All it took was a glance
And a single choice in time
A moment that would linger
An emerging paradigm

All it took was a taste
Reality crumbled at my feet
I had never known a drug
To be so bitter and so sweet

All it took was a touch
And I forgot my name
Words dissolved on my toungue
With only you to blame

You left a mark
Like a fossil in my soul
For I'm forever changed
Not broken, but not quite whole

It begins with a thought a glimpse of the past slowly transcending into a ride. I begin to realize that I'm loosing ahold of reality like the ripples in water from a drop of time falling down upon its suttle nature. I'm looking up at the stars as if there's a message for me or a beautiful escape to distract myself from the coughs and the clouds burning inside of me that I create with the lungs I treat so cruely night after night. Breath after breath the clouds surrond me as if to enclose myself in a place without fear or Worry, without pain or sorrow. These grey clouds whisper in my ear explaining how things work and filling me with questions. I count down starting from three and with each blink I descend deeper and deeper to only be brought up higher. I blink hard, I'm looking down upon a  child who's seen so much, who's felt too much, who's going through so much hes tryng to cry to wash away and let go of his pain but all his tears have already been spent long ago. So he inhales the grey clouds and with each breath he takes his eyes begin to wonder, his mind is rather occupied by the memories, overflowing and drowning all at once. I blink a second time, The clock strikes midnight, time takes its toll and with each second I'm falling back to where it all began, I try to claw my way back up but the clouds have disappeared no longer there to float me back up to the gates of heaven. I feel a hole in my stomach as I lick my lips, I realize the music has ceased to move in me so I remove the technology from my ears and begin to listen to the hunger in my stomach instead, forevermore growing stronger and heavier, a hunger that strikes me like lightning whenever i get a hint of its aroma in the crisp and cold air, an aroma that reminds me of what it was like to taste heaven and forget about all the people that have died, all the beatings I've endurerd. A little boy still trapped inside of a growing mans body.  The feeling to be separated from the part of him that's still scared stirs in his heart like an ocean filled by tears and years. I blink again, time speeds back up my thoughts cease to crowd me I realize and visualize what it was like so see the stars move contemplating and waiting impatiently until the grey clouds return .

Don't ask me how I got here, kid.
unless every time your College head hears the 20th century definition of "Awesome" or "Adventure"
You can hear "sandstorm" instead
wrap the lust in caution tape.
don't want you finding out
Our feet
are the same size.
you're anxious

can't you sit still?

What,
you afraid of bein' caught?

Let me tell you a secret.
nobody is watching you.

If you really wanna learn how to get here

live by that.

I assumed you wanted something?
Follow me.
don't be afraid of that cloud Over there
He just plays guitar
for cigarettes
So he can smoke 'em
Simple man, that Smokey
Not in the kiddy selling business,
Or a mercenary, or part of the
in and out
and in and out and in
and out
Of jail crew
he just plays guitar
and smokes cigarettes.
marlboro reds.
how many did you want?
$60.
Would you stop talkin' so fast?

remember not to take more than two.

And you're eating?

See,
I take care of you...

how about a kiss?
No?

Oh, **
** And you were scared of the clouds.

Light it.

put your clothes on kid.
good luck on your finals.

remember to eat.

remember who takes care of you.

I've always let you back in
You were my favorite drug
You were my happy place
Beyond the clouds, with time and space
So I always let you back in
You always taste so sweet
but in my stomach felt like sin
But I keep letting you back in
I keep letting you back in

Too thoughtful,
too open,
regrets put in motion.

Too awful,
too hurting,
two truths now unearthing.

One secret,
albeit,
one drug to unleash it.

One passion,
one action,
one heart with two factions.

It's been a while now,
I can't remember what it feels to have you wearing your impulses while you breathe on my neck

Can't remember what it feels to be the reason you need to catch your breath

Can't remember what you and your body taste like,in every respect

Can't remember but will I ever reminisce again with someone else?

Fly high!
That's what they'll say,
after you wreck your car
and spill your brains.

They won't know--
or maybe they will.
****** tomb,
disguised as "wonderful daughter,
great friend."

Everyone has earplugs,
blindfolds too.
The epidemic is supplying
some for you.

Russian roulette
has some competition.
This ain't some new
invention...

Nobody cares--
it's not them.
Nobody cares--
unless it's them.
But it's too late by then.

.
I need a Drug.

A decongestant.
To unblock good thoughts,
so they flow through and wash away
the flotsam and jetsam
and bitter history, in the flat field.

A decongestant.
To relieve the suffocation,
entrenched in nasal pollution
denying access to fractured lungs
and caustic breathing, in the flat field.

A decongestant.
To ease the flow of feeling,
for it to cleanse and energise,
to be free to share with fey
and open hearts, in the flat field.


© Pagan Paul (22/02/17)