Darling, you're being to ******* yourself.
Darling, I hate to see you cry.
You cannot blame yourself for learning how to fly.
The lightness in your step, the sparkle in your eye
I truly hope are things that will never ever die.
Never apologize for setting yourself free.
You're finally showing who you always wanted to be.

The marigolds had inspired me to add black eyed susans to my garden. Their yellow petals were enticing and their black centers lured me in. There was just something about them that kept me coming back to tend to them, to waste my time in order for them to flourish. The marigolds I had previously planted had died due to my neglect, but I found I didn't miss them much when my attention was focused on the black eyed susans.

i hate my heart for betraying me whenever i see a rare smile on your face

Paint yourself with sores and wounds
Broken bones and a broken soul
Allow yourself to wallow in self pity, self loathing
You deserve it

I truly believe that you are the worst kind of person
Apathy is all you deserve
You used another person as a toy for your own pleasure
I feel no empathy when you are terrified by the horrors you've created

Your eyes have finally been opened
Watering as they are bombarded with smoke and flames
The destruction you have caused, created, entertained yourself with?
It's permanent. You cannot fix this. It's done.

Don't crying poor victim,
When both you and I know you're not.
Leave her alone to she can find her smile again.
Try to fix yourself before you go fixing someone else.

my fingers curl around my pen
a pleasant breeze blows by
i have returned to where i belong
i heave a pleasant sigh

every time i hear your voice all i can think about is that moment when my lips brushed against yours and you were suddenly alive in a way i had never seen before but maybe just maybe when we pull pack you'll take me in your arms and not leave you won't leave because you promised we can just stay wrapped up in the same sheets that used to suffocate you and while words spill from my lips you can paint them atop the music you've always loved so much but then i open my eyes and *you're not there

I'm sorry baby but you can do that for you so I don't have anything for me anymore and you have no worries I love it tho lol okay I'll text your mom if she wants you too but she is still a little too bad she said okay good night but she is so happy I got to see her tomorrow morning so she could have a great time she said thank goodness for you so I don't have anything else for me anymore lol okay so sorry to say I don't want to do that but I'm sorry for you so much but you have a great day and you will see it all together again.

A little bug sneaks past the window
Completely unseen and completely unheard.
A bug so small can barely be detected,
a bug so tiny it will never be noticed.

But the bug lands on a flower,
which was previously undisturbed.
A beautiful flower it is -
Colours brilliant and bright.

The flower seems unharmed,
facing towards the shining sun.
Little does it know,
it's own death has begun.

The small bug leaves -
Flies away with the blink of an eye.
The Flower faces down now,
Pretending not to cry.

I don't need to look into a mirror to see that I'm turning into you.
I already know that I am slowly deteriorating.
Nightmares plague me,
So horrible I am trembling and barely breathing when I wake.
There isn't a single person who makes me feel safe.
You always told me you were wary of everyone.
Including yourself.
The words that fall from my lips are formal, protected, carefully calculated.
My words sound like their coming from your mouth,
Like you have possessed me and will never let me free.
The wanderlust is the most painful.
I'm pulled by the sharp knife twisted into my gut.
Wanderlust makes me reckless. Wanderlust slowly kills me.
Tell me, darling,
Am I haunting you like you're haunting me?
The further we are apart, the more we see we are alike.
Before too long you'll look in the mirror.
You'll see my face instead of your own.

Does she know?* I ask.
I can't hide the wicked smirk on my face,
As I see the panic spark in your eyes.
Does she know about the flowers you wove through my hair?
Does she know about the words you wrote on my skin,
Everlasting, never fading, cannot be taken back?
Does she know about the breaths of life in the dead of night?
Does she know about the desperate kisses we shared when we were all alone?
Does she know about the tears you shed over the death of my love?
Does she know about the sins you committed that forced me to run?
Does she know, darling? Do you think she'd stay?

Can you live with the thought of her leaving, because I saw who you truly are?

"Stop playing with me," the Fledgling begged.
I sat there and wondered for who she had me pegged.
My hands were clean; I had done no wrong.
You blame a poor Dove, and you forget that I am strong.

For must I remind you that a Dove is white, not red.
You'd best remember, before you end up dead.
Poor flamingos can only balance so much.
At this point I could knock you down with a single touch.

You forget, dear Fledgling, that I am the student that beat the teacher.
She was the reigning champion, said no one else could beat her.
You want to play a game?
You'd best pull out now, or you'll be put to shame.

Your passive aggressive glare?
I honestly couldn't care.
Your fake cries of a martyr?
Fledgling, I am not the archer.

Continue frolicking with tears streaming from your eyes.
I won't even notice all your other petty tries.
Keep thinking that you own me, a poor Dove brought you down.
Fledgling, I'm no fowl here.

*I wear the crown.

Will everyone around me show me enough love to forget about who I was? I want to change. I swear, I really want to change. I know how I want to change. I know exactly what I want to become. I going to be who I want to be. I am going to be someone who is satisfied with their image and who is proud of their actions. I am going to be someone who is never ashamed of past actions and is never hurting other people with their own voice, thoughts, actions. I am going to be me.

I don't know if I recognize the person in the mirror anymore.* the Owlet admitted.

Doesn't matter. said the Night **You're worthless no matter who you are

will you just leave me alone

my mom told me that you called the other night.

i must admit, i panicked because the other day i thought i saw you with another girl in the park.

you’re doing even more than you thought. you’re definitely alive, and you told me you weren’t.

i hope you find sunshine there. you were always happier outside and under sun’s glow.

it does hurt that you’ll be on the other side of the county, but i think it will be good. i hope it will be good.

good luck.

i feel warm and you'd think that'd be comforting,
but the heat makes me sweat and my stomach twists.
the tips of flames strike the edge of the paper,
as i hold it over the flame of a candle.
they darken and curl, retreating from the fire in pain.
ink fades and disintegrates from view.
i watch as my biography burns to ash.
i can't bring myself to shed a single tear.

I like my lungs to burn,
While your arm’s around my waist.
The sweetest touch lessens the burn
Of such an acrid taste.

I told you that writing would only perpetuate your anguish* the Night laughed as the Wind chuckled in the background.

I thought I was strong enough* the Owlet admitted.

reading through the lines
desperately trying to find a meaning
a message
a long lost letter
a blip in the dead of night
you're looking where there is none
while the answer stares you dead in the face
yet your blindness is unconscious and overwhelming
your ignorance is involuntary and compulsory
open your eyes, little one
the outside world is more obvious than you think.

a devil
a devil
a godforsaken devil

you take her hopes
you hold her dreams
you shatter them into pieces

she has given you her heart
something that I know is not easily given.
She has shown you her weaknesses, her loves,
Something she protects with her life

And you've thrown it all away?
Without a second glance at the stress fractures you've created on her body?

You've taken a priceless blessing,
a rare thing of beauty
and brushed it to the side
like a cat bats its toy.

Let me tell-no.
Let me promise you
That if you even think about playing with her a moment longer
If you have a single though of getting away with this

You're wrong.

I will give my life to protect her.

i'm hurt
you're hurting me
*and whatever

i can't tell you the number of times i've wanted to take back what i've said before the words had even left my mouth

They call it a descent. A spiral. A fall.
As if you have failed over and over
Feeling new emotions with each new failure.
The truth is, it's the same every **** time.
The same nightmare.
The same uncontrollable shaking.
The familiar feeling of bile rising.
The familiar ache to be grounded.
And you can't help but give in.
The old blade is dug out,
Though you thought it was long forgotten.
The pain is sweet.
It seems to bring you down,
Bring you back to an Earth you hate
But are too afraid to leave.
The same events repeat.
The next night, the next week, the next month.
And the only difference between each one
Is that you hate yourself just a bit more
For spiraling once again.

How can I be so aware of my own insanity and yet have no power to control it?

my hands are cold
they're frozen really
my fingers are stiff
barely moving, barely able

her hands are warm
they're pleasant really
her fingers are flexible
always moving, always able

she wraps my arthritic hands in her own
kisses my palm softly with heated lips
she pretends that it doesn't hurt her
that it doesn't sharply pierce her skin

the reality of the situation is that i am far too cold
the most electrifying of touches will never help
i am beyond saving, cannot be thawed

I hope to finally meet the sky one day* the Owlet admitted.

You shoot too high the Night laughed. **You'll only fall, never fly

I sat alone today,
and I felt absolutely free.
The air was crisper,
My shoulders were lighter,
I felt like I could fly.

The weights on my ankles disappeared,
the spring in my step returned.
I haven't felt so alive in months,
and all because I left you.

I just want to understand how you want me to last a month on my own when I can barely survive 24 hours without wanting to die

Does she still think about me?* asked the Owlet.

I don't think she cared about you enough for you to remain in their thoughts replied the Wind.

i realized the other day that every single hope and dream i confessed to you came true, but you aren’t here to see it. i want you to be, but you can’t be bothered. i guess you’re too busy with her. that’s fine.

I can only hope that you can understand the message in my eyes.

i've tried to start writing again a dozen times. at least. but i think of every single one of you every time.

most people view writing as a release. some sort of blissful experience where letting their fears flow out of their minds and onto a paper is relaxing. detoxifying. some sort of therapy that they can provide for themselves that no one else can.

i don't.

writing is protection. writing is a safety net that causes suffocation. writing is hiding behind ink that can just barely be traced back to your own true thoughts and words.

writing is you. writing was never me.

but that's why i cling to it so tightly, isn't it?

i was afraid that you would tell everyone about him. it is the only secret you know that no one else on earth does. please don't tell anyone.

i get that you left. i get it. i've...gotten over it. accepted it. whatever. but please. don't tell anyone. and remember that she is dangerous and i left for a reason.

though maybe you have said the same thing about me.

Do you think she will leave me?* the Owlet questioned.

Everyone moves on to the next best thing the Wind replied.

When will this all stop? When can I finally rest? I just want to die. I'm not asking much.

dear god i'm a demon

i thought i knew pain and anguish but nothing has pained me more than reading those poems and wondering if they were for me

or for her.

The sirens blare and the lights are flashing
People run in panic, searching for a safe place
Fenced fly up around the perimeter
Doors are padlocked and baricadded
Adrenaline and Fear force everyone to flee
The safe space is lost, invaded, conquered.
As people look back over their shoulders,
Weary already from their journey ahead,
They yearn for all that they lost
And hope that they shall find it once more

Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me
I’d like to think I was important enough for you to remember
But a part of me knows that I was just temporary entertainment
A part of me knows that I was but a pest
You let live a while longer than the rest
So you have moved on with your life,
You’ve probably found a new toy to entertain you by now,
And I am sitting in your dust,
Wondering if you’ll ever come back for me.

i will scream until i have no voice, even if i have no chance of anyone listening

i am so full of fear and self loathing that i can't even see clearly enough to find an escape

i want to tell you how much I love you, but i choke on my affections every time

i'm just counting down the days until my body stops breathing

i don't know if you know this, but you always show up when i need you to. i don't think you plan it that way. it just happens.

it just happened.

i swear, i swear it always starts out fine. you and me, me and you and everything is fine. it's not me and you it's me. and you. see the difference?

it just happened.

i don't know if you notice it like i do. i think you do, and you pull away every time you realize it. i think i regret that one time i told you to think with the right head when

it just happened.

i think she's really pretty. you seem to be happy with her. then again, i thought you were happy with the last one, too. i guess it's not that simple. and maybe you be able to be truthful with her instead of last time where we couldn't control it.

it just happened.

i just wish you would stop jerking me around like this. as soon as i think i'm safe, i'm free, i'm alive! you pull me back in with some stupid line like "you're the only reason i like going" and then i smile and text back and it-it.

it just happens.

i'm drowning slowly
it's gradual, leisurely
i don't even notice it
until my head has slipped
under the waves

the surf is cold
leaving my skin prickled
and cold to the touch
i would call out
if i knew anyone would hear

but Anyone is too far away
they're busy with life
something i couldn't breathe in
i can see them living
although they're blurred by the water

i know that here is where i am
i know that here is where i will be
i suffocate in life
so underwater, unseen and unheard
is where i belong

Do you really think you've won if I am the one who came out stronger, and you're still pained and miserable?

How long are you going to let your happiness be decided by her actions?