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m Jan 11
j
maybe this was supposed to happen
maybe you were supposed to let me go
and I don't blame you--
my darkest deepest parts leaked out
into your broken hands and like
wine they stained--
some days I still feel like needing you
some days I feel at home--
written in the stars our heartbreaks
led us to each other
then led us both away--
I've erased your eyes and voice and tongue
(although I still remember your birth chart)
m Nov 2019
I ******* hate this
Our ******* love story
Picked apart and
Strewn about until
It’s exposed and
All you wanted to do
Was love me,
And I will ******* hate this
Until my hypocritical heart
Is mended back together
With my bleeding fingers
Sewn together with stars;
My best friend my worst enemy
My first ever real true love,
How did you ever look at
This face and see beauty?
My mascara and lip gloss
And low cut shirts were all
In my diabolical plan
To put myself on your pedestal
And plant myself in your dreams
And make sure that I am not
Forgotten and finished and ****
I once wrote that my greatest fear
Is that my eyes will turn red at
Midnight and it has
Finally arrived and forever it
Will remain.
You may love me but you
Don't like me and I don't like me
And so good night.
i just keep breaking my own heart and using people and im tired
m Oct 2019
again it has happened,
that radio silence, that
perfect broken brilliance;
so familiar, so threatening,
that hum of anxious breaths
and tongues and chests,
my glass has shattered
again and the blood has
filled the floor and i
step towards you too eager
to kiss the wounds
on your feet and ankles
and pray to god you
kiss me back and you do;
there is a nineteen-year-old
inside whose heart begins
to burst but there is a grown
woman out here pretending to
be into this tragedy
this destruction of naivety
this stranger who continues
to call himself my friend;  
maybe one day he'll mean it
the definition of insanity is doing things over and over and expecting a different result
m Oct 2019
I’m just so angry
That you kissed me and
Walked away
And that you missed me
And that all these men line
Up for a chance to taste
This body but never this
Soul and I’m so angry
That everything I’ve prepared for
Is never going to happen,
That my grandchildren
May never see snow,
That I may never feel peace
Again, that my heart aches
Constantly. Just constantly.
My home feels like a trap and I’m
Walking through molasses towards
My death and I’m angry
That nobody is here to hold my hand
constant thoughts of the end of the world
m Jul 2019
And so I turned my poems
Into a hot air balloon
And held on until the clouds
Were suffocating,
Until like ants you disappeared
Into the earth.
The oxygen eventually depleted
And while choking for air
I grasped still to these words,
These fleeting moments of
Clarity,
Until darkness consumed me
At last
m Jul 2019
the wind knocked out of me
it was time to say goodbye
and my world was crumbling,
your hands on my waist to stabilize
my hands on your chest to beg
i haven't stopped crying
since you walked out the door
and it hurts, all the time, the wind
has not come back, your birthday
is coming up and all i want is
to pack myself into
a perfect little box for you
and be sent to your doorstep
would you want that?
would you cry with happiness?
do you remember the way
my hair smelled, the way
that twin sized bed became a
sanctuary and we worshiped
and prayed and were
reborn?
**** on my neck and thighs and chest,
till my blood is emptied, till the wind returns,
till these memories are reality again
a wave of missing you
m Jun 2019
and this aching in my stomach is
stretching me wide open
and its beginning to hurt
and the future seems so elusive
yet it is here, and on its way.
every person i've ever kissed
has left a bruise on my soul
and i'm leaking, overflowing with
an indescribable empathy for
dancers with broken feet,
for lovers with mismatched tongues
for poets with thesaurus thieves;
the butterflies abandoned me long ago
and this echoing inside my hollow chest
those pretty sounds that
had me head over heels are
memories, only;
i am a memory, only,
hoping and praying i'll forget
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