I want god
I want clousure
All I've ever wanted was to find my own finality

I need death
I need fate
All my life I've lived for a clear path to take

And what I get
All I can find
Is a million blinking lights to pass the ******* time

Won't someone come around
And put me out of my misery?
Don't you know I've been found?
Again?
Again

There's nothing more to gain
From slogging through this pain
And every single road
Is just the same

All I want is something dry
Somthing for the mind
Got anything that can preoccupy?

Theres nowhere to go
And theres no more direction
I'm getting sick of returing to my home


The time is getting late
And I had best be going
I'm gotten tired, searching for my fate

Has led me to the edge
And walked me right back, back again
Back to the roads

Yeah, and every road still looks just the same

Sepanjang perjalanan duka aku,
Kau datang dalam celahan ramai,
Tulisan kau seolah faham tulisan aku,
Terbang aku semacam tak reti duduk.

Ah kau.
Nampak je lain.
Akhir sekali,  'selamat tinggal Sarah'.

Sometimes it hurts to breathe.
Other times I'm running on automatic.
Sometimes I'm in control - which leads me to question the God that thought it was a good idea to put somebody like me in charge of the vital function of getting the air into my lungs.
But most of the time, I'm not.
I don't focus on breathing.
So it goes up and down and speeds up and slows down and comes out heavy and comes out quietly a n d t h e n i t s t o p s
And I'm free for a moment.

I'm supposed to get eggs.
Cereal.
Bread - yeah, we need bread. We always need bread.
Milk.
Logan wanted chocolate syrup.
I've gotta get chocolate syrup.
I don't want to get out of bed.
I want to stay here - I know here, I understand how my home works, and I want to stay where it's safe.
You know, considering the fact that I'm no longer protected.
I want those arms around my waist again.
Those surprise hugs from behind.
Stupid pick-up lines and sarcasm and Tumblr posts and soft rants and loud rants and everything else that I don't have with her any more.
But I-
I've gotta get chocolate syrup.

i wish i had the skill
the artistry, the patience
to fully describe the ache,
the constant crucifixions
of my heart.

it's scary, daunting,
how three words,
(and not the three words
you're thinking of)
can disintegrate something
faster than nailing a coffin
shut.

there is something inside
my head that tells me
to crush the cocoon
every time i see it
because my hands forge
butterflies faster, better

have you ever woken up
in the morning, and
immediately start
crying? have you ever
kissed a stranger? have
you ever killed an animal?
have you ever broken your
own heart? your own leg?
your own home?

I've never been one to take a punch without either dulling my senses or punching back
But this punch back feels wrong
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing
I'm drifting through life
The corridors of my heart have been empty for years and I don't know how to fill them anymore
From my father to my first love to you I've been abused
I've been bruised, talked down to, manipulated, and confused
And you did nothing but confuse and dull my senses as if there was something I was supposed to see and you blocked it from my view
I've never hated you, I can't find the time to
But between when you left me barely functioning and now I've learned to love you without being next to you
And hearing you hurt and holding back the pain in your voice broke me and I didn't know how to respond.
So when you told me not to speak to you
Not to tell you that I loved you
Not to tell you that I missed you
I decided that because I do love you I was going to respect your wishes.

I check your Facebook now and again
I make sure you're still posting on your instagram to make sure you're still breathing
If I could ask you how you were doing I would
But you don't want to hear from me, it hurts to much
And I keep fighting the urge because baby
You learned how to control me
And now I cannot free myself.