Surrendering myself to a most omniscient and superior presence I do recall--
a bliss of serene emotion, nothing could befall

A wormhole of colorful fractals my eyes consume;
absent of all fear, my soul begins to bloom

A beautiful vessel of the innerverse I take;
a tour of the mind, humbly I wait

Indescribable realms I am apprised, conceptually unfathomable to the conscious mind;
Scenes of divine aesthetics flood my eyes, myself I begin to find

Intense elation-- equivalent to a lifetime of ******* I am granted as I come to;
Forever indebted to this ritual which has been deemed so taboo

You are beautiful, and yet terrifying, you push your limits to try to get to Cloud9 -
until you are flying, flying away from your imperfect life, away from your mom and your dad.
you swear you'll never become anything like them-
you never open up, but when you do, oh when you do, your blue beautiful eyes stream water- pouring down your face , you probably have realized that even on cloud nine
you feel misplaced

CASSIE THE AUSSIE DRUG SMUGGLER
NOW WANTS TAX PAYERS CASH
THIS IS INCREDIBLE AND STUPID
AND A WHOLE LOT OF TRASH


IF YOU SMUGGLE DRUGS IN A COUNTRY
WHERE THE PENALTIES ARE SEVERE
YOU WERE VERY CONSCIOUS OF YOUR ACTIONS
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY MY DEAR


DON'T EXPECT HONEST PEOPLE
TO NOW HELP BAIL YOU OUT
IF YOU SMUGGLE DRUGS AND GET CAUGHT
YOUR ON YOUR OWN NO DOUBT

I met you around the time Zac and I were to be engaged.
It was an arranged marriage,
But he promised me a lifetime of happiness.
They told me some loving would benefit my health.
That he could make me smile again.
So I stuck with him.
Every night.
You and I would meet behind his back.
He wasn't the only one who made me happy.
There was something about you
That made me forget about him.
Almost as if
I didn't need him anymore.
But they said I was commited to this relationship.

They told me Zac would work his magic 3-4 weeks after our first date.
And he did.
I smiled.
I forgot.
I relaxed.
I let go.
It was nice to be happy again.
Everyone around me saw it.
But then it was time to take it up a notch.
I was told to love him in the mornings and evenings,
Twice a day.
Then three times.
Then four.
Until I forgot what it was like to be single.
They didn't know I snuck out to be with you.

Eventually I was a whole new person.
I didn't worry about matched socks.
I didn't cry over spilled secrets.
I didn't retreat when the going got tough.
I learned to laugh at myself
Listen to myself
Love myself
Be myself.
The quiet world of whites and greys began to
EXPLODE
Into fireworks of vibrant colours.
I picked flowers!
I made music!
I flew kites!
The old me
Faded
From memory.

I was happy.
I am happy.

They said my life would never be the same.
That Zac had seeped into my brain
And taught me to see the beauty in life.
To find the rainbows in the rain.
They congratulated us on our marriage.
The couple of the century.
But, you see, I met you around the time Zac and I were to be engaged.
Maybe it was a coincidence.
Maybe it was the timing.
Maybe it was fate.
But I had broken up with Zac a month after he proposed.
I never met him twice a day.
Or three times.
Or four.
All this time
He wasn't the one
Who had taught me
To be happy.

- p. winter

ethan
it was beautiful outside on the day you were laid to rest
the sun was shinning and the birds were chirping
but inside was nothing but rain in my chest

they said "don't hate the addict hate the drug"
"he's in a better place now, he's  free"
and i couldn't help but look down at my shaking hands and hate the addict- me

it's easy to hate a pill but how do i learn to hate a drug when my drug of choice was always you
escaped your reality through a quick high and and a line
but i only escaped mine, when i was by your side

you're gone you're gone you're gone
and i'm going through withdrawals
i need you
i need my high

maybe someday they will say she's finally free too - when i die

A - the atrocity that my life has become
D - the damage, and still,  im not done
D - the denial, the doom in the vile,  dangerous, daunting; forever defile
I - the image I fake of myself, I- my constant &chronic; bad health.
C- the cost of a chemical wealth.
T for the tension, paranoia and fear. Yet it’s the letter that symbols it’s here.  
I - irrational, insensible, intense. I - irresistible iridescence .
O- for the option that I didn’t take, O for the others that still I forsake.
And N for nervous. Nauseous. Night. N, the neophyte, turned narcissist knight.

Transparent to everyone, how its hold is too true
So clear its invisible, Addiction did coo:  

“when you wake and feel my crave,
and all my charms  different behave;
resistance, strength, pain & choice,
may mute my spell,  quiet my voice.”
“embrace what little light is shed”  suggested addiction, faintly he said:

“For I can **** the best man dead,
with only shadows in their head.”