That Heaven is for real

got addiction and crazy from ma side of kin

pa didn't offer much

except a bad temper and bad skin

at night the pills hit me
like the wreck of train.

I smile, I recall your face
high as hell, but I remember your name.

I replay your sweet voice,
in my chaotic brain.

love is life for me,
but for you it's just a game.

no, it's not healthy
but it's keeping me sane.

Drinks at day,
pills at night.

it's all that gives me peace,
with them I don't have to fight.

in the beginning was you
a beautiful lie
promising me something true.

in the middle was us
caught in the crossfire of love
All we did was disagree, fight, and fuss.

in the end is now me
realizing with you is where I need to be.
searching for something I once had

*you drive me crazy, you drive me mad

woe to man who created pills
they give me chills
they make me feel
take too many they'll make you ill
they deceive my fantasies
their thrill is real

woe to the man who made **** pills
with every one I take,
a piece of me is killed.

pills to sleep
now I don't eat.

pills for anxiety
now I don't act like me.

pills for mood
so I don't seem rude.

pills for that
pills for this...

They'll forever be my friend
until I no longer exist.

Dear God,
and stupid cupid
will you ever send me
someone that I love can back?

The boys hand me their hearts
and I hand it back,
later their bodies are found
from an apparent heart attack.

I was never the easiest to love
no man would fit like O.J's glove

I was never the easiest to leave
countdown to go, like New Years Eve

I was never confident with my hearts emotions
I am the shallow part of the deep blue oceans

I was never in tune with my souls true feelings
lying to myself, seeking ****** healings

Now I'm left with all my ******* and baggage
empty affairs have created a Savage

women and girls,
boys nor men
could bring me such glory in such filthy sin.

breathe in
tears out
only freaks know what I'm talking about.

I had no choice
due to my lovers abandonment,
so I found a guilty pleasure that was heaven sent.

Nights reign supreme
As I obsess over your entire being.
Memories don't do any justice
As I recall sweet times between us.
Maybe it was real,
more than likely not....
I toss and turn burning hot,
waiting for the flashbacks
to finally stop. .

she will always be gone,
by your side, but alone.

she will always stray,
always searching for a better day.

she will always leave
so cherish her now please.

she will remember you the most,
love her now, or haunted will be her ghost.

I attach myself
to multiple hearts,

searching for my soul
through their many parts,

*** is a like completing that puzzle
only to realize, a piece was missing
from the very start.

I vow to no longer be used by men,
sacrificing my soul for the sake of sin.

I vow to never again confuse love with ***
gaining nothing, after giving them my best.

I vow to be a woman, no longer a *****,
because my heart and ****** is tired of being sore.

passed by a mirror, caught a glance
the devil is beautiful when he dance

dark shadows walk slowly
I'm not her, you don't know me

my brain goes insane
this illness is no game

voices kidnap my head
held hostage till' I'm dead

How did I
Allow myself to be used?
Too compromising
Abused thereafter
Searching frantically
For a clue
Why would you?
How could he,
Hurt me so badly?
Maybe I’m selfish
Or foolish too
I can’t come to terms
With the things he do

If I could, I would build you a heart
one that could not be broken
one incapable of falling apart

If I could, I would wash away your tears
drown them in the murky waters
with all of your fears

If I could, I would shelter you from harm
shield you from dark days
and frequent storms

If I could, I would protect you 24/7
saving you from this hell
until you ascend to Heaven

I do not know how to say no
I let people in my life
and welcome them to come and go
while I'm left feeling low.

I do not know how to love myself
so instead I love everyone else
or at least it's what I like to believe
although I can't cope when they leave.

I do not know how to live
so day by day I die
death shall be my greatest high
and for the millionth time I'll say goodbye.

the sun will always shine after the rain
as pleasure will appear after the pain
for I am the calm before the storm
seems as if I was doomed before I was even born
they say how can you be so sad with your type of charm?
I tell them my heart is dislocated and my soul is torn.

Rare of your kind,
forever is your time.
Fine as red wine,
you live in my mind.

The light of your eyes
makes my soul shine.
Honey love, lemon drop
could you please be mine?

I love you
no, I'm lying
I want you
you see I'm crying!

why do I cry when I look at the sky?
knowing one day, I'll say goodbye
leaving all my hurt and all my worry
life is slow, but deaths a hurry
I only hope I did all I can
wishing God has mercy, he'll understand
apologies to women, sorry to man
at Heaven's gate, I'll proudly stand!

Who am I to deserve?
I was once a Queen,
but now I serve.

Who am I to dream of hope?
Just a sinner,
I inhale pain to cope.

Who am to exhale a wish?
Angels I've abandoned,
Demons I've kissed.

Who am I to wrestle with earth?
I afflicted myself,
that day, at birth.

I didn't ask to be born into this world
there's too much pressure
being someones babygirl.

Delicate, with dignity
I once was
but I turn into a freak
as dawn transforms into dusk.

At night,
I close my wide eyes
and darkness consumes me entirely
no more light.

I defeat God's will,
there is no more fight
no more worries,
little to no care.

Atlas I transform

until a mothers worse
*nightmare

Addicted to love;
The sweetest high
Strangers walk past
Kisses blown by
Some catch,
Most miss
Hopeless romantic
Sprung out
Cupid’s abyss

Today I had three dates.

One was pretty,
the other needy,
the last greedy.

I did not get to see any.

I am not sure if I have any love left in me.
So, until then I am going to stay away.
But soon my lovers, I'll have more lies to tell, more flattery to say.

Poets!
People!
Is love the only topic
we know?
.....geez....

pity parties.
I'm my only guest
i have to go now
must look my best

When it was a matter of need

nobody noticed me

eyes did not see

a childhood of misery.


Now adult, I seek to be free

possibily engage in immoral activity

afterall debauchery created me

now I'm sure they're all watching

when I don't want them to be.

he who sheds the first tears
cared the most
she who feels no remorse
may as well be a ghost
two wrongs,
two broken hearts
I blame them both
a lustful love affair
unequally yoked.

looking in the mirror
waiting for bruises to appear
asking myself
"How did I get here?"

never been the one
to afflict pain upon myself.

but I have caused to much harm
I am no longer a help
I too, may as well hurt.

at work I think of you
and all the nasty things we do

clock in clock out
your body knows what I'm talking about

9 am your desire I awake
minutes to hours it takes

at 12 I'll have you for lunch
I'll heat it up with my warm touch

5 pm and it's time to go
you ask me to stay----but no

wait yes-----
I could use this over-time ***

I gave you a reason to love me
but I'm a indian giver
so I took it back.

I stole your heart
leaving you near death
panic attack.

One day I fell from the sky
I survived
I did not die.
But when asked who I was
I responded "I'm a Angel"
It was a lie.

We argue,
And I say the meanest things.

Angels cry,
Demons sing.

I always apologize,
And willingly accept your lies.

I rarely smile
but once in a while I may admire your style
I may purse my lips
As your head will bow
I'll make you woo,
How about now?

new places she dreads going;

woe to the tired woman.

A blue liquid began to spill
at the moment I began to feel--------- LESS
....the puddle grew into a large mess
people began to crowd around
weak, I fell to the ground.
A lady asked, " Darling, what happened to you?"
He broke my heart,
and I was depressed already
so now I bleed BLUE.

When eye feel
Eye drown in emotions
Then eye learned to swim
Now eye reside in that ocean
Floating through life
Eye swell up with water
Making my breathing
Just a little bit harder

I had one chance
and I blew it.

You wouldn't look at me,
it was over, I knew this.

you ignored me and I wanted to cry
another lost lover, another goodbye.

I **** up often and don't know why.
you wished me well with life,

but without you, I may as well die.

I've become dangerous.
Poison pumps through my veins.
My troubled heart is to blame.

My arch nemesis is cupid
who seems Hell bent
him and every ex of a *****.

I Bet he gets paid
every time my soul gets broken
or some guy gets laid.

some devils have love made
while sweet Angels like myself
end up getting played.

Our very first heartbreak comes from our parents.

-thanks Mom

I don't think I will be loved this lifetime
no one will claim me and says she's mine.

I don't think loneliness will ever leave my side
he's my husband, and I'm his bride

I don't think intimacy is something Ill achieve
they will get too close, and I will fearfully leave.

I only wish someone was brave enough to stop my self-destruction
after all I'm just a delicate woman child in need of severe loving.

Soft like the petals of a flower
Kiss me while I'm sweet,
I'm bound to go sour.

Hard as the rarest stone
Touch me now,
I'll soon be gone.

Have me if you dare...
But remember in love,
All is fair.

No matter how much I clean
I can't escape this filth
this dirt, this blackness...

this sin that is me
I swam a million miles
and even tried to cross the red sea,
it washed away my hope
of who I could be...

I crawl out my skin
to have it only grow back
darker, stronger, more black
more sin...

it chokes my soul
when it returns,
"Where have you been?"
I lie, telling it "No where,
I could never leave you my friend."

if my purpose was to live
my job has not begun.

if my purpose is to die.
my job here is done.

the world tells me to have fun;
but I feel nothing; I've grown numb.

may death come soon;
MAY KINGDOM COME!