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B Mar 2018
I love you. Sorry, I don’t.
It isn’t worth trying to fix
You will always be my friend
She promised we would never change
They said they would never leave
My future does not need you
Are you happy? I don’t know
My wishes still pray for you
“Have fun at school” never returned
“Who hurt you” My family's expectations
I just want my heart back
Everything I didn’t need, you were
B Dec 2019
It happened
I thought it was over
I thought it wouldn’t happen again
But it did
I thought she would never do this
She was with me when it happened the first time
The second time
The third
She watched me cry
She stuck by me
She was the one who helped me feel better
And now she’s the fourth
B Nov 2017
Hi
thanks for being my friend
          thanks for putting me on the back burner when someone else
          shows up
          thanks for turning people I want to be friends with away
          thanks for never being there for me and then accusing me of
          being selfish when I tried to tell you
          thanks for being a really good actress when it came to you
          feeling bad about anything that happened in my family
          thanks for letting me do all the work on our projects while you
          play a video game on my laptop
          thanks for everything you did to me
thanks for making me stronger
thanks for making me realize
thanks for being an amazing friend
B Apr 2019
It’s never been them, always her. This girl is terrified of commitment inside and out. She can’t commit to a single person. She knows she’s destined to do great things, but she never wants to stop or put a hole in someone else’s plans. Other people want kids, and a house with a white picket fence. She wanted someone who will love her and a small home on the outskirt of a city. She’s distant, sometimes dropping off social media and communication over the phone for days. She just gets sick of it sometimes and never responds. She worries her friends. No, it’s never been them, only her. She doesn’t care what they do, talk to others, go out, she doesn’t care. She trusts them no matter what. She believes if they cheat, they aren’t worth her time and she moves on. She’s always wondering if she’s found the right person. She’s always wondering what if. She can’t settle down because she might miss something. She wants her imagination to be real. She sets her standards to high. She wants someone taller than her, smart, funny, not clingy, masculine. She wants this guy, but if he exists, he’s with someone better. She’s stubborn and doesn’t want to change, but she needs to. She needs to learn to change if she ever wants to be happy. No one will be able to love her like this. But the other thing wrong with her, does she know what love is? Will she be able to love if someone else loves her. Will she be able to stop with the what ifs when she finds the right person? Will she know she’s with the one when those what ifs stop? Or will she have to stop them herself? The final question she must ask her, does she love herself? Can anyone love her if she doesn’t love herself first?
B Nov 2017
There are days when I want to give up
I want to leave so I don't have to deal with you
I want to cry

But I don't think you deserve to win
You don't deserve my tears
You don't get to become 'famous' on my account

You deserve friends who are as ****** as you
You deserve to be brought up under a fake name
You deserve everything that's coming to you

Cause Karma's a *****
B Nov 2017
Fish
I love you
I haven't even met you
And I love you
I don't know anything about you
You don't know anything about me
And I love you
You already have my heart
You have a home
And it's with me
I love you
Fish
Fish is my new cat
B May 2019
Its so hard to see you
And not say a single word
You don't look at me
The way I look at you
And I wish you would come over and say hi
I really wish that would happen this time

And I can't tell if you're still greiving
Or if you're over her
And I really wish I knew what you thought of me
Cause right now it seems
I'm just another fish in the sea
B May 2021
I just need more.
I need one more night with you
because I miss the way you feel.
I miss the way your lips feel so right
The way you make me melt when you smile at me
The way I feel when you send me a message
The way it makes me smile when you think of me
The way it makes me feel when I think of you.
I didn't get enough, so I need more.
I need more butterflies when you accidentally touch my leg
or sit closer to me than I think you mean too
or laugh at my jokes
or whisper to me when our friends are yelling
or even when you look at me like I'm a camera on a tv show.
I can't believe that you make me feel this way.
And I can't believe it's gone.
I need more.
Can I have more?
Can we just have five more minutes?
B Mar 2018
forever young
is false
We are only as
young as
We live our lives
B Oct 2017
Sometimes I wonder why none of my friends talk to me anymore
Then it hits me

















You drove them all away
Her
B Dec 2017
Her
She brings me smiles and laughs
She makes me sing and dance with glee
and She
She is the prettiest girl I've ever seen
And all I want is her heart
And she can have mine in return
For eternity
She takes on everything absolutely fearlessly
She is the better half of me
She smart and sweet
and everything in between
I've know this for years
through smiles and tears
She was meant for me
But I was not meant for Her
B Dec 2020
I feel like I'm being sabotaged by everything in my life
My Friends
My School
My Life
My Mind
It's all being pulled apart
ripped open
torn into a million pieces
There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can say
To change it
I've convinced myself
I'm the victim
But am I?
Have I done this to myself
Have I made my grave
and now I'm lying in it
Have I turned everyone against myself?
Every villain feels like the victim
and they change it
They don't let people walk over them
Talk over them
Beat them down
They stand up for themselves
They stand up against what is expected of them
So do I die a hero
Or live long enough to become the villain
B Sep 2020
I can't do it anymore
I can't stay in a home
where I'm not
wanted
included
welcomed
I cannot live with people who are
mean
hypocrites
argumentative
I cannot stand the
***** looks
eye-rolls
avoidance
I cannot be where I am not happy
I can't stay
So I will leave
B Oct 2022
The house was filled with flames
For over 20 years it was a blaze
It stood on broken pillars and burnt floorboards
Slowly different parts started charring.

It started in the basement
With cigarettes and lost hopes
A child’s potential misplaced
A parent drowning in smoke of his own creation
And the house lost a child because he escaped
We don’t know how bad his burns are
Because he doesn’t come around to tell us.

Then it jumped to the second story
The flames only lit up one of the rooms
Where 2 children lived
One who started fighting
And one who never stood a chance
The first child who stayed close to the ground to avoid the smoke
She took quick breaths to keep her lungs clean
Who followed every rule about fire
And fought the fire silently
And the second
Who tried to follow the rules
But the house deemed it was never enough
She choked but didn’t die
And the two escaped
With the first child carrying the second out
Their burns are the deepest.

And the fourth child
The youngest child
Who never stayed long
And escaped at the youngest age
And was always escaping when the smoke got to thick
When her lungs hurt from yelling and breathing in the smoke
But would come back for the 2 children
Because she left them
She left all of them
She left the house
But when she left, her burns were tended
She stayed away from the flames because she was safe
And her burns healed, but scarred
Her scars are the lightest
And she didn’t come back until it was almost burnt down
And the flames couldn't get to her anymore
And not a single burn remained in the house
Because it was torn down.

And a different family built it with better materials
And a better foundation
And the house of ash was gone

But burns will always remain
Because the adults who left pass them down
And try to light fires in new houses
But the children who left
Will never pass down burns
And eventually the flames will stop
Guess which kid I am
B Jan 2022
I'm my mother's daughter
It's in my genes to cry
The littlest things set me off
When I was in third grade
I cried at my standardized writing test
It wasn't hard, I was just stuck
I love writing
I'm good at it
I always have been
But I couldn't handle the pressure to write well
That my entire life was based on my grades
and how well I scored on tests
And wrote about a three page story
I cry when I'm frustrated
When I could do a math problem on my homework
When I couldn't remember simple biology questions
But I did well on the tests
So they assumed I was fine
I assumed I was fine
How could I not be fine, I did well
I was talented
I was skilled
And I was doing well
My life was too good for me to be upset
I had to reason to be upset
And no one realized I might no be ok
Until I stopped eating and lost 15 pounds
But even then I told myself I was fine
I was eating less because I was doing less
I wasn't using as much energy so I wasn't eating full meals
I only at a tiny portion of my already small plate
But I was eating so I was fine
I moved out and started school, fully online
I was lonely
But I had my roommates
So I was fine
I couldn't bring myself to go to the class I thought I would love
I was failing a class
I was doing nothing to fix it
I was starting to hate writing and reading
But I had a plan to leave my major
So I was fine
I failed my first college class
But everyone gets one mistake
Everyone screws up once
It was during covid
Everyone is struggling
So I was fine
Everyone else is fine
So I am fine
And I keep telling myself that
In hopes that one day it'll be true
I am Fine
B Oct 2017
I don’t miss you
I don’t miss the always being pushed to the side
I don’t miss the being ignored
I don’t miss you always putting yourself first
I don’t miss you never listening to  my rants
I don’t miss me trying to tell you I’ve had a bad day
And you telling me your’s was worse
I don’t miss you thinking you deserved more than I did
I don’t miss you thinking you were better than me
I don’t miss you never showing up to anything that was important to me
I don’t miss our friendship







I miss talking **** in German class
I miss gushing about youtubers
I miss going to Sunrise after every school event
I miss having someone to make bad jokes
I miss having someone to fangirl with
I miss having someone I would tell all my secrets to
I miss going to Penn State to compete a poster
I miss our memories
B Oct 2019
I just want to be in love
Is that so much to ask for?
I just want someone who loves me
who thinks I'm funny, even when I'm not
who thinks I'm pretty, even when I'm a mess
who thinks I'm everything they could ever want
I want to be someone's everything
I want someone who smiles when I message them
who gets excited about seeing me
who makes an effort to see me just because
who can't keep their eyes off of me
who sneaks glances at me when they shouldn't
who can't get me off of their mind
I want someone who loves my little quirks
how I tap my nose when I want to remember something
how I play with my jewelry when I get nervous or uncomfortable
how I can't sit still so I play with my hands
how I curl up under blankets during thunderstorms
I don't want to have to force it
I want it to be real
It has to be real
I just want to be in love
B Oct 2017
It stings to sit at a table with you
and know you are trying to pull my friends away

It stings to sit 3 feet away from you
and no one at the table is going to acknowledge me

It stings to think that you had my heart
and you threw it away for someone who dumped you after a week

It stings to look back on us and our good times
and realize I wasn't happy

It stings to know you still have a pull on my life
and I don't want you anywhere near me anymore

It stings so much
and you're still putting lemon in the hole you put in my back when you stabbed me
B Nov 2017
i miss you
i miss everything about you
i miss late nights
i miss giggle fits at 2am
i miss not being alone
i miss having you next to me no matter what
i miss having a 'sister'
i miss having you 3 feet away at night
i miss not feeling alone
i miss you
I miss us
This is about my exchange student who was only here for 2 weeks but it was like we'd known each other for a lifetime. I get to see her again in less than 7 months
B Jul 2020
I’m lonely but I make myself that way
I want to be loved, but I drive them all away
B Feb 2018
"You'll always be my best friend"
Thank you for not abandoning me after not sharing feelings
Thank you for not leaving me after I confessed
Thank you for promising to never leave
And I know it's not your fault
But thank you for the broken heart
B Mar 2018
First Love
First Kiss
First Broken Heart
B Jan 2019
My heart has healed
All thanks to you
You helped me move on
To someone new
And even though
I don't have those feeling now
You'll always be the one
Who my whole heart found
B Dec 2017
My Mama said
Are you happy now?
My Mama said
Are you happy with who you've become?
And I don't care
Who you love
or who you date
or who you marry.
As long as you're happy
B Nov 2021
I thought my problem was focus
I'm overwhelmed
Overworked
Emotionally tired
Mentally drained
I've done nothing but school
For 16 years
My problem is focus
I can't sit still
I can't time manage
My brain isn't working at
"my level of intellegence"
My problem is focus
The doctor says my problem is anxiety
My brain zones out to cope
My brain shuts down to cope
I take naps for hours to cope
Its not ADHD, its anxiety
I can't sit still because I'm anxious
I can't stay focused because I'm anxious
I'm brunt out and anxious
That's my problem
B Jan 2018
I'm ready to begin again
Where my life doesn't revolve
around having a million fake friends
A popularity contest for 13 years of my life
I'm ready to not be afraid
To stand on an edge and say
I'm me, all me, and only me
To be someone
I choose to be
Not some predetermined destiny
To love myself and all around
To sit on my throne as Queen
and be crowned
Oh?
B Oct 2017
Oh?
You say you hate drama
but you scream in my face

You say you care
but won't lower your caste

Your friends are my friends
you don't see that we share

Find any excuse
to turn everyone

Guess I know which side you pick
Sad to say that I knew it

Well now I know
We're done and gone

But I won't be singing
a sad song

You don't know
what you have lost

Because all you did
was brag and boast

KAA and KSA
B Apr 2018
How come good thing happen to bad people?
People who don't deserve ****
People who yell at others for no reason
People who bully people for no reason
People don't tell the truth
People who talk behind your back
People who aren't nice
And everyone knows it
And the people who give out nice thing know this
And they still give it to these people
While the good people sit in the back
Sit praying for good things
And they deserve the good things
But the bad people get them
And the good people get the harmony
B Oct 2021
School was easy
I was good at school
I liked school
I liked learning
School was easy
Reading was easy
Writing was easy
I love reading and writing
I read at a college level in 4th grade Distractions were easy
They were everywhere
They talked to me all the time
I spent most of middle and high school
Spending time with them
College was hard
I don't know how to study
I don't know how to put school first
I don't know how to say no
I don't know what happened
School is hard
I'm not good at school
I no longer love school
College killed my love of learning
I pay to be unhappy
And I will pay for years to come
B Jan 2022
Sleep is a trial period for suicide
You lay there, try to fall asleep
          trying to end it all
Your mind doesn't quiet down
You run through everything from that day
          everything in your life
And slowly the talking quiets
Slowly you start getting peace
          slowly you start to hear everything around you less and less
          every voice, every noise is fuzzy
Your eyes get heavy
          your eyes get heavy
You let the idea of temporary sleep take over you
          you let the idea of sleep take over you
You sleep, for however long you can
          you sleep for forever
But you wake up
          you don't wake up
And you get up and you live your life
Because you're too afraid of what suicide means
You're too afraid of what you leave behind
You're too afraid of leaving your mom
To leave her to grieve her only daughter
Her world
You're too afraid to leave your cat
Who loves you dearly
And wouldn't know why you abandoned her
When she was sent down from heaven
To save you
But you can only put so much pressure on an animal
But know matter how sad you get
You know you could never take your own life
So you go to sleep
Because sleep is suicide for the scared
I don't know what prompted me to write this, maybe it's knowing I have to go back to school and I haven't done one thing to help my anxiety. That I'm sad more and more often but it comes in waves and I refuse to self diagnose myself with anything but also refused to go get diagnosed because I feel like I'm making it up. So I turn to this, writing because it's the only healthy coping mechanism I have.
B Mar 2023
The fire is far away
Not far enough to not see the flames
But far enough to not be afraid
Far enough to evacuate
Far enough to see the damage
But not experience the damage
Its getting warmer
But no need to panic
I live here
I watch the fire everyday
It inches closer but still I stay
I can’t leave yet
I have to much going for me here
I can’t leave yet
My friends haven’t left yet
I can’t leave yet
It’s not my time
It will be soon
And then I will leave
The fire won’t reach me
Hopefully
I want to leave
I hope it all burns down
And I get to watch and laugh
B Jul 2020
I see the older generations say
“I miss the good ole days”
“I miss the America I grew up in”
Do they fail to realize that their generation did this?
Their generation ruined the economy
Their generation poisoned the earth
Their generation drained the Earth of her resources
Their generation segregated people of color
Their generation disowns their children for being gay
Their generation is full of hate
But go on, please,
tell me how my generation is ruining the world.
My generation who is chanting Black Lives Mater
My generation who is trying to reduce their plastic usage
My generation who is fighting for LGBT+ rights
My generation who is fighting for women to have the right to their body
My generation who is still in school
My generation who is mentally unstable
But still is trying to make things right.
My generation is doing the things their generation failed to.
Their generation had their time, and they failed their children
Their grandchildren
So now it’s time for a new generation
My generation
B Oct 2017
Wow

I really thought this would have ended differently

Just because we’re not friends

Doesn’t give you the right to be

******

And sometimes people **** up

And sometimes things don’t work out

But people are still people

And they deserve to be treated with

Respect

How would you feel

If you were treated like ****

From an ex-friend

Just because we’re not friends

Doesn’t mean our mutual friends

Can’t spend time with me

The world doesn’t revolve around you

It doesn’t revolve around me

It revolves around the sun

And I promise you

You will never be the sun
B Jul 2019
It *****, being ignored by people you thought would be your best friend forever. Maybe it would hurt less if I hadn't seen it coming. Maybe if the texts, calls, laughs, and smiles just stopped one day it wouldn't hurt as much or for as long. Maybe I could've healed and moved on. But I saw it and I tried to fix it. And I couldn't. I watched as my friends grew distant. I watched my friends slowly stop inviting me to things. I watched as my friends had more and more excuses to not spend time with me. I watched as waves turned to smiles turned to looking at their phone to avoid me. I watched for 2 years. And I couldn't stop it. I tried. I tried to make plans with them, do things they like, but they were always busy. The people I was closest to, I felt used by. I was invited to everything when I was the only one with a license and a car. I was the ride. I was invited to everything but I drove everyone. And then I was on the outskirts. But once they started driving, I wasn't needed. And when you're not needed, you're discarded. They slowly pierced my heart and tore it up. Once school ended, I never got a text from them. No calls. Nothing. It hurt. And they don't care. And I don't think they ever did. But the saddest part is, I'm still trying.
B Dec 2019
What am I doing?
Am I doing the right thing?
Should I focus on my education
Or should I focus on my friends?
Should I focus on her
Or me
Or school
What did I do?
I submitted the application.
I am applying to leave next year.
Am I insane?
Am I doing what’s right?
Will I ever know what’s right?
B Apr 2019
You are Smart
You are Kind
You are Funny
You are Talented
You are Amazing
You are Trustworthy
You are Brave
You are not a Burden

— The End —