who is not who i love
but could have been
in a life
where i didn't love
someone else already),
"i would kiss you now,
if i could."
"i know. i feel it."
"it's in the air."
"it feels thick, between us."
"tremulous," he repeated. "that's good."
and so we sat
in the tremulous air,
me and this boy i could love,
we sat in the tremulous air
and we didn't act on it
and i'm glad,
I used to write to wend my way out of the darkness,
to talk myself out of the sadness,
to cure my broken heartedness,
but now I find that
Because you took my heart in your hands
and because you bared and repaired me
I have only joy.
I alone hold the joy of your freckled skin,
I alone know your virtues
and I alone hold your sins.
I alone know your tenderness, your truth,
and I alone have you, and
You, alone, carry my burdens and my vices,
hold my laughter and my care,
and you alone have brought me here.
I haven't written in about a year, and I thought you all deserved an explanation.
there is an undauntable light in my eyes
and a hickey sliced warmly across the middle of my throat,
and the half-lingered and utter warmth of your hands in mine.
there are murmured "i love you"s
and unsuppressed smiles
and the promise of
seeing each other again.
there is rewarded patience
and the warming of my long unkissed mouth
and there is the reassurance that
yes, it was worth it.
The rabbit-tap tattoo beatings of our hearts,
They leave imprints on our chests
The hollows of our hips.
The soprano pull off my breathing
And the forever-hold of your fingers,
It marks me,
A you-shaped tattoo in my heart.
Fingerprint bruises on my skin,
Scratches at the small of your back,
They are more permanent than ink,
More lasting than ink and more precious.
Smoke screens in our kisses,
Tumbled words and slurred laughter,
Our rabbit-tap tattoo hearts and our tangled-up legs,
The forever mark of our hushed hysteria,
It is more permanent than ink,
Cheap and wild and real.
A stain of you and me
clinging to my skin
this is love,
we'll do what we do if it gets us drunk,
we'll find what we find if it gets us drunk,
we'll risk what we risk
just for the untainted rush of your skin absorbing mine,
of hair and fingers and breathless things,
of push and pull and longing things,
the wildness, the want
the drunkenness, the drift
I am my mother's only daughter
fear of the love, fear of the water
the wildest laughters and the sweetest of kisses,
the innocence my father misses
I am the kisser of skies,
open arms, open eyes
I am the shaker of your bones
sing me there, sing me home
shakenness and gentle wear,
steady my heartbeat, steady me there
I am the words before your lips,
careful whispers, restless hips
joyful fear and fearful laughter,
I am the heart whose stops you're after.
I am the kisser of skies,
open arms, opened sighs
i am the hookah queen
and drifting in my hookah dream, i find
that i have no one else
to care for.
i know nothing of their bitterness,
their wantonness, their greed,
i know nothing of that world,
and sifting through my hookah dream,
colored with a hookah ream,
and pulled apart with all the careless shadows,
i smile, (i the hookah queen) and contentedly i drift,
i am going, i am going, i am gone.