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Fi Oct 2022
Les sentiments qui nagent dans ma tête
Après t’avoir regardé dans les yeux
(Quand je me sens capable de ce fait) -
Remplissent mon cœur de fébrilité

Trop exposant pour s’exprimer dans ma langue maternelle.  

Mes choix de mots et les expressions enfantines
Reflètent mes sentiments -

Maladroits mais purs;
Nerveux mais calmes.
Sécurité et vulnérabilité entrelacées
comme nos mains

——

The feelings that swim in my head
After I meet your gaze
(When I feel capable of doing so) -
Fill my heart with restless excitement

Too exposing to express in my native tongue.

My choice of words and childlike expression
Mirror my emotions -

Awkward but pure;
Nervous but calm.
Security and vulnerability interlaced
Like our hands.
A poem I wrote about a girl that makes me feel a lot of feelings that I felt too awkward to write in my native language of English, so it’s written in bad French instead.
Fi Mar 2015
what i cant understand
is how people can write poetry about the flowers
or the sunshine
it just seems so irrelevant
when there are so many more beautiful things to write about
like your dainty, thin, long fingers
and the way your lips emit a tiny bit of air when you pronounce ‘th’ words
your towering, awkward, bony body
loosely, limply entwined in mine
that make up your gentle, comforting hugs
how melodic your voice is, almost lulling me to sleep
your contagious, animated smile

how you write as if embroidering the pages
gracefully, an art
and the words float mid-lines
reflecting how your thoughts float among the clouds
doolally detonations of enigmatic pure excitement  
over the most extraneous of matters
your eyes, the captivating bluish-steel of a mid-winter night sky
their flare, and the way they light up when you maunder lovingly of such passions

alas perhaps, poetry about plants or the weather are just as beautiful
but i
would not know
for even the planet, and nature
and sheer beauty of life
seems pale
in prejudiced comparison to your radiance
and how bright you make
my insides feel
Written last summer about my best friend.

I titled it 'bias among the tulips' because I wrote it after going on a walking tour in Amsterdam, on holidays. I learned about 'tulipomania' during the Dutch Golden Age, and how they were the most valuable things available, even worth more than land at the peak of the market in their time. They were treasures. Tulips were everywhere all over Amsterdam. In fact, the whole place was covered in flowers, really. It was beautiful. Alas, my best friend was still much more beautiful as a human being. He was worth more to me than any tulip could have been worth. Between them, the decision was obvious, hence, to me, I'd always have a bias view even amongst the captivating, rich tulips of The Netherlands.
Fi Apr 2018
when I am ill I do not puke
I spew poetry
like a lady
Fi Apr 2015
Before I met you, I was a sapling -
But since then, I've grown.
And now that my branches have grown,
I'm closer to you than ever before.
And sometimes, my leaves,
Like fingertips,
Graze your matured bark in the breeze,
The same as when I timidly brushed against your thigh,

But, you are blooming with intimidating velocity
And I am wishfully thinking.

Because, to you,
I will always be that sapling,
And even though our branches may be at reach
They will always have to stretch to be together.
For our roots are anchored
Ever so deep in the ground
And there will always be that inescapable, heartbreaking space
Between our hopeless, tree trunk bodies.
We met too soon.
Fi Apr 2018
there is beauty in recognising that I am still the sapling I referred to myself as in my poetry of three Aprils ago, horrified

I will continue to love those out of reach
continue to get my heartbroken
I will perpetually and paradoxically be "too old" and "too young"

but most of all, I will continue to grow.
Fi Aug 2015
date a poet
she’ll immortalise you with her words
and she’ll see you at 3am in the last embers of a fire
she’ll hear your name in a breeze
she’ll feel you when the sun kisses her skin
date a poet
and feel yourself weakening upon the hand-scribbled notes
carefully concealed between the pages of her favourite, dog-eared      book
and inimitable mix CDs
oh, you’d never guess how long she spent composing them
date a poet
for no moment will be dull
whether it’s crocheting or flower-arranging
or archery, wind-surfing or belly-dancing
there will always be a new skill for her to learn
more cultures to unearth and be utterly captivated by
and you will soon find yourself just as enraptured by her
as she is by the world
date a poet
you won’t truly understand love until you’ve heard it personified as   a wildfire, a loaded magnum and a silk noose
date a poet
because who doesn’t want to be a poem?
Fi Jan 2015
last night you trespassed my dreams once again
it wasn’t your typical lovesick reverie of an infatuated young girl
of stargazing or romantic beach strolls
hand-holding or eskimo kisses
it was honest and simple and unconventional
and to anyone else it would’ve seemed far from memorable
for people tend to escape from reality at dusk
but that ordinary reality was okay with me in a dream
because it was an ordinary reality with you
and thats what made it special

but then, upon realising that, i woke up more despondent that i had fallen asleep.
Fi Mar 2015
Recently I heard that in Spain they changed the word ‘marriage’
From permanent tense to temporary
That worries me
But everybody’s so rapidly changing
And love couldn’t possibly stay ‘unconditional’
You shouldn’t love out of fear
Maybe nobody is ‘meant to be’
No ‘soulmates’
Nor ‘fate’
Not that I ever believed in those fairy-tale yarns
But I perhaps enjoy the idea
Of somebody forever finding me somewhat
Tolerable
But now we’re accepting
That everything is terrifyingly perishable
And that is a very scary thought,
Emphasising, when you think about it
A reminder
That
Every
Living
Creature
On Earth
Dies
A   l   o   n    e
Fi Jan 2015
I'm so relieved you love yourself.
It helped me feel like it was justified
That I didn't love you.
Fi Jun 2022
liquid gold falls upon your face
highlighting your lips’ quivering with concentration

i wonder are they as soft as i’ve imagined
as i melt into you, unassuming

my smile widens and my stomach knots
like my skeins of wool

that i never cut loose
i too shall detangle
and remain whole

with time
Fi Apr 2018
I read you the children's storybooks that your parents sold
and buy you marbles like your old collection
(that one day was no longer there) and
we will sit craning our necks, healing our hearts

we can do arts and crafts projects
(and this time they will be hung up on the fridge)
and I'll double check your room for monsters
and your music box for pills

you have been compressed, ashamedly
for far too long
scoffed at and eyes rolled
if heads do

you are free now, protected and proud
you are safe and sound
join hands, and know that
these new planes of vulnerability keep you strong.
Fi Jun 2016
i have loved you in dirt
in bathroom stalls
bathroom stalls
their tainted toilets overflowing
clogged like our throats choking on our sinful words

words? thoughts

thoughts behind iron snags
but in the wake of your mind it nagged
rusted as the levels rise, but tough as my once adamantine heart
brass bound, you left me molten, explosive and fiery
vibrant with passion

for you

in mirrors
mirrors
wide eyes and nose bleeds
to finally feel comfortable enough to BREATHE
each others air
venom in our veins
to know the other even cares
once breathless over you, now blowbacks in the damp
mud-stained jeans, lipstick stained necks
i have loved you in dirt

the greens
the forests
the difference of twelve months
the difference of a year, three months and a day
39,657,600
or 9420 seconds
11 or
6525 miles apart
two year anni-void-sary
‘skin to skin bonding’
but not how you’d think

loving you in dirt-
y, ***** girl
happy two year anniversary
Fi Jan 2015
SMASH

your porcelain armour
and toothpick bones
mine was scarlet few times
too many
control overwhelms me
do i swallow your universe whole
to save my long gone pride
as you were once mine
my universe and nothing less

or more

or do i do
what i wish you had done for myself
once upon a time
hold your hands through the eggshell mesh
and nurse your toothpick bones
Fi Jul 2016
grin penetrating my mind and your touch - your grab - sewn into my side
sinking as a summer without fin(n)s drowning in your baby blues,
boy
and fooling myself into early christmas hollyboughs? go-lightly on me, oh please!
A ****** bisou beneath mistletoe
with curled toes and auroral, idolising eyes
fantasising eyes
overall, decriminalising eyes
Annie excuse at (H)all to see you and
re
-vive (mes soins, votre sécurité)
-kindle (the ignition to my inspiration)
-pair (poles apart)
a pair in the most offensive of ways
my only vice is cleansing yours
but your sins or psyche?
am i wounded or warming?
my truly fatal frailty
Women Who Love Too Much
Book by Robin Norwood
Fi Mar 2015
I remember our first kiss and how you said you had been wanting to do that for so long and
I wondered if you thought the same thing when you left me
Fi Oct 2015
Papier-mâché skin held up by toothpick bones.
Composed of dainty flowers,
Paired with eggshell tiptoes

Used for skipping and prancing –
Prim, proper, polished
And petite, satin-gloved hands

To scrub the dishes with
Till unblemished to mirror you back, from inside out –
Purged, chaste, elegant.

Fragile.

But papier-mâché has layers of depth and
Skin thicker than at surface it seems.
Toothpicks can pick up the pieces

Of each hiccup or calamity,
Regardless of how small
And despite their size they’re not weak at all,

But, piercing.
Those eggshells shield and yield
The precious prosper of young.

Who’s to say you’re no cactus,
And not just some flimsy petal –
But you can bet you’re just as sweet.

We are composed of the iron
That presses your clothes.
Nip

Like the scorching tea served
On china platters.
Our rosé lips are pursed

Not to kiss, or gloss for backwards fairytales
‘Prince Charming’ turned frogs
But in revolt.

And revolt we will.
Fi Apr 2018
I wonder when it was that we really met
was it when he first lied to me
or the time I tried to jump out the two story window at 5 years old

was it when I first felt the bugs crawl beneath my skin as you touched me
no longer sparks flying but an electrocution without the quick death

perhaps when my dad spat that he was ashamed of me
and my mum said he wanted me out of his sight
off of his site
“get off of those sites”

when I locked myself in the shed at 6
I screamed and cried
not wolf, but Rapunzel
climb up my hair, rip it out of my head and

now it is 12 years later and I don’t cry to be let out
I cry to be let gogh
and drink paint and drink paint andrink p ain’t
it silly?

if only you were looked after
Fi Jan 2015
Do you still recall my touch?
How I played with your dainty fingers and
traced murals of dreams on your palm?
I wonder how it feels now,
like venom running through your veins.
I am the poison that your parents used warn you about as a child-
pure, unadulterated blight in alluring hourglass bottles.
Magnetic spectrums of colour,
mimicking spilled petrol,
enrapturing naive, starry-eyed souls
oblivious to the threat I pose.
The realisation; too late.
I destroy you,
leaving you feeling the rush of my affection
but innocently unaware I have forsaken you.
Neglected.
And, oh, how you’re addicted.
The destructive euphoria with which I intoxicate you,
mesmerised by the dilated eye of the magnified dust devil.
Cursed by my breath-taking, malevolent ‘love’
Fi Mar 2015
My rusty chains yelp and squawk
Shrill, yet somehow on the verge of becoming monotonous
So far, weary from humdrum-ly swaying
Presently induced alone by Nature’s bitter, raw sighs
Bound to this
Bastille of a rotting exterior
Eventually decrepit, at first, from use
Now merely deteriorating as of neglect

Once-stimulating summers fade
Into seemingly sempiternal November evenings
Dejected and funereal
Echoing the nostalgic meandering trumpets that once coiled
The lengths of my now cadaverous frame—
Their blue blossoms left timid and etiolated
Reflecting the ghostly, lilac hues of an insomniacs raccoon-like eyes
And brittle, wispy veins begin to dilapidate

I yearn
For a sudden rekindling
Reminiscing
About memories only I can keep alive
For the exploiters I was dependent on,
Like the withered azure trumpets used upon a time, have bloomed
Yet I still stoically anticipate their return

I pine for their sun-kissed skin graced in airy cottons
Their thrilled shrieks drowning those of my (less electric) fraying chains
Recollections of their highs juxtaposed with my low
My faith, my only zeal
written while bedridden with mononucleosis.

first person narrative of an old swingset whose owners have all grown up and moved out, leaving him to rust in the garden and allowing the wildlife to engulf him.

yeah I don't know either.
Fi Jun 2016
it rained today
the thunder reminded me of when i lay next to you and listened to the sound of your heartbeat in the ironic dead-silence
the flash of lightning reminded me of the spark that once glistened in your soft, brown orbs
the damp but comforting smell reminded me of your taste
the rain trailing down my window mimicked the tears that once stained my cheeks

it rained today
the rain reminds me so much of you
probably since when you left me I was as if debris ruins after a storm
hahahahahahahaaha
Fi Feb 2021
i like to think i /feel/ my emotions
but every time i sit to write i feel my heartbeat
quicken and rise to my throat
like a helium-filled boulder
breaths shorten

what am i afraid to reveal to myself?
Fi Jun 2022
words swirl in my head
and dance between the lines
flirtatiously

antsy hands tingle

I know the way out
but I want the way through

— The End —