If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this. I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.
Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.
He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.
I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.
Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.
"Why didn't you just leave him?" Why didn't you help me?
Depression is not beautiful And you let me know Trying so hard to let go. I thought it was getting better Until you gave me that harsh lecture Destroying my self worth I still though you were heaven on earth. Tearing me down day by day Convincing me I needed you to stay You didn't know the real me was fading away. I thought you loved me I thought you cared But what happened next wasn't fair You took my soul And threw it in your black hole Begging you to love me I thought you'd never leave But you did, and you took a piece of me.
I miss the burn on my throat From the rope you wrapped around me I miss the bruises on my wrist from the way you grabbed me I miss the gentle kiss and the violence on your lips I miss the bitter looks and hard touch I missed loving you so much
1 am, 5 months later I’m wide awake, alone in the dark, the same way you left me With broken thoughts, broken hopes, and a spirit to match Who would have thought the cut would be this deep? Questioning myself, questioning my worth, questioning my ability to be loved All because you only knew how to question Only knew how to hide Only knew how to blame anyone other than yourself
How long do wounds take to heal? How soon can a spirit be fixed? How soon can one ignore the blame, the guilt, the shortcomings of an indecisive lover? 5 months later and I don’t want to question my worth I want to question you Your views Your actions Your way of making people feel little when they only want to make you feel loved
The only aspect of myself I need to question Is my loyalty to a heart I didn’t own