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18.0k · Jul 2015
Yellow Hair
Andrew Kerklaan Jul 2015
Some people really fancy yellow hair..

But

        
               I?



                        .  




                           ­          .

                     Could Care Less
5.3k · Jun 2018
Dysfunctional
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2018
Glass ticking like cold plastic

My fingers thrum hopelessly in the hopes of drumming up a solution to a problem with an issue of loss.

This dilemma has found me at the end of my rope and I fear the knots in my stomach are only getting tighter as I squeeze you closer to me now.

Why can't I help me?

I won't let you do it for me.

But must I force feed you the truth?

I'm not hungry for this day any more. Fighting this sickness, I choke back another spoonful of medicine...
--And what am I supposed to do now then?!

Frustration consumes me.
I am bile. The emptiness inside, that fills me with rot.

I'm hollow!!

Somebody save me from myself!   I want to self-destruct and not be okay anymore.

I want to fly a Subaru into the sun on fire.
I'm just so ******.

Just leave me behind and maybe I can decompose into something useful and that actually wants to be here and maybe after that I can finally float away from here...

Wouldn't that be okay?
Why should I have to stay.

I never belonged here any way.
4.5k · Nov 2016
Obsession
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2016
Tirelessly I am searching

Reaching for another answer or something else that makes sense

A self-fulfilling prophecy - I shoot myself in the face

Unavoidable

Desolate and Worthless.

I am the source of my deepest grief

An obsession and fixation that can not be shaken.

I am forsaken

Lost

It is the only path that I choose

My muse - I may never let this go

With me in my dreams forever
"I will be scarred for life"
I'm sorry it came to this
I love you
Please forgive me
**
3.7k · Sep 2017
My Pain
Andrew Kerklaan Sep 2017
I have suicidal depression--
                                        and no,  I don't want to tell you about it.

I'd rather hide it from you (if I could)
And bury it the way you might do with someone you once loved

Maybe sharing their pain if only just for the moment...

I don't want you to sympathize with me either. It's not that kind of sad I'm afraid..

I need this to hurt me, because if it doesn't I won't learn that it isn't okay to feel this way.

A long and outlasting life will be my punishment for this.  I will die in valour and bury this axe where cessation lies dormant

Never to be shared with you

My sickness fully contained.  I will vanquish this demon inside myself.

I will starve before it feeds. I solemnly swear this exorcism on your behalf.

You will never know

My pain.
3.4k · Apr 2016
Balloons (10w)
Andrew Kerklaan Apr 2016
Balloons without strings to hold them will always fly away
Celebration seems fruitless when you have no family with which to share it.
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2014
~




~Those who party in glass houses often bring them down~




~
I had an idea while waiting in a glass bus shelter... I wonder what would happen if you placed a deathcore metal band in some room made completely of glass and got them to play their heaviest number?
2.5k · Nov 2013
Anti-Christmas Poem
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2013
Behold the tyrant that we've come to uphold!

He's holly and jolly but his intention is a fold!

An act you see? Like the holiday scene!

Giving gifts, sharing feelings all on the drop of a ring?

That's the way you might tell me. Tradition's the thing!

...No just misguided and mislead, you're a sheep in a sling

Forgive me for caring just a little too much when my brothers around me have brains leaking mush

It's the buy-in's I tell you they've rotten your brain

Like the sweet allure of candy causing cavity pain

It creeps up in bulk bins then swarms you in herds

Over-bearing advertisements have become the word

But this is wrong! Don't you see?

All this holiday greed!

"I want this, I need that, does that suit come in black?"

I'm sick of it all and I don't give a ****!

I don't want any presents off that red fat man's sleigh!

I'm going to tear down my tree and set it up when I say

Not on some specific, planned out, or traditional day

I'll set it up a week from now or on a Tuesday in May

That's the sort of holiday I think I can brave

No unwanted gifts and forced smiles denied

Cause' the music is chill and the feeling sublime

They would leave with full bellies and a carry home plate

That is... if we did holidays all run my way
**** Christmas. For all who give simply to receive this is for you.

Kay so... I know I don't normally rhyme my stuff but hey, it's a holiday poem cut me some slack...
2.3k · Sep 2013
Admirable Trash
Andrew Kerklaan Sep 2013
As I approached this new anomaly I couldn't help but notice how seamlessly it was dancing...

Flowing through the street like a land-based whirlpool with the elegance of a veteran ballerina

It's distressed white plastic tutu left drifting freely, spinning into a pirouette in spite of it's singular audience

A defiant **** between sidewalk blocks--It's simple presence, a larger then life statement

As if to say "Go on, try to stop my freedom! I'll just pirouette away!"
A short scribe from one of my travels. Enjoy.
2.1k · Feb 2015
In Passing
Andrew Kerklaan Feb 2015
I do not know you, but I feel you are a very dear friend of mine...

I'm certain

In some time I have turned to address you.
Even shared my intimate thoughts...

But in this reality you are just a teenage girl wearing a black toque and a flowing coat
Stood silent and alone, waiting for the train.

Our worlds may never even intersect beyond this moment...
          May never share any consequent interest past this single interaction


But I'd like to believe in the future if our paths were to cross again that you would see me...

And when you did, you would simply know that we were once friends
.
I saw a girl at the train today... Much younger then myself. We didn't talk or anything but when I held the door for her I saw something in her eyes that was really strangely familiar...
Like someone you'd spent your whole life around.. Except I'm meeting them for the very first time...
2.1k · Jan 2018
Conflict II
Andrew Kerklaan Jan 2018
~

Money alone chips away at sanctioned walls

Porous, your deflection is my bane

I loath the chasm this singularity has instilled between us.

~
2.1k · Mar 2014
Indifference
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2014
Indifference is beautiful

It does not judge

It does not care

It simply is.

My beautiful, unbiased and impartial *****  

I love you
2.1k · Mar 2013
Sunday Oranges
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2013
Delicate tang spritzes the air with a sunshine kiss

Peeling so gently it's lady-like tenderness is an elegant tea party with white gloved fingers and daisies on the mantle

Her majesty will be pleased!

A romantic encounter of citrus delight and sun-bathed security in ever loving om and happiness

A candidate as sweet could never be asked for such a casual Sunday outing and for you my dear we are but a shared slice of raspberry accented pie

So powerful but yet so softly subdued...

Like piano ballads or string quartets it is here simply for our glorious consumption

An ode to you my Sunday sweet orange!

May my taste buds always dazzle upon your  arrival
This poem is the embodiment of how I feel while eating an orange on a sunny Sunday afternoon
1.9k · Dec 2014
Conflict
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2014
I saw you there the other day...
With that snide look on your face.

I wanted to say something but your greeting was all I could care to stomach...

I don't remember things ever being so bitter between us

I keep thinking that its me...
But I don't think I could of sliced it so nicely...
1.9k · Oct 2013
Untitled
Andrew Kerklaan Oct 2013
I feel somehow that they have mislabelled you

Perhaps just penned you in the wrong ink...

I'm not sure

It seems when I try to describe you, the idea goes sailing away and never anchors home

Slippery one might say...

As the man crawling out from beneath the wreckage of a rolled-over vehicle, slathered face to shins, in blood and *****

And the words that had beckoned to him
Now thoroughly lost...

Nothing more then a few gruelling moments in agony before it was just a memory and a phrase that didn't quite seem to fit...

Unreal. What did that word even mean?

It felt insulting.

As though the momentary terror that had consumed your reality was nothing more then a passing storm -- No more then a ghost or a Flying Dutchman...

But could the same not be said for it all?

Is any of this really what we came here for?

The choice alone is too much for me not to waste it and I fear if I leave it for too long that the choice will inevitably make itself...

But perhaps maybe that in turn is the choice

--The freedom to be or not...
1.7k · Mar 2014
Fly Home
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2014
Steady the relation between us

For now...

But what of then and now?

When my loss and salvation lie in hand

A pendulums swing from collision

Speeding up as we approach impact

Preemptive...

Too eager to just let me go

I fear upon my flight's return roost's sanctuary will house me no longer

I will fly away, pausing restlessly...

Wonder is all I am

Until again we feed

*Will I ever be free?
The only way to silence a beautiful bird is in a cage. Take from this statement what you will...
1.7k · Dec 2011
Hiding In The Clouds
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
Watching from above, they say It sees it all
  
It sees me from the sky,its hiding in the clouds
  
My eyes may not see It but they say Its all around
  
I don't believe a word of it, they say I'll burn in hell
  
I tell you that It can't exist, isn't it plain to see??
  
You say I must have faith in something to believe
  
Its hiding up amongst the clouds but Its just not real to me...
1.7k · Aug 2015
Smoke
Andrew Kerklaan Aug 2015
Smokey bubbles-- Trapped behind glass

Filling up the murky water like spherical  clouds of the sea

Bursting in heaven as blissful flatulence

~~~

Lightening my heart, bringing freedom to my womb

Scrawled across my walls

Graffiti inside my heart

~~~

I pull this patience from my well in solitude

Homogenising the cultivated need within to better suit my needs

Breathe deeply and clear

~~~

Resting wickedly -- Passing moments endeared

Acceptance as I pick up my chain...










...But there will always be time to dream, and it will never matter because time does not exist in my dreams
-
1.6k · Mar 2012
Flight of the Pigeon
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2012
He catches an upward blast and is cascaded toward the heavens  

A plume of feathers both grey and blue  

Soaring high above, riding the draft  

Elegant and careless like the Valkyrie's flight  

Sailing onward to certain victory!  

The drums roll and the trumpets shout  

Beating to the crest of the aerial knight

Streamlined magnificence fit for a king

A slave to no one -- A peasant to all  

The overpass pigeon takes flight
1.6k · Aug 2012
Ya' Feel Me?
Andrew Kerklaan Aug 2012
While this is happening you will be my secret
Until this is finished nobody will hear you crying out
And unless I let you go then the moon will fall


You must know I do this for you...

Clawing at the eyes that must see
Feel this release around you.
Intimate... Soothing... Embrace...


I need this


Empowering me, I become weightless in it's magnificence and soon I may float away
To watch from below
Knowing exactly what has to happen...


and dreading the day they call upon my return
Sometimes I feel as though I'm bound to this place.
Perhaps by someone elses will.. But until I let this go I will never be truly free.
"I will float away"
1.5k · Sep 2012
It's In The Details
Andrew Kerklaan Sep 2012
See the colours moving, watch them taking shape

Translucent green against florescent yellow, peeling away to red and then back again.

Imagination takes it's toll where comprehension comes unglued and realism takes passenger on our journey down and into the unknown

Linking arms and taking the plunge. Delving further then our fore-fathers ever dared to enter

A prisoner of your own mind -- Lost in oblivion

Thoughts dribble into nonsense and mind transferal begins...

Quiet like a shelter but buffeting as a torrent of emotion, colour and sound; raging like tides but fragile as candles light

The mind flickers with life but is lost in the breeze, leaving only a trail of smoke to follow...

Higher they climb until they're swallowed up by the sky and they learn to glow outwardly for all to see

Only then they may come down

"...and have a hangover"
I based this vaguely through a number of narcotic episodes experienced by myself and some comrades. If these concepts make you uncomfortable just know that your voice will be to no avail as it will fall upon deaf ears.
1.5k · Jul 2012
Blur
Andrew Kerklaan Jul 2012
Apperating into the distance it flawlessly exceeds my view

Effortlessly sailing higher- transcending into the nothingness

Beyond the clouds and into the blue

Transpiring into what must of been the fabric of existence itself

A void of any distinguishable colour or shape

It's black, blue, grey aura is all that's left behind

Like lingering dreams in the dwindling morning hours- just before they fade to black and leave us in silence

Gazing out into the nothing around me, my feeble eyes hang motionless

Stricken by what was, what wasn't and by what could have been...

Only to have woken in uncertainty- Lucidity clinging on in the last dying image of pastel reveries...
There was a time when I could look just above the tree tops and swear I saw some sort of fog or an aura rising up from them like a supernatural wildfire... This is a reflection on what I saw
1.4k · Jun 2018
Forged
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2018
An echo in time reverberating reaches me again and again - - louder each succession

The silhouette of a suicide splatters the pavement just over my shoulder

-A piece of trash to be thrown away.

But disregard this dismissal, I'm still with you now.

This stain's presence is undeniable though, you know this has to happen eventually...

I feel as though the truth itself is captive in all this, for to speak it's name is to summon it's awful presence.

-A punishable offense to be met with seizure and entrapment in the name of greater good (Bah!)

Tell me though, who gave you the right to take the right away from me?

Perhaps one day you'll learn to understand this; that not all choices are given, some are simply ****** upon you.

The option is optional, but the choice is not given.
Call it destiny but some fates have been forged...

Mine is one of them.
1.4k · Sep 2014
The Wizard
Andrew Kerklaan Sep 2014
~Incantations, magic and the like~
  
~The wizard casts his spell~
  
~Blackest nights and brightest days~
  
 ~A spell is cast~
  
~Now all has gone away~
  


~Never more a brighter day~

~Away~

~Away~
I wrote this as a tribute to my long standing friend Kyle. It's also posted on DeepUnderground but I seldom use the site any more...
1.4k · Aug 2014
The Bus
Andrew Kerklaan Aug 2014
Waiting for the bus and beginning to lose my mind...

A minute turns to four, then twelve and now half an hour has passed me by...

Time keeps ticking, the sun keeps setting and the longer I sit the more I feel my rot

Calling to hear what I already know-- The bus aint' coming...And my inpatients grows!

No further ahead, no closer to my goal...

Just left behind...

                           By the bus that never showed
I wrote this just the other day. I don't think any explanation is needed...
...Just venting.

I usually try not to sound so "sing-song" about my writing but that's just how it came out...
1.3k · Nov 2018
Been a Khan
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2018
Panic grips me in these moments...
When the paradigm shifts and the rumbling quake of unfortifiable change comes rolling in

I am crushed beneath the weight of this apocalypse

Coronation day has come and now I’m the fool.

King of the flaming smitherines of my own self proclaimed independence

Hallelujah
1.2k · Jun 2012
Flood
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2012
Every little drop must consume

Every one completely as necessary as the last

Feasting on tears and blood of the innocent

All the while...

...Rising, Rising  



Blacker then tar and twice as thick

It greets your open lungs with a kiss

Toxic and grey

All the while...

...Rising, Rising



Until all has been consumed

Quaking to the foundations

Decimating

All the while...

...Rising, Rising



An endless torrent of wind and ice and ash -- inescapable.

Clinging to dying breath, world stops turning

Now all has been consumed

All the while...

...*Rising, Rising
Had a cool idea for some concept art a few years back and this is kinda what came of that.
1.1k · Jan 2015
Final Thoughts On The Matter
Andrew Kerklaan Jan 2015
I don't even need an answer to
the question

... I just want to know you'll all be right when I'm gone.
Does solution ever come?
Do we carry these burdens with us forever?
And beyond??
Will I ever be free to float away from here?
Will I fade away?
Or do I have to go out in flames?

All questions I am without the means to answer.
But ALL meaning is meaningless without  absolution.
I need this certainty or surely I will waste away.
1.1k · Sep 2014
Lost
Andrew Kerklaan Sep 2014
He had told me one time before the last,

that his face was that of his confusion...  
    
    
  
And it took me some time still,  
    
To realise...    
    
    
That the confusion of which he had spoken...    
                                                       ­                      .    
    
                                                        .  ­  
    
   ­                                 .    
      
Was actually my own
I'm not sure where this came from. It just had to be written down and so now it's here...
1.1k · Dec 2011
An Unspoken Gift
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
As the buzzing, humming, whirr was pulled towards the centres I felt the awesome intensity of the energy that is so often perceived to be that of the colossal being  Alpha and Omega. There was blinding light and ear splitting sound as this entity sensed my energy in acknowledgement. My mouth fell open and spilt words nearly silent that whispered "What is this plain of existence?"  Like clouds of ****** the being seemed to shimmer, speaking not with words but rather through my soul itself, filling me with it's brilliant light. I felt warm but had chills from within and shaking in my feet.  
  
                I was given a purpose and a place. My mind had been set free. I felt as the being departed the vessel of which I am contained it left behind something that I already had owned but it had simply shown me the way...  
  
    
  
I hope only that this gift does not go to waste.
1.0k · Dec 2011
Bitter Musings of A Passerby
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
He descends the stairs of the porch on the house sleepily

.....He is calm

Realising his wires are tangled he quickly unbunches them...

The sidewalk clicks by unheard to his ears...

Houses... Dark pictures from which he sees images of people -- Looking out, watching TV, talking...
  
He hears the sound coming from inside his ears but it does not register to him.... He remains deep in thought....

click click click
  
The stones pass by unnoticed

click click

Waiting

The criss-cross patterns on every single lawn...
  
Like an endless sea of unchanged, untouchable conformity he thinks to himself...

Reaching for the small chunk of metal in his pocket to turn up the noise and drown out his thoughts...  
  
What is it?  
  
He questions himself without answers....

With a fear of the unknown but completely unaware of what he should fear...  
  
He thinks quietly...

A building approaches... Bricks that are red like an African sunset... A prison... A place of hatred and sadness...

He stops, there is a man far away calling to him.....  
  
Ignorantly he continues without a second thought.

"****! An endless sea of it...." He speaks underneath his breath  
  
Black leather hangs around him in long sheets... As he walks it sways... This pleases him...

Such a hollow pleasure he thinks bitterly....  
  
What is purpose? is it merely the quest for meaning? or something more...

click click click  
  
......Darkness is now around him and a place to rest is close....

*click click....
One of my very first poems
980 · Dec 2011
There Is No Forgiveness
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
Hatred breeds temptation
  
Temptation breeds patience
  
Patience is a virtue... But only the virtuous may pass on
  
Those who pass on must seek redemption
  
The trials of the scorned must pave the path
  
In the eyes of the wicked none are innocent...
  
For this you must pay the homage!
  
These atrocities must be avenged
  
Neither test nor trial this is your life!
  
In this the brutalisation will mark the path
  
There is no forgiveness!!
929 · Jan 2015
"The Party"
Andrew Kerklaan Jan 2015
It was only after getting excited, buying decorations, dressing up the house and inviting all the guests that this new never before known terror had dawned upon me...





...I had just arranged to have my entire home flooded with friends, family and strangers alike....







...And I have the worst case of suppressed social anxiety of anyone I know!
True story... =/
917 · Nov 2015
Dial Tone
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2015
Don't expect a call this year

Or the next one or even the one that follows...

I'm hanging up

My phone is disconnected


(and I am too)


Good riddance
913 · Apr 2015
Please, Forgive Me
Andrew Kerklaan Apr 2015
I wish that we could come back to it

The time I knew

Our own



Id give up all the world to see my Aunty coming home.



It's already been two moths or more since last I spoke your name.

I can't recall the time between and to try to seems in vein.

But landmarks on the calendar still remind me just the same



I lost my Aunty a year ago

But someone else now uses her name
My once favorite and always beloved Aunty (whom I will  leave unnamed) had an accident about a year ago in which she hit her head on the ground but since the accident she hasn't been the same...

It's like she lost the love in her life and now all that's left is this shell.
Nobody left behind her staring eyes.

Just this blackness

And the memories of a trapped soul, stuck in a lifeless body...


Please,
Forgive me for not giving more, but this was all I could bear to take.
890 · Dec 2017
It Feeds
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2017
Turns out the joke's on me yet again...
Monsters don't really disappear when the light comes on.
And they don't hide when you shine the light on them either.

No. Instead they rise up. They grow to fill the space that was created by spotlighting them and become ready-


To be the star of a show that you helped to curate.






I thought for certainty that talking to you about my depression would somehow alleviate it in some way...
           
                             but it didn't...

I actually feel more like I'm recessing further since we spoke about this

Like I just let the demons out to run a muck instead of putting them down  to rest.

So instead of hurting me when I'm alone, it happens any time now.
When ever it likes

                               It  feeds



and I feel it eating me...
                                              
                 ­ and I want it to
-
Andrew Kerklaan Jan 2015
So we can get this over with already...






I told you...




                  "I'll just walk away"
Don't drag it out.
Love\Loss
I need this absolution
884 · Apr 2013
I Vow To Be Free
Andrew Kerklaan Apr 2013
Upon this parchment I scribe a vow...

To never turn away even if it burns my eyes to look...

To go on with-out fear of failure and to cast all doubts aside...

A vow to be ignorant of this plague of ignorance!

I solemnly swear that I will spit in the face of prejudice indignity and deface the figure-heads of unimaginative creationism

...And I will not back down nor shall I be deterred from that which is inspired!

I shall embrace freedom to it's fullest extent and will die upon compromise of that which I have deemed sacred.

This much I swear!!

Until death strips me of my right!

I vow to be free.
851 · Jun 2014
Silhouette
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2014
A peeling shadow turns to watch me as a passerby

Sliding flush with their surroundings...

Invisible

All details are distorted--Black

Blotting all that I see

Silent it's communicator
                                             These transmissions you receive...

An eerie glow

Unnatural; a lifeless shade of dull white turning blue

                                  

                                     Momentarily mesmerising...



I tear my thoughts away

Mind clouded

Reality snaps back in check!



Shade figures subsiding...

Walking through their gaunt doorways



Reminiscing



All time is forgotten...
                                       ...But for now



A painted shadow on the window blind

Is all that's left to see
848 · Feb 2014
Haunted Dreams
Andrew Kerklaan Feb 2014
Torch light illuminates the chamber.    
The porcelain dungeon...    
      
Lost in darkness.    
Room keeps spinning...    
      
Tearing wakeful memories,    
I awaken from a restless sleep...    
      
In the dungeon there is still creeping    
      
Like piercing eyes watching...    
I feel their gaze    
      
Like wandering spirits voices...    
I hear them whispering    
      
Silent like they're listening...    
But I am now alone.
832 · Dec 2018
Away (7 word)
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2018
I always give the best advice...  Away
.
Never to me.

Never to keep.

It all goes away
822 · Dec 2013
A Bid Fare Thee Well
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2013
I wish I could call you and tell you how the feeling remains...

How almost two years later I still have lingering dreams...

How up on that hill top I find myself lost...

And all that I can recall is how you feint disinterest but even apart still played on my desires

You never looked more beautiful to me then in separation beneath the fireworks light...

I recall how the trip home seemed shorter somehow and how even days after I would still reminisce...

The truth is that I still miss you but I just can't bring myself to say

Too afraid I suppose..
That maybe you don't feel the same

So with my heart in my hands I bid fare thee well. Good bye my friend...

May your hopes and dreams be fulfilled
Lingering feelings
802 · Mar 2017
The Extra
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2017
I am the side character that is killed off before the end of the first act in my life's theatre

-Expendable-

I am the extra.

I die and the show goes on without me

Que the curtain fall
782 · Feb 2018
Bitter, Honestly
Andrew Kerklaan Feb 2018
And what were you expecting me to say after all that??



"They all lived happily ever after?"


...



What's that?

There's still a chance you say?

Okay let me try again...


...



"And then every one died."



The End






...How's that?
*******
761 · Dec 2011
Amiss Without
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
Their eyes to the loose soil
  
Nobody says a word
  
Cries of anguish deep inside
  
But not a whimper is heard
  
Aching for the other half...
  
Left here alone to walk the path...
  
The dirt now packed and the people gone.
  
All are gone except for one
  
A single rose clutched in one hand
  
He kneels down to touch the ground
  
Placing his hand upon the stone...
  
Ever so softly he weeps alone.
  
Amiss without.
  
She was the one, to whom he'd of given his first born son
  
No longer here to lighten the load...
  
Taken from him, to her new abode
  
A prayer on the wind of summer's breath
  
Carried to the heavens, wishing for death...
  
A broken man his hand does shake
  
A rose left which no hand can take
  
Words forgotten never meant so much...
  
As his cheek caressed by a lover's touch
  
I love you never seems enough
  
When it is your heart that has been snuffed...
750 · May 2015
"No Offense"
Andrew Kerklaan May 2015
No offense but the way you immediately assume my life is better then yours really bothers me a lot..

And I'm not afraid to speak my mind like some other people...

I'm sorry you took my opinion so personally

But I never meant it as a direct insult on you as a human being...

I was doing my very best to be gentle with your feelings, but your barrage of negativity just wore me down..

I tried to stay positive for both of us but you flipped your lid and wouldn't calm down or listen to reason..

I tried to help you back out of the roadway but what could stop you from doing damage to yourself??

Clearly not my good intentions..

So if you won't forgive me then perhaps you will leave me-- In peace.

Before any real damage ever needs to occur.

I'm not putting up with you just because you acted out like a child.

That's childish.
And I won't condone that.
746 · Dec 2011
Love for Life
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2011
On the other side I can see him  
  
Neither here nor there...  
  
Perhaps somewhere in between...  
  
Maybe even just... A dream?  
  
My tears are his laughter  
  
Pushing thoughts from my mind and into his own  
  
He takes the stand  
  
An audience of one, I am forced to watch the show alone  
  
With mirrored eyes I can see only but a reflection  
  
...Not of me but rather something-- Or someone else...  
  
Like premonitions of death the pictures are dark  
  
But with the curtain uncalled "the show must go on"  
  
His porcelain doll eyes yield no remorse...  
  
A life left un-lived these visions run their course  
  
Sacrificing love for life  
  
I was forced to watch my mother die  
  
Left behind, a soul by thine own hand...  
  
A darker chapter still left to see?  
  
Or am I simply catching a glimpse of what could of been?  
  
A "dark passenger" I'm seeing just the same...
743 · Mar 2014
Stand Alone
Andrew Kerklaan Mar 2014
You stood there in the distance. Shimmering...

The horizon above you and all the heaven's applause at your back,

I marvelled at your seemingly ambient perfection.

Silent and cool

Naked you stood powerful and free -You were my idol

A savoir without a name/A hero in the shade! ...But your light was dazzling

It was majestic in a simple sort of way and I love you but it's incomparable...

When I looked out at you it seemed as though the earth had spanned out before me... Both magnifying and complimenting your own beauty.

I wanted to thank you for your modesty

But even in the shadow of your brilliant light I felt nervous--

As though you had done this all for me...!

But if I recover my strength I want to tell you that you made this life worth something to me,

that I am royally humbled and that I have been blessed by your being...

And if we are ever to meet again know that you may call me *friend
This last summer I took a trip out West to to visit my uncle in Victoria but on my travels I happened across something majestic. These are my findings of that memorable event
Andrew Kerklaan Nov 2013
I LOVE YOU

AND

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

EVEN IF WE NEVER MEET

YOU

MEANT

SOMETHING

TO

ME

YOU MATTERED

AND I WOULD BE PROUD

TO CALL YOU

FRIEND
Andrewk20@live.ca - You've got a friend in me. Don't be a stranger.
724 · Jan 2015
Faded Pictures
Andrew Kerklaan Jan 2015
When I was young I used to long for tragedy to swiftly come and relieve me of my family...

I didn't want my life.

I figured if they were gone then there would be nobody to hurt when I made my departure, and I wouldn't have to watch them waste away...

It seemed logical to me...

I would wonder why when I started talking openly about my own suicide people would get really quiet and even clam right up.

I didn't understand why it was such a big deal...

(I mean it is my life isn't it?)

I was confused as to why they couldn't be happy for me knowing what I wanted to do with my life..
                  I didn't understand...

I thought to finish "the race" was the goal.

And it made sense to me that if I did not fit into these classifications of occupation that I had no business being here...

(So why drag it out?)

               I thought it could be like a celebration...

All of us gathered around a bedside or a table somewhere with balloons all around us

And for the time we had together we would all be smiling...

Laughing in photogenic blissful ambience.

Fading out of focus because the end is too cold to bear...

I was so confused...

But the feeling never really went anywhere...

It just stayed.

And I didn't...
724 · Dec 2018
Nothing At All
Andrew Kerklaan Dec 2018
My mom always used to say if you don't have anything nice to say then say
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