i miss drinking your poison, though i know it kills me

how can i simultaneously be moving forward while falling back so fast i can't recognize the hell i'm returning to until i'm already there

Music is white noise
Destroying my eardrums
Muffling the screeches around me
Drowning out my own sobs
The louder the music,
the number I feel
Yet the pounding bass
Is the only thing I can sense

i would rather die than have to face the life i am living right now

darling, i can see the pain in your eyes.
you cannot even force a full laugh.
it's empty and cold, half-hearted and broken.
you tell me that you're fine,
when you and I both know you're far from a safe place.

i know that you lied when you say you're okay,
then your text notification wakes me up in the dead of night.
i know that you lied when you say everything is fine,
then i can't find you because you ran away once again.
you're not fine. you won't be for a long time.

but darling, i know you'll get there.
i know that someday you'll truly smile again.
i know you'll never forget her.
and i hope that you'll never forget me either
because we're the two that destroyed and rebuilt you.

someday is a day that you cannot even imagine.
it's foreign and lost in your panicked and damaged mind.
but i'm here to prove that someday truly does exist.
i'm here to guide you along a path to meet me here too.
i will never abandon you, no matter how evil you think you are.
because i love you. whether your someday is near or far.

i listen to the same album on repeat, hoping it will make me feel like i used to