I had loved him
Through the darkness
The missing pieces.
As I bent before him
Tears coming forth in overflow
My heart no longer
The truth is
He stopped loving me
So long ago
That I begged him
Not to let us slip
Not to lose me within this void.
You can’t reason
When the world crumbles
You can’t hold ruin
With trembling hands
Has been lost
And left behind.
Backyard lit by white lights
a fire burning
My cheeks flushed
From ample wine
I sit here gracelessly
Trying to evade
His sideways glances
And the way
Clings to his lips.
Do I allow him
To have me?
Heart raw and beating
I am now bare.
And lips parted
He is greedy with me
Gasping from the need
Hands tangled in my dark hair.
He is just another
Indent on my mattress
Written on an unspoken list
Just another mark
On my once pure soul.
Tears slip from my dark brown eyes,
And fall across this endless space.
Prayers fault through red stained lips,
Endless invocation to reverse
what I am now so desperate to erase.
Breathing can be so tedious,
As days extend with such callous disregard.
How do I go on without you?
The absence has left me scarred.
Backward clocks tick in twisted rhythm,
This cavity holds time accountable for the pain.
I hate that you're no longer here
Now only the essence of memories remain.
I held my breath as it fell to ruin,
Burned and transformed by the opulent obsidian ember.
Grasping desolation in my gnarled hands
Refusing to release all that I have left to remember.
Wasn't I quiet enough for you?
Did I keep your secret tucked far enough under the comforter,
Where even now,
You can't admit I have laid.
Because if you did,
You'd have to admit the never leaving,
Because it never left.
Longing always lingers in the silence between.
You've hidden me in the folds of the blanket.
Always searching through memories,
Just for a moment of what once was.
I can't return your calls.
My absence now echos through us both.
The indent of my body growing stale,
Like fading perfume on the pillow.
I know it in the way you once kissed me.
You only whisper my name to the bed sheets.
Maybe It was the way that he held cigarettes hostage between his lips,
And how I tasted intelligence and sincerity when we kissed.
It was the way he reaches for me so delicately,
That I was startled with the realization,
that no one else ever had before him.
He is like a good morning ****.
Passion and blurred images contributing to the apex of euphoria.
I am caught in a perfect dream..
My body begging to burst,
Overpowered with enchantment and urgency.
He holds me captive,
Like an ice cold beer with a shot of grenade.
Caught in this spell of fascination and extinction.
I crave him,
That even my own breath betrays me.
I could fill my hands with wishes.
Vials of fairy dust tucked deep in my pockets.
I might need it.
But that day I think may never come.
Prayers whispered on red stained lips,
but they drop sincerely,
with to much heart.
Silence says to much in ways I can't comprehend.
Wind says that it can take me to a place, where shadows can't haunt me.
Sorrow can't sit on my door step,
reminding me of things that want to consume to much of me.
Monsters grab me in the night.
Profanity and ****** don't mix well with whiskey.
My stomach is always twisted in knots of strangled butterflies.
I could be a runaway.
Just another face on a milk carton,
or those cluttered bulletin boards at Walmart.
I fade away so easily,
flowers in my hair and feet bare,
sunshine warming my face.
That I miss him.
Pass in heavy silence.
Broken is mending.
To the universe.
Polluting the galaxy
Destroying whole constellations.
My lips are sealed
Strings of unspoken
Moments held to tightly.
By silence and secrets.
Once not caring
What having him
Would cost me.
I now kneel in ruin.
From his misuse.
To catch the after math.
It slips through
Having begged him
Not to fall
In love with me.