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Atta Apr 22
i cherised ourselves in silence breeze
at every corner of crowd we've cultured together
and on every personalities i've dictaded
i've grown my trees on you

yet you put an end to my tree

i should had known you're my lumberjack behind me
brought axe sharpened behind my corner
you'd warmed me by the fireplace
branches by branches

from the trees i've nurtured on you

at least i still get warmth for a second
a milli if i could tell
at least i still get warmth

and i asked
and i asked you
for once
you said
you put effort on your tree
you cared too much for me
you've watered it down
with sweet sweat with sour tears
for me

but i still smell me on your fire
mahogany vanilla, fresh autumn
orangish purple, i could visioned

and i asked
and i asked you
million times
all you said was
it was your tree
your ******* tree
your tree that you couldn't named of
what was the wood what was the fruit
what was it? you didn't know

i extinguished flame you engulfed
that only affected on us
your option was go and go away
some i couldnt choose
i let myself stranded in your tiny little miniature
of towns you've built over my anxiety
by words youve trashed down
on my feelings
if i stay, i'd soaked my soil with my ***** tempest
if i go, i 'd walked on invisible string gagged and blindfolded

i choose to stay
growing trees on anger
i bow down
if i stand up
i could see all direction
and i could see you watering down
your tree on your person
such a gardener you are
  Oct 2023 Atta
I am sorry
I have failed to stay happy
like how you would have wanted me to be.
Atta May 2022
5 years ago I wrote a poem with the exact title
desperate and hopeless
losing myself and I really don't know who I am

Some years I tried to seek the truth
about why am I like this
what happened to me
where did it go wrong
when did it happened
and who am I?

I seek proper medication
proper healing
burned a whole money bucks
but it worth it

with hundred things to avoid
thousand things to be lessen
some prescription things to be taken

now, today, may 18th
I got to feel the most normal birthday ever
I found her, vividly I saw her
in blue, grey, red, orange, and every dawn
in every scenery
I found her, happy
but maybe still feel a little pain
but at least she could control what she couldn't before
I lover her before
and I lover her after
I love you

it ain't easy

two lessons that I got
to reach out whenever you feel sad
and to be happy in secretive

Jakarta, 18 May 2022.
thank you meee
Atta Apr 2020
semua orang tersenyum
    semua orang bahagia
    itu yang nampak

    ketika langit gelap
    bintang bertaburan
    sepi sendiri

    semua orang menangis
    semua orang bersedih
    itu yang sesungguhnya
suatu luapan emosi tabu ditunjukkan di publik.
Atta Apr 2020
everything that will happen tomorrow
is a blueprint of yesterday's ignorance
help the one in needs by stay at home and do physical distancing
Atta Apr 2020
ini sudah malam
matahari sudah tidak nampak
jalanan sudah sepi
burung pun kembali ke sarangnya

ini sudah larut
aku sudah berada di kasurku
kamu pun juga di kasurmu
diantara kita, masih sama-sama diam

aku sudah lelah
setelah menunggumu semalaman
sampai hatiku merintih menyesal
tapi tak ada lagi sapaan darimu malam ini

aku terlelap
setelah semalaman menangis
menyesal, kenapa aku tidak memaafkanmu
menyesal, kenapa aku tidak memintamu kembali

kalau bulan bisa memberi tahu
harusnya aku yang memulai
namun malam ini aku diam
kamu pun, diam
dari aku yang waktu itu diam saja. yang hanya bisa mengharapkanmu memulai lagi.
Atta Mar 2020
i hope you're in good shape
i really hope so

it's been 23 months
i was not sure how many gallons of tear
i've been drowned by
i was not....

i just...

it's been to long

i completely forget what you look like
and i am happy about that

but the fact that i couldn't erase everything related to you
from my mind
i despise that

midnight struck,
i decide to write
and i don't have enough love story
to be written

my dull brain just decided to remember
sometime in 2018
and you

oh dear,
oh dear....

how are you t?
help me from tearing myself away
by being gone forever from my mind
can you?

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