With every clumsy person who accidentally looked into my eyes.

Satan or cupid must hate me
they blind every lover that I see
beautiful eyes never notice me..

days and nights I remain lonely
I grow tired of trying
sleeves wet from crying..

accepting the fact that no one is mines

and may never be....
*yes, love hates me

That Heaven is for real

I waste so much time
it should be crime.
hole in pockets
I'm worth a dime.
social media to watch others shine.
I need a hobby that pays,
I'm not lying.

I wish when you drank
you could be happy.

I'm afraid when you drink,
because you get snappy.

At first you dance,
then cry because your life is ******.

If you're sad, why shouldn't I be?
after all, you're the woman that had me.

Soon, I cry and drink too,
like mother like daughter, I do what you do.

I have shared my love with too many thieves
I wear my scars like a tattoo sleeve

I have shared my body with too many beasts
blood, sweat, and tears on my bedroom sheets

I have given things that I did not have
now I need purification, a sinners bath

I have lost count of partners and dates
now I choose to love myself, I hope it's not too late

how am I to survive
when I don't feel alive

how am I to breathe
when my life has never been a breeze

how am  I to relax
when my soul is under attack

how am I to have peace
when I'm never at ease

How can I appreciate the sun
when all I know is rain

*why oh why God must I be in pain?

I wanted you close
but I pushed you away.

I wanted you forever
but you didn't stay.

I wanted to love you,
but broke your heart.

I warned you I was trouble from the start.

I wanted this love to never end
but it was over, before it began.

The things I desired most
were nothing but a joke.

For you to accept my faulty love was my only hope.

days have passed without your face
I wonder who will take my place
through my mind you run, a fast pace
my heart is yours if you win this race

lust is the only thing in those streets
I pray for love, I play for keeps
I fell for you, a reckless leap
tell me you want me, don't be discreet!

lust has become my job
its makes me sing
as sin makes me sob.

for love, bodies I rob
hit after hit
I belong to the mob.

lust has become a game
not playing is crazy
the end is truly insane.

A beautiful beast
they all want to tame
all for fun, all for fame.

I try so hard to reach the hot pits of my soul

Where passion, pleasure, and pain go

My inner secrets and fears I deserve to know

But every chance I get, I ignorantly blow...

I thought I was brave
I was not.
I was afraid,
to touch you,
to look into your dangerous eyes,
to call you mine.
Afraid you would see through my lies,
of getting my heart ripped apart.
I was insecure from the very start,
because I am just a diposable toy
to someone like you, a bad boy.

past  midnight
my body and soul at fight

1am
I realize how sick I am

at 2
I fantasize about sexing you

at 3
I imagine things you can do to me

at 4
I'm still not sleep
still not bored

at five
I close my eyes

6am til 11
wet dreams appear
too explicit for Heaven

at 12 I'm up and about
licking my lips
hoping this day I can taste your mouth.

I
lost
my
love
when
he
found
my
heart

Not even ***

Nor love

I just need a hug

afraid to look into your eyes
I might just see your soul
afraid of intimacy
my secrets you will know

either way

something will happen
that was not intended
love is blind;
so don't be offended

One day I walked the long way home.

In the chill of October, all alone.
Tears had cooled, wind had blown.

Still, she knew something was wrong.
She asked, I answered. My hurt was known.

I saw his mugshot today, his soul was gone.

I met a new man
he left a run in the seam
of my knee highs

he's a good guy
keeps me warm and cozy inside
he thinks it's cute when I'm mad

he's tall, dark, and handsome!
I've even given him the house key
I call him Jim, others call him whiskey.

On the hunt for love
i nearly died
i became precious prey
to violent predators
with my body
they had their way.

I slipped
through the grips
of fierce savages
but I did not escape
their attacks unscratched
burdens and battle wounds
now cover my back.

Still, I wiped my tears
and nurtured my burns
from the wild fire I grew
hard lessons i learned
back then I had faith
but unbelief happenened
and hate became my fate.

A million times a day
I sit on the bridge, over the bay
asking what if life is just some sick game?
then I hear a voice saying
"Why don't you stop playing?"

A child resides
Inside my soul
Lies told, truth known
Insides my eyes
A child cries
Truth be told
The woman lies
As the child dies

Roses the color of your kisses
Lipstick I wiped from my face

Now I check to see,
If they are still tattooed
In that very place

I simply miss them
Because they came from
you

The only person,
Whose love was ever
true

In the midst
of giving every man
a piece of me,
I lost the peace in me.

In the moment
of finding myself
I became helpless,
I needed help.

Thinking a man
could help me become a woman,
I lost my dignity,
blind to who I should really be loving.

Question,

what can make
such beautiful
souls corrupt?

Life answers.

On Life support...
Greedy, I keep on breathing.
But, life is faster,
she keeps on leaving.

Heart keeps beating..
Like someone cares!
Where was this energy,
with the love I tried to share?

I'm losing and for once,
I don't care to win.
Do me a favor,
don't let me be BORN again...

The aftershock of love
Always shakes me the hardest.
I pushed you away
Now you've gone the farthest.

A delay in reaction
Is usually my action.
Divided two hearts,
Down to the lowest fraction.

Forgive me most
for I'm usually on time
I ran out of excuses,
Leaving you on my mind.

at 25 I wait to die
family and friends are worried,
they ask me why?
teardrops have run dry
frozen emotion won't let me cry
I say I'll try
but that's a lie
so long my loves
this is bye. bye. bye.
lord have mercy
my. my. my

send tingles down my spine
can I call you mine?
kiss my skin
can I let you in?

caress my curves
ease my nerves
make me moan
such a beautiful tone

tickle my secrets
their yours, will you keep it?
it's been too long since I felt this sensation
park your body in my remote location.

thinking in the past

only wastes time

energy and thought

lectures; my friends preach about.

For those moments of us are gone

But, tell me you do it too

that I won't feel so alone.

so I can continue to gloat on.

in misery of a kidnapped heart

bound at your home.

if my purpose was to live
my job has not begun.

if my purpose is to die.
my job here is done.

the world tells me to have fun;
but I feel nothing; I've grown numb.

may death come soon;
MAY KINGDOM COME!

maybe we were never meant to be.

maybe you did once love me.

it's that 50% chance

of uncertainity

that fail my relationships

Miserably.

I want to drift far away
into an endless day.

escape tomorrow
and all its sorrow.

but instead i stay here
because death too,

is something i fear.

With your cool sunglasses
And skinny pales *****
You sit behind the shade
Sour faces great for lemonade
And judge us all!

I fake drown to see your reaction
Off your high horse you fall
To my satisfaction, you're not a hero
And, to think people look up to you?
You're not even that tall!!

I think I have my answer*

This feeling has spread from
my head to my bed
like cancer.

I keep lying to myself
and breaking more hearts
creating makeshift sparks.

When all alone
you were the only light I ever needed
in the dark.

while the others boys lied
about their emotions
he held me and together we cried.

sometimes we both wonder
what life would be like if we died.
both young, both tired.

Afraid of my luck,
I was ready to give up

he said baby don't worry
I told him I needed him bad, please hurry!!!

He convinced me to keep trying,
saying he would protect me forever

he was telling the truth
he was my LION.

woman was not made to be alone
on her own faking to be strong.

woman was not made to *******
such a thing as ******* requires a mate.

woman was not made to cry in solitude
for comfort on his shoulder is true soul food.

woman was not made for this world
for men prey on and devour innocent little girls.

they told her to live a little
and she did.

a lil ****
a lil squeeze

pop a pill
cop a  feel

for some liquor
boys could freak her

a lil ***
a lil head
***/AIDS
now she dead.

they told her to live a little
so she did.*

she didn't know better
she was just a kid.

when I'm here or there
I wish to go home
but at home, I'm alone.

when I'm with you,
I wish you were gone
but when you are gone, I feel so alone.

songs play on the radio for so long
sweet melodies excite my lonesome bones,
but even enjoying music I am still alone.

forever on the run,

so many places to escape to under the sun.

forever on the run,

Heaven awaits me

I'm dying to come.