tears begin to swell
as I look at the picture
of an innocent small gal.
sadness of the eyes
life in her smile.

"What an angel. Wow!"

"but she's dead now..."

shake my head  "how?"

little girl
I love you
and you should know
I will follow closely,
wherever you go.

day by day
I search for the way.

which way to go
I do not know.

time passes by
little by little I die.

They tell me don't give up
so again I try.

but why?

He told me
wine and cigars
won't get me far
I agree,
but it helps minimize the scar.

She told me
I was too confused
and addicted to being used
I agree,
I've grown fond of abuse.

Mom told me,
I quit too much
and can be ungrateful
I agree,
my sadness makes me hateful.

I told me self
quit focusing on others
and fix yourself
I agree,
I don't need nobody else.

I met a new man
he left a run in the seam
of my knee highs

he's a good guy
keeps me warm and cozy inside
he thinks it's cute when I'm mad

he's tall, dark, and handsome!
I've even given him the house key
I call him Jim, others call him whiskey.

There are women.
And there are girls.

Then there are ladies in between
Who feel the wrath of a *** crazy world; a place so mean.

Usually not the one to lose confidence,
We stood on our feet.

Our eyes met,
I had an urge to take my seat.

I immediately felt
Shorter and less attractive.

Standing next to you,
Amazingly beautiful Amazon Woman.

today I read a depressing poem
and became depressed.

And I was in a good mood.

I have not been good at love
or showing emotion
but, I would like to swim with the tears
of your sweet deep ocean.

please do brag
I enjoy boasting
my *** is like a breeze
that will leave  you coasting.

I feel your heat
body roasting
cheers to us;
bodies toasting!

let me clear my throat
you find the lotion
watch me stretch it out
in a familiar motion.

wet dreams are made of you;
a beautiful lie
an imagination
that I wish to make true.

And I hope to see you before I go,

I have secrets and some you should know.

Like this feeling I had that began to grow,

weighed my heart down quick, sinking it slow.

So, must see you before I go...

if I don't my life will reach an all time low.

The cool bitter breeze
Rubs against my face
Head back, mouth open
I embrace the taste.

For somewhere in the world,
You are doing the same.
I close my eyes
To remember your name.

I recall the passion,
And regret the pain
You stole my tears, now I hate rain
Even still, you're not to blame.

Oh my Wicked flame
You let me burn
I'm not mad, because I had to learn
But now the tables have turned...and

Hell says you're wanted
*It's now your turn

I'm such a mess.
I'm no and I'm yes.

up and down.
nowhere but all around.

good and bad,
sometimes happy but mostly sad.

alive and dead.
there is so much madness in my head.

here I come and go,
ready or not,
get ready for a freak show!

White smoke
I slowly inhale
for I am in no rush to
make it to HELL.

A three letter word awaits me,
they will pronounce it as four.
I waited for things to change,
confused nights standing at the door.
No glitz, glam, nor gore,
just ocean waves...
I'll be at shore.
Visit me again always,
because you never did before.

cologne in the air
can't help but stare

not sure why I care
skin flawless and fair

in my blue heart lies a tear
which for you, I shamelessly wear

you don't deserve me I swear
yet even with options I'm not going anywhere

the eve of evil
anguish anniversary
my sins remembered.
tossed and tormented
across the night
when will I win
this bitter fight?
may and june
comes too soon
during these times;
I cry to the moon
keep your madness
heal this loon!

fathers day came
and I needed someone to blame
for my failed relationships
and my addiction to pain
all the men who were too blind to see!
my helpless, hopeless,
tragic beauty
beginning with the rejection from you dad-dy.

you are well experienced
it's written on your face.

you've been here before
it's my first time in this place.

Nervous, I feel inadequate
but I'm too anxious to quit.

my naivete you eagerly bought
your skills, I wish to be taught.

I want to no longer feel innocent
so, please make my money well spent!

I caress my scars*
and remember back afar....*
attacked in a fight
came out bloodied and bruised
I deserved that much
because him, I used.

attacked in battle
a piece of my soul I lost
sold good deeds to satan
death was surely the cost.

attacked in love
I could have died
instead I prayed
held my head above
tears of blood I cried.

I made a vow between
Him, this body, and myself
a piece of dignity I had left
broken, *****, and very low
"Lord, to the devils playground
will I never again go."

Too proud
To say I miss you
Now you’re gone
And I wish to kiss you
Pride and ego
Have always had this affair
Now my love
I’m willing to share
Wherever you are
Smile because I want you back
with you I can breathe again
No more asthma attacks

one man
two man
sin

three men
four men
when?

five six
heartbreak feels like bricks

I fell for his tricks,
I asked for love, he gave me d**k.

another body,
now I'm sick.

I loved this song by hall and oates long before I knew it's meaning,

then I saw your face and couldn't resist singing.

*Want you smile a mile for me...

I've defiled my body
and my bed.
handcuffed my heart.
seduced my head.

I've commited acts
that have tainted me internally
but I clean up nice
my dirt you don't see.


I don't want this addiction any more
stopping is tough,
Detox, I must!!!
Ive had enough.

I feel like Taylor Swift
I only fall in love
to break up.

I fell like Adele
broken hearted
damning my exes to hell.

I feel like Sam Smith
**** and alone
even in a relationship I don't belong.

I feel like Katy Perry
sometimes I wanna kiss a girl
or maybe, a man I'll marry!

I feel like a hopeless romantic
it makes me Lana Del Rey sick.

I'm a hot *** mess,
I'm Britney *****!

Addicts aim their entire life

for the highest high

only to never reach it

until they one day die.

and one day I took the wrong route home
in darkness I walked for way too long
through the valley of death
I heard a angel sing a song
I felt afraid because I was alone
two wings and two horns were shown
I tried to hurry along
but the path I had taken was gone.

God has taken the taste
yet addiction,
I still chase.

My last few dollars,
I willingly give to waste.

I call it my crave case
when it hits,
it like landing on first base.

Its not home,
I'm not safe
I'm out when I meet him face to face.

My highs are high, but my lows are extremely low**

The older I grow
the less I know.

The more I travel
more places I desire to go.

The more they reject me
the more love I show.

those pretty smiles tells me yes,
now there's no way I can say no.

I guess I can be their **** fool,
just one time mo'.

Came on a mission
But every aim I'm missing.

Laser focus on the target.
B A N G, I'm H
                   I
              T

Boom, that's it.   Level incomplete.

Human defeat.

Plan failed.
Condemned to Hell.

My sleep warns me that I'm in trouble

but I wake up everyday like I'm fine

and everything is normal.

Words cannot express how deeply I love you.

Thinking too hard, I began to cry.

Enough tears to float a boat.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I began to choke.

Clear ink and wet paper, super soaked.

So, that sweet poem was never wrote.

how am I to survive
when I don't feel alive

how am I to breathe
when my life has never been a breeze

how am  I to relax
when my soul is under attack

how am I to have peace
when I'm never at ease

How can I appreciate the sun
when all I know is rain

*why oh why God must I be in pain?

summer hates me

and guess what?

I hate her back.

bright and beautiful, I expected butterflies
when we kissed.

No, just a vision of hairy caterpillars
rough and ugly,
but it was their form, that I missed.

If I have a son
I'll name him Numb
probably wasn't prepared for him,
a product of being dumb.

If a daughter is born,
I'll curse the world
For this life has no place
for precious little girls.

Woe to her with a daughter.
men just play this love thing smarter,
and us women, well we just love harder.

Blessed is the she who bores a son,
I was born with a heart
but surely I'll die without one.

Multiple personalities
were created by me
to compensate the absense of
those I needed
ones I desired
but
could not see.

It's not much
or very satisfying anymore
truth is...
our love has become a chore.

It's not fulfilling
or very enticing any longer
food for thought...
I still suffer from loves hunger.

knock knock, love are you there?
How did we get to here?
where neither of us seems to care
hope, passion, dreams and pleasure we no longer share...

I have shared my love with too many thieves
I wear my scars like a tattoo sleeve

I have shared my body with too many beasts
blood, sweat, and tears on my bedroom sheets

I have given things that I did not have
now I need purification, a sinners bath

I have lost count of partners and dates
now I choose to love myself, I hope it's not too late

reject me once
cool,
it was probably my fault.

reject me twice,
hold on,
something is not right.

reject me three/ times the charm
you'll regret it sugar.
I'll make you wish you were never born.

Many are called
few are chosen
death is open
life is closing
sin is winning
souls are losing
therefore, it's God
that I'm choosing!

cherry pie is warm and all
and wood is hard and tall
I tripped on lust
what a fall!

confused emotions
witches potion
lost in motion
strange notion.

tainted thoughts I'm closing
old flames I'm hosing
hand picked by God
time to start living like I'm chosen!

Dreaming is pricey
When bills must be paid
For this reason she loves darkness
Inexpensive lay

the sadness of the eyes is always the first sign

the second is an apparent lack of care

thirdly, feelings they no longer share

then, they neglect their health

lastly, they accept their death.

At last my love is gone
Into the sheets of a new home.
I was a dog, loved to dig your bones.
But in return you'd ***** and moan.
I'm well off now, big fine Grown.
This is my farewell,
Because I did us wrong.

He asked me.....

*How could I be so cold?
I cried a snowflake,
while starring into his soul.

I don't deserve you
this is true.
I change too often
every day I'm someone new.
But you still stick with me,
like Elmer's glue.
I remember making a wish,
and before I blew,
a white dove flew...
I closed my eyes and cried
because at the moment I knew...

that our friendship had grew...

and

I was in love with *you