My keyboard remembers your name better than I remember the pain
I lie awake at night fearing no one will ever know my veins
There’s still a part of me that’s disappointed you never changed
And I keep telling myself, in another life..?
Maybe that time, I’ll come out with the right skin type
But this was it, there is no another universe
No matter how much I try to kid myself
This is all we had, all I could give you
And it wasn’t enough
I didn’t want to beg, but I did
I know you felt it, I came to my knees,
Longing, aching
Please, please, love my ***** skin.

You know what ***** me up
The algorithm
It knows I’m heartbroken
And it shows me other pain stricken words
But every time I read them
I end up thinking of the love that I know I’ve lost forever
The one where he sits in heaven disappointed in me for not loving myself as much as I can
And in those moments
The hurt you caused is a pinprick

I raced for you like shelter
Until I realised you were the storm
And I could’ve been anything in the world
But all I wanted to be was yours

You knew I was fragile
But you dropped me anyway
And even still it never took much of me to love you,
But it took all of me to leave you

k.g.

shadowed by the sun
with skin uglier than hers
who says?
she says!
when her voice doesn't sing for me

outside of skin
colour means everything
the bolder and brighter
commanding to be seen

but why is it no matter how much we scream
you can't see me for the artwork i happen to be

to carve lines in your skin
hurting less than my whims
my instinct unmatched
for the words I never sing

if you convince me of a story
i’ll fall deep into your core
actions scream louder
than the world I beg for

You were a never mind
Practically never mine
Caught between a line of lies
Filled with hate you never left behind

Somedays were a tsunami
You pulled me under to drown me
Lost in a sea of your demons
That you gave me to hold

Write with me
So you can come fly with me
It’s the ultimate key
To this worlds sorcery

It’s the magic of the season
The twinkle in her eyes
She goes to sleep wishing
For every strength and might

A lack of care, consideration and desire runs deep within our skin
A clash of cultures leaves me wondering which bin do I fall in
You try to work the friendships that look similar so they win
But it’s often the ones from a foreign land who treat you like a king

I whisper in the wind
Searching for the sun to win
I’m a pretty sunflower
Won’t you pick me for your whims

Why do the monsters hide away,
till my heart’s decided it’s time to play

Why do whispers slither past,
a brain that’s convinced it’s never going to last

And why does the chorus yell for you,
when I’ve already decided we’re practically through

It’s a song sung too often;
‘Why won’t he like me?’
I ask myself
As I pick the scars of his past to see
Where I could fit, so delicately
I’ll mould and shape, to suit your tastes
Who am I without one to please

My heart isn’t broken
It’s dented in places
I’m rather accident prone you see
With damaged wipers and broken hazards
This muscle is the heaviest machinery

I’m often told to write
for the feeling of escape
most times it does the opposite
i get bogged down in my ways
it taps into emotions
the ones riddled inside my brain
i’m wondering if the art is worth all of my pain.

treading crystal water
waiting for lillies to grow
into my pure limpid eyes
he goes

Lately I’ve been reaching out
and my heart hits roadblocks
before I’ve had a chance to shout

The world spins faster
i’ve lost my seat
who here is left fighting for me

the sun doesn't shine for just one person
but the moon sets only for you
the stars whisper secrets
giving you something to believe in
the wind howls, you can do this too

when September interrupted
sleepless nights, eyes haunting
much too strong, you told me
addicted to the words, you sold me

to write for the sake of writings sake
is a curse in its own right
you bleed yourself til words run dry
a cruel mistress of the night

tell me are you happy with your turn of phrase
does it tick all the boxes you've hidden away
when the moon starts to sink and your eyes go to roll
mildew has swept across your very hold

so what's the sake of this story you tell yourself
the one with the prison, and guards, and belt
on this blank page you question the lies you sell
love notes to tomorrow, you think you mean well

i wear attention like diamonds
sparkling, glistening
admiring the reflection i show
you don't get to speak, only seek
validate just, what i need

What is home?
When you no longer feel life rushing through your bones.
What is love?
When even if it’s conditional it’s just not enough.
What is life?
When you’re constantly wanting to taste the clouds and have it stop.

Time and time again
I gave you reasons to say yes
All you had left in your heart
Was reasons to run left

You asked me for the truth
For months I held my heart
Til you said the words we’re hoping for
I said I love you yet

man if only i knew
what part of me
meant a part to you

Is this the rest of my life?
Hands ticking, passing the time
Brush those teeth, part your hair right
One large sip, frozen in mind

Is this the rest of my life?
Hands ticking, passing the time
You say maybe, I say fine
Trap my sorrow, hold me tight

I’m full of stories that I’ll never wanna tell
They’ll discourage my daughter from loving herself
Full of ones touch that I’m not sure I want back
A damaged armour, far beyond cracked

angry red marks
for your angry red past
with a sliver of your heart
yea you’re tearing it apart

A simple distraction
A week long attraction
Directed my attention from the one that couldn’t happen
Little infatuation
Oh **** I’m saying his name again
You calling on my cellphone is enough to forget him

I slip between the boundaries
I wonder if I’m bothering
And every time I see his tribe I know that this is foreign tea

You were the perfect plaything
He holds my heart in pieces
And now I know that loving him hasn’t disappeared for a second

A story concluded before it even began
An investment you wanted but could not plan
Pulling my guts, singlet inside out
Veins tainted blue, from what he did to whom
Centuries of tremors, convinced there’s no cure
If love can’t build bridges, what good is love for
You gave me the reasons, I begged for the cure
The next girl you date, a ring on her finger
But a perfect recipe from a faith filled member

Stars on a terrace
Loving in dark, broken in light
Teetering too far
Sacred places left in my heart
I’m caught with the monster in my head
Nostalgic for the love I never kept
The veins rebelled behind my bones
My mind going to a place
When love was a word
Not a fight that grew cold

I think I made a grave mistake
instigating this heartbreak
different paths
open hearts
life came at us way too fast

we grew tired, distant and far
good for right now was no longer enough
separated by sheets, separated by me
you were the boy with a hand clasping please
I was the girl who got up to leave

if I didn’t sit up at a quarter to three
wondering how I compared to a bottle of whiskey
maybe we’d be okay, maybe we’d breathe

if I didn’t stay awake and fell to my dreams
I could stay, being the goldfish on your cheek

All of these walls were built to keep you from entering my home
Damaged room after room, you kept wandering the halls
Tearing each brick down, wanting more
When will it be enough?

Till the floor sinks in?

When will it be enough?

Am I worthy of your sin?

your tongue teases me
linguistically
writing the aftermath of my heartbreak
clean up efforts be ******

with a mission not to heal
but to make me feel
my words no longer made of steel
forgive my hands they’re fully stained
i’ll wipe them clean, make us whole again

my scars own me
deep and dark
building bridges
     future
        present
            past

my thoughts haunt me
spreading doubt
shovelling ditches
     pull
        us
           out

i'm not in love
far from it
not caught up
just sittin on it
wrap me inside
ribbon tongue tied
tugging on the corners of a very fine line

now staying up
let me stay alive
give me something
let me survive
please don't be a passerby
ringing this bell for the very last time

longer apart than ever together
caught in moments
bittersweet weather
true to form
am calls
cutting the magic
ending your hold

it comes and goes in waves
dragging you for days
riddled with cliches
set in one's ways

Take a look around and rub the smog out of your eyes
Back and forth wipe that mirror of disguise
Stuck in a frozen grocery store
2 and five won't get you past that door

Spit out you soul
Spit out those lies
Travel straight past the checkout sign
Grab him for a few days or nights
Self medicate with the one you like

Words are what own me
You string together those letters in a way that controls me

Waiting for phrases laced with clause
Falling victim to a precondition that I never saw

You speak in tangled tongue
Twisted vines of a past coming undone
Linguistically speaking
The damage is done

your lies are so pretty
your words are so sweet
you kiss me on the mouth to bring life into me