up late
sat upright
i contemplate

is it too late?
how much of a state is my mind state?

i feel stuck in time
am i stagnant or am i fluid?

i wanna leap off the bed or the earth
what is the symbolic meaning of a birth?
is there even such a thing?
if so, what is the symbolic meaning of death?

we all die
is that the symbol?
is it a parable?
who knows
your guess is as good as anyone elses

we pretend all day long
of our competencies
truth is, such endeavours
limit our ability to see
how the world is in raw form
we build our lives and wishes
within a simulation

we all subscribe to the simulation
in our own way

only till we own the simulations of our mind
can we really see
the ethereal and rich nature of reality
reality is not fixed
it cannot be named like a person
it is bigger than me or you
or any organism that inhabits it
let's have some humility
for Christ's sake

eeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryytttttttttttthhhhhhhhi­iiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg

dies
everyone lies
we all wear a disguise
no human can possibly fly

immortality
is a fiction
our fixation with youth
is an addiction

the truth descends from our perception
what are we left with?
inception?
another form of self-deception?

i don't know what
this or anything means
are we individuals?
or are we collective operating teams?

wine n dine
they say
faux sophistication
how pretty

oh culture, they say
but there's a price to pay
for the theatre show
endorse inclusion yet divide into rows

the stage is free
art they say
entertain me in exchange for pay

******* culture
deeper entrenched
day by day

isn't it peculiar?
we are politically correct
yet flawed in every way
shhhhh, that's not what you are supposed to say

nationalism
interesting concept

it gives me eyes
yet constricts my vision
it cuts to the root, precision
a careful incision

distill patroticism
bathe in schism
schism of the past
no victory every lasts

build rafts
pay tribute to the past
but build the ******* rafts
appreciate your ancestors craft
but realise patrioticism is relative
we all have a past

regrettable regret

                          cemented with regret.

empty threats,
heaving with regret,
heart is vehemently set,
yet my mind seeks reset.


expectations left unmet
tossed the dices, a bet
i am forever in debt
prophecies set

                          cemented with regret.

do you ever just wonder
and ponder on death?

do you ever look to the sky
and envision your last good bye?

do you ever just look to depths above
and picture the end of love?

do you ever flirt with ideas
and wish the truth existed in tiers?

i wonder where my body resides when i die
will it be up in that same alleged heavenly sky?
or will i be ash particles
or will i be washed away at sea
or will i be surrounded by soil

regardless of wherever i lay
the real question is
whether above, in ashes, in the ground or at sea
will i be at peace?
will i finally be free to be me?

create
instigate
create
instigate

as soon as i flow freely
i remember
there's a gate
dragging me to the past
back on goes the cast
it happens so fast

it feels like fate
as if i am cemented into the gate
the gate to my past
any glimmer of hope dashed in a blast
it happens so fast

my life is juxtaposition
of attempts to succeed
and temptation to bleed
addicted to pain
as if by virtue of loss there's nothing to gain

life punctuated by pain
i lay in bed
to rest my head
but there is goes again
my inner critic awakens
i submit, forsaken

the space where my life begins and ends
the juxtaposition reinforced
success left at the door
and pain endorsed

i was born
i lay in a cot
my heart beat rang
i sang and i sang
i gave my voice away
as i matured
naively i was lured
into adulthood
without a hood
naked, i stood
out of breath
no stability
looked for divinity
but nothing concrete
looked back
empty and bleak
but my eyebrows were on fleek
submission
to an ideal
i ride
but i never lay still
i dreamt
but dreaming is to ****
**** reality
**** your own insanity
**** your own vanity
no baby
please keep yo "sanity"

pride can be embittering
uncontrollably jittering
lights on full blast
discos chronically
comfort on the pedastol
choke safe but stay at ease
hold yourself up by your knees
authentic self stays hostage
safe and sound

outer layer of mould
let it seep in
right to the core
see, your ego is not all of you
nonetheless, a part of you
so keep it away from virus
and disease. use febreeze
otherwise you metamorphosise
the pandemic, the contagion of disguise

what is evidence?
is it dense?

what does it represent?
the truth or the scent?

are we all mad?
or am I extra-terrestially sad?

what to have for dinner?
will i die a sinner?

will the search ever end?
what can i really ammend?

do you care?
or am I just another chair?

i try not to lie
but lies spill out
i close my eyes
and the truth subsides
i try again
the truth departs
it chuckles away

discipline, i attempt
but there goes another
i lied to my lover
precious, wasted time
i hold my head up
and confess my crime
confessions bleak
i hold my breath
muster the courage
all i have left

madness off the wall
jumping around
it's loud
like a omnipotent cloud

i just want peace
silence and sleep
trip into an abyss

no pain please
embrace the breeze
bless me, as i sneeze

rePRESS
rePRESS
rePRESS

until my airwaves are compressed
close my eyes
but nothing puts my mind at rest
keep the emotions at bay
bottle them and let them fade
yet they intensify
tell yourself another ******* lie
unbeknown to you, they bubble and bubble
all that's left is the aftermath
the burnt rubble
until you can no longer hide
pull the trigger, you died
rest in peace
my mind is finally at ease