Eating does not mean I am hungry

All the time

Sometimes Eating means just

Sharing a minute with someone

A minute where just the two of you sit next to eachother

And enjoy the moment of being together

This imaganition lives in mind I guess.

And like I know that there is no perfection

So there is no perfect breakfast

So there is no breakfast at all.

You start eating without the other.

You fill stressed by the fact that you have to eat.

Why is there no perfection?

Why seems everything difficult and upsets you?

There might be an explanation.

But also if someone will shout it in your ear.

You wont hear it.

Because you chose to be unhappy

…all by yourself.

Close your eyes
Take a deep breath
Air enters your chest
Feel the wind on your skin
Bloods vessels are pulsing in your head
Do not stop the process
Until
You feel free to just
Go.

Set the table
Bring the food
All the menu
Isn't it nice how we sit here?
Isn't it pretty how we are all together for once?
Seems so
But it is not
Missing seats
For members who are not allowed to come
Or won't come because of past mistakes and disagreements
Smile nicely
Help cleaning up
Cheers
Happy Birthday!
Shouldn't it be a nice day?
Well it should
But memories come up all the time
There shouldn't be a moment of piece
You re not allowed to be completely happy
Its a trap like always
Don't be weak
If you manage after all to come home
You can wait for your one
Although he has its priorities
And you will never be part of them
Even its your birthday
Grab a movie
Inspire yourself
Its about you
Not the others
Happy Birthday to yourself

When the night shows up all ideas seem to be clearer.
When the sun rises then all ideas seem to fade.
And the direction of your view seems to disappear.

I see you as the devil with others.

But with me you are an angel and I am save in your arms.

I could never see you in a different way.

You may be cruel.

But your cruelty  is for a reason.

So is your good heart still beating.

And very well protected.

C.M.

He will come after her
All the time
I thought he wouldn't
But I was wrong
I wait for him
He waits for her
Something is definitely not right
He put me in a box with all the other
But did not let me go
Second choices are stronger than first
He knows I stay
Although I cry when I am alone
She will be first
He will run whenever she is not right
Second choices never get the trophy
They just stand there and watch
Thats it
Life

I wake up each day
Thinking of you
You drown my thoughts
Each day
I wake up from my day dream
Wishing to be with you
You catch my breathing air
Each day
I wake up
One day I won't
Not next to you .

Wake up
I hear you
Wake up
I feel you
Wake up
Do not hide, please.


My dear heart of mine.

Go and find yourself in the sky
Where blue covers your eyes
And shadows never show
You follow your heart to a better place
And you just forgot to take your tears with you
You left them by coincidence in your past
Because once someone told you:
Never to be afraid and keep going on
Although it is hard
Sad people will be around you
And make you sad
Although you do not have to be sad
Surround yourself with warm air
And your heart will never freeze again

I am not depressed
I just cannot write about love
I just cannot write about happiness
If I do not feel this way
I am not myself
I do not know who I am actually
I am not depressed
I am lost and empty

I loose you
I loose everything
I just do no want to live anymore
But I am too scared to **** myself
Do you see how weak I am without you?
I loose you
I loose me
I am lost
My mind does no work well
I destroy with my own hands
Everything beautiful
Why did I have to wish.//
That you fight with her
Why am I so desperate?
I loose you
I die
I cannot live witout you.
Family
Friends
They are nothing for me
I loose you
I die.

Faced with darkness
You must be willing to see the light.
You are the only hope I have.
I need to find my light in these dark and lonely days.
When you are far away.

I can grow and will grow.
Because I can never give up on you.
Although my heart hurts too much.
That I cannot even breath .
I am burning from inside.

#All the time…C.M.

Sometimes I wish things might be different
Decisions would be easier
Struggling each step would stop
Sleep would be longer
Fights would be over
Tears would fade away

But Sometimes I realize
That not even in my dreams those things happen
So why should I cry
And waste my time complaining
About everything
I dont have
I dont like


Sometimes I should just let go.
And things would be easier.

Once you see
Keep moving
Go and seek whats true
Do no hesitate improving
Walking barfoot on the street
May the street be cold or warm
My outside will start a storm
Do not stop
Keep moving
Once you set motion in your thouhgts.

I realize each day how I became this way.
How I changed from a lost and good person to a true evil one.
I caught myself smiling while others suffer and I do not even feel bad about it.
You opened my eyes and showed me how I can be my true self.
I thank you each day for reminding me of that.
My dearest demon.
I belive that demons are just fallen angels and God burned their wings.
So they may fall on earth to save the lost ones.


C.M.

I tell you the truth
-Why are you always lying?
I tell you what I feel
-Why don't you care?
I tell you a million times
-Why don't you listen?
I tell so many things
-Why am I talking to myself instead of talking to you?

Not even a day passed
Not even 24 hours
Not even 12 hours
Not even that you're far away
You did not left the country

But still
The moment you left I missed
Just You
A lot

Trying to find yourself isn't always the easiest way.
Trying to be someone you're not can work out for a while.
Trying to impress others just not to be alone is an option, but not the best.
Trying to avoid your problems will not make them disappear.
Trying to force someone to love you will not change their feelings, but instead you might be pushed away.
Trying  to hurt yourself will not solve anything and definitly will not take away the pain.
Trying too much actually can make everthing worse.

Instead trying to relax and trying to find yourself should be the solution.

I wish for love
Pure love
Nobody would get hurt
And each of them loves as much as the other
I wish for love
Clean love
Nodbody would be lied to
And each of them is incomplete without the other
I just keep wishing
Its the medicine I need to take.
To live.

Do not let anyone destroy your imagination

Also if you are alone

The world you create in your mind

Is the world which will never leave

Only if you wish to

Nobody thought I was able to do it.
Nobody thought about it.
Not even a second
Not even a minute
Not even an hour
Nobody trusted my words
Nobody thought I was worth it

Not even me.

It's not that I am not sure of myself
I feel nothing these days
I feel empty
Maybe
Not a melody for songs is singing
I am not sad
I feel empty
I am angry
Maybe
It's not easy
Maybe it should be.

No poem
Is a poem as well
No words
Are words as well
No anger
Is anger as well
No Love
Is love as well
No Fear
Is fear as well
No Hate
Is hate as well
No Tears
Are Tears as well

So why is it so hard for you to understand what I feel ?
Or why don't you see when I am tired.
I need rest and you don't care.

I am done

Explosions in your head
You scream, you shout.
You drink, you smoke
A message
You stop
You're drunk?!
She came. The devil came.
Is she special?
Just to you. - Never to me.
The devil is not special.
You are evil with others.
But someone being evil with you.
That is where my hate comes from
Still You care.
About her being well.
About others
Not me
Never
I am alone here.
That is what I realize day by day.
I see you are human too.
Because you can suffer
And feel pain
In the end I will be here
Still
With you- But alone.

I see you kissing her on the cheek
You said you miss me
You lied
You stay with her / with others
Not me/ Although I wait the most
You scream only and don't even wonder how long would I resist
My life falls apart
You stay with her
You hate me
These are your words
Not mine
I wait for you
You go to her
That is a nice game
Who will win ?
Or resist?
I don't know if I can  truly
You can for sure
Take her back and forget about me
Where are the beautiful moments?
Where did they go?
I am covered in sadness
For how long?
I don't know

For how long I still can
I am destroying myself

Day by Day