba?
Kung ang kanyang mga kamay ay pangako ng isang umaga, bibitiw ka ba?
Ang tula ay mga salita ng unang pagkikita at mga yapak ng paalam na.
Joanna Charis Jan 29
If only I have a nice voice,
I would sing my heart out;
My feelings into melodious words—-
I would sing for you, without a doubt.

If only my eyes could take pictures,
whenever I look in your way;
I would definitely take a lot——
Just seeing you makes my day.

If only you could hear my thoughts,
And the words that I left unsaid;
I think I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life,
Until I am dead.
Em Dy Jan 27
what my forays into online dating offered me that wasn’t s*x; european coffee beans, a film camera from the 70s, a workshop on ceramics, chicken parmagiana, bottles of blueberry lemonade, thai food that isn’t spicy, help with calculus homework, notes on gen chem, all the Star Wars movies, a book about magic: the gathering, a ride to a mavericks game, museum visits, nature walks, impulsive road trips, stories about their exes, cat & dog photos, quality memes, awkward hugs that felt good.

such small intimacies, never blossoming into something bigger yet still imbued with meaning..

filled with what-ifs, if-onlys, and almosts.
Benji Aug 2018
How do I communicate when lyrics
Were what I wrote best
But everything I write is not good enough
For this situation and the pressure of the anticipation
Like will she understand what I mean?
Will this be enough to make her realize and see?
But nothing that's coming out is worthy of this
That why it's being torn up
There's not enough soul, enough heart
And I can't break these boundaries anymore
Maybe I should just give up on it all
But your hurting so bad
And it's affecting me
And when you're mentally blank and don't know what to say
I'm afraid of hurting you even more than you already are
Try to type another text then I delete it again
Because you're just not talking to me
But can't you see that I know your hurting tonight
And all this emotion is killing me inside.
Ashley Black Feb 2017
I was never perfect,
not even close.
Between sins committed and lies told.
If I thought I could I'd sell my soul
for a life never lived
smiles never shown.
Silent prayers in the dark
and tears all alone.
If I could,
I'd sit in ****
clinging to excuses of, "I don't care".
Accepting my throne,
of regrets and despair.
All the while thinking of
"how it could have been".
Living a life of "what ifs",
a path of "what thens".
But this simply can't be,
because even if demons are real,
the ones I've met,
wouldn't strike such a deal.
I never cared much for car talk,
But when he speaks, I'm intrigued,
And I don't know why.

Most men speak in tones that imply
I don't know anything,
Can't understand simple machines,
Have never seen an engine block,
And just want to watch as they talk.
But he is genuinely fascinated
With systems and forces,
And wants to share.
His passion consumes me,
And I listen, hoping to learn.

On switchbacking forest roads,
Over potholed washboard,
By steep cliff dropoffs,
My head swims with emergency "what ifs"
But not with him.
He flies over loose gravel
And I squeal with euphoric trust and delight.
He drives twice the posted speed,
And I find myself shamelessly sunk
Into a wet seat.
He pumps the brakes
And I'm bowing to the king,
Brazenly hoping that someday
He'll flip a carnal handbrake turn,
Wondering if he cares enough to show off,
Seduced like so many before me
By oil, rubber, and gasoline.
7/25/18
Abhi Beeharry Nov 2018
If
If only i could’ve done this or could’ve done that
Perhaps we would’ve been together till now!

If only i could’ve told you this or could’ve told you that
Our hearts, wouldn’t be torn apart till now!

So many ifs, yet so many regrets!
By the time you realize, it might be too late.

I never loved you.
I adored you!
Now read from bottom to top
Emma Brigham Jul 2018
My baby moves in jumps and flutters inside me,
like the barn swallows that make nests
of dirt and twigs outside the restaurant.
Yesterday they disappeared
and I learned that a maintenance man came and hosed them down.  
Tragic, he said.
But necessary.  
Too much bird ****.  
When I got pregnant
it felt like waking up at the top of a roller coaster.
And then an engagement.  
Somehow
this is how my life is going
and somehow it does not feel like cliche.
Ask as many what-ifs as you want
but there is just a single trajectory.
Even though you have to fall asleep one day
before waking in the next.
Moving through concentric circles and trying to find the center.
Biology is happening
in a part of me that I am still getting to know.  
Kaleidoscoping.
She was once the size of a grape
but now I read she can blink her eyelids.
She is also not like the barn swallows.
Arshia Qasim Nov 2017
There is a certain romance of incomplete stories
and unrequited passion....
A certain heroism , in unfulfilled ambitions and sacrificed wants ...
(There is also
Selfishness in altruism,
Mockery in humility...
Fragility of pretenses,
Deception of senses,
Armors of sensitivities...
all those nitty gritties,
paradoxes that haunt
etc, but then...)

Sometimes this happens,
love stays and we go.

Sometimes this happens,
there is no beginning, nor end:
through “ifs” and “buts”
priorities distend
the space between, what is seen and what has been.

I picked your hopes with my eyelashes
and thatched together a shade for us
You caught my fall in the web of your thoughts,
softening for me, the landing, and thus,
we built a dream.  

Sometimes this happens
the stars are buried in the desert sands
the lines dissect though you’re holding hands
but for the heart that understands....

it’s all divine. Not yours nor mine.

Sometimes this happens
one understands, but it’s not enough
one knows, but accepting is still pretty rough

You may have all ingredients
but you still need a “here” and a “now”
no question of why? or what? or how...

Sometimes this happens
the wait becomes unbearable
so remember that you know....
time is deceptive
and it’s already tomorrow in Tokyo

Arshia.
Nov 26/27, 2017
Little Azaleah Sep 2018
that fleeting feeling of fluttering butterflies
as they caught your attention
in that short moment of walking by,
in that short moment of seeing eyes
like the short moment of waves kissing land.
your thoughts momentarily filled with the "what ifs"
"what would it be like"
"how your life will be like"
Oh, what an innocent feeling that is.
those moments before knowing a person.

{ e.i }
regina Oct 2018
They used to spent their time at ikea everytime they were together.

She remembered she pointed her finger to one of those couch. She said she wanted to buy that and put it in their room.
She can’t erase the memory of his smile after she said that.

They were too in love, they start to make believe and holding onto “what ifs”

And when they were passing by to one of those garden swings.

He stopped by and grabbed her by the hand.
“One day i will build a garden at the back of our house, i know you love swing. I’ll plant some trees. We can spend our time there. I know you will love it, i will love it too.”

She could hear excitement within his voice.
She nonchalantly hugged him with a big grin plastered on her face.

A year has passed,
She was scrolling through her instagram.
She saw, he bought the swing they always wanted and planted a tree next to it.
With another girl sitting right beside him.
c Oct 2018
Driving down Broadway
At one in the morning
Raindrops
Blurring the red lights
Into broken halos

I was pondering what-ifs
Putting could-have-beens
Into words


“It couldn’t have been”
My best friend assured

I wonder
How I manage
To mess love up
Anytime it comes near

“You fall in love so easily,”
She said
“You’re a poet at heart.”

“And that isn’t always a good thing.”
Lil lotus Jan 13
Im scared

           and Its my own fault

I feel so betrayed
I mean
My own head
Myself
Terrifying the life out of me
  To the point of wanting to run to my parents
                                                                ­      and just cry
Just die
So i can stop the what ifs
Stop convincing myself
Stop asking why
So i can live
in death
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