"happinesses" poems
Aye, Vladimir, just before I met thee
I hath been sure I hath loved him-
no matter as queer as it may hath seemed!
Thou knowest not, how much tears I hath shredded
and noticest not, how t'eir vanity made me look dead!
But why-why then didst thou appear-
and wokest within me t'is secret fear-
with understanding in thy eyes,
and with a love t'at is to me so dear.
Why-why t'en thou left me, left me again!
Whenst I got to knowest thou but for a moment,
ah, with not so much of an endearment-
afforded ourselves only t'at streak of lovely,
but still weak of too a bond,
or any pact, of young novelty.
And everything was corrupt
As soon as thou re-released me
into t'ese qualms of insincerity
wherest I am still tossed about, guilty.
And hushed, hushed always,
like a trivial, parallel wind!
As though my dear heart's bathed in sin
and of a soul t'at is so thin
So worthy not of thy soulfulness
and sweet dreams of many happinesses.
Ah, Vladimir! If only thou could knowest
T'is thread of passion thou hath sowed
and how my entirety seekest being loved
By thee, and only by thee, o my rain!
As thou art but king to my sneaky moon
and my very own kingdom of stars
Not him-not him, o t'is I entreat,
albeit his wits hath been but to me so sweet.
Still he be a mistake, ah, a chilly autumn mistake
to me, from whom I didst just turn awake.
Probably thou would hath loved me;
imperishably and blindingly,
until all thy superb charms and wit
t'at wert but tortured and unbending
shalt be left within me lit;
and thus leaving our fiery souls entwined
with winds t'at art even sweeter
yet might be torturously everlasting.
Vladimir, Vladimir, oh my only Vladimir!
Thou altogether belongst with me; here,
so unjustly yet heavenly
And in our hands is cherished
our love, o, so wickedly-but fatefully!
How I longst to be thy lover, dearest-
and be so comely as thy only flower;
which ripens thickly in thy winter
and blooms robustly, in thy summer.
Mar 20, 2013
Mar 20, 2013 at 7:07 AM UTC
~
*Weddings and honeycombs.
Why do they give us the hives?
The keeper knows.
There's a buzz in the air.
It belongs to
the rudimentary happinesses:
The minor miracle of father's smile,
a morning breath of honey,
painting toy lips with
blood from mother's finger.
Deathless protagonists,
Mom and Dad,
our propolis.
They love us from afar.
They love us with what they are.
There's a buzz in the air.
There must bee!
They can't help loving
us little monsters,
who sting
and then say goodbye,
sting and say goodbye.
A linn begins to form
in the corner of their eye,
as wheat fields sway in the wind.
The innocent
and the beautiful
have no enemy, but time.*
~
Mar 3, 2022
Mar 3, 2022 at 9:46 PM UTC
When asked what is sadness
there are a number of answers
perhaps sadness is
what we feel when we're alone
but not completely at ease
perhaps sadness is
happinesses broken younger sister
perhaps sadness is
the thing some people crave for
more than anything else
perhaps sadness is
loving someone who doesn't love you back
perhaps sadness is
what comes when we lose love
or have never found it
perhaps sadness is
the only one that feels our pains
perhaps sadness is
a reminder that we're human
well most of the time anyway
or perhaps sadness is
just another emotion that follows confusion
sadness is an emotion we feel
when our minds just don't want to believe what's just happened
or we just don't understand...
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 6:49 AM UTC
Dear J,
Happiness is a relative thing, or so I've learned. There are different versions of it. Your happiness probably differs from mine, which is most likely the reason we don't talk anymore. Your happiness didn't mesh with my own, causing some friction that lit a fire, at first starting love but then flaming into contradiction. That's okay. Happiness being a relative thing keeps us all from enjoying too much of one thing.
You see, as humans we always expect that the people we love most share same interests and ideas and joys. However, this is wholly untrue. The most compatible couples have completely different opinions on what makes life better than others. This ensures that we have a wide variety of happinesses to choose from. If we were stuck with one our whole lives that happiness would eventually become nothing more than regularity. And that's another reason we became nothing more than acquaintances.
Our happiness became so norm that we abandoned it in hopes that a new joy would come along, taming the fire of contradiction. When nothing was directed our way we instead became bored. And that's also okay because a little boredom reawakens our old happinesses.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope you found your happiness. Whether that be the way the sun falls on her laughing mouth or the music you write or the poems you read, I really hope that they make you see what life can be about with this happiness in it. I loved you so much you became my happiness, and then you outgrew the position. Become someone else's happiness now.
Love, Claire
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 12:11 AM UTC
I’m waiting patiently to wake up
a living nightmare where I’m always stuck,
this thing called life that I have no desire for,
there’s a million exits but only one opened door.
So I raised my happinesses tolerance
now referred to only in the past tense.
Two sides and two faces; who decides which is best?
I just don’t know which one I recognize less.
My only saviour has been running late
but I promised that I would always wait.
She says I’m acting too stupid when she knows that I’m smart,
it’s these little contradictions that rip all apart.
I’m trying on all shades of purple and white,
I’ve gotten bored of only blue and red each night.
Why say so long when we can just say goodbye,
all that’s right is wrong and we feed truth a lie,
that’s the similarities and differences of you and I.
Oct 3, 2019
Oct 3, 2019 at 4:05 PM UTC
Let's all be honest... for once... let us all admit this statement...
Each of us has impaled a dozy pill of mistakes... inhaled regrets fragrant
A prescription of the many countless regrets... failures... and stupid moments
They come back like a drug side effect, attacking you as their opponent
Losing your sense of reality as you drunkenly laugh at the blessings
Numb to kindnesses touch as you roll off the couch of security... nervously sweating
Openly abusing the precious, pure body of wisdom... deaf to her rejecting scream...
She stood by your side... Telling you not to take another drink... not to get lost in marijuana's dream...
A foolish smirk sneaks on your face, your mind clouded by the vape and tobacco, blocking your judgment
Carelessly touching in all the wrong places... pleasurable? Your conscious shows no lament
Your lips are a bite... Your touch is a knife... your words are a poison... to not only wisdom... for it will backfire
You are finally evicted from Illusions hallucinations... you fell for such a devilish liar.
Your brain has rung the alarm to your entire body... memories of unwise choices bring head trama
A heavy alcoholic breath escapes your mouth of regretted words... full of gossips drama
You wobble on unstable feet.. and do not achieve your desired balance...
Falling to your knees... you see the blood... the tears... and the saliva of someone who is guilty... no use in using words of parlance
No lies can hide the guilt that clokes your face...
All evidence leads you down to your fate...
"Drugged and Drunk of Regrets" was the charge placed against you... then you were sent away
But be careful... Memories, thoughts, and feelings can lead your mind astray.
"Set them free... You have been given mercy..."
The Judge granted, without one drop of regret and worry
...Mercy... You have been given mercy for your crime...
So why continue to drug your self on regrets? It's not worth a dime!!
DON'T GET DRUNK ON THE PAST!!!!
THE OLD IS GONE!!! THE PAST WON'T LAST!!!
DON'T CONTINUE TO ****** YOUR THOUGHTS OF A HOPEFULLY FUTURE!!
I HAVE DONE THAT!!! DON'T BE HAPPINESSES CONSUMER!!
We all have been Drugged and Drunk of Regrets...
but the best thing to do... it to apologize... and forget...
Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 1:13 PM UTC
I've not been myself for a while,
had my heart
broken y'see;
It was a little while ago now,
the pain has faded,
it merely ebbs now and again
I've not been myself for a while,
it changed
me y'see;
I pieced myself back together,
best as I could,
but cynicism still spilled
into the cracks
I've not been myself for a while,
totally someone
new y'see;
there is so much that I want now,
so much more than boys or love,
I'm hardened to all that
I've just discovered myself,
I just realised a second ago,
I never really went away,
I was just concealed under the surface,
waiting for life's little pleasures
life's little happinesses,
to pull me through,
out of the ever-ebbing darkness.
Oct 5, 2015
Oct 5, 2015 at 7:05 PM UTC
She comes to vibrate with you
Without seeing already the meaning,
Since the time pure life thinking,
When it grows that winter afternoon,
In the reservation of the pleasure,
Simple without cruelty a life,
In the purity a dream as a treasure,
A life whole innocence comes to tell her.
That's too much but amazing as never,
You do not forget Morenita,
Neither two eyes said by you to love her,
She does not forget, Morenita,
Either you in the daytime with coldness,
You enjoyment touching the moon.
In the first time with her,
It was for you a madness,
How long for telling you,
And that beautiful moment to appear,
Dreams and longings, and happinesses, a life,
Your life, she is in, you can for her,
That's too much but still alive forever.
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 7:08 PM UTC
I remember when loving him wasn't so wildly painful,
and I remember backseats and whispered things
and I remember winter nights and tiny joys.
I remember when I fell asleep against his arm on the way home from a dance I hadn't wanted to go to -
I remember a kiss on the top of my head,
the gentlest thing you can imagine,
to wake me up.
I remember the thousands of tendernesses.
I remember the the ecstatic joy you filled me with.
I remember I couldn't sit still when you were close by -
I remember the electricity, the wildness
you put into my limbs and the rhythms of my heart.
And truth be told these are what I'd rather remember
and this is how I'd rather it be.
I'd like to hold onto the joy and the recklessness,
the love instead of the loss.
I'd rather remember our happinesses, because they were so many.
I know your fickleness and your faults,
I know that you are in a constant state of moving on,
that you do not hold on and that you probably don't remember
but you know that I do.
I carry things with me and nights like these,
they do make me remember. They make me want and ache and they fill me with things I don't have a name for. They make me breathless and nostalgic and crippled. They make me think, write, and love. They fill me with the same abandon that you did, only quieter now and deeper, but no less beautiful.
And it's an odd thing, to remember love without feeling it,
Or to feel love in ways you don't understand because they feel so odd and out of place, being only yours. It's a difficult game and an exhausting one, and I'm struggling, still, to find my footing.
Today I remember loving you.
Later I will remember missing you.
Later still I will remember remembering,
Or maybe I will forget altogether.
May 15, 2013
May 15, 2013 at 11:44 PM UTC
These scars that
I wear across my
face deeper down
then you can see like invisible
little pin ****** hold
the secrets to a life
spent living through love every
bad choice or
sadnesses
is compounded by a million
happinesses they hang
together
like the stars in the skies some
twinkle
and some some implode
succking half my life
with them huge black spiralling abyss’
made from the
need to exist in my own right away from
the impression
I
made wether good or bad was
made
because you chose
to believe I was one or the other
but why can’t I be
both
I THINK I AM DROWNING IN MY OWN EYES REFLECTED IN YOURS
as you look at and process what you see but what do you see….
a pause then silence .
Aug 18, 2010
Aug 18, 2010 at 5:52 AM UTC
When I see the people abandon their old American Dream,
I read about their travels, their hungers and their happinesses,
I wonder if it is
madness
or if it is
love
which has inspired their souls
to commit the ultimate treason-
the pursuit of freedom.
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 2, 2016 at 8:45 PM UTC
It's difficult to describe your kisses
They taste like Ocean's Spray
Feeling the rushing waves of your highest happinesses
And tasting the stinging salt of your deepest regrets
Your kisses take me to the Eye of a Hurricane
Gently caressing in your calm storm
But feeling the wind currents of your demons
Circling around me and tumbling like the drain of an antique bathtub
You kisses take me to a Sand Storm
In the midst of your golden crystals
Flying through the air
Just barely missing my eyes
I hope you I can kiss you forever
Because I want to visit more of the Earth's Wonders
Jul 17, 2013
Jul 17, 2013 at 8:40 PM UTC
.
In forgotten places
She made our bed,
Draped with golden
Sun and shade only,
Longing lovers name
As they stalk shyly, shines
Of trailings, low happinesses
That others delve seemingly
Deep and joyous always into
Graces left everlasting for them.
In forgotten places, of hurt,
We made our streaming supper.
By a bank that only salmon traverse,
Knowing with hazel branch and leaves
Buried round ancient moss of circle stones
This was our testament, the tame grasping
Of light as it flickers in a whirling of whim,
The hot breath which knows coping hope
Has no end in beginnings, the lancings
Of eyes as they tear into faint mystery,
Lamb white and bleeding, sacrificial
In the dawn, trained to never want.
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 4:38 PM UTC
There is no time
As you time passes through
Eye's perpetual needle
And a basic understanding,
There are no seasons
That resonate forms and certain
Needs,
There is not enough time
For anger and happinesses,
Only that it remains equal
In the chaos of a a hurried
Mind,
A flutter into tornadic
Expressions,
A desire into a yearning fire,
Indirectly the season gives
A feel,
The cold winter she walked
Into the wind and her hair did
Not move, time does not beat
There, but arches into
A future,
That summer the sweat
Off your brow bought the car
Of a dream in a dream,
Carefully time snuck by
And perfected a moment's
Theory,
A man needs both time and
Stillness to recognise that
All is fleeting,
And the only thing real
Is the mist,
In the mist
A temporal moan.
Sep 27, 2017
Sep 27, 2017 at 5:06 PM UTC
.
In forgotten places
She made our bed,
Draped with golden
Sun and shade only,
Longing lovers name
As they stalk shyly, shines
Of trailings, low happinesses
That others delve seemingly
Deep and joyous always into
Graces left everlasting for them.
In forgotten places, of hurt,
We made our streaming supper.
By a bank that only salmon traverse,
Knowing with hazel branch and leaves
Buried round ancient moss of circle stones
This was our testament, the tame grasping
Of light as it flickers in a whirling of whim,
The hot breath which knows coping hope
Has no end in beginnings, the lancings
Of eyes as they tear into faint mystery,
Lamb white and bleeding, sacrificial
In the dawn, trained to never want.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 3:32 PM UTC
So, with doors locked
and cupboards vacated
and evening fallen
and images intertwined
in a head full of rain on
a cold Los Angeles day
I proceeded to shift rooms
once more, filling new ones,
leaving empty spaces behind.
I stood for a moment,
lost in thought, staring idly
at the cat on my former doorstep
mewing for catfood or *****
I couldn't tell which, for
I didn't speak her language and
my ghosts were all my own.
I'm sure she would've had me
lend an ear to the tales of
all her personal hauntings,
given half a chance
and a yellow Babel fish.
Last night in Singapore,
packing an overstuffed bag with
gifts and memories,
leaving a few scattered behind
here and there,
along with scraps of discarded poetry and
some yellow-silver moonlight.
Across the hall,
newly vacant room, populated by
a wrinkled Snickers wrapper,
silhouetted against a sky
the colour of oxidized Iron.
Drowning in
a sea of photocopied class notes
and uncertain recollections of
shimmering April heat
in the ramshackle heart of
Northern India. A few stray happinesses
lodged safely in the occasional
corners of luggage not occupied
by books. Long drunken walkways
and fading bird-calls.
So, with new closets loaded
and bookshelves stuffed
and posters re-pasted
with cheap tape
on freshly painted walls
I unlocked the old doors
and checked one more time
for things left behind,
just to be certain.
Two IKEA light-bulbs in a drawer,
and some dust.
That was all.
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 7:25 PM UTC
Attic lily she is,
Crafted from Michelangelo's hands,
a gem eyes fumble to adore.
Shapes, lines, curves perfectly placed on her body to sing harmonies that echo perfect anatomy
Attic lily she is,
a dazzling dream,
but her soul hugs a dead sun.
She's a sculpture of fair marble
built with a jungle of thin strings to fill her entirety, like a cat's cradle adorned with twines of roses to mimic completion.
Attic lilly she is,
Naive,
she thought losing a few petals for the happiness of others was kind
A rose for him, a rose for her...
Selfless,
she is all but a mirror,
for her smile has always been a reflection of others.
Performer,
she wears a face with printed traces of happinesses to shadow the gloom breeding under her own.
Attic lily she is,
strong built independent woman
but secretly prizes to be caressed in hands with a feeble touch,
...to be pursued with a genuine smile
..to be treated worth more than an art piece in a gallery that eyes dart on and forget about the second they walk past.
to be checked in on when her soil dries out.
Attic lily, she is,
for no one notices her unless they need something from the attic.
Jun 19, 2023
Jun 19, 2023 at 1:04 PM UTC
*In forgotten places
She made our bed,
Draped with golden
Sun and shade only,
Longing lovers name
As they stalk shyly, shines
Of trailings, low happinesses
That others delve seemingly
Deep and joyous always into
Graces left everlasting for them.
In forgotten places, of hurt,
We made our streaming supper.
By a bank that only salmon traverse,
Knowing with hazel branch and leaves
Buried round ancient moss of circle stones
This was our testament, the tame grasping
Of light as it flickers in a whirling of whim,
The hot breath which knows coping hope
Has no end in beginnings, the lancings
Of eyes as they tear into faint mystery,
Lamb white and bleeding, sacrificial
In the dawn, trained to never want.*
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 10:02 PM UTC
when you left you took my broken soul with you
leaving me with nothing
nothing
you took it all
leaving me numb
emotionless
you took my broken soul
now it cant be fixed
i could've fixed my soul from some love and happinesses
but i cant anymore
you took everything away
now
i write poetry
trying to feel
but how do i feel without my sunflower soul
please give it back
i know you have it
please let me be happy
like a sunflower
but how can i be a sunflower
without my sun
you took my sun away
my brightness
my light
my everything
mad?
no
how can i ever be mad?
you once made me so happy
you were once my sun
you were once my everything
but soon you became my moon
the most beautiful moon
but the moon doesn't work for a sunflower
so no
i'm not mad
i just miss you
i want my broken soul back
i want my sunflower soul to be whole again
i want my sun back
even if that sun may not be you
i just want to feel.
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 7:59 PM UTC
When I accept
the unhappinesses
of the moment,
my mind can be at peace
and my mind can be ready
to enjoy
the happinesses
of the moment.
Aug 11, 2019
Aug 11, 2019 at 9:26 PM UTC
There’s a whole world out there,
Full of lipstick stains and fairgrounds and cities you’ll love.
It has people who share their love as freely as a child,
And people who keep it hidden inside the barbed cage of their heart.
Once you are loved, you’ll feel it in every fibre of your being,
The depth of your soul,
And it’ll put a rose tint on life.
Dare to be present, my darling, and the world itself will gift itself,
It will weave the wonders of the world, and the beauty of life,
With the delicate ribbon being the subtle kindnesses shared.
Forget those who have left you, for their love was false,
As it did not thaw the sadnesses that are concealed
Between happinesses,
There is no life without losses, and no life without love.
I may not be a genius,
But I’m smart enough to figure that out.
n.b.
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 9:29 AM UTC
I do not let you beg for my attention,I give it to you .
Your breath on my arm ,got my attention
Your silly and weird jokes ,got my attention
I do not let you beg for my love ,I give it to you when you least expected it ,I give it to you through my patience ,I give it to you the way I look at you and smile ,I give it to you in my Pains and happinesses.
I do not let your lips go dry ,I soaked them with my big lips ,in private or in public I make sure my love for you isn’t shy .
My hands browse your body always ,every inches of your body feel both my physical and emotional attention .
I do not let you beg for my attention,I give it to you .
No one else has it but you ,no one else sends me into a trance that makes the rest of the world oblivious but you.
I give you my attention the way it pains me when sadness evicts smile from your face ,you got my attention when food becomes poison in my mouth ,I am a kamikaze when I can’t feel you’re happy when you text me .
You got my attention cause I love you ,I do not make you beg for it or convince me to get it .
You got it cause you deserve it .
I do not let you compete for my love ,you’re the last and final contender,no one has caught my heart but you ,it belongs to you ,you are the Queen and the empress of my heart .
I do not let you crave for my love ,I place it in your arms ,you play with with when I kiss you ,you nurse it when I’m angry at you .
I want to get your love and attention,I want to know your heart isn’t split and shared with someone else ,I don’t want half ,I want all of it .
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018 at 10:11 AM UTC
Born two days after Christmas all those years ago,
you left us in the summer like you wanted
so your body and casket wouldn't get cold.
Laying in bed too early,
whispering in my ear
asking me to talk or listen
as I'd grumble and try to hear what I could hear.
All those times you told me
and those stories I will not lose
you always talked and I always listened
because you always let me choose.
There has never been such a Nana as you,
so sweet but so set in her ways
-she said it was because of her age, 71-
but she was always ready to play.
She left us on a Sunday,
a day to praise the Lord
but oh how rough it was to know you were no more.
There is no way to tell the great grand babies still here
that Nana isn't coming back to the house
she cannot talk to us now, but I'm sure she's happy to hear.
(Author's Note)
This past Sunday, my entire family was faced with a heartache like none other. Losing a mom, a wife, a grandparent, a great-grandparent, a sister, a cousin, and an aunt. While we know that she's gone to Heaven and waiting to see us all again, it is still hard to hold back tears and harsh feelings. Although we were all there to watch her be taken to the grave, the truth still seems like a lie. Nothing will ever be the same for any of us, as she was such a large part of all of our lives. But if we keep praying and receiving prayers, maybe we will learn to find similar happinesses in holidays and family dinners. Through God and each other, there shall be healing.
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 7:11 PM UTC
Attic lily,
Crafted from Michelangelo's hands,
a gem eyes fumble to adore
Shapes, lines, curves perfectly placed on
her body to sing hormonies that echo
perfect anatomy
Attic lily,
A dazzling dream, but her soul hugs a dead sun
fair marble sculpture,
built with a jungle of thin strings to fill
her entirety, a cat's cradle adorned
with twines of roses to mimic completion.
Naive,
she thought losing a few petals for the
happiness of others was brave
A rose for him, a rose for her...
Selfless,
she is a mirror, for her smile has
always been a reflection of others. Hypocrite,
she wears a face with printed traces of
happinesses to shadow the gloom
breeding under her own.
Attic lily,
strong built independent woman
But secretly prizes to be caressed in
hands with a feeble touch
...to be pursued with a genuine smile
..to be treated worth more than an art
piece in a gallery that eyes dart on
and forget about, the second they walk past.
to be checked on when her soil dries out.
Attic lily, she is,
for no one notices her unless they
need something from the attic.
Dec 17, 2022
Dec 17, 2022 at 6:36 AM UTC
Yes.
I am.
I truly am.
I am happy.
There’s always a quest.
A quest of there instead of here.
That instead of this.
Then instead of now.
That way instead of this way.
That one instead of this one.
But with all the “here”, “this”, “now”, “this way”, “this one” I am happy.
Coz that’s my recipe to be so.
Nothing different.
That’s the perfect composition of my life.
Yes.
I am.
I truly am.
I am grateful.
For all the imperfections as much as the perfections.
For all the failures as much as the successes.
For all the heartbreaks as much as the happinesses.
For all the wrongs as much as the rights.
For all the I don’t haves as much as the I haves.
For all the unanswered prayers as much as the answered prayers.
Coz that’s what makes me - me.
And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Jul 10, 2018
Jul 10, 2018 at 4:45 AM UTC