I remember,
As a child,
The loneliness that
Pulled at my chest,
Thinning my heart
Until it stretched so far
I couldn't see the ends.

And I'd cry.
And I'd think.

And I'd think that
All I needed was a little bit of love.
A little bit of adoration
From manlier lips,
A kiss.

So I'd try
And I'd cry,
Because the more I tried,
The more I failed.

And it's kind of funny now,
Because kisses only seem
To make me lonelier.
And in the middle of a crowd now,
I die.

I'm still sad inside.

I saw a tall man shatter
A mirror. Memories fell
Like snow, so cold now.

I felt as he cut deep into
His doll with the pieces.
“Slowly now - not too hard”

I watched as my blood
Dripped over the face
Reflected in the shards.

Learn to be alone like
The sun never touched
The moon; Like every
Leaf's graceful decent
To its' coffin - beautiful
In death's untimely favor.

Savor every breath; we
Draw pictures in the wind
With each exhale. Inhale
The masterpiece nature has
Given; be glad of mistakes
That have been forgiven.

I left the school where
Rainy days turned the
Pavement into glass and
Reflected the twilight as
I walked home each night.
I guess it was my fear of
Mirrors.
I guess it was my fear of
Not following the guideline,
Not filling the pattern set
For me. But I came to see
Imitation isn't flattering &
So I am blossoming into me.

Some days I wither like a
Wilted rose waiting for
The wind to pick my petals,
One by one, like a morbid
Little girl -- she whistles
To the tune of "I live, I love
For naught, I live not."

Most days, I feel like
The man on the moon;
So far removed -- my
White smile set in stone.
Yet these shadows shown
Have made such beauty
Into all I have ever known.

Sometimes I find myself lost
Hush, my love, hush
In the thoughts of others and
It isn't long now
I find I fall in love with 4 AM
For soon the birdies wake
Whose silent voice does speak
And the moon must partake
And sing the gentle songs of sleep
*In his final, lonely bow

Love was only destined
For her ghost; she is the
Feeling of sunshine only
Noticed in the dead of night.

I go to bed sick,
And I wake up seething.
I look down at my chest,
I'm pretty sure it's bleeding.
Freezing, right to the core-
'Till I'm numb, feel nothing more.
I'm not even sure I'm breathing.
Fine lines etched;
Secret. Permanent moments of believing,
In tiny little lines.
At least I know I'm leaving.
Suicide?
Silly.

Like me.

I cut myself about a week ago
And was genuinely surprised
To see it scar. Makes me want
To take a line off of the flesh.
Or two. Or three. Or four.
How far until I never come back?

I never have the effort
To finish anything but
Boys who take advantage
Of the stupors I put myself in.

I wonder of all the things
I've forgotten. Of who I
Was when I knew them,
And who I'll be when I
Learn again. Strange;
When a sound seems so
Familiar, yet falling in
Love with the melody as
Though it was the first.

The story never changes.
Wasting breath on too many cigarettes,
I sigh over different colored eyes-
Mostly brown, but maybe blue next time.

They love how I make them feel.
Eyes glazed in a haze of pleasure,
I measure every look and seal my fate.
When they dream, it's of this. Nothing more.
Naive little *****, I swore this time it'd be different.

Please, I'm lost -- lonely -- scared --
Always reaching -- ever
Pleading -- End. Always coveting End.

They say,
"A poem a day keeps the razors away."
Wait, you mean to say it's
An apple a day keeps the doctor away?
**** that.
I was never one for optimistic crap.

"Up, M'Lady--Pack your things, this place is not your home.
Nor was it ever, sever every tie, tonight we ride. Tonight we ride.

And how we've trembled at the way that time's
assembled little fires of desire in the tundra of our skin.
So, do yourself a little favor, savor every time you waver
for that shaking in my voice was only slyly feigned chagrin.
Tonight we ride."

"Oh, Lover, uncover. I know it's warm beneath your sheets
and there is ice along the streets but listen—Lover, we will recover.
But we've no time to waste with meddling in affairs
we've locked so tightly in our dreams.
We are not clean, we are not pure, we can not rest until we're sure.
So, rob your pretty little eyes of sleep's disguise.
I'm at your bedside with a bucket full of lies.
So, clear your ears and listen---

Up, M'Lady--Pack your things, this place is not your home.

But I know what is."

And to the glorious past:

You've opened my window but broken the glass.
And I beseech thee, 'shed thy beauty.'
For as a child leaves the womb and learns the cold,
you have taught us perils in the present,
and you will bring us peril in our surely-soon-to-be. Unless…

The river's not flooded this time.

Oh, Precious Distance,
Oh, Precious Pain,
You've given me a name. And
Etched it in the stones of the river bank.

Oh, Precious Distance,
Oh, Precious Pain,
You've given us a name. You've
Given us a name.

"Rise!" Said the King to the River,
"Never let up! No, bring us a flood and bring it hard!"
"Freeze!" Said the Wind to the Water,
"Never give in! No, build us a bridge!
And build it strong and angry.
Let it stills the King's decree.
Oh, you must contemplate the current,
Boy, and command that coward cease.
The boy breathes for his love says, 'I wait.'
His love says, 'I wait.'
She's shouting out, "I will come back. Yes, I will come back!
I will come—I have lived my life so uncomfortably. Darling, come for me.
Come for me."

"Rise!" Said the Boy to his Lover,
"Darling, get up. I've brought you my love, and brought it far!"
"Leave!" Said the Girl to her lover,
"I've given in. If love is a bridge, we built it wrong!"

Curb your anger.
Still your fists.
She will never come back, she'll never come back, she'll never come—
She will never come back, she'll never come back, she'll never come—

It's a cloudy, sunny day.
The kind in between light
And dark, gently swaying
In grey. I'm here watching
Smoke dance with the wind,
On time with the tiny band
That plays just beyond my
Gentle understanding.

Today I did nothing, except
Pick flowers from trees and
Arrange them in a bowl full
Of water. Oh, and I suppose
Fed a homeless man with two
Packs of sardines and tea.
It's sort of silly, this is the
Happiest I've been in a week,
Or two. Or perhaps even three.

I met him at the dock,
While the witch's hour watched
Lovebirds dive nakedly into the sea.
When he kissed me at sunrise,
I inhaled with the hope of holding Brevity.

That next night he left me on a sidewalk
With the taste of salt on my lips.
And as I let go of my breath, I swear
I felt a breeze dance between my fingertips.

A storm was rolling in
Over the ocean waves,
And I sat in the sand
And broke shells into
Shards with my hands.
It wasn't hard, and I
Thought of how strange
A corpse to be so colorful,
So incredibly beautiful.

We wear Time like the finest of silks;
She lines our bodies in wrinkles and
Folds. Fashions fade over the years,
But beauty has always been in the
Stories she tells - sketched on the
Canvas of our skin.

Such enigmatic eyes;
Beautiful on the horizon.
Where often rebirth lies, distal skies.

Listen,
The faceless walk into
The mouth of the river.
The river swallows.
The water is gray.
Animosity roars in the ears of the trees,
They sway in anguish, not for the breeze.

Now listen!
The shipwrecked seas see.
The faceless cannot see.

Funny that I'm the tease when
Men's eyes trace my body like
This outline is their divine right.
I haven't prayed much lately,
But when I do I ask what, dear God,
If Eve is the mother of sin then what,
Is man?