I do not know how to say no
I let people in my life
and welcome them to come and go
while I'm left feeling low.

I do not know how to love myself
so instead I love everyone else
or at least it's what I like to believe
although I can't cope when they leave.

I do not know how to live
so day by day I die
death shall be my greatest high
and for the millionth time I'll say goodbye.

What does one who care
really get?
Other than other people's burdens
amongst other sh*t!

If I have a son
I'll name him Numb
probably wasn't prepared for him,
a product of being dumb.

If a daughter is born,
I'll curse the world
For this life has no place
for precious little girls.

bright and beautiful, I expected butterflies
when we kissed.

No, just a vision of hairy caterpillars
rough and ugly,
but it was their form, that I missed.

look at me good
don't get this misunderstood

we are not same
I am not here to entertain

we are different -----is all I can say
and that is okay

Freckles dance
      across her face

  Like a southern gal in a
           juke joint place

And she shall be gone for a while.

I hope they miss her,

especially that *smile

woman: I'm tired

man: of what?

woman: loving you.

I once had a friend
whom I loved deeply
I would hide from others
but I'd let him see me.....

but something went wrong
he quit singing me precious songs
he never visits anymore
I always break hearts!
*I should have warned him of this before...

Still a good man.
A good friend,
who really does
stick around to the very end.

One who ignored my sin
blowing upon me
Like an extinguishing fan
to quench the fire burning in man

Oh God, what a good son!
he granted me life
offering peace, calming strife
How can I thank him?

Is there any way?
"Happy Easter"
is probably not the most
gracious thing to actually say.

I've become dangerous.
Poison pumps through my veins.
My troubled heart is to blame.

My arch nemesis is cupid
who seems Hell bent
him and every ex of a *****.

I Bet he gets paid
every time my soul gets broken
or some guy gets laid.

some devils have love made
while sweet Angels like myself
end up getting played.

daddy was a lot of woman typa man

mama was fast
a one night stand

drugs; they had in common
crack was in demand

heard he was crazy, so she ran

I fell from hell

wasn't given no hand

I got up anyway
*and tall I stand

Wasn't  always great.

Won't  always be great.

But for now, I'm  great.

So bask in my glory, before its too late.

greedy eyes
never see enough
some call it beauty
others call it lust

greedy ego
can never boast enough
so many friends
very few to trust

greedy heart
can never love enough
giving it's goodness to all
even when it's tough

greedy spirit
can never have enough
complains at life, afraid to die;
it has to conquer more stuff!

I listen to sad songs
on replay.

my insides are dead
but I play life during the day.

I smile to stop words
that I anticipate people might say...

like how are you doing?
**fine i say, but lies I am chewing

I fell in love with the light in your eyes

I'm dead and dark inside
my heart is not warm blooded
but cold, with icy cries
lonely tears, that your love
did not protect against my fears
because you didn't have the time
and I didn't have the years

now I sit in a dim corner
half past midnight
reminiscing the lover I lost
the thief of light

I must learn closure
the correct way
so the next time I see
a person I've dismissed
they won't be bitter
they will  happily smile
and say "hey"
they will remind me
that I did exist to them,
then I can go about my day

he who sheds the first tears
cared the most
she who feels no remorse
may as well be a ghost
two wrongs,
two broken hearts
I blame them both
a lustful love affair
unequally yoked.

my sins taunt my sleep
after dark, late nights
my demons love to creep.

the lies I've told
take my breathe away
choke hold!

the things I've stolen
steals my peace
eyes swollen.

karma has awoken
the haunting draft day
and I'm chosen.

sing into my deaf ears
sweet melodies
for my melancholy fears
caress my silent lips
make my words come alive
a moan may slip;
the sweetest cries.
sniff out the smell
that has caused men hell;
for a whiff of heaven
morals they bail
no lies. I can honestly tell
that you will provide sensation
extremely well...
blow kisses of love
in my blind eyes
Can you please,
give me sight?
so I can see this healer
named Dr.Might
who claims he can put feeling
back into my paraplegic body
on this night!

Dear God,
and stupid cupid
will you ever send me
someone that I love can back?

The boys hand me their hearts
and I hand it back,
later their bodies are found
from an apparent heart attack.

In a moment of weakness,

I flashed my true colors

it *****, because it really hurt my mother.

Rain are my tears
so many prayers
for so many years
Heavens water capacity
overfilled,
God sends them to me,
as a reminder and gift
in hopes that I heal.

There is no feeling worse
than dying slowly
and being unable
to save yourself
no rescue, no help.

my soul cries aloud
screams stretch for miles
still no one hears
I'll eventually
drown in my tears.

temptation knows me by name
she calls me clearly,
I know what she's saying.

she sings pretty melodies
attempting to lure me away from family
but I play blind, her tricks I refuse to see.

back against the wall,
I'm cornered, compromised...
I scream "what do you from me?"

with a smirk,
she says, this is where I ought to be
defeated by dark magic, I become *we

I knew I could never be,
           as much woman as she
so from that day forth,
           I never again tried to be.

Truth is.....

Since I was a child
a certain image has appeared in my mind
a guilty pleasure
a favorite pastime

Something so bitter yet sweet
a game of trick and treat
a forbidden fruit
I've always wanted to eat

It has never escaped me,
an original sin
that I've masked with many men
in my rainbow colored heart,

........Is where this secret has always been
from the very start.

to keep from going insane at times
I crawl back into my hard brown shell;
only there do I find peace
only then do I feel well.

He told me
wine and cigars
won't get me far
I agree,
but it helps minimize the scar.

She told me
I was too confused
and addicted to being used
I agree,
I've grown fond of abuse.

Mom told me,
I quit too much
and can be ungrateful
I agree,
my sadness makes me hateful.

I told me self
quit focusing on others
and fix yourself
I agree,
I don't need nobody else.

I caress my scars*
and remember back afar....*
attacked in a fight
came out bloodied and bruised
I deserved that much
because him, I used.

attacked in battle
a piece of my soul I lost
sold good deeds to satan
death was surely the cost.

attacked in love
I could have died
instead I prayed
held my head above
tears of blood I cried.

I made a vow between
Him, this body, and myself
a piece of dignity I had left
broken, *****, and very low
"Lord, to the devils playground
will I never again go."

I look at my photos,
sometimes I see his face.

I close my eyes in fear,
Hoping to go to safer place.

There's no escaping those devilish eyes.
I've inherited this monster; soul ties.

She was afraid when her eyes led astray
but was filled with joy of happiness and gay
she had this feeling that he'd make her okay.

I loved you right away.
awoke to mornings,
you were the sun to my day.

I loved you right away
lost, I'd think of you and feel at home
you were my way.

I loved you right away
the reason my heart hurts
is because I always expected you to stay.

Now tears of sadness
cuddles her frail body
the side of her bed, where he used to lay.

I'm sorry if my love was not enough
Life was about time,
I was always in a rush.

So much to do,
so much to see,
I guess I forgot you needed me.

Now I lay in the ground alone,
covered with dirt and anxiety.
Hoping you knew I loved you entirely.

She never feels apart
until her legs are far apart.

she never belongs
until her body is strecthed out long.

she never wants company
until it is gone.

heart is where the home...
strangers break in with sticks and stones.

she never feels all there
until her love has has it's fair share.

unconsciously *** and love has become a chore
reckless routine of a foolish little *****.

life in the winter
is much simpler.

I cheated in July
then told a lie.

the summer is hot
but for your *** is hotter.

but I'm dumb in lust,
and in love you're smarter.

At 24,
There are no knocks at my door
But still I stay
Afraid to go...

Cupid is coming soon,
This I know.

At 22,
I broke my own heart
Ended an affair
That was never meant to start.

Cupid please,
I hate this part.

Age is steadily approaching
my heart is steadily closing
Desire is a hourglass
And my true love is very last.

I was made to love
Sometimes I hate
I’m broken

the more time I spend alone
the more guys seems wrong.

the longer I am single
the less I want to mingle.

the more they degrade women
the more I despise men.

I wait for healing above
to warm my heart, thaw out my love

my friends tell me I need ***
other tell me I need help.

but I say to them,
I love myself!!

When eye feel
Eye drown in emotions
Then eye learned to swim
Now eye reside in that ocean
Floating through life
Eye swell up with water
Making my breathing
Just a little bit harder

who are you?

I search the darkness of my mind
memories over time
depths of the deep sea blue

I have no clue.

I am blind
and do not see
the girl in the mirror
who stares back at me.

I am not she.

on my tombstone
it shall read
a stranger
who was everything people
wanted her to be.

Even in death,
that is not me.

Uncertainty has become my enemy,
insecurity I wore until the end----- beautifully.