I need you to save me
From the self induced harm
That I can no longer control


I know this isn't fair
But I beg you,
Please stay.


-FreeMind

I don't want to be tied to you by this invisible rope,
existence of which you are unaware of. This
embarrassment is too much for me to handle. I don't
want to think of you the way one thinks of a lover. For there
is no love.

There never was.

Tomorrow morning, the sun will rise again,
And the moon will disappear...

I know I don't ask for much,
But I am in need of a favor.

Make it stop.
Please make it stop.

I don't want the sun or the moon.
I just want to be left alone, in the Dark.

I want it to stop.
The world to stop this cycle of madness.

But no one is listening to me.
And so I ask you.

My dear, lovely friend, Death,
End my misery, and end my pain.
Help me get out of this hell of a game.


-FreeMind

Its an upside-down world
Where good is bad
and right is wrong.
Where love is hate
and kindness is an awful crime...

We live here thinking that we are the great
But we are all just waiting to see our fate.
We wait for the unreturned love,
That is hidden by those above.
We want those that don't want us,
But isn't it all just an awful fuss?


-FreeMind

Standing in the shower, I try to scrub the sense of you away.
I try so hard, with such force and effort, that my skin starts to peel off.
It's turning red...

And yet you are still here.
Your lips pressed against mine, your skin burning into me.
And I'm taken back, to those awful days,
When I said no, and you pretended not to hear.


-FreeMind

I close my eyes and try to think of something nice
Something that has made me smile
Something that has made me laugh

And I think about the days that weren't all that tough

When the sun rays danced lightly on my skin
When the wind whispered softly in my ears

When you sat by my side
Holding my body close to yours
Protecting me with your strong arms
Feeling the beating of my heart in your chest



-FreeMind

Afraid and broken-down
I finally gain the courage to look up at them.
A wide grin plastered on their faces,
They know it worked.

And here I am. Waiting, crying.
Because that is the Only thing I can do.
I stand still and hope they will release me.
But with my mouth sealed shut, I am unable to plead.

They look down at me and laugh.
This rotten crowd destroyed me with their words.
And I am too weak to fight back.
I must give in.

All Hope is lost.


-FreeMind

Running thoughts,
Embraced warmly in my arms.
I am flying high above the ground,
Out of their arms reach, they won't ever pull me down.
Visible, and yet I will never be found.

Letting go might seem hard,
But I must move on, can't give up now.
The destination is far ahead,
But I am a martlet now,
Sailing the self-built ship called Life.


-FreeMind

Scrolling through your feed
over and over
again. Until my eyes are too
tired to focus on your face. Until my
mind starts imagining you by my side. Until my
skin feels your lips on me. Again.

Listening to the song that you called your favorite in 2016,
thinking about you,
wondering if maybe you are thinking about me too...

Hours turned into days, then weeks and months,
And yet the wooden logs stayed cool.
Abandoned and untouched, isolated from the world.

Suddenly, almost reaching the speed at which the fire has Diminished, a light spark landed in the exact middle of the logs.
Although it hardly changed a thing, it began the Tipping Point.
More and more sparks were shot into the logs,
Starting a small irrelevant fire.
But the sparks kept appearing, and after the months of coolness
Fire was born. Burning larger and larger. Creating heat and warmth. Sending a pleasant smoke with a sweet smelling aroma of cinnamon. The sparks have ended and yet the fire they created
Erupted the fireplace with life. Sweet, warm, cozy life.
That was missed, but never forgotten.
That seemed distant, but always desired.

This fire will burn on.
Regardless of heavy rain or wind.
This fire must burn on.
As it is the only thing keeping me sane.


-FreeMind

'Forget him!'
These words are ringing in my mind
My skin still burns from the places where his hands were
The blue, the purple, and the red
A rainbow painted on my body

'Forget him!'
Oh! I could not agree more!
And yet I long his presence, desire his acceptance
I pray to God for his return
My savior, my angel

'Forget him!'
I am drowning, suffocating, and yet I need more rain
Because the freezing drops are soft kisses against my cheek
The kisses that you promised me
The kisses that were stolen by Time

'Forget him!'
I am on my knees. Crawling,
Through the garden of roses you named after me
My thighs are bleeding and yet the thorns feel pleasant,
They feel like home
They feel like you

'Forget him!'
But I cannot...
Because the cuts and tears and broken bones
Will not stop the warmth of sunshine that I feel
When I am wrapped in his Loving arms


By : FreeMind

And all of a sudden I felt it spark inside of me.
The struck of the lightning bolt had diminished the emptiness within my fallen Soul,
I was finally able to feel.

Feel the warmth of the sun on my pale skin, politeness of lonely strangers,
The energy, the excitement, the friendliness, Happiness.
All these emotions came rushing back!

I was alone. Hardly anything changed. And yet it all felt different.
Step by step, day by day, Life became better.
I stopped getting the daily visits from Death.
It left me without a "Goodbye", and I was glad.
Glad that Life became my new friend.

But most importantly, I am glad that I can finally enjoy the small joys,
The small acts of kindness that Life brings to me.

I feel everything but emptiness.
At last I am full.
And all because I am finally free -
From You.



-FreeMind

And seeing them together
~Their eyes filled with affection~
Felt like being stabbed in the chest with a dull knife.

Pain spreading through my body like a disease,
Infected with the sorrow of rejection and replacement,
Torturing me day and night without an end.

So awful it is, to finally realize that you were never 'The One',
That there was always 'The Other'.
To realize that your Hope has vanished into thin air,
That Faith has been murdered by their lies.

Desire to disappear has never been so strong.
Lulling me further and further away.
I allow my destiny to be controlled by my shattered heart.


-FreeMind

You expect me to tell you that I love you back but I'm tired of lying

You left
And I began to bloom.
All I needed was a little light,
But you kept it away with your dark desires.


-FreeMind

Will I ever find out if death is as peaceful as it sounds?

The hour hand, the minute hand, the second hand
All move in unison
Forming the ultimate
18:00
It is time
I whisper "Happy Birthday" to myself
18
After all these years
I have finally gained enough courage
To cut my arm with the blade
Vertically
Leaving no words
no memories
no stories
Behind
Just warm blood, yet to turn cold
With my corpse
Already dressed black
For the funeral


-FreeMind

Why are they afraid of you my love?
Can't they see you're perfect?

Taking me away on rides,
Trips, and on vacation.
You protect me from all of this,
Free me of these duties.
Make me feel like I am whole,
Surround me with all your beauties.

They all complain that you're no good,
But you're my only blessing.

I don't need another lover,
Darkness is the one I need,
He'll be gentle, not judgmental,
He's the only one I need.

I've always been his number one,
His favorite little girl,
He loved me since the start-
Day one!
I am his truly.  

They can say what they want,
I am not afraid.
I love you,
And I promise to find a way,
and to stay with you,
Regardless of my duties.

Oh Lover,
I can't wait, until we are together.
I have a plan! I'll speed it up!
I'll be there soon Oh Lover!

I found a tiny little tool,
That will bring us closer.
All I have to do it cut and see the a substance
Red like love.

I'm ready,
I'll soon be gone.
No one stops me,
They've let me go.
And now I'm free,
And now I'm yours.

Oh Lover,
Take me in your arms,
And never let me go.
I am Yours,
And You are Mine.
Oh Lover, Oh Lover!


-FreeMind

I needed you to find me.
Maybe then I would be saved...


By : FreeMind

Unlovable,
like a spider on your bedroom door that you
want to get rid off but are too afraid to ****.
Unnoticeable,
like the paperclip you misplaced and
completely forgot about.
Useless,
like dull scissors that don't cut.
Me.

Do you see those shattered bricks on the ground?
The ones you kick every time you pass by?
That broken mess that you joke about with your friends?

That was my safe place.
Those ***** bricks were once much more.
They made up the walls around my heart.
A sanctuary.
Beautiful and gold.
They kept me safe from the harm that you bestowed upon me.
Thunder, storm, a hurricane,
Nothing was capable of breaking it down.
It saved me from fire and from ice.
It helped me live, survive.

It could not be broken from the outside.
But you knew a way in.
You fooled that shy little girl into believing that you were the one.
Her naive nature let you inside, with hopes
That you would bring flowers into that lonely sanctuary,
And fill it with Love.

You desired none of that.
You pulled her into the darkness
Where no moon and stars could reach her.
She was alone with a monster that she let inside herself.
And there, the deed was done.
Before she knew it, you were gone.
Leaving her empty and even more alone.

The walls fell slowly.
Breaking everything in their sight.
Leaving no mercy.
Taking down her heart too.
Leaving it like a rotten fruit.
Dark and *****.
With scratches and bruises.
Completely demolished.

Years went by.
She had all the time in the world to rebuild her safe zone.
But no strength was left.
Her will was gone.
Her power vanished.
So she waited.
For someone to come and help her recover from the pain and trauma.
But no one wants a broken doll.
A misused, beaten, little doll.

Alone she lived while years went by.
Without you, or them, or anyone, by her side.
Her tears dried up.
Her peachy fresh body turned to sharp edgy bones.
She no longer believed in Love.
And no longer cared about Life.
She just waited for it to all pass by.

And so it did.
Her only joy now is seeing her own ribs.
She doesn't let her cuts fade away.
She talks to no one-
Makes them all stay out of her way.

She is dying.
A slow painful death.
Look what you did to her.

Look what you did to me.





I am dying.




You are killing me.



-FreeMind

For years I was surrounded by darkness,
Darkness that began to feel pleasant to me,
Darkness that I got used to living in.

Every time I got pulled into it,
I would greet it as a friend.
I accepted it and the pain that came along with it.
Forgetting what I have lost.

And yet you came along and brought a change to my life,
Happiness to my life.
You made me smile and laugh,
You brought me joy that I haven't felt before.

You are the sunshine in the darkest place,
That lights me up with a strong desire to live on.
To leave the darkness and stay in the light with you.
You changed who I was and made my world a better place to live in.

And now I am yours forever.



-FreeMind

Heavy pouring rain
That almost drowned me inside
Did not seem too bad when you first said
"Hello".

The next few days went fast and taunting,
Who was that man that left me hoping?

Strong destructive winds
That almost blew me away
Did not seem too bad when you stopped by again
And thats how I got to know your name.

The next few days had left me dreaming,
When will I see him once again?

No longer grey
The clouds made the sky look calming
And life was kind to me
And so was he.

The next few days went slow and gentle,
How did I not know I needed him before?

Sun is shining bright
We are sitting, leaving no space apart
Our hands are locked together
We hope that this will last forever.

The next few days have been so strange,
Whats wrong with him? Are things not going well?

The rain and wind have all came back
But this time not for me.
He let them take him far away
And did not stop to say
"Goodbye".

The next few days left me confused,
Why didn't he tell me? I thought things were good...

As it turns out he needed help
But I was preoccupied with my life at hand.
I sat in silence waiting,
For him to come home to me.
But days went by and he stayed gone.

And I could not stop thinking of that first "Hello".


-FreeMind

At 22:00, I started drinking to ease the pain away, to
calm down, to let loose.
drink after drink after drink
Glasses are being refilled without my asking. A magic trick.
At 00:00, I can no longer stand but I still think straight, I
know I haven't reached my limit yet. There's
still a goal to reach, a purpose to serve. And I
drink I drink I drink
No longer knowing which glass is mine, I take a large gulp.
At 02:00, you are on my mind. Your face blurry, a man unknown to me.
Your faults are long forgotten. The ringing in my ear is replaced with your whisper, and
I want you I want you I want you

They want you
thinking you are as easy as a piece of cake. Not realizing that you are as sour as a lime, as spicy as a chili pepper.
So you **** yourself before any of them can get to you first.

You play with yourself life Tchaikovsky played the piano, to feel a certain high. To feel anything that might make you
forget the pent-up anger that you have build up for years. Those stupid souls, they will never understand, they will never know.

They want you.
It's an addiction, it's an obsession.
You can't get away.

They want you.

Through the broken glass,
I can see the skeleton staring at me.
"Did you give up all ready?
You were never ready for this..."
She teases me, laughs in my face.
But its okay,
My vision is blurry now,
Can hardly see through the tears that filled my swollen eyes.

"What have you done?"
The scream comes from nearby,
Yet feels like it is miles away.
Am I drowning?
No.
I'm sitting in my bedroom floor.
And still everything seems distant.
My lungs are full.
I can not breath.

The broken glass looked tempting.
I did what thought was right.
But theres no time to reassure myself.
More screams, more worries.
The skeleton is still across from me.
I'm giving in.
You won.


-FreeMind

I notice myself swinging to the rhythm of her soul,
With her I can embrace the freedom of the mind.

~
~Let go~
~

Dance to the rhythm
Sing with the beat
Satisfaction will approach you
Makes the air feel sweet

Dance to the rhythm
Patience is pleasing
Help the poor musician
Just keep on believing




-FreeMind

She is madly insane.
He can't get enough of her.

He fell into a trap once he gazed into her dark brown eyes.
She hypnotized him with just one glance.
Nothing more was needed than a slight smile,
Her lips pressed together made him want to stay for a while.

He watched her dance under the rain,
Let her play with his hair.
There were no boundaries, no rules he could set for her.
She was free and he knew it all along.

He wanted her to stay but knew it wouldn't last.
He was sane.
And She was the reflection he saw in his mirror.
Because his sanity made her want to be even more
Insane.



-FreeMind

No matter how many men love me
In my mind, I'll always call them by your name.
For you were the blueprint, and they are just
******* versions.

Nothing will make me forget you,
No matter how hard I try,
No matter how long it takes.

Surrounded by dullness,
Feeling nothing by emptiness,
And all at once it starts to close up on me.
Leaving me breathless,
Sending pain across my shivering body.
Blind by the darkness that has once again become a piece of me,
I start to feel at home.
This feeling that most would refers to as awful blankness
Leaves a smile on my face.
Is it that I'm used to it? Or have I gone completely mad?



If only they knew that Madness is unstoppable.



-FreeMind

When I was young, my mother promised me that tears could wash away my pain.
That no matter how much They brought me down, everything would turn out to be okay.

This lie was planted inside of me and grew roots that were unwilling to let go of my organs.
The tinny seed proceeded to expand across my body, joining in with my blood veins.
It clung on to me so tight, that most nights I spent long hours just trying to catch simple bits of breaths.

Several years passed and despite the consequences, I still choose to believe in this lie.
That I am worth something, That things will only get better, That time heals, and That they are only mean because they are jealous.

As if it were that simple.
Life is merely a deceiving game of those in power and of those in need of it.
Those left behind are consulted by the melody of triumph that they believe is played for them.
If only they knew that life is not that simple.

How can we say that we are more than simply animals, when all we do is loathe the existence of those better than us?
How can we say that we are superior, when all we are filled with is disgust and envy?

But maybe we are not all like that?
And maybe that is why the so-called "lie" continues to spread its roots inside of me.
Maybe there is still Hope for our nation to reunite and stand together as one whole.

I would like to believe in such Hope.
Because maybe this "lie"... will be diminished of its undignified title.



-FreeMind

I bade farewell to the memories,
the joy, the laughter, the tears, the fears,
the forever-lasting-friendships
Without whom this journey would be dreadful

I bade farewell to all these years
of restless work, of struggles, of accomplishments,
of day-and-night stress
That never seemed to end, but did.

I bade farewell to the innocent girl I used to be
In the hopes of finding my new self amid the infinite possibilities
That are waiting to be explored
By Me

I bade farewell
As I step into the warm embrace of June


-FreeMind

You took my most precious gem away from me,
And left me empty handed.

You shattered my soul into billions of pieces,
And left me broken on the streets.

Your selfishness destroyed me,
And caused the remainder of hope to vanish into thin air.

I am decaying...

My only question is,
Why didn't you **** me instead?


By : FreeMind

Lying awake at night, you hear a sudden 'thump'.

The twitching lights seemed like a glitch in your eyes.
The creak of wood has caught you by surprise.

What does this all mean?

Desire to escape infuses you.
But you stand still. You wait.
The ruins of your past have been stacked together,
Created a concrete wall of protection around your broken soul.

You are armed now.

The demons can no longer dominate your shattered force.
As of now, you are whole.

Let the demons come!
They won't dare to suppress you!
Your newly earned title "Warrior" -
Must be worn with Pride and Affection.



-FreeMind

My whole body is shaking.
No.
The whole house is. An earthquake?
Can't be.
Ah. Of course.
The rumbling is caused by a natural cause, my mom.
She is cursing us, telling us to **** ourselves. What should we do?
I think of ways to end it fast. Kitchen knife. Wrists.
She can't be serious, can she? She can't mean it, can she?

Bright light descending from the window in front.
Stepping outside onto the wet grass, to take a closer look at Beauty.

The Sun and the Moon at two opposite sides, at the same exact time.
Frozen for several mesmerizing moments.
Suddenly beginning to notice the gloating of the beaming stars.
Microscopic elements that make up our reality.
Glazing into space, unable to picture another galaxy.

Ignorant. Is what we must be to disregard the endless possibilities.
Seeming powerful in this world has no control over the Universe.



-FreeMind

The Ghosts of fallen Lovers,
Wandering the World.
Aimlessly waiting for a Spark,
And a little bit of Hope.
Sadness overgrown them,
Spreading like a wildfire.
Now became contagious.
A disease.

The Ghosts of fallen Lovers,
Broken by the Truth.
Questioning reality,
Slowly losing their morality.
Desperate for belonging, but -
Desired by none.
The World now dark,
No light, no brightness.

The Ghosts of fallen Lovers,
They got what they deserved.
But now revenge is coming,
Prepare for what is worse.


-FreeMind

How long until I can live my life outside my mind?

Reality is slipping away as I bury my face into a black mirror that I use to escape.
And how I wish I could escape...
Live without the fear of a bleak future, by painting my days with a rainbow of color. Yet, I am surrounded by walls built up by "loved" ones, who try to protect me but are simply limiting me.
It cannot go on like this.
I long for freedom.
I shall set myself
free

You torn my wings away from me,
Put shackles on my feet so that I wouldn't run away,
Abusing me day after wretched day.

You imprisoned me in the world where I did not belong,
Watching my endless attempts to escape,
As if I wasn't kept down with the massive amount of tape.

And now because of you I'm fallen.
You ruined the pure angel that saw the good in you,
And now I'm cast out of my home.
You jeopardizes my future for your personal amusement,
And now I'm wicked.  
And now I'm gone.


-FreeMind

Her mind is playing tricks again.
This "imagination" seems too real.

Tick-Tock
He can't possibly be here.
Claws scrapping on the wooden door,
Silent laughter, threatening grin.
Whispering "I am finally here".
Step by step, approaching her night-bed.
There is no need for that.
He took what he needed, her ability to Breathe.
Tick-Tock

She is suffocating.
Unable to let out a sound.
Choking on tears.
Fighting for her life.
Too late...
Her hands are tied,
Her eyes are shut.
A mute...

Day and Night won't pass without him stopping by.
She asks for help, they stare and laugh.
But they don't know she's just his start.

Distortion of the mind? Or is this life?
It is for You, dear reader, to decide.


-FreeMind

For many years I have refused to admit the truth,
Afraid of judgements, my mind constantly running loose.

But I am finally ready.
The truth should be spoken.

I like a girl.



-FreeMind

I remember watching you laugh,
Keeping close attention to the way your lips moved,
Noticing the gap between your teeth that you so desperately wanted to hide.

I remember wanting to kiss you.
To feel the warmth of you on my skin and have your
Radiating energy surround me, holding me in your embrace.

I don't think those thoughts anymore,
For I know that your body has long gone cold...

Wave after Wave.

The visits can't help coming by.
Smiles and laughter fills the night sky,
Exchanged looks of strangers,
Games played near by.

Lonely teens and broken lovers,
Gazing up the dreamy sky.
Hand in hand the married couple,
Walking by, can't say goodbye.

All alone the misplaced doll,
Waits for time to burn.
Shattered, beaten, and misused,
Left alone completely bruised.

Let me help,
Let me take the pain away.
Let your breath escape from you,
And lose yourself in me today.

Taking her away,
I save her from her self,
Time does not heal,
But waves will help your soul stay sane.

Wave after Wave.


-FreeMind

In the Darkness
The only Light I see
Is the one that comes from within me.

It bursts right through my broken soul,
It fills me in,
It makes me whole.  

The misplaced doll is fixed once more.


-FreeMind

I wish I could tell you how wonderful you look in that dress
Or maybe compliment your heartfelt laugh
Perhaps I could mention your ability to make everyone feel loved
There is so much to say about your wonders
But I know your response will be the same, "Thank you"

Well how could it be any different?
I don't expect you to push me against the wall and kiss me
Although that would be great
And yet, I want you to know these aren't just compliments
They are words of truth, of love

I wish things could all be simple in this complicated world
But I am a girl
Who likes a girl, Who may or may not feel the same way
But how should I know?
We are good friends. And I want more. But I can't just ask.

Because life is not simple and I am afraid.




-FreeMind