When it comes to underprivileged people, you are nothing but an abuser.
You believe that people who get food stamps and other free food are losers.
When a church gave free food to the poor, you said that church supports bums.
You look down on people who are less fortunate than yourself and that is dumb.

You judge people who can't afford to pay for the food that they eat.
They struggle to pay bills and they have trouble making ends meet.
When I call you a stuck up twit, it's certainly true.
If anybody qualifies to be a loser, it is you.

It was hard for her husband and child to believe what she had done.
She ran off with a sugar daddy and abandoned her husband and son.
She did her husband wrong but I believe what she did to her son was worse.
She was a greedy woman who decided to put money first.
She was dumped by her sugar daddy and she asked her husband if he would take her back.
Her husband said No when she returned because intelligence is something he doesn't lack.
He told her that she left them once and he wouldn't give her a chance to do it again.
This woman loved money too much and ended up having to pay for her terrible sin.
She thought she could reconcile with her husband but she didn't succeed.
She abandoned her husband and son, stupidity is often caused by greed.

I wasn't going to buy another dog because it hurts too much when they die.
But I decided to buy another dog and she is my Sweetie Pie.
When it comes to the heart, losing a pet sure will break it.
When it came to my former dog's death, it was hard to take it.
But several weeks later, I ended up being in luck.
I bought another dog for only two hundred bucks.
Hazel looks similar to my old dog and I sure am a lucky guy.
My former dog was my Baby Doll and Hazel is my Sweetie Pie.

If somebody says that I don't care about my dog, it will be a lie.
On August 18, 2020, I bought my new dog and she's my Sweetie Pie.
She loves to lick my cheeks and my chin.
Hazel loves to lick me over and over again.
Hazel was what her former owner decided to name her.
She is very protective, she always barks at strangers.
I was very scared because Hazel became sick and I thought she might die.
But a vet saved her life and I'm very happy that I didn't lose my Sweetie Pie.

I love Jehovah and I'll love him for all of my days.
How much do I love him, let me count the ways.
1. I love him because he cares.
2. I love him because he's fair.
3. I love him because he's noble and just.
4. I love him because he's one who we can trust.
5. I love him because he's always around.
6. I love him because he won't let me down.
7. I love him because he does not lie.
8. I love him because he eases our pain when we cry.
9. I love him because he loves me.
10. I love him because he'll let me live in paradise for eternity.
Those are the ten reasons why the Lord has my love and respect.
When we need somebody to comfort us, he's the one who we should select.

People don't like me because I make terrible moonshine.
Nobody in their right mind wants this whiskey of mine.
I've received a lot of angry phone calls, and some pretty nasty letters.
People say that when it comes to my shine, horse **** tastes better.
A city slicker actually called my moonshine slop.
He felt he'd been ripped off so he called the cops.
The police arrested him too for buying the moonshine in the first place.
His stupidity got him jail time, you should've seen the look on his face.
My shine is so terrible that the Surgeon General has started putting a warning label on every bottle.
If you drink my 130 proof moonshine, you won't walk straight for days, when you walk, you will waddle.
My shine will knock your head off, it's sure not as mild as a malt.
I've warned you about my shine so if it makes you go blind, it will be your fault.

We should thank God for each day we have to live.
We should thank him for every day that he gives.
He could take us twenty years from now or today.
Nobody knows when the good Lord will take us away.
But we should thank him for each day he gives to us.
We should thank him every day until we die when our bodies will return to dust.

Thanks God for letting me wake up today.
Thanks God for letting me live another day.
Thanks God for letting me have food and not to suffer from starvation.
Thanks God for being my best friend and also for being my salvation.
Thanks God for letting me have a house and not to be homeless.
Thanks God for the love you've given, you truly are the greatest.
Thanks God for everything that I have, it's nice to know that you care.
Thanks God for not abandoning me, thanks for always being there.

Thank you, Jehovah for giving me such a wonderful mother.
Out of all of the women you could've given me for a mom, I'm glad that you didn't choose any other.
You gave me such a terrific mother, she was so special and unique.
You gave me a mom who was beautiful, kind, thoughtful and meek.
Thank you, Jehovah, the kindness and love that you've given is something I probably can't repay.
But I do love you more than life itself and that is something that I'll always be proud to say.

People are laughing but I don't think it's funny.
A ***** rotten crook stole my stolen money.
I was very happy because I successfully pulled a bank job.
But then that man pulled his gun on me and I was robbed.
I can't believe that it happened, it has been a terrible ordeal.
That crook stole the money that I worked so hard to steal.
This experience has left me bitter and appalled.
That thief didn't leave me anything, he took it all.
The cops caught up to me and I told them that the money was taken by that thief.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this would happen, it is beyond belief.
I failed to become a millionaire because of the money that he took.
I'm going to turn honest when I get out of jail, it doesn't pay to be a crook.

Some call him a ******* and others call him a ****.
But everybody hates that dog that's on Duck Hunt.
When you shoot at ducks but miss, that **** dog laughs.
It makes you so mad that you want to unleash your wrath.

I want to tell you about a discovery of mine.
I've learned how to shoot and **** that canine.
To get the secret, you'll have to pay me $29.99 but that's cheap.
People would pay $1000 to **** that dog because he's a creep.

Every time that dog laughs at you, it makes you shout.
But with my information, you can blow his brains out.
That pesky dog has laughed many times before.
But pay me $29.99 and he won't laugh anymore.

My peach tree only had one peach and my brother decided to pick it.
I grabbed it out of his hand and you know where I decided to stick it.
My brother was really ******.
He had to go to a Proctologist.
He took me to court and the judge ordered me to pay the doctor for removing the peach from his ***.
That made me very mad and I started giving that judge sass.
I threw a punch at the judge when he held me in contempt.
But he had a black belt in karate and now I walk with a limp.
When it came to that **** peach, I should've let my brother eat it.
This has been a bad experience and I sure as hell will never repeat it.

That's the good thing about possum innards, just as good the second day.
But whjen our dinner guests see what Granny is cooking, they run away.
These city fols have the weirdest reactions that I've ever seen.
When we serve buzzard eggs, they puke after their faces turn green.
Jethro is my nephew, and I need to have a long talk with that boy.
Mister rysdale loves our money but his wife is always annoyed.
Whenever we hear music, somebody is always at the door.
Even though Jethro is bigger, Elly May pins him to the floor.
People tend to catch on fire if they smoke after drinking from Granny's still.
As long as we have 100 million, MR. Drysdale won't let us leave Beverly Hills.

This is the 13th Mother's Day that has come around since your life came to an end.
When you passed away, I didn't just lose a mother, I also lost my best friend.
We used to spend Mother's Days together but we can't anymore.
You went to Heaven twelve years ago when you were sixty-four.
You became a mother in 1967 when you brought my brother into the world.
I was born almost four years later and you incorrectly believed I'd be a girl.
An aneurysm ended your life and we buried you in the ground.
I can not enjoy Mother's Day because you're no longer around.
I'll join you in Heaven but I don't know when.
But it will be great when we're together again.

It was two decades ago today when an actor took his final breath.
When he starred in Doctor Who, he starred in "The Robots of Death".
His name was Russell Hunter and he was born in February of 1925.
Next year would've been his 100th birthday if he had survived.
Hunter starred in nineteen episodes of "The Gaffer" and one episode of "Born and Bred".
People in England were sad twenty years ago today because they learned he was dead.
In 1976, he starred in one episode of "Play From A".
He also starred in "Daddy's Girl" and "Up Pompeii".
Hunter starred in "The Cockleshell Heroes" and one episode of "The Bill".
When it comes to forgetting him, the good people of England never will.

If you're wondering how long it took for a man to die after crashing a car, five days was how long it took.
The car crash killed him and his ex-wife who was named Stacy Brooks.
He was driving over a hundred miles per hour at midnight, that was really fast.
Stacy died instantly but her ex-husband died about 120 hours after the crash.
Stacy has been dead for the same amount of time that she lived, twenty-five years.
She was a very special lady and her death brought about misery, suffering and tears.
Stacy wasn't stuck up like some other girls who I went to school with, she would talk to me.
It wasn't fair when she died so young, my friend has been dead for a quarter of a century.
Her life ended in 1997 on the seventh of September.
She was a unique person who I will always remember.

Thirty years ago today, millions of people were surprised.
Christopher Reeve fell off a horse and he was paralyzed.
Reeve's accident occurred on May the 27th of 1995.
The accident didn't **** him, he was able to survive.
He survived for nine years and he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Life was once great for Christopher but his life became so unfair.
When he had his accident, he was paralyzed from the neck down.
When he died, I felt sad because he would no longer be around.
Even though Reeve got hurt, he didn't give up, he went on with his life.
We had to say goodbye to him and we had to say goodbye to his wife.
People were devastated when his life came to an end.
Christopher wasn't just an actor, he was also a friend.

Jack Schwartzman had one daughter and three sons.
This producer died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 61.
Sadly, he lost his life thirty years ago today.
His family mourned when he passed away.
He produced "Lionheart" and "Never Say Never Again".
He also produced "Bed & Breakfast" and "Cold Heaven".
His family and friends know that he died too soon.
He died thirty years ago in 1994 on the 15th of June.

You starred in "The Visitation" which was an episode of Doctor Who.
Your life ended thirty years ago today on December the 11th of 1992.
You died two weeks before Christmas Day.
You were sixty-two when you passed away.
You were a very talented British actor but your death ended your career.
Time sure does fly, it doesn't seem like you've been dead for thirty years.
You starred in every season of "On The Buses" except for the final season.
I don't know why you decided to quit but you must have had a good reason.
You guest-starred in "One Foot In The Grave" and "Turn Out The Lights".
You also guest-starred in "The Count Of Monte Cristo" and "First Night".
You chose not to be buried, you were cremated.
When you died, all of your fans were devastated.
You died thirty years ago today and your wife died on December the 7th of 2011.
You entertained people for many years and then you went to Heaven.

Almost fifty-three years ago, I became your grandson.
You died 30 years ago today at the age of seventy-one.
You became sick when a doctor prescribed you some Dilantin.
The allergy ended your life and we would never see you again.
Your death hurt others as well as me.
Your body was in such a bad shape that you had a closed casket ceremony.
The Dilantin was what made your body end up in such a bad shape.
When you perished, almost two hundred people attended your wake.
You lived in Sneedville but passed away in a hospital in Morristown.
It was a sad day thirty years ago when we buried you in the ground.

Selena was a singer and she has been dead for three decades.
She was very talented and was murdered after being betrayed.
A former friend gunned Selena down.
She died and is buried in the ground.
The killer worked for Selena and she decided to steal.
After that lady was fired for theft, she decided to ****.
That terrible woman deserved to lose her job.
Selena didn't deserve to die or to be robbed.
It's sad to know that Selena is gone forever.
If you're wondering when she'll be forgotten, the answer is never.

I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.

Coca-Cola launched their 'New Coke' forty years ago.
When Coca-Cola did this, it turned out to be a fiasco.
They launched their 'New Coke' in April of 1985.
It was not a success and it certainly didn't thrive.
Coca-Cola abandoned the old formula and released the new.
Millions of people were angry and some even threatened to sue.
When it came to the 'New Coke', it was something that most people hated.
Coca-Cola started making the original again because people were devastated.

Frank Sutton was an actor who died half a century ago.
He starred in one episode of "The Andy Griffith Show".
He starred in every episode of "Gomer Pyle: USMC".
Sutton died fifty years ago today at the age of fifty.
People were sad because he wouldn't be coming back.
Sutton's life came to an end when he had a heart attack.
He starred in "The Twilight Zone" and "Town Without Pity".
He starred in "Armstrong Circle Theater" and "Naked City".
He starred in "Love, American Style" and "Valentine's Day".
Sutton would be 100 years old if he hadn't passed away.

He brought laughter and he was important to many.
He died 50 years ago and his name was Jack Benny.
Mel Blanc appeared quite often on Jack's show.
At the age of eighty, it was Benny's time to go.
If Jack had died one day earlier, he would've died on Christmas Day.
He was a very talented individual who died half a century ago today.
Jack was an actor and it's an actor's job to pretend.
He went into a coma before he died and it was sad because it was the end.

It has been nine years since I adopted her.
She was like a daughter and that's for sure.
We were together for nearly seven years.
When I say that I loved her, I am sincere.
When I found her dead, I was horrified.
I felt pain when I learned that she died.
Losing such a wonderful dog is a disgrace.
She was one in a million and can't be replaced.

I found out why a lot of people started hating me.
I was a screenwriter and I wrote Superman III.
I never dreamed that I'd be bullied when I became a screenwriter.
But people think my writing ***** and I had to become a fighter.
The Warner Bros. executives quickly wished they had thrown my screenplay in the trash.
Years later, I wrote an even worse screenplay which is titled 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash'.
My days of being a screenwriter were over and I was in tears.
Eddie Murphy beat the hell out of me because I ruined his career.
Other people also beat me up so I started taking karate classes.
I earned a black belt and I started kicking people's *****.
If you're another bully, I need to tell you something before we start fighting.
You should back off because I'm far better at karate than I am at screenwriting.

The Baptism of Jesus was a great experience and because of it, you and I are moved.
When Jesus was baptized, God said "This is my son, the beloved, whom I have approved".
When Jesus asked John to baptize him, John thought it should be the other way around.
Jesus got into the water and he was dipped down.
Jesus wasn't baptized for repentance of sin but because he could do his Father's will.
Jesus is the glorious son of The Almighty God and I love them both, that is how I feel.

The best thing that money is good for is that it tells us that God is who we should trust.
In the Garden of Eden, God gave life to Adam after creating him from dust.
But Adam and Eve didn't trust God when he asked them not to eat from the forbidden tree.
They trusted the serpent instead and ignored God's command and they both paid dearly.
Many people are obsessed with making money because it buys nice things.
But the world seems to have forgotten what putting on trust in God can bring.
We live in a world that has been consumed by greed, violence and lust.
The world would be in a better shape if God was the one who many more people would trust.

The Bible is a how-to book, it teaches people how to gain eternal life.
Please read it and share it with your children and your husband or wife.
It teaches us not to worship false gods and not to steal.
It teaches us not to commit adultery and not to lie or ****.
It teaches us that Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins.
If you read the Bible and obey God's Ten Commandments, you will win.

If my dad had lived, he would be the big 7-0.
On this day, Dad was born seventy years ago.
Seven decades is how long he would've been alive.
But leukemia killed him, Dad did not survive.
He lost his life in 2013 on the 13th of July.
Dad would be the big 7-0 if he hadn't died.

My blind date became violent because I took her to Popeyes instead of KFC.
She didn't get her eleven herbs and spices so she beat the hell out of me.
I took her to Popeyes Chicken because Popeyes is cheaper.
She became so violent that I nearly met the Grim Reaper.
She jabbed me in the eye with a fork and crammed a salt shaker up my ****.
When she was done, she'd covered my body with wounds and cut off my nuts.
She actually wanted a second date but I strongly protested.
When she insisted on another date, I had the ***** arrested.
I'm having to pay to have my ***** reattached and for the removal of the salt shaker from my ****.
I'll never go on a blind date again, not only does she become violent, she also looks like Jabba the Hutt.

I dumped SuperGirl because her ***** are hard as rocks.
They are literally harder than concrete cinder blocks.
I should've known they were hard because bullets bounce off of them.
******* that aren't soft should be a crime because it is so grim.
When I broke it off, she made my life a living hell
She burned down my house and ****** in my well.
If you think that was bad, you won't believe the other things that she did.
She lied to Social Services, she said that I abused my son and I lost my kid.
She put an end to my *** life when she used her laser beams to castrate me.
My manhood has been taken and no jail will hold the ***** so she's going free.
My life has fallen to pieces, I would give anything for some Kryptonite.
I would also want Batman's armor suit so I could **** that ***** in a fight.
Don't even think about dating SuperGirl, believe me when I say that it is no fun.
If you date her and break it off, you'd better have a Kryptonite bullet in your gun.

When I was a child during the winter, I hated the sun because it melted the snow.
And when the snow was melted by the sun, school was where I had to go.
As a child, when it snowed, school was closed and it was sure to excite.
But when the snow was gone, it was back to school and that sure did bite.
When I got to stay home from school, I could play my Atari and it was fun.
But when the snow melted, I had to return to school because of the **** sun.
If other children are like I was, they become very happy every time it snows.
And when the snow melts, kids become like Homer Simpson, they yell "Doh!"

When I learned about his death, it was hard to believe.
An actor died twenty years ago today on Christmas Eve.
Sadly, he died at the young age of twenty-six.
He starred in The Supernaturals, A Smoky Mountain Christmas and other flicks.

He starred in The Dukes of Hazzard and Magnum P.I. as well.
He tried to beat Colon Cancer but sadly, he was destined to fail.
When a person dies on Christmas Eve, it's a shame.
He was a talented actor and Chad Sheets was his name.

He was Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To ******".
He starred as the best friend of Wally Cleaver.
When he starred as Eddie, his performances were sure to please.
Sadly, he died on May 18, 2020 from Peripheral Artery Disease.

When it came to acting, Ken Osmond was sure to excel.
He wasn't only an actor, he was a police officer as well.
It is nice to know that he helped to enforce the law.
When people saw him on television, they were in awe.

He starred in "Newhart", "***** Buddies" and "Baby Makes Five".
Sadly, his life ended on October 22, 2021, he was unable to survive.
In 2020, Scolari starred in a movie titled "Looks That ****".
He guest-starred in "Happy Days" and "Remington Steele".

He starred in movies titled "Dean", "Sorority Boys" and "Letting Go".
He starred in 66 episodes of "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids: The TV Show".
He guest-starred in "The Nanny", "The Love Boat" and "Family Ties".
He had Leukemia like my dad and it's sad when such a talented actor dies.

Queen Elizabeth II has died and she isn't the Queen anymore.
Her husband, "Philip Mountbatten" died just one year before.
Elizabeth II has died at the age of 96 and it will change things.
Her eldest son, Charles, former Prince of Wales is now the King.
She was the longest serving Queen, she served for 70 years.
She became Queen in 1952 and for decades, she was revered.
She celebrated her Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum Jubilees.
She asked people to "never give up, never despair" about Covid 19 which is a horrible disease.
She was Royalty and had wealth, power and fame.
Now that she's dead, England won't be the same.

You were an actor and your death has caused remorse.
You starred in 'Me, Myself and Irene' and 'Delta Force'.
I became your fan at the age of eight when you starred in 'The Black Hole'.
Some people hated that movie but I like it and your death has taken its toll.
You guest starred in 'Magnum P.I., '******, She Wrote' and 'Walker, Texas Ranger'.
You had a  ton of fans who you never met but in their eyes, you weren't a stranger.
When you starred in 'Jackie Brown', you were nominated for an Oscar.
Because of your talent, you were destined to be a wonderful movie star.
You starred in the 1998 remake of '******' and 'Small Town Crime'.
Because of your charisma, you'll be remembered until the end of time.

When it happened, I was very angry and I was also stunned.
My wife filed for a divorce just because Donald Trump won.
My wife is smart, sophisticated and she's also very pretty.
But I learned that she's also superficial, shallow and petty.
My mother always told me to appreciate what I've got.
But if you're wondering if I still appreciate my wife, I sure as hell do not.
When she broke my heart, she didn't even feel remorse.
After seventeen years of marriage, she filed for a divorce.
I begged her not to leave but she packed her bags and walked out the door.
I was hurt at first but I've learned that I'm lucky not to have my wife anymore.
For a while I couldn't stop crying because what she did cut me deep.
But I'm a fortunate man to no longer have her because she's a creep.

You may find it to be amusing but I don't think it's one bit funny.
I have a twenty year old son who still believes in the Easter Bunny.
I tried to raise him to be normal but sadly, I was bound to fail.
He also believes in the Tooth Fairy and the Wizard of Oz as well.
When it came a tornado, he started singing "Over The Rainbow".
He thought that instead of being killed, Oz was where he would go.
Luckily, that tornado wasn't severe and no people were killed.
I've failed to convince my son that the Easter Bunny isn't real.
When he sees kids hunting Easter eggs, he says they were hidden by the Easter Bunny.
Will somebody please take my son off my hands, I'm prepared to pay a lot of money.
I'm scared of my son because he's obviously a lunatic and I don't know what to do.
Don't laugh, you could also end up with a grown son who believes in the Easter Bunny too.

This is the eighth Mother's Day that has come around since you died.
You were one of the world's greatest mothers and that can't be denied.
Time flies, it doesn't seem like eight Mother's Days have come around.
Life stopped being as good when you were lowered into the ground.
When the doctor said you would die, I didn't like what he had to say.
You're no longer with us but I still wish you a happy Mother's Day.

The end of 2018 is very near.
In just a matter of hours, 2019 will become the new year.
2018 was a sad year because my aunt died.
After 43 years of marriage, my uncle lost his bride.
But 2018 didn't completely ****, I've seen worse years.
In just a matter of hours, 2019 will be here.

When my Chihuahua died during the Summer of 2020, I was devastated.
When I had to say goodbye and bury her, it was something that I hated.
At first, I wasn't going to buy another dog because it hurts too much when they die.
But I bought another Chihuahua to try to ease my suffering, that's the reason why.
When I bought Hazel one year ago, I started feeling better.
She's sweet and she loves to lick me and she loves it when I pet her.
I bought Hazel five and a half weeks after my former Chihuahua passed away.
Hazel is my Chihuahua who cost $200 and I bought her one year ago today.
When I lost my former Chihuahua dog, I felt so miserable that it drove me to tears.
Hazel and I are celebrating our first anniversary, I hope that she lives for many years.

Adam and Eve were thrown out of the Garden of Eden because they angered the Lord.
Jehovah blocked the entrance to the Garden of Eden with Angels and a flaming sword.
When it came to trusting somebody, they chose the wrong one to trust.
They chose to trust Satan so they eventually died and returned to dust.
After being exiled, neither they nor their off spring could return.
That teaches people a valuable lesson that we must learn.
We must trust and obey Jehovah instead of Satan or we will not receive our reward.
If we put our faith in God, our paradise won't be blocked by angels or a flaming sword.

Kenny had a God given talent and he was bound to succeed.
His death has pricked people like a thorn and they will bleed.
He was both a singer and an actor who had skill.
People loved to hear him sing The Gambler and Lucille.

The world is sad to lose Kenny.
He was a Leo just like me.
All of his fans are heart broken because of this ordeal.
People loved to hear him sing The Gambler and Lucille.

When he was born, God gave him a special gift.
He was a British actor who was named Clive Swift.
He starred as Richard Bucket and Roy Bowden in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
He was a remarkable actor and it's a **** shame when such a person dies.
Because of the talent God gave to him, he was extraordinary.
Sadly, this great man lost his life on the first day of February.

Jesus Christ was the greatest Jewish man who has been on the Earth.
The world became a far greater place on the day of his birth.
When Jesus was nailed to the cross, he died for people's sins.
He's in Heaven with his father now but we will see him again.
The Jewish people have been persecuted and that's a disgrace.
Jesus is wonderful and he'll be the savior of the Human Race.

God is his title but Jehovah is his name.
When his son returns, people will no longer be sick and the animals will be tame.
Jehovah doesn't demand our respect but he does deserve it.
People praise him because they know that he's worth it.
By worshipping him, eternal life is what it will bring.
I love Jehovah because without him, I'd be nothing.

Jesus was known as the Great Teacher.
Performing miracles was his best feature.
He taught us how  to enter God's Kingdom and live in paradise.
If we love Jehovah God and live by his rules, that will suffice.

Jesus taught us not to be obsessed by wealth.
He taught us to love our neighbors like ourselves.
Jesus has always obeyed his father because he wants to please him.
Jesus and Jehovah can make us happy even when things are grim.

Jesus taught us the importance of honoring our fathers and mothers.
Jesus served people while he was on Earth and he taught us to also serve others.
Jesus was a remarkable teacher and he's also very wise.
We will live in paradise if we do what's right in God's eyes.