My father hid himself
within the smoke
underneath my ribcage

Sometimes he rattles his fingers
underneath my bones
and squirms his hands
around my ticker

He taught the monster under my bed
to crawl under my skin
and stick his filthy fingers
in the cracks of my brain
and break it in half

His name echoes the canals of my ears
and his shadow haunts every step
I wish I could’ve made

Don’t be scared
that 
I’ll ever forget you
.
Believe me:

I remember every

touch

and every

breath

as if it happened

yesterday.

passion wasn’t in your dictionary
even though
you tried to show me
time and time again
that it was

and thats fine
because at least you tried
to show me
the blank space
where passion
was supposed to be

day 1 (uno) that we talked you tried to whisper the clothes off my body and told me you wanted to see the folds of your fingers inside of me (as if it was nothing) and while I rejected he formulated and cracked a new plan — to tell me thats all he wanted to hear, and demanded self respect while pushing for lack of self respect.
His eyes couldn’t lie but when I tried to locate them, he carried me away in his personal blue seas (this is a cliche) and made me taste the waters (I got addicted as a result) and I guess that even my logic obsessed self couldn’t make out what was right and wrong anymore, so I drowned myself and floated in his rivers

Proceed to day 34 (teintra y cuatro) where you admitted under a drunken spell that you loved me all along and wanted a future. Phase 1: Terrified. Phase 2: Relief. Relieved that my love was not only mine, but ours. Relieved that I could drink from those waters forever. But terrified, so, so terrified of the mess I made from the man who only wanted to have my naked body and infect it. I had only shown a glimpse of my skin around my lower back, and you could only demand more while judging my self respect (or lack thereof). My logical self had decided that this behavior was him at his finest he was just setting me up and wanted to invade my skin. My loving self was convinced that he was acting out on his newly found addiction. Since I had just fed him the same venom he poisoned my body with.

In the end, it was all just a test of my self respect.
Or lack thereof.

You took the innocence from my lips
Whilst carrying explosives at your hips
Tied my bomb and took a piece of my chest
Just to frame it
In a picture in the papers

I was watching the fuse to be lit
And you gambling that I would make it
Out of that lane
So I could do it all over again

I knew a ******
Who sold her soul to the devil
Because she wanted to know
What love looked like

I prefer to lose the grip of me
and my being would traverse
to the brain I made my home in
my little universe

But to lose the touch of this
which I hold so dear
and the only thing which promised me
that would be permanently here

My memory is lacking
and my system is rewriting
my thoughts are the one
which I really should be fighting

I know I know,
You are my friend, dear *****
But I really want to put a stop

A stop to this abuse.

If discovering the planetary body
Where you found your home
Would mean that I get to see you again

Then I would
March through stars
Dance on asteroids and
Befriend moons
Until I'd find you

I longed for death
But that I could not do
I was not scared of death, no
I was afraid of dying without you.

He was just an arrangement of 1s and 0s
which manifested itself into a body
on the other side of the planet

There were a three times
that he was right beside me
despite him not being there at all

First, he sat on the side of my bed
struck by a drunken haze
when he told me he loved me

Second, he came out of my closet
to keep me from crying
when I thought I lost him

And third, appeared right beside me
when I was walking back home
while the sun was wiping my tears.

I touched him on his shoulder
then he whispered
"I don't know who you are
We have never known each other."

I never regretted anything more  in my life
than that night you asked me to go on a date
two days before you decided
that your love was meant for someone else.

I don't know who you think I am
But because of you I'll never be the person I thought I once was

we were living in a haze
and killing each other slowly
with soft spoken words
creating our own kind of poetry

Its sad to say that my only inspiration
is anxiety caused by seperation
which is basically admitting
that you are my only inspiration

Our love was all about
The romantic meaning of
******* ****
and composing moans
from the back of our throats
the fondling of *******
and
whispering each other
that we were in love
under our breaths

I will never understand
how it was merely
play pretend

I love maths
it proves that we were
just another mish mash
of geometric nonsense
refusing to accept
that you were a square
and that I was a circle
and that organic movements
do not match
with corners
and straight lines

I forgot to water you
lied and betrayed you
you shriveled,
shrunk
and wrinkled

Yet you were
the most beautiful flower
who ever crossed my eyes

and your death
left me disassembled

I'd love to point you out
In the constellation of a crowd
As someone I used to know
A lover of long ago
And nothing more

Yet you were the biggest star
The sun at least
So how would I forget you