The moment I started to think I'm incapable of being loved-
Was it when they took what they wanted, unprovoked?
Came too soon,
Was it when I was "a little bundle
of joy"?
Did I learn then, that I was just
a toy?
Was it then, when my father
walked away?
Was that my price to pay
for being born that day?
How could it be-when I did
nothing wrong?
You left without a word,
left me here all along.
Did I learn it before I could even
speak?

Was it when, the man, old
enough to be my grandfather grabbed my hand?
Did my breath hitch, as he whispered those awful words?
I was barely eleven, it didn't make
any sense,
his breath on my skin, the feeling of his fingertips grasping for mine,
as he'd say with a smile, "Our fingers
are making love,"
Was it the first time?
Or just the first time I remembered?

Was it when the stranger
grabbed my *******?
Was it then I was infested?
Did I learn that hands could only take,
not to give?

Did it start all  too soon?

Maybe if I had looked for you,
Thought this through,
You´d have come by,
I´d have caught your eye,
You´d come around-
Finally we´d be bound:
A heap of cold bones,
You´d find headstones,
My flesh so long rotten,
Just like always forgotten.

Tell me a lie,
I won’t mind,
I’ll let you try,
you’ll be so kind,
I’ll be left behind.

Had my heart on my sleeve,
all you did was leave.
Stood there in the dark,
yet it hadn’t even start.

If you really wanted,
you’d try,
wouldn’t leave me dry.
Trust me, darlin’,
felt like you were carving,
a hole in my heart,
already crushed,
filled with dust,
never discussed.
Tore it just right,
the same night,
had to get it stuffed,
as I stared with disgust.

Who holds the keys, if not me?
I feel like I´ve been drowning in the sea,
Trying to come up just to gasp for air,
Is finding love really that rare?
At others I try not to stare,
As I silently wish someone would declare,
The love for me I want to share,
Hoping anyone would dare,
To seek behind my glare.

When you’d hunt me down,
Felt like I was given a crown,
My heart so much quieter,
Aching for you as proprietor.

Someone said I drown,
On your face—a frown.
You’d stand on the brink,
Our breaths in the sync,
Feeling your nearness,
Ditching the harness,
Standing there bare,
Sinking to your stare.

If you’d hunt me down...
I’d wear it like a crown.

In well lit room, there is a silence,
You hear your hollow breath,
Echoing through, there´s no resistance,
The cold seeps into your bones-the death,
I can almost hear you whisper "tragic,"
A single tear carves its own creek,
There´s no rewind, no alchemy,
Under your feet you hear the floor creak,
My skin is pale, as you exhale,
My body covered in black veil