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I
Atypnoc Jul 2015
I
I need a moment to grieve
the moment you gave me to leave
I don't know anymore what I believe
I won't show you the door
Leading to where I'm sore
Cause I know from before
where I'm bleeding, you pour
salt upon the vulnerable
Atypnoc Apr 2015
We agreed on Iceland
far enough from each of us
between the distance spanned
only so much expected, with bounds to what could be planned
in the hope to warm what had lone cold
to loan eachother 'nother scope before late we groan, old
i withstand alright, grown old
disbanded bright, a lonely hold
go to the sun to the sun to the sun
the days noon night dark spun to gold
i withstand alright, how bold
with bright eye stand ignite heart sole
and burn
and burn
spun spin turn
win one will learn
and burn
and burn
and burn
I want to run away from the basement that keeps me, and into the arms of my other half
Atypnoc Jul 2016
I'm okay
are you?

I shut down for, I don't know how long
it was either that or, I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know.

I got off the quick wit
clumsy, and ate ****
and too busy stuffing my big fat face
to give any **** for the place around me
I just slept there
a lot
i shut off
and shut down
and haven't been anywhere

I can't even remember everywhere I had been a regular
I don't know, i don't know, i don't care.
But i think of you, but then
I go back to sleep.

Sometime I'll get back in enough of
a swing of things to let you know
i'm alive
but right now i have to remember
what being alive is.

I dont know.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Johanna, Joanna,
Ella paga mañana
Volver para un frente
Teniendo la mente
Sin ropa, sin aire
Asfixia sin despair

(Johanna, Joanna
She'll pay tomorrow
Come back for a front
Having the mind
Without clothes, without air
Choking without despair)
Atypnoc Jun 2017
Because I live depressed
I live inept
& thrive by comparison
In the trenches.
Atypnoc Mar 2015
Emptied; by past astounded
Dreamt disasters unfounded.

But you. To bear.
Bury myself in you.

Instead keeping my ground
To bed sleeping is bound
Unspoken tones across
                a planet, how profound
Awoken stones no moss
                we plan it, rolling now around

In eachother we drown
within deep resounding
  Finding you surround me
   Serenity has found me.
   And i let love confound me.

And you. To bear.
I bury me in you.
Atypnoc Sep 2015
i misused
and i will try
to heal what bruised
from standing by
my clumsy head
i dont know why
i let you down
i cannot fly

i miss you til the day i die
Lai
Atypnoc Dec 2016
Lai
Something is wrong with my brain
What are we doing?
I think I'm dying
I'm dying
I'm going to die
Am I going to die?
What are we doing?
I'm scared
I don't feel well

-Chu
In memory of Lai.

I work in assisted living, and these are quotes oft repeated by a resident dear to me.
Atypnoc May 2015
What's left isn't right,
their noise deafening white -
where boys raising the fight
lack appraising their height.

So amazing,
they're dazed
all the days
spent in hazing;
scare rays
of sun away.

Left to pay everything
to what still stays,
in spite of lost brothers,
despite delayed dismay,
who stay
alright
all night
remain too distant to play.

In spite of their plight, they make light of the day.
After night cools the fight, turning white down to gray.
Hungry laughter sounding dafter
I left to write, are you okay?

Alright! The fools follow their rules,
to use as tools to nail what they
mean to say, are mean to say
a bed is where you lay down what you made.
You said you swear you're okay in the shade.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
These, my friends, are the beautiful days -
where the dawns consume our mournings,
and the haze which engulfs everything that blooms
                     beyond this narrow scope of presence,
we will remember never fazed us, facing uncertainty that looms
                      among our marrow; hopeful tense,
and we will know, sometime, right
               now we can't yet grasp for want of knowing
where these paths go, to climb, which height
               or which ocean this is we're rowing

We will look back to these moments of obscurity
Filled by pigment as black, today's just gray until maturity,
Until fate took imperfect cracks to fill what's unsure into purity
We will look back and will be proud of who we were in our obscurity.
Atypnoc May 2015
My eyes
as emotions of joy crown
I feel my lids weigh heavy down
to steal living from ---

I am hallucinating my bathtub
I miss sam august, and prompts, everyone.

Just hallucinated my parents house.

Where at this moment am i.
Atypnoc Oct 2015
Often I think about the feral child
I can't help but wonder if he knows he's wild?

I can't help but think of the feral child
I wonder if he knows he's wild?

I open my eyes before I wake up,
     and I turn
           to settle down my feet upon the soil.
But the ground cannot be found.
To my surprise find I break up,
     and burn
           the heat from the metal on my crown;
           searing the loyal.
Recoil without a sound.
I keep it on, though kingdom gone,
The price to be royal is profound.

I have lost touch with the land.
I have lost touch with the land.
I have lost much, and through my hand
desperately I clutch
my home, realizing I demand too much.
This isn't what I planned.
I have lost touch with the land.
I may or may not understand
why within grasp that which must stay,
crumbled at last gasp and turned to sand

I have lost touch with the land
I have lost touch with the land
I have lost touch with the land
Much I do, much I don't
this much I understand.
pt I
Atypnoc Oct 2015
I woke up, I cannot find the earth.
So I spoke up, just to remind myself
I am, I am, I am
still worth a ****.
I choke up but I am.

Where is the earth,
I ache for the soil
which caught me from birth
I take for granted that I was granted the spoil.
Is it genuine if it was not a choice, am I loyal?
Has it been a gift to get a thought and voice,
or do I sit
where I get  hit
because my spot
is one that taught
my father that none
get done,
that to win is hardly ever to have won.
To begin to disregard is to sever from what you’d begun.
You've been a coward too clever to run.
Are you empowered that you never were a son?
Instead devoured forever a family by the web a liar spun?
pt II
Atypnoc Apr 2015
I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
In dark, grey is white
We've over drawn
Clumsily while night
Dies in the dawn
Sinking in the bite
Beneath a yawn
Responsive invite
That came out wrong

Windowless laughter
The ringing, gone
From a retreating
Right moved along

Concerted after
clinging so strong
Drums a repeating
yes, you belong

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I chose not to fight
Knight with a pawn
Rope burns, lost the kite
Dug heels in lawn
Damning line too tight
To walk upon

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
Verse whispered recite
replaces brawn
Determined polite
close liaison
I cannot make light

      Of it - is gone
From October 14, 2014
Atypnoc Apr 2015
There are           bare,
And threadless where
came back
to
claim you       gave
the
same attack,  
new
shame              behave
as if by
name
                cheap means
                      to save
we the
blaming  
                keep   clean
because we're brave.
Atypnoc May 2015
I'm not in the hospital, hit by a car
I know I'm not online as much; I'm not far
from finally finishing out my degree!
Ten days til a Bachelor of PSYCHOLOGY!

Though yes, sad to say, the mishap from last night
Proved unsalvageable what took me all day to write.
But after the panic subsided, in spite
Of the loss I decided to invite
a CAN-DO mantra, that today still recite:

"Citing every source
providing claims; unless, of course,
the statements you express
are YOURS. Original.  Then, yes."

Would be no need to cite,
but I digress; I still endorse
vehemently: just reinforce
Pre-existing bodies,
    empiric and peer-reviewed,
Must become one with your own body,
     long before you can conclude
Much of anything; that, at best,
Could be considered misconstrued.
Which I reckon may elicit a subjectively quite rude
Swing at a pitch from your perspective you thought beckoned attitude
So rather than succumbing, and becoming quite contrite,
Just cite every sentence as though you know of no greater delight
 
AAAAAND
For the friends and acquaintances from on-the-line:
Out among ye mulls around an enemy of thine.
And by proxy, or  vis-a-vis? Uh, nemesis of mine?
Either way, it's a PHONEY! I promise I'm fine!

I wasn't mowed down while crossing a street
By a drunk driver; don't buy into this deceit!
When the hell have you known of me to be on the loose,
And outdoors by a street, with no **** good excuse!

Nah, brah; didn't get rek't, not in the ICU,
Anything 80_hospital says isn't true.
It's hard to imagine why someone would do
Such a thing, and hard to try and imagine who...

Nevertheless: til the mocking bird is absconding
Believe none are who they claim if they're responding
With something extreme, but failing to show face
And put shoe on head or something else, just in case

That for reasons beyond rational ways of thought,
Someone's chosen to wreak havoc on the distraught
At least until that jacka$$ sh!# f#@%er gets caught,
Just, my two cents? If they say "no I swear," they're not.
Atypnoc May 2015
For everything you cannot pick.

For everything you fail

You fail. You pick.
for everything you don't, you're sick.
ugly ******* monster.
Whose own rhetoric haunts her.
to stand here, still, it taunts her

i staND here, still.
I stand, here, still.
I stand. Here. Still.
I stand hear still
              Hears til
Atypnoc Nov 2015
I miss you, and the way your eyes felt soft and deep and endless as
we steady held the silence in the gaze.
For how you saw right through me...
brought me to life.

I had nothing to hide.

I miss you and the way you held my heart when it was breaking, every day
you whispered comfort for my fears.
You listened as I fumbled towards awareness of myself,
You were strong. You loved me. You knew me.

I miss waking up to love you, and letting you love me.
To fall completely into each day, into the trust.... I miss before I feared.

I couldn't cope with the concept of you knowing me better than I know myself.

And now I know that I have never known myself.

But you have.

And you were right.

I just needed you to know that now I know.

I want the world for you.
Mt
Atypnoc Jan 2016
Mt
I'll watch the weight descend, and youre
Complicated I can't comprehend anymore
Why  I waited so long, thinking  who would  pretend
That they're  so strong they defend their sinking before
Their feet ever kiss the floor
Their feet ever kiss the floor
Atypnoc Oct 2015
I will not allow anyone to come close
Entirely based on fear.

The constraints of my perception
Knowing life by only one, my  context.

I have to assume the things which I fear for myself, broadly incite similar demons within others.

I know this is flawed, but oh my dear God, I could never take the risk. I'd rather die than push anyone into entropy. Of apathy.

If you killed yourself, I don't know what  I'd do.
And it may come across as irrational, but rest assured I've thought it through.
I've come to see nobody else can save me.
And to bring you as witness, you facing me bravely-
Til the eyes grow tired of what you once admired,
But I don't know how,  but I know you can't fix
This great mes, arriving djrectly contradicts
I love you but I will not hold you down
With your head beneath my water til you drown.
Atypnoc Nov 2015
Lacking ample reason, I set you on a pedestal carved out of stone.

And I said, I'll be back in a season, I'm not really gone,

I just fed what starved us; the black of the night of doubt while alone.
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Picking myself up and off the floor
picking myself up to pick off more
to pick out the sick among sore rhetoric
leaves me torn wondering, what for?
Atypnoc Sep 2015
leaders lead b/c followers will follow;
but if the followers
starve by the greed
of the 'lead,'
which as a title will swallow
the purpose that it was meant to feed.

It's all we have got!
No, don't drink what you bleed!
But I'm hollow and i rot!
and wont think to go be where i need.
Atypnoc May 2015
If I go first
But do my worst
There's not much bubble to burst
This path of rubble gets dispersed
So back we double in reverse
I could swear he said he's cursed
Life's not fair, we eat our thirst
A swaying stair, failure conversed
If I swear, ******* I'm cursed
Atypnoc Jan 2015
We're free
To do, to say, to be
Whatever makes you proud of me
I can oblige, I don’t agree
I can't see eye to eye, you see
I'd lie to try evade that sigh
Assumed reply consumed by why
I had no say conceived the sky
Each passing day perceived too high
Trespassing lay bereaved to die
Til watered ground believed too dry
The forest falls; no use to cry

You never asked to be born to any life
Your say, it mattered none
If ever tasked to bring morning with a knife
Poor day, pit-pattered sun
Wore spray, spit-spattered gun
Swore stay, sit-shattered spun
Floor display wit tattered won

Door away fitted undone
***** will say bitter begun
A score to play hit her home run
Too poor to pay **** owing one

A roar made sore ripcords I tore
Demanding, MORE!
Standing, what for?
No landing, or
Backhanding, or
Still stand ignore
Can't stand no more
Line by line; meaning for the first portion:
They tell us we can be whatever we want to be
that we can speak freely, that the world is our oyster.
But here, I'm only free to become that which you wish of me.
Although I acquiesce, I resent it.
We don't hold the same standards.
I spin fables of what I've done, and hide that which I do, to keep from hearing that heavy sigh of disappointment.
Saying less gives you more room to see me as the daughter you wish I were.
I didn't ask to be born.
I didn't ask to be born with a disorder that requires medications that used to make me into a monster.
I'm ready to go, every night that I lay down
Water the grave with the tears, now dried up
If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, why bother making a sound?
Atypnoc Sep 2015
We gather here a consciousness
collected,
coincidentally of convenience.
Derelict, the meek once scattered
were rejected,
by grace discovers providence
as brothers in uncommon sense-
                                                        -a­bilities receive projected
condemnation, misdirected.

Come
be who you are,
you have done well-come be who you are.
Atypnoc Mar 2015
You may not belong there.
The most precious are rare
from the rest who don't share
that for which this room care.

And so here is somewhere
we are harder to scare
may you find strength to stare
back the eyes that compare
those blinded by our glare
from burdens we may bear.

And may love help prepare
us for lovely repair.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
You saw by panes held by thin wire.
Two-ways seeing crumbled fire.
I remember autumn
Checking at the bookstore
In your vans on film you wore
No conception of bottom.

A kid from Mexico, 15
Convincingly my age unclean
Walk summer down West Sylvester
Powder sugar walkway, tester
The ******* **** is blue
Wild eyes tell me you knew.

Back across the fairchild lot
He slid to drive; I told- we bought
They'd taken off without their lights
He barreled lone known route recites
As I scream STOP
IT ISN'T WORTH IT
I'LL GET YOU BACK
PULL OVER, ****
No one taught us how to quit
We rotten without teeth to grit
Atypnoc Nov 2015
Like a tumbleweed
caught
on a chain-link fence
surrounding the lot
where it grew,
I have found to
be humble is to need
what I'm not,
and that pain taught me uncommon sense...
thereby
grounding what has got
me through.

Whatever I thought,
I thought I knew
If I'm freed, I will crumble
and rot, remain sinking
in nonsense that I've misconstrued.

I know I do.
bit of an homage to my hometown; only recently did I realize that other places believe tumbleweeds aren't real, lol
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Was built upon good faith, foundation benefit of doubt
Although uncertain, leaning, favoring the untread route.
Impossibility! shout the jaded to the wall
to dulled reverberance , stability hushes each call.

But what window once met face to see far reaches of what may,
That pane you e'er panel, each nail hammered by what you say
til it's yourself left to talk to in the dark away from day
will you wonder how much longer with yourself you have to stay?
can you see in all that darkness what a coward you portray?

I wish deceit your venom elicited even apathy,
if not warranted repulsion of regard of you set free
but what thrashed to disbelief lurches into - for you i grieve
i'd never **** the worst to from yourself you'll never leave.
Atypnoc Mar 2015
Honeycomb are to the bees,
as madness is to mysteries;
and are polite priorities
nectar of insecurities?

The recounted sheep are bleating/(bleeding),
cry of wolf to deaf misleading;
as i bray again repeating,
every note so self-defeating.

Thrown about the limbs of trees,
chaos with-in-discrepancies;
that which we melt just to freeze
wring tangles such as these.

My journey is while they sleep;
a shepherdess lost counted sheep;
the edge, again, too fall or leap
for flight first failure grade so steep.

My white whale wild in the seas,
this ship no sail, nor north agrees;
e-spurning taste of tease:
I am Ahab's intricacies.

To illusion am I ******,
eternally roaming the land;
through burning thirst for empathy
I''m plagued with insecurity.

In an old biblical story,
mortal glimpsed our father's glory;
from that instant's blinding light,
was driven mad- took his own sight
Atypnoc May 2015
Often I bear loss
where time and presence cross.

Like briefcases in Bond, but the entire alphabet...
distraction catch me (if I'm blessed)
from mismatch in perception (messed);

it is this or nothing.
Atypnoc May 2015
Schrodinger's potential is kinetic.
A life unknowing fault versus genetic.
En route to the neurologist/narcolepsy specialist, hoping to gain any insight as to what functional difficulties are within (or what may lay beyond) my control.
Atypnoc May 2015
Today I woke up and looked in the mirror
"Oh great. It's you again."
I spoke soft  and took
what I broke off and shook
It is clearer.
Staring straight back today fate has no cloak of black smoke
Nearer. Nearer.
There, unprovoked  I attack too late
Stuck in a quiver
Where i choke on the joke gone off line i am hooked
Ruminate on
Doom we wait on
Ward of the  room
Bored, you ignored her bloom
As you scored what consume
Deprivation
Despised spiteful every insightful revelation
Perceiving as her leaving you confirmation
Atypnoc May 2015
There may be still something
Buried I forgot to mention
Hurried less of traction, worried
Mess of apprehension
Lost with flurry of attraction
Ever-tumbled trapped suspension
Meager fraction of retention
Costing furious reaction
Cold inaction, condescension
My distraction, not intention
Atypnoc Nov 2015
There is no
knowing where we were
or what we were
there for....
therefore, there is no going back.

Woulds that have been
growing as I
compare
myself, unsure,
but with what
more
I  wish I could,                  I wish I had.

But I'm too slow.             And I lose track.
Rather than show it, I just forfeit every attack.
Atypnoc Apr 2015
today is a parallel to evolutionary swoon
And we can blame biology for acting a buffoon
so if you're not a fan of Jesus, this is maybe your kind of tune
oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon

Yes, it's Easter and on Western shores the stars tell a fortune
of the irony that of all days it is this for red moon
Is it still considered trolling if the tides 'neath our pontoon
Reflect from sunrise until dusk turn me into a goon

Oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon
So we here relay with grunting, like air let out a balloon
To find the womb, to find the egg, to nestle us cocoon
Oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon
Atypnoc May 2015
How far out of the loop
constitutes
Having fallen out of the group?...
And they hope you don't follow
Crawling shout I CAN'T COPE
With the laces in bows tying you to the roots
Tighter knots as kick pitiful aimlessness dilutes
We all know you come from your frantic disputes
Nobody believes when heat rises, it droops
But I do, and I do, and I do, and the loop
Atypnoc Feb 2015
If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
The next best thing just rearranges.
Everything your bleary mind
Remembers you would hide behind.

If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
Same old **** you moved deranges
Warping so you'll never find
What not to see you must be blind.

If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
You stand still while life estranges.
What's immobile can't unwind
Leaving you taught, alone, unkind.

"No, nothing never doesn't stay the same"

"So something forever isn't sort of a game?"

Yeah, the name doesn't blame what it buckles in shame
the name doesn't blame  under shame.
Atypnoc Mar 2015
You stare back with no fear
overcome, I'd **** to disappear
Atypnoc Mar 2015
Struggle is real

I've never been any good
At asking for what I need
I'd rather be the only hunger
I don’t know how to feed
And if I could, maybe I should
I wouldn't pause to bleed
Upon your tide recede
The only motive something of greed
Atypnoc Mar 2015
I'm unsure, he's unaware
While still reassuring repair
to cure eyes sore by keen compare
with pure spots blinded in the stare.

Sweet allure within despair
shy and demure, polite and fair
enduring subtle not to scare
For what lie low, cannot prepare
poor but buy woe and bought to share
swore what I know I thought was there
door shut pry so as not ensnare
More room to grow we sought somewhere
the sun would care
for none were rare
to run unspun
bury what's done
no nightmare dare
come
we won't bear
some-
where cared by for the sun.
Atypnoc Mar 2015
They tolerate it because it's completely voluntary and there's nothing riding on their presence around me.

Consolidated becomes the repeated solitary hiding, far gone pleasantries by loneliness compounding.
Atypnoc Sep 2015
When the earth in which your roots entangle,
wrapped around your neck to strangle;
what you get for what you're worth-
the only right came at your birth.
Deplete the soil, tried every angle.
Where you grew, your growth has mangled.
And you knew, but still repeat
choking your own cries of defeat.
****.
Atypnoc May 2016
Once upon a time I had a friend who went by "Klander"

He was quiet and observant and an ever-mind-expander

He may be the only person I'm aware of who I trust

with deeper subject matter, vital, to be openly discussed

if ever there were a person considered Godfather my k9

it's surely Klander/Picojoule, because I know he'd Godfather fine.


And feed him good food, and spoil him til he's rude,

and tolerate the attitude, and not mind the dog seeing him ****.

And he'd clothe him and not loathe him.
Atypnoc May 2015
I have found myself alone, and it is of my own hand,
I am left with myself as the only person I can stand.
I am left to myself, letting down
every
****
demand.
I'm the only one who'll put up falling out from what we planned.
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Once upon a time there was a bend in a tree, which grew among other trees and lay among the rocks covered in mosses of different hues of purple.

The tree with a bend had a heart, which was aching.

Because as it had been growing, among the other trees, up from the ground with the rocks and the mosses, it had been burning…

But it swallowed the smoke and it made all efforts to conceal the fire, and the embers, smoldering…

And while growing and burning, with the grand secrecy eking out from the ground surrounding the roots, into a sort of fog or mist that hazed the acre, this tree took some maligned pride in the secrets she kept.

Because she knew, regardless of any other perception of who she was...she knew there was a fire within her. Whether that fire being a good thing, or a harmful thing, did not cross her mind as of consequence. Because while one is still growing, without knowing of consequences...relativity does not exist. Like Shroedinger’s cat, really.

She took pride that the secret was one of physical threat, one with an aura of risk. One that would not be delighted in by those around her, were they aware. One that in fact may frighten them.
She felt brave.

And she felt clever.

Because the low-laying fog or origin unknown to the rest of those around her, she knew the origin. And for this, she felt clever.

The fire was a hunger insatiable; but deliberate, and bade time. A sick balance was struck between that which could be afforded to burn in secrecy, and that which was necessary to stoke the fire.

And for some time, she believed this agreement was manageable, sustainable, and perfect.

Then, a day came.
Where another tree, once seeded nearby, emerged from the soil.

She found herself proximally closer to another tree, than she had ever really anticipated.
And it was small.

And she realized, how grown already she had become.
The fires inside of her, had burned down slowly over time to the base of her trunk… burned her from the center, outwards, but more so down, to the base, where it festered and expanded and thrived on the emerging’s of her roots.
And it thrived, and it devoured her where she was anchored to the earth.

She beheld her nearby sprouted neighbor...she looked downwards upon him, and she saw how tenderly he was held to the soil, which had ashed somehow from below?

And she realized how fragile this child was, she realized how innocent, she realized how impressionable, and how dependent upon her roots, and her barrier to the wind, he was.

It was here that the realization dawned upon her for the very first time, that the life she had created for herself- and the intricate and meticulously hidden secrets she harbored ****** the fresh child who was planted in her soil, to depend upon the strengths of her roots, the strength that all around her naturally assumed existed.

She became frantic.

Bound by brittle, burning roots to the place she had sabotaged in her own short-sighted impulses to define herself as a mysterious and special tree.

And the fire, which she felt had coexisted as an equal within her, she realized was not with any of her interests at heart.

And that which she had begun so long ago, she could not extinguish, or tame.
And her own damage, pain, inflicted in her decisions still were of little concern to her, but to face that now someone else completely undeserving of any of these consequences would suffer greater than even she: it broke her.

She lacked any plan to remedy, or seek help, it was far past a point where those around her could offer anything to save her, or help her, or quiet the fire, or save the child.

And so she lived on as a slave to the wicked fires gnawing away at her everything, at the air surrounding, of the soil, of the example…

And she died far too slowly, as she watched each passing day those around her living timid tender serene lives of trees

Oblivious in the 'fog'
….and while the young tree beside her came up, but far slower than other trees ought to…

Came up, without solid foundation, roots that were unable to take hold in the ashy soil
came up, feeling the heat from below and beside, but never knowing well enough to realize it was unusual.

The burning tree died too slowly, and she watched the tree born and die from neglect and inadequate surroundings.

And the small tree wasn't even noticed by any of the other trees, because the burning tree was so enveloped in shame and sorrow to even properly acknowledge the presence of the acres newest sapling.

And so, on she burned, every dawn rising upon the fallen, wilted twig beside her, that only she had known.

And her ashes kept any others from ever seeding and sprouting near her.
And as the years went on, the area surrounding her of death and sorrow spread,
And she was alone.

The end.
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I lack the strength of character to come right out these words
I lack the courage to confront my pride amongst the herds
But beyond common decency you contemplated and so brave
gently gave me the map of your heart; which led me to my grave.

So to you from dizzy dreaming, eyes far open wide
I am telling you, abandon me. And when you do, take stride.
You have conducted yourself since day one, so dignified
And I beg of you take my word, I'm not worth what you provide

Love of a good man from a good woman shouldn't hide
And a woman is not good if she's unfit to place aside
selfish expectations knowing how ******* hard he tried,

I love you
And all I will do is hurt you
and shove you.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Comes quite quickly end denies
     No longer able fantasize
What a fool prioritize
     To feed myself such wicked lies
Overwhelms in tortured cries
     The only love ive known still dies
What a fool, you, I despise
     Feebly I demonize
Oh god agree **** compromise
     Take me instead this ****** surprise
So ******* wrong, internalize
     To walk your shoes arent my size
Someday dunno when realiez
     The good, the bad, and always dies

We all born will live to die
     Be so torn, we'll give our lies
Free to mourn all ****** goodbyes
     Agree adorned with compromise

I'm still here
Do they hear?
By all means what I held dear
Forest falling, no one near
I donno quite how I appear
All I know is we're

Alive
I'm still here
Revive
        good cheer
To thrive
       my dear
The drive
       to steer
Alive we hear

Alive we're here
From What the Shack Means to Me, prompted in November 2014 at www.tinychat.com/theroarshack
Atypnoc Mar 2015
GIVEN ALL THESE
THUNDERCLAPS
I WONDER
WHERE WE LAST
TOUCHING ON THE BACKS OF OUR HANDS
TOGETHER, FALLING
WATCHING AS WE
SPLIT INTO…

I FOUND OUT
THE OWL, SAYS WHO?
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
THE BEARS
THE BEARS
THE BEARS
BEARS

THERE IS SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU
UGH

THERE COMES THUNDER
THERE GOES LIGHTNING
STILL I WONDER
IF THEY'RE FIGHTING
I CAN'T HELP BUT ASK MYSELF
WHAT'S THE WORTH

THEN THEY COME
AND THEIR THUMBS WILL
DRAW NUMB,
AND THEY CAN'T SPEAK
THEY'RE DUMB

HERE COME LIGHTNING
HERE COMES THUNDER
THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING
I STILL WONDER
DOES YOUR NUMB GROW-

DOES YOUR THUMB GROW NUMB
FROM HOLDING DOWN
THE MUTE BUTTON WITH YOUR CROWN
AS YOU'RE SCREAMING, SETTLE DOWN
IN YOUR GOWN

WITH THE TEARS
STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE
AND THE YEARS
LIKE IT NEVER TOOK PLACE
AND THE HEART
NOW JUST AN EMPTY SPACE
AND THE PART
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, TO REPLACE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Es_Zi3UahOo
here's the music video.
largely about the past 10months in TC.
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